by Smith, Wendy
No reaction. Mum continues to eat, not bothering to look up. Dad’s focus has switched to his food. Funny how the conversation dies now.
You’re so frustrating.
I take a deep breath. “I might track her down and visit. He looks like he’s a lot of work. Maybe she just needs some help.”
“There’s something wrong with that boy,” Mum says without looking up.
“Surely that means it’s more likely that Lily needs help.”
Mum sighs. “She has plenty of help. She’s had Eric Murphy running around after her for years.”
Did that mean …?
“Running around after her?”
“Just leave it, Adam. She has her life—you have yours. The past is the past.”
What if I don’t want it to be the past? I open my mouth to continue, but Mum’s lips are clamped together. Dad has his head down, completely focused on his dinner. Shit. No point in even arguing this.
Wait. She hasn’t exactly said Lily and Eric are together. Just that Eric runs around after her.
I lean back in my chair, scooping a fork piled high with potato, relishing each bite as a tiny glimmer of hope grows.
Maybe there’s a chance.
6
Lily
The one thing I inherited of any value was my mother’s car. Although describing it as having value is scraping the barrel. It’s a 1984 Toyota Corolla, and I needed to replace it a long time ago. Needing to do something and actually being able to do it are two very different things in my world.
One of the few reasons I’m glad I live in a small town is that I don’t have to travel far for anything, and there’s nowhere to go, so this pile of crap only has to go short distances. I don’t think it’d survive anything beyond that.
I park outside the school and wait for the bell. I’m as close as I can get to the gate to avoid a repeat of yesterday when Max went flying past me and I had to run to catch him, only for him to bump into Adam, if only until I could think of a logical escape plan. We didn’t really need any groceries, but I’d spent five dollars on bread and milk to waste some time.
Seeing him again had scared me. I think of him sometimes, but I never expected to see him in the flesh. Not after all this time. My body had reacted like the teenage girl I was when I last saw him. Sweaty palms, erratic heartbeat, the lot. I’d just had to get away from him to gather my thoughts, although they’ve always been muddled as far as he’s concerned.
The bell rings, and I get out of the car and walk into the school grounds. Heading for Max’s classroom, I spot my son throwing his bag over his shoulder and striding toward me. It’s funny—there are days when he’s so reticent and shy, and then there are days when his confidence shines. Today’s a good day for Max.
“Mum,” he calls, and I smile as he approaches me. He won’t hug me in public except on his own terms, but he will hook his pinkie with mine as we walk back toward the gate.
“How was your day?” I ask.
“I got one hundred per cent in my maths test.”
I stop and grin at my proud boy. “Really?”
“Yep. I beat Karl.”
Karl was one of the older, bigger kids who picked on Max from time to time. I swallow down my concern over that for the moment as my son basks in his success. Max scoring big on the test is brilliant. He’s come a long way the last couple of months. Even a year ago this wouldn’t have happened—he’d be somewhere in the middle, scraping through. It speaks volumes for the amount of determination he has.
He doesn’t even care if he’s the top of the class—he just wants to do better than the boys who treat him like he’s second best.
“I’m kicking arse, Mum.”
Despite him using a word I don’t like him saying, all I can do is smile. His teacher, Ginny Robinson, is brilliant. It’s always been a struggle to find people who understand Max, but she’s so good with him. He’s thrived the last two years he’s been in her class.
“Want to grab an ice cream before we get home?” I ask. “I think we need to celebrate.”
“Can we get a tub?”
I grin. “I think so. We’ll get some waffle cones and sprinkles too.”
“Yum.” His enthusiasm is infectious, and he always makes me smile no matter how sad or tired I am.
We drive back toward home until we reach the supermarket and park outside. He’s bouncing as we walk inside, and he picks vanilla ice cream while I grab the cones and sprinkles.
“Kia ora, Lily, Max.”
Mary Cuthbert has worked in this place forever, taking over the store when Mr Flannegan passed away. She always has a smile on her face for Max, which is more than some others have.
“Hi Mary, how are you?” I ask
She nods. “Ka pai.”
“Glad to hear it.” I place the items on the counter.
“Celebrating something?”
Max beams. “I got all the answers right in my maths test today.”
She grins. “Good boy. I wish I could have some ice cream.”
“You can come over and share ours,” Max says so earnestly that I grin too.
“I think I’ll let you and your mum enjoy it.” She fixes her gaze on me. “How are you going, Lily?”
I nod. “Not bad.”
“Adam’s back, I hear.”
I nod again. “I know.”
“Doesn’t seem that long ago you two were in here buying treats after school.”
Laughing, I shake my head. “It was a long time ago.”
“James came in to pick up some milk for his mum. She’s sick, you know.”
A mixture of irritation and concern flashes through me. None of the boys had told me. I had no idea. “She is?”
Mary bites down on her bottom lip. The gossip is about to spill and although she no doubt has had enough to say about me in the past, I can’t help but like her anyway.
“Being treated for breast cancer. I don’t think it’s good.”
My stomach lurches even though Joanna Campbell has been no friend to me. Despite my dislike of her, I wouldn’t wish cancer on anyone.
