by Smith, Wendy
I open the fridge and grab a can of lemonade, cursing myself that I didn’t stop and grab some beer. That would have hit the spot.
When I hit the living room light, all the memories in this room hit me. It’s happened every time I’ve entered it during the last few days. So many happy childhood memories, even for the short time I was here. Photos cover one wall, and for the first time in so long I feel pangs of regret over not being here. I haven’t stopped to look at them, but I do now.
There are all the images that were there when I was a child, the ones of us boys at school. Now there are more. Drew graduating university, Owen at the bakery, Corey with some epic number of possum pelts. Mum said he’s living a distance away, up McKenzie’s Mountain, clearing pests from farmers’ properties. I’ll have to work out where he is too. Will he greet me the same way James did, or will he be more like Owen?
I sit on the couch and flick on the television. Not recognising the show, I cast my eyes around the room again. I don’t even know where my brothers live, or have their numbers. That’s how much I’ve cut myself off from this world. I’ll have to ask James.
Simultaneously, I feel ashamed and angry at myself. What happened was between Lily and I, and yet I clearly hurt other people in my life who meant so much to me. But when it happened I was a teenager, not the man I am today. The man who feels the sudden urge to make amends with everyone.
I’m not leaving this place until I have more answers.
The back door opens and closes, and James appears in the doorway.
“Hey, stranger. I arrive home and you disappear. What’s up with that?” I ask.
He grins. “Ashley’s off to university soon. We’re trying to get as much time together as we can before she goes.”
“She your girlfriend?” I know Mum’s answer to this, but as James’s brother, I want to hear it from him.
James shakes his head and sighs. “Nah, we’re just friends.”
I know that look. “You want more?”
That does it. He frowns as he moves toward a chair opposite me and plonks himself down. “It wouldn’t be fair.”
“Are you going to uni, too?”
Sadness crosses his face, and he looks down at the floor. “Maybe in a year or two.”
“Is that because of Mum?”
Being the baby of the family, it always seemed James was more spoiled than the rest of us. Maybe it was just a perception thing and he got everything we did, but when you’re a teenager, a much younger sibling means the loss of affection from your parents. That’s how it felt at the time.
He nods. “I don’t know how long she’s got. She says she’s okay, but she’s still got to have follow-up treatments.”
I exhale loudly. “Dude, she’s got the constitution of a goat. She could live another ten years.”
“I don’t think so.” He says the words slowly, as if he’s not quite convinced of what he says.
“Drew’s in the same boat as you, and he’s not here if anything happens. Hell, she didn’t even tell me anything was wrong. You can’t put your life on hold because of something that’s out of your control.”
And then it hits me. That’s exactly what I did—put my life on hold ever since Lily stood me up. Everything I’ve done since leaving is superficial. Not the job—that was real enough—but the life I’ve led since leaving was exactly that. I drowned myself in meaningless hook-ups and moved around, leaving my real life on hold. This is it—this is the real thing. Being here is right, whether my mother is sick or not.
“Adam, I don’t know.”
I lean forward and catch his gaze. “Don’t hold back. Go for what you want. When you get it, hold on for all it’s worth and don’t let go.”
For a moment, he stares, his face contorting in confusion. Dad should be doing this. Dad should be making James see that he doesn’t need to sit and wait here for Mum to die. Of all the times for him to hold back, this shouldn’t be one of them.
Dad wasn’t always like this. I remember him when I was younger being more vocal. At some point, he stepped into Mum’s shadow and never emerged. Sometimes I wonder if that was for real, or if I just imagined it. What happened to him?
“I just feel bad thinking about myself when this is going on.”
“What does Ashley think?”
He blinks rapidly and looks away. “She wants me to go.”
“Have you got time to apply?”
He nods. “Late admissions is open, but not for long.”
“Then get your arse on it. What’s the worst thing that can happen? They accept and then you decide later on to delay it?”
