“What is that supposed to mean?” Eliot challenged, annoyed.
“Never mind,” Jake replied, waving off the question. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry. I’m just … off … today.”
“No offense, man, but you’ve seemed off a lot this past week,” Eliot said. “Do you have something you want to say to me?”
“Why would I want to say anything to you?”
“I don’t know. That’s just the feeling I get.”
“Well, let it go,” Jake snapped. “I’m fine.”
“I’m fine, too,” Eliot said.
“We’re both fine. Bully for us.”
Eliot cracked a grin. “I don’t think I’ve heard that saying since my grandmother used it when I was a kid.”
“Yeah, I knew it sounded lame seconds before it came out of my mouth,” Jake said. “It was too late to stop it, though. Maybe Avery’s verbal diarrhea is catchy.”
They lapsed into silence for a moment, Eliot finally clearing his throat to direct Jake’s attention back to him. “If you need to talk about something else … .”
“Thanks for the offer, but I think that’s a terrible idea,” Jake said.
“Why?”
“Because you’ll tell Avery and I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“I don’t tell Avery everything,” Eliot protested. “If you want me to keep quiet about something, I’ll do it.”
I didn’t like the sound of that. When did that become the rule? We were going to have a talk and I was going to be the one setting the relationship rules for a change. I can put up with only so much, and my boyfriend gossiping with my ex-boyfriend behind my back doesn’t fall under the heading of acceptable banter.
“You can’t keep it a secret,” Jake said.
“I can so. I’m not a girl.”
Jake snorted. “No, I mean you can’t keep it a secret because Avery won’t let you,” he said. “She’ll eavesdrop and snoop if she thinks you’re hiding something.”
“What makes you say that?”
Jake pointed in my direction, causing my stomach to roll as I went rigid. “Because she’s eavesdropping right now.”
“Son of a … .” Eliot shifted so he could more easily look around the big Avengers standee I hid behind. “Hello, Trouble. Did you lose something?”
“My marbles?”
“That sounds about right,” Eliot said. “Did you get an earful?”
“I dropped my phone,” I said, holding up my cell phone for proof of my lie. Thankfully it was in my hand for the duration of the conversation and I didn’t have to dig for it. That would’ve been awkward.
“Yeah, neither of us believe that,” Jake said, shaking his head. “Why are you over here listening to us? Why aren’t you scrounging around for information on the dead girl?”
“I have been doing that,” I said, lifting my other hand to show off the slush. “I was just taking a break.”
Eliot smirked. “Well, then you should probably get back at it, huh?”
“I guess so,” I said, rolling my neck. I needed them to think that I had a purpose other than listening to a conversation that was none of my business. “Oh, there. I’m going to talk to Wonder Woman. She was next on my list anyway.”
Eliot and Jake stared appraisingly at the woman in question’s outfit before Eliot realized what he was doing and guiltily glanced in my direction. “Well … have fun.”
“I saw that.”
“Yeah? Well I know you were eavesdropping, so I guess we’re even.”
Crap. I couldn’t really argue with that. I hate it when that happens.
I MANAGED to avoid Eliot and Jake for the next hour, although it wasn’t easy. I caught sight of Eliot twice – and he appeared to be looking for something, or someone – but I dodged him on both occasions. Okay, by “avoid” I mean I hid behind big men or women in outrageous wigs. It’s the same thing, though. I was not in the mood to answer questions.
Of course, because I was shirking adulthood and acting like a child, that allowed Duncan to find me. He was completely covered in green goo – which made me happy – and he looked as if he wanted to kill me. Strangely enough, that also made me happy.
Instead of greeting him with sympathy, I bent at the waist and laughed loudly enough to draw attention. That caused several people in the vicinity to start laughing, which only made Duncan angrier.
“You did this on purpose,” he spat, pointing a finger. “You knew they were going to … slime … me.”
I frowned, delight and genuine curiosity warring for prominence in my brain. “I … that’s a Ghostbusters thing. How did you end up slimed?”