“I’m sorry to hear that. I guess it’s why Adam’s back.” Makes sense, even though he clashed with his mother a lot before he left town. Maybe he’s come to say goodbye.
She nods. “No doubt.”
I pay and leave the shop with Max in tow. My heart pounds as I buckle in. I held this dream for so long that Adam would come back. I endured so much after he was gone. After all this time, he’s returned for his mother. I can’t resent her, not when she’s ill, but a tiny part of me hates that he did it for her and not me.
“Come on, Mum.” Max is impatient, as he often is with me. He gets frustrated when I stop and daydream as I do sometimes, but then he’s the biggest dreamer of them all. It’s something I adore about him.
“Okay.” I turn the key in the ignition and we set off toward home. When we move from the tar-seal road to the unsealed one, it gets bumpy. The shock absorbers in this car are almost non-existent, and it makes for a bumpy ride.
But not so bumpy I don’t notice the sensation of one tyre not being quite right.
We’re still a distance from home, and I would rather check and be wrong than drive home and make things worse. Indicating, I pull over.
“Mum?”
“I just have to check something.”
Unbuckling my seat belt, I check to make sure there are no cars coming and get out. Sure enough, as I walk around the car, the rear tyre on the passenger side is flat.
I slam my palm against the side of the white car. Of all the dumb things to happen. Knowing my luck, Eric will come down the road and see me, another reason for him to make noise about how I need to move in with him and not have to worry about anything anymore. Over my dead body.
“What’s wrong?” Max asks.
“We’ve got a flat tyre.”
“Do we have another one?”
I open the boot of the car. “We sure do. I’ve only chang
ed a tyre once before though. Better hope I know what I’m doing.”
“I bet Adam knows how to fix a tyre.”
I’m glad I’m standing behind the car so Max can’t see my eyes roll. I can’t blame him. As far as Max is concerned, Adam saved him from the bullies by just standing there.
“I’m sure he does. But he’s not here and I am. So you’re stuck with me.” I lower the boot and poke my tongue out so he can see me, before opening it again and pulling out the spare.
“Just as well you’re clever, Mum.”
I chuckle. “That’s high praise from you, sweetheart.”
Leaving the tyre leaning against the car, I pull the jack and the wheel brace out, placing them on the ground. I could limp home, but I’d still have to change it.
Max opens the door and steps out. “I reckon the car will be too heavy with me in it.”
Biting down my laughter, I nod. “Good thinking.”
As I pull the jack around the side of the car, Max points behind me. “There’s a car.”
A black car with a loud, throaty engine slows as it approaches and pulls up behind me. At least it’s not Eric. I stand and turn my head, catching the gaze coming from familiar eyes.
“Adam,” Max exclaims, recognising him in the same moment.
Adam opens the driver’s door and steps out. “Need a hand?”
“No, I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”
His lips twitch. Maybe I make him as nervous as he makes me. “I can help if you like. I was just on my way out to the cove. Thought I’d take a look to see if it’s changed.”
I laugh. “I’ll save you the trip. It hasn’t.”
He grins, and my heart aches as we slip into easy conversation. “I thought I recognised the car. Can’t believe you still have this pile of crap.”
Adam doesn’t mean to hurt me with his comment, I know that much. While I think it myself, it stings coming from someone else. This is what I have with no hope for anything more modern. There are ways, but not without making sacrifices I’m unwilling to make.
“It does the job.”
I slot the jack into position.
“Let me do that.”
“I don’t need your help.” I frown.
His dark eyes are so intense I have to look away. “Have you called Eric for help?”
What in the world? “No. Why would I do that?”
Adam licks his lips. “Mum seemed to think you two were a thing.”
“Your mother seems to talk a lot about things that aren’t any of her business.” I spit the words as I twist the handle of the jack, slowly raising the car.
“Eric’s a zombie.” Max laughs.
“Is that right?” Adam asks, a bemused tone in his voice.
“Mum, you should get Adam to do that. You look tired.”
My face is turned toward the car and I bite down on my bottom lip. I haven’t needed help so far. “I’m fine, Max.”
When I stand straight, Adam moves around me, squatting as he removes the wheel nuts.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I know I don’t.” He doesn’t look up from his work, and I can do nothing but watch. What else am I going to do—snatch the wheel brace from him and act like I’m twelve? Maybe I should be grateful for him helping, and I guess it’s better than Eric showing up. Adam won’t hold it over me.
Although why do I even think that? I haven’t seen him in so long, and last time I saw him he was promising me undying love. That didn’t turn out to be true.
I chew on my bottom lip. He is helping me. “Thanks.”
Max hooks his arms around my waist. “See? Told you Adam could fix a tyre.”
Adam grins as he shoots a glance at us, and pulls the flat tyre from the car. “You did?”
“I told Mum, and she said I was stuck with her.” Sometimes Max clams up and won’t talk. Today he’s doing a spectacular job of dropping me in it.
“I’m sure she does a great job. Your mum’s a very smart lady.”
“I’m smart too. I got one hundred per cent in my maths test today.”