James shrugs, and a wistful smile crosses his face. “I guess you’re right.”
“Have you got somewhere to stay? There’s all that kind of thing to organise.”
He gulps, and I have to stop myself laughing at the deer-in-the-headlights expression that now graces his face.
“You don’t have to say another word.” I chuckle.
“There’s room at Ashley’s apartment if I want it.”
“Ashley’s room?”
My little brother goes a brilliant shade of red and I laugh so loudly he waves his hands in the air. “Shhh.”
“Do it, James. Don’t live with any regrets.” Not like me.
“I’ll go and apply,” he says, giving me a small smile of surrender.
“Like I said, what’s the worst thing that can happen?”
I smile as he stands and walks away, up the hallway toward his bedroom. Even if he doesn’t go through with it, I’ve tried.
Maybe he’ll get the happy ending I didn’t.
* * *
In the morning he’s shut up in his room, and I raise my hand to knock on the door, about to ask him if he applied. Instead, I drop it. There’s plenty of time to catch up with him later. Finding Lily with her flat tyre has given me an idea, one that might help a whole lot of people.
Including me.
I did some research of my own last night on the family computer in the living room. It’s time to make a call on my future.
Mum and Dad sit at the table, having coffee and eating toast. I get as far as the phone on the end of the kitchen counter and pick it up, turning to leave again.
“Did you want breakfast?” Mum asks.
“In a bit. I’ll grab my own. I’ve just got a call to make.” What I need to do is go somewhere I can buy a mobile. Using roaming on my US one comes at a stupid price, and it makes sense to get a local number.
Back in my bedroom, I dial the number I wrote down the night before. An older man answers.
“Hi, is that Jack Kirby?” I say.
“That would be me. What can I do for you?”
“Mr Kirby, it’s Adam Campbell.”
“Adam.” The warmth in his voice is unmistakable. If he’d been able to take on another employee back when I left school, I might have been able to complete an apprenticeship with him. Instead, he’d found me a job in the city. Where I’d planned to take Lily all those years ago.
“I just came back to town, and I wanted to ask you a few things …”
It doesn’t take long to make an appointment to see him.
Now I just need to make one more call. The one to my agent to see how selling the apartment is going. The sale that’ll give me the money to pull off my plan.
Maybe.
11
Lily
I can’t stop thinking about him. Despite the overwhelming feeling we’ve seen the last of Adam.
I’ve had days before where he’s been on my mind, but after the way he was with Max, there’s new hope growing in my heart that shouldn’t be there. Today’s Thursday, so it’s been nearly a week since we saw him.
There’s no point in getting wound up about him when he was in town to see his sick mother. He might already have left.
After all this time I should be over it. I know what’s important in my life.
I look at the clock. It’s 2.37 p.m., and Max gets out
of school at three. Time to go and get him. It’s been a quiet day. The sheep are close to needing shearing, and selling the wool will help me fill the freezer. Maybe then I can squeeze in getting that new tyre.
Throwing my bag in the car, I start it up. It makes a weird screech, and I smack my head against the headrest in irritation. The last thing I need is more issues with the car. It’s made that noise off and on for a little while, and I need to get someone to take a look at it. Maybe I should have done it when I had the tyre fixed, but then it’s not like I have the money to fix anything. I try to focus as I set off down the road. There’s a lot to plan for in the coming years. Max will eventually go to high school, which is farther away. The other local kids catch the bus. Will he manage that, or am I overthinking it? Every cent I manage to squirrel away is for him.
I get to the end of our road and turn left toward town. The car splutters a bit, and I check the fuel gauge. There’s half a tank left, so it can’t be the gas.
Then I notice the temperature gauge rising. I once had a radiator problem, and the local garage gave me a payment plan to pay it off. There’s no option for that now.
What the hell am I going to do?
Panic grips me, and I have no choice but to pull over.
