“You might think that’s an insult, but I’m taking it as a compliment.” I smiled as the waitress approached and gave her my order before continuing. “This is the best week ever!”
“And why is that?” Eliot asked, refusing to give in and embrace my happiness. “Are you going to do something mean to Duncan?”
“Oh, well, that’s a loaded question,” Jake said, taking me by surprise when he appeared at the side of the booth and nudged me over with his knee so he could sit. “What are you guys talking about?”
“Avery says this is the best week ever and I’m a little worried that power over Duncan is going straight to her head,” Eliot explained. “I love her dearly, but she’s a despot when she’s not in charge. Giving her actual power over other people’s lives is like dropping a bunch of boy band members at a teenaged girl convention. Something bad is going to happen … besides the music.”
“And Duncan is wound tighter than a Kardashian in front of a television camera,” Jake volunteered. “I get it. I was leery when she told me, too.”
“When did she tell you?” Eliot asked. I could read the annoyance on his features even though he tried to hide it. He and Jake had a long history of their own, and while they tried to refrain from fighting about me – or anything else, for that matter – it wasn’t always possible.
“I saw him at the courthouse when I was covering a case,” I answered quickly. “I ran into him in the hallway and it just spilled out.”
“Yes, and in front of the new county commissioner candidate,” Jake added.
Eliot visibly relaxed at the news. I couldn’t help but momentarily wonder if he thought I was calling Jake to gossip, which was ridiculous. If I was going to call anyone to gossip it would be my friend Carly or cousin Lexie. Sheesh.
“I heard about the seat opening up,” Eliot said. “Who are you backing?”
“His name is Richard Aiken,” Jake replied. “He’s a corporate lawyer. I know him from a basketball league. He seems like a good guy.”
“As long as it isn’t Ludington, I’m fine with it,” Eliot said. “When I heard that other guy was retiring for medical reasons, I thought for sure Ludington would show up and Avery would have another chance to push him to the point of no return. He’ll kill her if she messes with him again.”
“I’ll kill him if he messes with her again,” Jake muttered.
“That makes two of us,” Eliot said. “What did you think of this new guy, Trouble?”
I shrugged. “I can’t comment until I do a background check. He seemed fine, but you know how that goes. He could have weird skeletons in his closet, which means I’ll really like him because I’ll have more stories than I know what to do with.”
“Oh, let it go,” Jake said. “He’s a normal guy. Quiet even. He’s a family man. He has a wife and three kids. He even adopted one of the kids from Korea. There’s nothing in his closet.”
“There’s something in everyone’s closet,” I countered.
Jake cocked a challenging eyebrow. “Oh, yeah? What’s in your closet?”
“About two weeks of dirty laundry she promised to wash this weekend and then hid when she thought I wasn’t looking,” Eliot answered for me. “You’re still going to have to wash that laundry before we move, Avery. It’s not going to wash itself, and I’m not doing it.”
“Move?” Jake shifted on the booth. “Are you guys still doing that?”
While Jake gave up on the idea of us being together because our lives could never mesh well enough to make both of us happy, the idea of me moving forward with Eliot made him uncomfortable. I told him about our plans to move in together as something of a courtesy and he pretended to be supportive, but I could tell it grated.
“We are,” I said, exchanging a quick look with Eliot. “We’ve been looking at houses.”
“Oh, well, that sounds fun,” Jake said, wetting his lips. “Where?”
“Macomb Township,” Eliot replied. “Out in the Hall Road area so we have a lot of takeout. Avery isn’t going to cook.”
“That’s your job,” I shot back.
“Speaking of that, the real estate agent sent three more houses for us to consider,” Eliot said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I forwarded them to your email. Tell me if any of them interest you.”
“Are any of them red?”
“No.”
“Then I’ll look,” I said, grinning. “Maybe with the awesome week I’m having the right house will fall into our laps. Of course, our real estate agent’s name is Bunny, and that makes me want to kick her a few times in her naughty place just because that’s a stupid name, but if that’s the least of my worries this week, I’ll consider it a win.”
