by Smith, Wendy
“I’m going to give you everything. I swear to you, things will be better for you and for Max.”
I can’t wait, and I unzip her jeans, slipping my hand down and pushing her underwear aside. Now I have her, the woman I’ve always loved. I’ll do whatever it takes to give her what we both need. I have this fantasy of making her scream.
Closing my eyes, I remember the times we were together in the past. Two young people not knowing what to do, but finding our way together. Exploring each other’s bodies with touch and taste. Now I know just how to touch her, what to do to make her feel good.
She’s ready, hot and wet, and she tilts her hips toward me, my fingers working their magic. I’m worlds’ away from that teenager with no clue; this time I’ll bring her pleasure like she’s never had.
Lily gasps as I bring her to the brink. Her body tenses before it tumbles over the edge, and she thrashes against my hand, pulling me down to kiss her as I lose myself in her smell, the way her skin feels. The urgency with which she nips at my bottom lip makes me harder than I’d ever thought imaginable.
“I love you,” I whisper, tugging at her jeans, then her panties.
“Wait,” she says. “You have to undress too.
I grin as she pulls at the bottom of my shirt, and I sit to bring it over my head, baring my chest. She sighs as she runs her hands over my chest, her touch nearly undoing me on the spot.
Lying back, I unzip my own jeans, pushing them down, laughing as they jam up on my ankles. Pulling her naked body into my arms, I stroke her soft skin, breathe her in, begin reacquainting myself with her body. Once, I knew every single inch, and so little of it has changed.
When I look back into her eyes, I see just how tired she is, how much rest she needs. I should let her sleep, but I’m so greedy. I don’t just want her kisses—I want all of her.
Our bodies are entwined, and I can’t wait any longer, and I roll her onto her back, planting kisses over her face and down her neck. I never, ever want to let go of this feeling.
“I’m on the pill,” she whispers. “My body went a bit haywire after …”
I know I’m clean, so taking it as an invitation, I move on top of her. As if we were just meant to be, I slide inside her. She feels every bit as good as I remember.
“Adam.” She gasps as I thrust, slowly at first, kissing her lips, her neck, her breasts. Her nipples have hardened, and I run my tongue over them. She meets my hips with her own and nothing ever felt so good as Lily hooking her leg around my thigh and pulling me in deeper. Now we’re joined there’s no going back. So many nights my heart cried out for her, and now those cries are being answered by her heart calling just as loudly.
My head spins as my heart soars, my body fulfilling its need for her, and I cry her name as I come before stilling and rolling to her side.
When I pull her into my arms, her eyes fill with tears. I just keep on kissing her face, her shoulders, showing her the affection she seems to need.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to get so emotional.”
“Maybe I don’t show as much, but I feel the same way.” I kiss her temple, and she snuggles up to me.
“I never thought we’d find each other.”
I close my eyes and hold her close. Considering proposing to Jenna seems like something I did forever ago. Now I cuddle up with the only woman whose finger I ever imagine being graced by a ring. That she’s worn the ring I bought her all those years ago touches my heart more than I can say.
Lily’s hand rests on my chest, and I stroke her fingers. Touching her overloads my senses—she smells sweet, just clean, and the scent is tantalising. Her skin might mostly be soft, but her hands are thin and the skin rough. She’s clearly worked outside. Maybe now I can give her a break and let her rest.
“What are you thinking about?” I whisper.
“How good I feel.” She looks up at me, her guilt evident by the way she chews on her lip.
“You’re allowed to feel good.”
Lily runs her fingers over my chest. “I like being here with you. Not cramped like we were in the back seat of your car. Not under pressure to get out of bed in a hurry because we had parents coming home.” She lets go of me long enough to pull the duvet over us.
I laugh. “You mean you didn’t enjoy those times?”
“I did. A bit too much.”
Her hair smells like strawberry shampoo, and I kiss it. Everything about her is a turn-on and I want her so badly again, but at the same time, I know I need to let her get some sleep. “Tell me about Max.”
She grazes my chest with her lips. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything.”
“I don’t even know where to start.”
“James said something about you going into labour early. I feel awful that he knew and I didn’t. I guess they all knew.”
She detaches and rolls onto her back. “I didn’t even know I was pregnant. My stomach was distorted, but I thought that was the lack of food. I thought I was dying.”
I move to my side to face her, cupping one of her breasts. “I’m sorry. I know how hard this must be for you.”
With a smirk, she catches my hand and raises it to her lips. “It’s okay. It’s only fair you should hear it.” She takes a deep breath as she snuggles into my arms. “I didn’t know what was happening. I’d been so sick. I knew Mum was drugging me—I thought she was poisoning me. So many times I tried to get up those stairs and out, but I was so sick and tired, I never got far. My stomach was so hard, but it wasn’t that much bigger than normal. I thought I was dying.”
Tears well in her eyes, and I brush her face to soothe her. “I was in agony, and then I started bleeding. Finally, Mum called for an ambulance, told them some bullshit story. I was out of it, too far gone to know, but I was free. Once I got to the hospital they worked out what was going on pretty quickly and managed to stop the labour with drugs. I got a month where they fed me and put me on a drip for nutrients to try to give Max as good a start as we could. He was born at thirty-two weeks, and the cord got caught around his neck. He never stood a chance.”