“You’ll have to ask the Paranormal Delights people,” Duncan hissed. “Did you know this was part of their outdoor activity?”
“No. If I did, I would’ve made sure the photographer made you the center of attention.” What? It’s not as if he was hurt. He’s covered in slime. It’s okay to make fun of people in embarrassing situations as long as they’re not hurt. No, that’s really a thing. Honest.
“The photographer was there,” Duncan said, taking a threatening step in my direction. “He said he’s going to run the photo on the front page.”
“Oh, well, good for him.”
“If you let that happen I’ll kill you.” Duncan attempted to wipe some of the green goo from his face but only made things worse when it dripped into his eye. “Don’t laugh!”
I couldn’t stop myself. “You look like the Jolly Green Tool.”
“I will kill you,” Duncan warned, extending a filthy finger. “Your boyfriend isn’t around to protect you.”
“I’m not afraid of you,” I scoffed, although his current plight gave me an idea. “We’ll go outside and you can change your clothes. I’ll keep a watch out while you change in your car.”
Duncan frowned. “Change into what? I didn’t bring a separate outfit.”
“It’s a comic book convention,” I pointed out. “I’ll buy a shirt and a pair of shorts and you’ll fit right in. I can have the newspaper reimburse me.”
“I’m not wearing anything from here.” Duncan was mortified. “People will laugh.”
I glanced around. “People are already laughing.”
“This is not funny!” Duncan exploded, drawing even more attention – and out-and-out belly laughs – as he shook his head. “I hate you. This is your fault.”
“What’s going on?” Eliot appeared at my side, causing me to cringe. He was the reason I volunteered to act as lookout for Duncan in the first place. I thought I might be able to evade him – and get a breather – by helping my sworn enemy. Wait … that sounded better in my head before I finished the thought.
“She did this to me,” Duncan snapped, jabbing his finger in my direction for emphasis. “She knew I’d get slimed.”
Eliot didn’t bother hiding his smile. “Oh, it is your lucky week, Avery. You must love this.”
“It gets better. The photographer was there and now Duncan is going to be on the front page of the newspaper.”
“You should buy more lottery tickets.”
“I’m definitely considering it.”
“Are you paying any attention to me?” Duncan screeched, causing me to have to bite the inside of my cheek. If I laughed again he really would lunge at me. Then Eliot would have to take him down and things wouldn’t be nearly as funny.
“I’m paying attention,” I said, blowing out a sigh. “Come on. We’ll go outside and I’ll buy you an outfit. You can change in the car while I’m watching to make sure no one sees you.”
“How do I know you won’t see me?”
“Because I go home to this every night.” I patted Eliot’s shoulder. “No one wants to look at you when they can look at him.”
Eliot snickered. “Oh, that’s almost enough for you to get out of trouble from before.”
“Almost?”
“Almost,” Eliot confirmed. “Go out to the parking lot. I’ll buy some clothes and meet
you there. Do not strip in front of her, Duncan. I mean it.”
“I don’t want to be naked with her.” Duncan looked horrified at the prospect. “Are you trying to kill me?”
“That would just be a nice side benefit,” Eliot said dryly. “Go outside and I’ll meet you there in five minutes.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I hedged. “I … can take care of it.”
“Well, we need to have a talk and it’s better to do it out there,” Eliot said. “You’re not getting out of the talk, so shut your mouth and simply agree to meet me. Let’s just get it over with.”
“Fine.” I scuffed my foot on the floor. “If I tell everyone you’re hotter than Duncan, will that make the conversation easier to get through?”
Eliot’s grin was impish. “Maybe a little.”
“Duncan looks like a toad and you resemble the resulting prince when you kiss the toad,” I offered.
“Very cute,” Eliot said, poking my ribs. “We’re still going to have a talk. Don’t work yourself up, though. It won’t be a big one.”
“I hate both of you,” Duncan seethed, striding toward the exit without mounting further argument. “I think you both suck.”