Adam stands as he picks up the spare tyre. “Really? That’s awesome. You should celebrate that.” He frowns as he looks at the tyre. “The tread on this isn’t that great, Lily. You need a new one.”
“It’s on the list.” I fight back tears as my eyes meet his. My list is a mile long, but he doesn’t need to know that.
“Might pay to bump it up a bit.” There’s nothing but concern in his eyes, and I hate this feeling, hate not being able to open up to him, hate that he still brings this out in me after all this time. I should hate him, but I could never do that. Not with Adam. “Just make sure you get this fixed so you’ve got a spare.”
I bite my tongue as he replaces the tyre and starts screwing on the wheel nuts. He means well.
“The last thing I want is either of you getting hurt.”
Oh, it’s way too late for that. My heart lurches at his words, and I squeeze Max tight, kissing the top of his head.
“Mum,” he whispers, irritable. I’ve broken the cardinal rule of kissing him in public. He has to make the first move.
“It’s okay. No one saw,” I whisper back.
“Still not cool.” He sounds grumpy, but the smile on his face says otherwise. I thought I knew what love was before Max came along—now I realise I had no clue. He’s my everything. I’ve felt guilt at times over keeping his father from him, but I’d decided to tell him everything when he was ready to ask. That time is swiftly approaching.
“Sorry.”
Adam stands, dusting off his hands. “There you go. I’ll chuck the other tyre in the back.”
“I’ll take it to get fixed tomorrow.”
He frowns. “Is there anywhere left around here that does that sort of thing?”
“It’s a bit of a drive, but it’s important. I’ll get it sorted.” It’s an expense I don’t need, but a necessary one. Especially with the roads around this place.
“I can take it for you if you want.”
His words touch me. He’s concerned about our welfare. But it’s too late for that. “No, I can do it. We’ll go for a Saturday drive, right, Max?”
Max squeezes my waist. “Yep.”
“Okay. If you need any help, just give me a call. I’m staying at Mum’s.”
Anywhere else, and maybe I’d consider it. But the chances of me ever calling that house are so remote they’re in the negative per cent.
I don’t want to speak ill of her while she’s sick, so I swallow down any nasty words. “Sure.”
“I’ll leave you to it. Might not bother with that trip to the cove today, then.” The look in his eyes is confusing—caring and a touch of longing. Longing for what? I think I know the answer. I feel it, too. “Take care, you two.”
“We will.” I shift my gaze to Max. “Say goodbye to Adam.”
“Bye, Adam.”
I nod. “Thanks for everything. Bye, Adam.”
Adam turns to get in that big flash motor, turns around, and drives back in the direction he came from. I’m left standing beside my rundown old car, watching as he leaves, my heart heavy when it should be over all this.
At least this time I got to say goodbye.
7
Adam
Twelve years ago
My heart is empty.
I followed through with our plans after Lily jilted me. The apprenticeship I had lined up in Hamilton lasted a month before I needed out. I either had to return home and face the fact she no longer wanted me, or I had to shake up my life and stop moping.
There had been no word from Lily, but there had been reports of a blonde girl hitchhiking out of town around the same time as Lily took off. She was gone. I’d been all kinds of mixed up, hurt and angry that she couldn’t just speak to me.
Now I’m staying with old friends of Mum on their farm in Iowa. Working on the farm keeps me busy and brings me some income, and it makes for a cheap place to stay. I miss home
, but at the same time I know I’d struggle to be there.
It takes me a while to call home. I know Jacqui, Mum’s old school friend, called her when I arrived to say I’d got there safely. I’m just scared of what I’ll find out if I call. Has Lily moved on?
“Hello?” To my relief, Corey answers.
“Corey, it’s Adam.”
“Hey, man. How’s it going?” Corey’s tone suggests a mix of concern and relief to talk to me. I guess he’s worried. We’ve always been close, being the oldest two.
“I’m doing alright.”
“Are you coming home?”
I look at my shoes, even though he can’t see what must be a pained expression on my face. “I don’t think so. I’ve made some decisions the last few weeks.”
“What kind of decisions?”
Shifting my gaze to the ceiling, I bite my cheek. “I’m enlisting in the army.”
He snorts. “When did you ever want to join the army? I thought you didn’t like guns.”
“I can train as a mechanic and see the world all at the same time.”
Corey sighs. “Pretty sure you can do that back here.”
“Maybe I could. But I think there are more opportunities if I stay. Besides, it means I don’t have to think about what happened back home.”
For a moment, there’s silence.
“Corey?”
“Dude, maybe you need to come home until you find out where Lily went. She owes you an explanation.”
Out of frustration, I kick the cupboard under the bench. Bella, Steph’s Pug, leaps out of her basket as if I’m indicating that we’re going for walk. Going for a walk isn’t a stupid idea. “I just can’t deal. You have no idea what it’s like to hurt so much you want to just curl up and die. I love her more than anything, but she didn’t even talk to me before she left.”
There’s silence for a few moments. “Maybe she didn’t think she could talk to you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Maybe she knew you’d be a big baby about it if she wanted to postpone the wedding. Given how you’re sulking right now, I think she was right to leave you.”