Her shoulders relax. How many times has she told her story? Who’s cared enough to listen?
“My baby was undersized and premature, and they couldn’t tell me how much damage had been done. Then, my mother killed herself.”
I close my eyes as they prick with tears, pulling her tighter. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here, Lily. I’m so, so sorry.”
“The note said she killed herself because she was under so much pressure. No sorry for everything she did, no sorry for leaving me. Nothing about her grandson. Even in her last moments, she couldn’t think about me.”
Her tears drop onto my chest. “Max didn’t seem too bad when he was a baby. All his problems surfaced as he grew older. It became obvious he had learning difficulties, and that he was smaller than the other children. And it was just me, Adam. No one helped. The only person who ever seemed to care was Mrs Murphy. Remember her from school?”
I nod. It was in Mrs Murphy’s class that I’d met Lily. I still remember locking eyes on Lily that first time, trying to take a peek at the face hidden behind the long, blonde hair. I was rewarded with the big blue eyes she now shares with my son. One look had set my fourteen-year-old heart racing.
“This was her place. But that’s a whole other story.”
I reach for Lily’s face, tilting it toward me to look into her eyes. “You don’t have to worry about help now. I’ll give you all you need. I’ll be here for you and Max. Whatever it takes. I came back to town with a plan to start my life again, and you two are going to be a part of that. Hell, you are that life.”
“There was never really anyone else for me,” she whispers.
My lips brush hers. “It wouldn’t matter if there was. When I got the call to tell me Mum was sick, you were in my thoughts. I still had hope you would want me.”
Her smile lights the dim room. “I do. I tried to move on, but no one else wo
uld ever understand. Max and I are so tight. I was always terrified that someone new would try to come between us.” Her eyes are so sad. While I’d been happy to discover she was single when I first came back, it was clear there had been no one she thought she could trust enough.
“I’m glad you didn’t think I would.”
“You’re his father. It’s different with you. You’re not going to want to send him away and in to care. Are you?”
“Never,” I whisper and pull her closer. She’s safe now, in my embrace and back where she belongs.
I’m home.
19
Adam
I wake to the sound of her crying.
“Lily,” I whisper, reaching for her. In the night I got up to use the bathroom and when I got back, I entangled myself in her. Since then, we’ve become detached, and I slip my arm under her neck to pull her back toward me.
“No.” At first I loosen my grip, but she’s panting and shaking, and it’s not because of me. She’s dreaming. At least, I think that’s what’s going on.
She makes a sound. It comes out like a word, but nothing I recognise. She’s struggling with something, and I’m not going to wake her. I’ve been here before.
When she lunges for the bedside cabinet and flicks on the light, I let her go. She sits up, still breathing quickly, her expression strained.
“Did you turn out the light?” She gasps as she speaks, struggling to catch a breath.
“I closed the door when I went to the bathroom. Didn’t want Max walking in on anything you didn’t want him to see.”
“The dark …”
Those two words tell me everything, and regret fills my soul. Did I really think she’d have walked away from her ordeal unscathed? I have enough scars, mental and physical, to understand the inability to let go. “Shit. Lily. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
She shakes her head. “No. You didn’t. It’s not your fault.”
Her breathing slows, and I place my hand on her thigh, gently stroking her skin. “Leave the lamp on and lie back down with me. I want to show you something.”
Lily lies back down, and I fold her in my embrace. She’s safe, even if she doesn’t feel it. Her eyes are so heavy, and I understand even more the reason for her fatigue. It’s not just Max or the farm. It’s her.
I palm her cheek, and she closes her eyes at my touch. My body’s on fire again with want and need. All for her.
“What did you want to show me?” she asks as she opens her eyes again.
“Just give me a second. I want you to stop shaking first.”
“I’m sorry.” The words are a whisper, as if she has anything to be sorry for. I’m the one who owes her.
I press my nose to her nose. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. We all have fears. Even me.”
A smile spreads across her face. “Here I was thinking you were brave and tough.”
“Not all the time.”
I guide her hand to my right shoulder, and her fingers probe the skin. Never taking my eyes off her face, I watch as her brows knit, and she frowns. “What’s that lump?”
“That’s where I got shot in the shoulder.”
Her eyes widen. “Adam?”
“It’s okay. It bled. I survived. But because of it and other things, I freak out at sudden loud noises sometimes.”
Her lips twitch.
“Hell of a problem when you’re working on old cars. Never know when those things are gonna backfire.” I’m semi-joking to try and lighten the mood, but she sucks in her lower lip, her eyes searching mine.
“The point is that we’re both a bit broken, and if being together is what helps fix us, I vote we try.”
She raises her arms, repositioning herself to wrap them around my neck, her grip tightening as I stroke her back.
“It’s okay, Lily. I’m here.”
Right where I always should have been.
* * *
I wake again, this time to the sound of gravel crunching under a car tyre.
Lily stirs. “Crap. What’s happened now?”