Jake cleared his throat and flashed a warm smile. “I’m happy for you.”
He almost looked as if he meant it. He will get there eventually. He always does. “Thank you.”
“What else is going well for you this week? I wanted to ask you at the courthouse but I didn’t want to appear gossipy in front of Dick.”
Something occurred to me. “Dick?”
“Yes.” Jake bobbed his head. “Dick is often short for Richard.”
“Dick Aiken?”
“Yeah. So what?”
I shifted my eyes to Eliot. “Oh, I need this guy to be a pervert. I really do.”
“What? Why?” Jake’s eyebrows flew up his forehead. “You just met him. He was nothing but nice to you.”
“He was,” I agreed. “You can’t look a Dick Aiken in the mouth, though.”
“I … don’t get it,” Jake said, glancing at a smiling Eliot. “Do you get it? Obviously you do.”
“Dick Aiken,” Eliot said, enunciating as slowly as possible. “Dick A-kin. Dick Aching.”
“Oh, man!” Realization dawned on Jake, although it was a little late for my comfort level. Any self-respecting juvenile male would’ve gotten that connection much faster. “You can’t encourage people to make jokes about that, Avery.”
I was pretty sure I should be insulted. “I would never encourage people to make jokes about someone I don’t know.”
“Yet somehow I don’t believe you.”
“I’m merely hoping he’s a pervert because then this story will take on a life of its own,” I added.
“I can’t even look at you,” Jake muttered. “Tell me what else is going well for you. I know you’ve been put in charge of Duncan. That has to make you happy. What else is going on?”
“Eliot got me special passes to the convention.”
“I’m running security through your department and the convention liaison got me backstage passes so she can meet all of her favorites,” Eliot offered.
“She told me that at the courthouse, too,” Jake said. “She was practically glowing. I told her not to lick any Star Wars characters because I don’t have time to bail her out of jail.”
Eliot chuckled. “I was a little worried, too, but she’s so excited I’m happy I got them for her.”
“Yes, well, this is her sort of thing,” Jake said.
“Speaking of being busy, I thought you said you didn’t have time to mess around when you were at the courthouse,” I reminded him. “Why are you here if you’re so busy?”
“Because I was forced to leave early when I saw Ludington in the lobby,” Jake replied. “I didn’t want to risk a scene when there were news cameras heading in. They have that big murder case on the third floor this week so the place is flooded with reporters.”
“Oh, that’s why Fish sent me to the rinky-dink Take Back the Night fondler,” I said, scratching my cheek. “I … wait. Did you just say you saw Tad?”
“Oh, crap,” Eliot hissed. “You’re eating your lunch before you start stalking him. You’re going to need your strength if you expect to outrun him.”
Jake flashed Eliot an apologetic smile. “Sorry. I should’ve thought better about announcing that in front of her. I didn’t think.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Eliot said, waving o
ff the apology. “It was bound to happen sooner or later.”
“What is Tad doing at the courthouse?” I asked.
“I didn’t ask him,” Jake answered. “I don’t want to talk to that guy. He was heading toward the clerk’s station.”
I rolled my neck and stared at the ceiling as I considered the possible scenarios. Then it hit me and I bolted ramrod straight. “Oh, crap. I know what he’s doing.”
“You do not,” Jake scoffed. “You’re not a mind reader. I know you’re having a fantastic week, but even you aren’t that powerful.”
“I am all-powerful and wise,” I corrected. “I know what he’s doing there, though. The county clerks are working at the courthouse clerk work stations this week because their office is being painted.”
“I … huh. You’re right,” Jake said, scratching his chin.
“Why is that important?” Eliot asked.
“Because you file to run for office at the county clerk’s office,” I replied, patting the side of the booth as I tried to locate my purse. “I need to get over there.”
“What? Why?” Eliot was annoyed. “You promised me lunch. After yesterday, I need some food to bolster me. You wore me out.”