Ironically, I’m across the road and down a little from the old garage. What I wouldn’t give for that to still be open. It closed about a year ago. With it being time for Jack to retire, and no one to take it over, he’d reluctantly closed the doors. Now he lives closer to the cove, enjoying a quiet life, with the unfortunate consequence for the rest of the townspeople that it was now around fifty kilometres to the nearest garage.
I walk to the front of the car, a large black Holden parked up beside the garage coming into view. Hopefully that means signs of life in the old building, but I suspect I know who that car belongs to. I sigh and lift the bonnet. Steam comes out, but what I’m looking for I have no idea, and I curse Jack Kirby for retiring. It’s a good twenty-minute walk to the school and by the time I get there, it’ll be well after three. I was cutting it fine enough as it is.
I’ve never been late before. How will Max react?
There are times when I wish he wasn’t special, when he wasn’t the impulsive, obsessive boy he is. It’s exhausting keeping up with him. But Max is Max, and he’s my whole heart regardless.
“Lily?”
Jack Kirby crosses the road and walks toward my car. I could kiss him for being there. My stomach drops as I spot Adam right behind him. I knew he was there after seeing the car, but he just makes me so nervous.
“Hey, Jack.”
“What’s up?”
I run my fingers through my hair. “I don’t know. Can you please take a look?”
The old man chuckles and keeps coming until he stands next to me. Bending over and poking around the engine for a moment, he sighs. “Looks like a broken belt. Damn, Lily, this car is getting on a bit; you’re probably lucky it’s lasted this long. I’m glad you stopped. You could have done a lot more damage.”
Yeah, really what I need to hear. “Thanks for looking, that’s what I was afraid of.”
“Are you wearing pantyhose?” Adam asks, and I shoot a glare at him. His lips spread into a cheeky grin. “I might be able to get it going with them. Fashion a belt to get you to the garage. Though it’s a bit of an ask if you’ve got a long drive ahead of you.”
“I just need to get to Max right now. I’m already running late.” I grab my bag and close the driver’s door, sliding the key into the lock.
Adam pushes the car bonnet down and frowns. “Shit. I didn’t think of the time. I’ll take you.”
I bite my bottom lip. Now’s not the time to push him away. My need to get to Max is greater than my desire to get over this nostalgia over our former relationship.
“Lily?” he says.
Shifting my gaze to Jack, all I get is a wink in return. “Go on. I’ll go home and have a dig around, see if I have anything. I doubt it though. Chances are you’ll have to get one from Callahans.”
Great. I’ve just made the trip there and back for the tyre a week ago. Now, my transport is broken.
“Thanks, Jack.” I try to stay bright.
“Let’s go get Max,” Adam says.
I nod and follow him back to his car. Sinking into the black leather passenger seat, I’ll readily admit to being envious. This is the most beautiful car I’ve ever sat in.
Adam climbs into the driver’s seat beside me, and turns the key in the ignition. The car roars to life, and my heart slows a little at the thought of being with my boy soon. All I can do is pray he’s not been chased off the school grounds by those bigger boys.
“He’ll be fine,” Adam says, as if reading my mind. He indicates to pull out and we’re off, the car handling the bumpy road with such ease I could almost fall asleep. Even the sealed roads out here need maintenance—everything just seems a bit neglected.
We drive past the bakery. “Have you seen Owen?” I ask. I don’t know why I ask—just that our silence is uncomfortable, and I’m as curious about him as he seems to be about me.
He nods. “Sure have. I went into the store, but he wasn’t too pleased to see me. I need to catch up with him and find out what’s up his butt. Probably the same thing that was up yours.”
Despite myself, I giggle. It’s the wrong reaction and completely inappropriate for the situation, but if I know Owen, he was an arsehole to Adam. He’s always been good to me and Max, and we are often able to make toasties dripping in cheese with the bread and other odd foods he brings us. He’d say they were leftover, or ingredients he needed to use before the use-by date, but the bread was always fresh and the non-baked goods always neatly packaged.