I prop myself up on one elbow watching as she stumbles out of bed and starts to dress. In the daylight that now fills the room, I can see for the first time how painfully thin she actually is, and as she turns to pick up her pants, I reach out and run a hand over her backside.
“Stop.” She laughs, slapping my hand.
“Never.”
A loud knock on the door makes her jump, and she drags on her pants, zipping them up and running from the room. The knocking gets louder. “Open up.” From the bedroom I can hear an angry male voice, and I slide out of bed, tugging on my jeans and heading downstairs to take a look.
Lily pulls the door open. It’s Eric.
“Lily, the damn sheep got through the fence again.”
“I’m sorry, Eric. I’ll go down and look at the damage.”
He sighs loudly. “Yeah, well, if you just let me take over this place, the sheep would be somewhere more secure.”
I walk up behind her, eyeballing the guy and sliding an arm around Lily’s waist. “There a problem?”
She turns her head. “My sheep keep breaking through the fence.”
Eric narrows his eyes. “Adam.”
Lily rests her head on my shoulder as if to show our unity.
“Oh. It’s you.” Max’s voice comes from behind us, disappointment in his tone.
I turn my head, but Max looks past me and out the door at Eric.
“Hey, buddy. How’s it hanging?” Eric asks.
Max pushes between Lily and I, looping his arms around our waists. He stares at Eric, and my chest bursts with pride at how he’s handling the interloper, and that he’s seemingly accepting of me being here. My son.
“Hey Max. Want to go with Mum to get some breakfast, and I’ll take care of whatever Eric wants?”
He grins up at me. “Can we have something yummy?”
“I’m sure I have some Coco Pops in the kitchen if you want,” Lily says. I loosen my grip and let go of Max. Lily turns to face me. “Thanks.”
I lean over and kiss her with a longing I hope is obvious to Eric. She’s mine again.
“I’ll just grab my shirt and we can head out.” I say. Eric nods stiffly.
Lily follows as I climb the stairs, two at a time. “Let me know what needs doing and I’ll organise someone to come and fix it.”
“I’ll sort it out. Don’t worry about it.” I pull my T-shirt on and peck her on the lips. “You’re not getting rid of me any time soon, so you better get used to me pitching in.”
“It doesn’t mean you take over everything.” She pouts, and I press an index finger to her lips.
“No. It doesn’t. But it does mean that I’m going to contribute. It’s long overdue.”
She can’t argue with that; she knows I’m right. “Just behave with Eric. He can still make my life difficult. I might have the use of the property and house, but technically it’s his.”
I waggle my eyebrows. “Not yet anyway. I’ll be good.” In the rush to get out of bed, her hair’s loose, and I push the locks back behind her ears as she shakes her head. “I’m not here to disrupt your life.”
“It’s a bit late for that.” Her lips twitch as she fights a smile. If I didn’t have to get back downstairs … damn it. I laugh and grab her arms, twirling her around and pushing her down on the bed. She shrieks as I run my fingers over her waist, right in one of the spots where she’s ticklish.
The sound rings out through the open door, and I know Eric must be able to hear her. This is the sound of Lily happy, and it makes me happy. Happier than I’ve been since I don’t know when. I’m a world away from the man who drowned his sorrows in his apartment. I have Lily back and I have a son. That still warms my heart, and I burst with pride at that smart, crazy kid.
“Mum,” Max calls.
“I have to go.” She giggles.
“So do I.” I pull her close and linger on her lips.
“Mum,” Max
yells louder and reluctantly, I let her go.
“Be back soon,” I say.
“You’d better.”
* * *
The damage isn’t too bad. Whoever fixed this last didn’t do the best job, but most of it held. Eric and I tidy it up as best we can.
“That should do it. I’ll head into town and grab some supplies and fix it properly, but that should keep them in while I’m gone.”
He nods. “I hope it’s fixed properly this time.”
“I’ll sort it.” He always did get up my nose. He never gave Lily the time of day until she became my girl and only then started taking an interest in her.
“How on earth did you persuade Lily to take you back?”
His question catches me by surprise. “There wasn’t much persuasion. She loves me.”
“You left her.” His tone is flat. I assume it’s because he never had what I have—Lily’s love.
“I didn’t know what happened to Lily. Not until last night.”
He doesn’t believe me. It’s written all over his face. “You didn’t know.”
“I was devastated she didn’t turn up to our wedding. I ran as far as I could and stayed away. Now I know I should have come back, but we were so young. And I was stupid.”
His shoulders slump. “Yeah, you were. It didn’t matter how far away you were, it was always you she wanted. I knew that, and I still thought that maybe one day she’d love me.”
“I’m sorry. Lily and I always had that bond—”
Eric looks up at me, his eyes blazing. “That you left behind. I was the one who was here for her.”
“I know, and I am so grateful. But that doesn’t change Lily’s feelings, nor does it mean this is going to be easy for either of us. She’s made her choice. We both made that choice a long time ago.”
His jaw is set as he fixes his gaze on me. “Don’t you ever hurt her. I will be on your arse so fast …”
“I know. I have a lot to make up for.” All I can do is hope he sees my sincerity. I want to give Lily the world, everything she should have always had. At least now I’m in a position to do it and not starting from scratch with nothing.