Well, at least that part of my day was going well.
I led Duncan toward the parking lot, tuning out his pathetic rambling as I followed him to his car. He wouldn’t shut his mouth, going on and on about evil women and the men who loved them. I was just about to order him to shut up when I caught a hint of movement out of the corner of my eye.
I lifted my head and saw a dark figure wearing a cape – or maybe it was just a black coat that looked like a cape – running in my direction. For a moment, I thought it was part of a demonstration. He was almost on top of me when I realized he didn’t have a face – he was wearing a mask – and he clutched a knife in his hand.
No, this wasn’t make believe. It was very, very real.
“Oomph.”
It was too late to move out of the way, and the stranger was on top of me before I could dodge the attack. I tumbled to the pavement … hard … and then someone began to scream. At first I thought it was me and I couldn’t figure out why I was doing it, but then I realized it was Duncan.
Somehow, that made matters worse.
“What the … holy crap!”
15
Fifteen
I slammed my knee hard when I hit the pavement, the force of the blow as the man threw himself at me enough to cause me to scrape along the pavement. I groaned as I pressed my hands to the rough cement in an effort to slow my momentum, but only the side of Duncan’s car stopped my slide. I banged against it, causing a rattling sound as my cheek made contact with the hot metal.
“Ow.”
“Omigod!” Duncan keened like the moronic first death in a horror movie, flapping his arms and causing green goo to fly in every direction. “What is happening? Help! Help! Help!”
“Shut up,” I barked, managing to shift my body so my back was to the car and I could maintain a better stance to fight off my assailant. It was only then that I realized I recognized his mask, and I was horrified. “I’m being attacked my Jason Voorhees!”
“Help! Help!” Duncan resembled a flightless bird as he flapped his arms and roamed in a circle. “Help! We’re under attack! Help!”
“You help me,” I ordered, grabbing the man’s hand – the one that held the knife – and pushing it back. I was already going to have a bruise. I could feel it. The last thing I needed was a cut, too.
“Help!” Duncan bellowed. “For the love of God, can’t someone help me?”
Him? He didn’t need help. I was the one in the dire predicament. “I’m going to kill you myself when this is over,” I hissed, digging my fingernails into the soft flesh of the man’s wrist as he grunted and tried to muscle his arm free.
I’m not big and hefty, but I’m no waif. I grew up fighting boys, and I can hold my own. I took my assailant by surprise when I leaned to my left and relaxed my grip, causing him to fall forward. When his shoulder moved to the right spot I squeezed my arms as hard as possible, causing him to gasp, and then used my hips to roll him until he was prone on the pavement.
“Ha!”
My victory was short-lived because the Jason wannabe had at least sixty pounds on me, and when he realized what was happening he reared up and bucked me off. I fell backward, scrambling to put distance between us even as my hands felt raw against the pavement.
The stranger moved to his knees, gripping the knife tightly as he struggled to get to his feet. I was not in a good position, my hands pressed to the pavement as I tried to find the strength to push myself to my feet. My muscles – and aching knee – screamed for me to stop.
The man lunged in my direction and I covered my face as I shifted, relieved when I heard him miss a step and stagger. Without giving it much thought, I grabbed his shirt and gave it a hard yank, frowning when I heard it rip but nothing else happened.
“Help!” Duncan screamed. “I need help right now! Help me! Help!”
The man widened his eyes and shifted them to the left, giving me a split-second to study his brown orbs and the brief splotches of skin I could see beneath the plastic facade before he recovered and focused on me again. He raised the knife and I did the only thing I could do – I reached between his legs and gripped whatever was there (and it wasn’t much, folks) and twisted with all of my might.
I thought Duncan’s wails were the worst thing I’d heard today. I was wrong. The screech my assailant let loose was otherworldly, like an alien hunting down humans to eat. Er, or maybe just an alien in general. Does anyone know what an alien really sounds like? I couldn’t give the question the consideration it deserved because I had only one chance. I squeezed tighter, earning another scream for my efforts, and the man turned his attention from killing me to saving his future reproductive possibilities. He managed to wrench away from me, and instead of lunging in my direction again he scrabbled along the uneven concrete to get away from my fists of fury.