Adam flicks me a confused glance. “That’s funny?”
“You boys haven’t changed. Still at each other’s throats after all these years.” When we were kids, I don’t think a moment went past when two of them hadn’t fallen out with each other. With five boys in the family, that had been bound to happen. Especially when the first four were so close in age.
“I guess you’re right.”
The conversation ends like that as we pull up outside the school. My stomach twists at the empty car park. I’m only five minutes late, but the teachers have all left, and I fist my hands, scratching the inside of my palms. Has Max taken off? Did no one see him?
My heart is in my throat as I scramble out of the car door, and I run toward the playground with Adam right behind. Please let Max be there, please let him be there, please let him …
Max stands in the centre of a group of boys. Nausea sweeps me when I lay eyes on him. No need to guess what they’re doing.
“My mum says your mum’s crazy. That’s why you’re so stupid,” the biggest boy says.
I burst with pride when my boy puffs up his chest and looks the boy straight in the eye. “My mum’s awesome. Your mum is clueless.”
Behind me, Adam chuckles before stepping past, taking big strides toward the boys. “I think that’s enough,” he says.
At the sight of his large frame, there are a lot of wide eyes and dropping jaws before the boys scatter.
“Adam!” Max exclaims, and runs straight for him, wrapping his arms around his waist. My heart is back to pounding like crazy as I watch him. In all the time we’ve had the Campbell boys visiting us, he’s never latched on to any of them. Not like this. It’s confusing for Max to act like that, but he can be unpredictable.
Max turns his head and pokes his tongue at the departing bullies.
“Max,” I say, trying not to smile at his courage, but right now I want his arms around me, not Adam.
Max lets go of Adam and grins up at him. He takes the few steps toward me and flings his arms around my waist this time. “It’s okay, Mum. Adam and I got rid of them.”
“Yeah, you did. I’m sorry I’m late.” I bend, and bury my face in his hair and take a deep breath. He’s safe, and that’s the only thing that matters.
/> “Do you want a lift home?” Adam breaks the moment, and I shift my focus to him.
“I guess. I’ve got to call a tow truck and get my …”
“You don’t have to do anything of the sort. I’ll come and get you and Max tomorrow and once we’ve dropped him at school, I’ll take you to go and get a new drive belt if Jack hasn’t got anything. Then I’ll fix your car for you.”
I stand in silence for a moment, not quite sure what to say. I’ve done everything for myself for so long, it’s weird to have someone wanting to do so much. This might not seem like much to him, but it’s a biggie for me. I’ve always been grateful for the help I’ve received, but it’s not been anything like this.
“Is that okay?” His cautious tone shows he knows he’s overstepped the mark, telling me instead of asking me.
I nod.
“Is the car broken, Mum?” Max asks.
I nod again. “Sure is. But Adam can fix it from the sounds of it.”
“We need a new one.” He’s right, but that’s not happening any time soon, so I pull him tighter to me until he wriggles and protests. “Mum.”
I laugh, and my gaze meets Adam’s. If it was just Max and I, when we got home I’d find something to distract him and crawl off to cry in self-pity, but I can’t with this audience.
“Let’s go,” Adam says softly.
He’s still confusing, being so sweet and gentle.
My heart battles with my head, which tells me he’s not really being the kind man I used to know. It’s not out of love that he’s helping me. He feels sorry for me.
But in a town like Copper Creek, there’s not much sympathy to be had.
I’ll take it.
12
Adam
What the hell is wrong with this town?
At its best, it pulled together to help people who needed it. Now it seems to be at its worst, with the people ignoring Lily’s struggles.
Hearing that boy angered me. I wonder who his mother is? I’d give her a piece of my mind over what her son has picked up. Thinking back to when I was here last, Lily was the stable one who kept her mother on track as best she could. Sometimes it’d be harder than other times. Lily’s mother had been on all kinds of anxiety meds, and I used to wonder if the medication messed with her as much as whatever her condition was.