“Don’t talk about things like that in front of me,” Jake begged. “I’m doing my best with this but … come on!”
“I’m sorry,” Eliot said, holding his hands up by way of apology. “I didn’t think.”
“This is payback for letting the Ludington tip slip, isn’t it?”
Eliot shrugged. “I said I was sorry.”
“Yes, your mouth says ‘sorry’ but your eyes say ‘ha, ha.’”
“His eyes say, ‘Don’t let Avery out of the booth,’” I corrected. “You need to let me out of the booth, though. Tad is filing for that open seat. I just know it. Biggie. Biggie!”
“Stop making that noise,” Jake ordered, glancing around. “People are staring.”
“Let me out,” I repeated.
“Eat your lunch first,” Eliot ordered. “Don’t you dare let her out.”
“I’m not letting her out,” Jake said. “She’s clearly looking to pick a fight.”
“That’s a lie,” I said. “I’m just a hard-working reporter trying to share the news with Macomb County’s voters.”
“Oh, you’re so full of crap they need to pump your septic tank,” Jake said. “Sit there and eat your lunch. Look. Here it comes now. It looks nice and … well, it’s definitely not healthy. How can you eat that slop?”
The scent of coney dogs filled my nostrils and caused my stomach to growl. I was hungry after expending so much energy thanking Eliot the previous day, but like a shark, I could smell blood in the water. It was Tad’s blood, and that was more powerful than the scent of coney dogs. “I need to track him down,” I argued. “He’ll run and hide under a rock again and I’ll lose him.”
“You’re not going to lose him,” Eliot countered. “I’ll help you find him … after the comic book convention is over. The election is still weeks off. It’s in November, right? That’s months away.”
“No, it’s not,” I protested. “It’s a special election being timed in conjunction with the August primaries.”
“She’s right,” Jake said. “They’re holding the election in early August. It’s only for a partial term, but because the board has been in so much upheaval since being reduced to half its members everyone is jockeying for that seat. It’s going to be a huge race.”
“Don’t encourage her,” Eliot snapped. “I’m going to be tied up with the convention all week. I was hoping she would be, too. I cannot watch her every move to make sure Ludington doesn’t murder her.”
“He won’t murder her,” Jake said. “He’s not that stupid.”
“Oh, you’ve seen her,” Eliot said. “She can derange a seemingly normal man in five minutes flat. Ludington isn’t normal and he’s already ticked at her. You’re going to have to help watch her if you let her out of that booth.”
“I don’t have time to watch her.”
“Neither do I.”
Wait? Are they really arguing about which one of them is going to babysit me? That’s insulting … and kind of sweet, but in a totally demented way. “I don’t need anyone to watch me!”
“Yes, you do,” they replied in unison.
“I’ll put Derrick on her,” Jake said, referring to my cousin. “He won’t be happy, but if she gets out of hand he’ll be there to step in.”
“That’s something, I guess,” Eliot said. “She blackmails Derrick to get what she wants, though. She has twenty-eight years of dirt on him. He always bends when she goes at him full throttle.”
He wasn’t wrong. “I don’t need anyone to babysit me!”
“Just let us talk for a moment,” Jake said, patting my hand. “Maybe we can work around each other’s schedules. How does that sound?”
To me, it sounded as if I was going to have to kick both of them in the junk and run like Batman and his steaming pile of emo issues were chasing me. “Let me out!”
“No!”
“Oh, crap,” Eliot muttered, his eyes shifting to the door of the restaurant. “It doesn’t matter now. It’s already too late.”
“What do you mean?” Jake asked, glancing over his shoulder. His expression darkened when he caught sight of Tad. My expression, on the other hand, reflected the joy of Christmas in summer. “I cannot believe our luck.”
“This really is my week,” I said, leaning back in the booth. “I need to find some raffle tickets and play some online contests. Does anyone know of any high-stakes poker tournaments in the area? I just can’t lose.”