I wasn’t safe, but I was better off than a few moments before. That’s when my day got better.
“Eliot! Over here! Help me!” I couldn’t see Eliot, but I knew Duncan well enough to realize he was excited, and that could only mean good things for me. “I’m being attacked.”
“You’re being attacked?” I spat. “You’re not being attacked. You’re being a … woman.”
“No one is talking to you,” Duncan shot back.
I heard pounding footsteps, and I almost smiled when I caught sight of Eliot’s face between the vehicles. I turned my attention to the spot where Jason Voorhees stood moments before – a taunt on my lips. “Where did he go?”
“Who cares?” Duncan challenged. “I certainly don’t. Where have you been?”
It took me a few seconds to realize he was talking to Eliot. For his part, Eliot was having none of the drama. He pushed Duncan out of the way and hurried to me, kneeling as he gently cupped my chin so we could lock gazes.
“Are you okay?”
“I squeezed his nuts.”
Eliot pursed his lips for a moment, confused. Eventually he had no choice but to question me further. “You squeezed Duncan’s nuts?”
I shook my head. “Jason Voorhees attacked and … I didn’t know what else to do.”
Eliot has infinite patience at times. It looked as if it was wearing thin right now, though. “Avery, I need you to tell me what’s going on.”
“I was attacked,” Duncan interjected. “A guy in a hockey mask tried to kill me. I think it was a goalie mask, if that’s important.”
“It’s not even remotely important,” Eliot growled. “If the guy attacked you, why is Avery on the ground?”
“Because … um … she put herself in the middle of things,” Duncan replied. “She always does that. I think she’s desperate for attention or something.”
“He wasn’t interested in Duncan,” I argued. “He came straight for me. I thought he was
wearing a cape at first, but it turns out it was just an oversized black jacket. He had a knife.”
“Uh-huh.” Eliot cast a dark look in Duncan’s direction. “What were you doing when she was fighting off the attacker?”
Duncan was taken aback. “I was … helping.”
“He was screaming like a woman,” I corrected. “He kept flapping his arms like a chicken. Bawk, bawk, bawk.” I bent my arms at the elbow as I imitated him, and then grimaced as small spasms of pain coursed through me. “It was pathetic. I wish I could’ve filmed him, though.”
“Yeah, well you’re lucky to be alive, so we’ll take this as a win,” Eliot said, taking me by surprise when he kissed my forehead. “You’ll do anything to get out of a serious conversation, huh?”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“I didn’t see him until it was already too late,” I replied. “He was on me and I only had one shot. I didn’t know what else to do.”
“You did the right thing,” Eliot said, holding my chin in place so I had no place to look but his eyes. “You’re beat up, but you’re okay. You even kept this fool alive.” He jerked his chin in Duncan’s direction. “It’ll be all right. We’ll figure it out.”
“I’m still the boss, right?”
The last thing Eliot wanted to do given the seriousness of the situation was smile. He couldn’t help himself, though. “You’re still the boss.”
“Then my week remains happy.”
“Oh, you’re lucky I love you,” Eliot said, kissing my forehead again. “Otherwise I would have to kill you myself.”
“Promises, promises.”
“WHAT happened?” Jake was nearly out of breath when he hit the parking lot.
“Someone attacked her,” Eliot replied. He sat on the pavement next to me and studied my bloody knee. “She’s okay, but she’s a little banged up.”
“Not just somebody,” I interjected. “Jason Voorhees tried to kill me. If I wasn’t so rattled I would consider this a highlight in my career. Jason Voorhees is so much better than Tad Ludington on the list of people I’ve ticked off.”
Bylines & Skylines (An Avery Shaw Mystery Book 9) Page 13