“No, losing is what’s going to happen to the rest of us,” Jake said.
“Watch her,” Eliot said, blowing out a frustrated sigh. “Something tells me this is going to get ugly.”
Something told me he was right.
5
Five
Tad breezed through the door, his head high and his shoulders squared. For a moment I thought he was coming to take me on. When his gaze landed on me, though, he did the world’s biggest double take. That’s when I realized he was up to something else.
“Good afternoon, tool.” The words were out of my mouth before I had a chance to decide if it was the best greeting I could muster. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t have been nicer to him, but given more time to think about how best to anger him I would’ve come up with a better insult.
“Ms. Shaw.” Tad’s tone positively dripped with disdain. “I’m surprised a fine establishment like this would allow the likes of you … and your friends … through the front door.”
Gus, the owner of the diner, rolled his eyes when Tad shifted his attention in his direction. “They’re paying customers and Avery makes me laugh. You just make me want to take a shower.”
“And not a good one,” I added. “He’s afraid you have crabs … or scabies … or herpes.”
“Shut up,” Tad snapped, earning a few curious stares from the diner patrons. Because it was lunchtime and the restaurant was close to the courthouse, the diner was packed. Tad seemed to realize he was making a spectacle of himself and shifted his demeanor to something more pleasing, although only marginally. “I’m just here to announce my candidacy for the open seat on the county board.”
“We know,” I said. “We heard.”
Tad stilled. “How did you hear that?”
“I have special powers,” I replied. “A little birdie told me you think you’re going to win the seat despite the fact that everyone in this county thinks you’re a crook.” I was making that up, but it never hurts to ensure your enemy is paranoid when you plot to take him down.
“That’s your fault,” Tad said. “You’re the one who printed lies about me in the newspaper. I should sue you.”
“You’ve tried that before,” I said. “Go ahead and do it again. I’m having a magical week. I’d like to meet you in court. I have a lot of things I’d like to put on the record, including
the fact that you’re hung like an infant and have the staying power of a virgin touching himself for the first time.”
“Avery,” Gus chided, shaking his head. “You can’t talk like that in here.”
“You just said I was funny,” I pointed out, refusing to back down. “You can’t have it both ways.”
“Good point,” Gus said. “Go nuts. Just … don’t get gross.”
“I’ll do my best,” I said, saluting.
Eliot shook his head when I looked to him for approval. “I have no idea how you manage to charm people when you’re such a pain in the ass.”
“It’s a gift.”
“Yeah, it’s something,” Eliot muttered, leaning back in his seat and locking gazes with Tad. He was practically daring him to move closer to our booth. “Personally, I can’t believe you’re running for office again. Haven’t you had enough of looking like a fool?”
“I haven’t had nearly enough of it,” Tad shot back. “Er, wait. That came out wrong.”
“Oh, no,” Jake said. “I think it came out exactly right. You know you can’t possibly win, right? I know of at least twenty people running for that seat. None of them have your … um … personality problems.”
“Just unfortunate names,” I said.
“Let that go,” Jake warned, lifting a finger. “You’re the only one who noticed that.”
“For now.”
“You drive me crazy,” Jake said, pressing the heel of his hand to his forehead. “I really want to leave but now I can’t because someone needs to keep you boxed in.”
“Yes, don’t even think about leaving,” Eliot ordered. “If she gets out of that booth, I’m blaming you.”
“Why not blame her?” Jake challenged.
“She can’t help herself.”
“Oh, you really do get me,” I said, adopting a fake cooing voice.
“Sometimes I want to give you back after getting you,” Eliot said, although his smile told me he didn’t really mean it. “Eat your lunch and ignore the troll.”
“Yes, Avery, know your place,” Tad said, his tone irksome. “You should be seen and not heard. Well, actually, you shouldn’t be seen either. You’re a menace.”
Bylines & Skylines (An Avery Shaw Mystery Book 9) Page 4
