by Smith, Wendy
“I’ll do the dishes,” I say.
“No, you’re not.” Adam shakes his head.
“Yeah, I am. I need a little time out from you lot, and you’ve done enough.” I place a kiss on his salty lips and smile.
“You’re not going to budge, are you?”
“Nope.” I stand and gather the empty plates from the coffee table.
In the kitchen, I run the hot water in the sink, closing my eyes as it fills.
Owen appears in the doorway. “Want some help?”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re always fine. I’m helping anyway.” He laughs.
“I’ll wash, you dry.” I throw the tea towel at him.
He grins. “So, you and Adam.”
“So, you’re straight into it.”
Owen laughs. “I don’t have much time. There are only five plates to wash.”
“Yes. Me and Adam.”
“How did that happen?”
I raise my brows at him. “A series of events brought him back into my life. Your mother being ill, then Max going missing.” I sigh. “I always thought he’d left and stopped caring. That he knew what had happened to me and moved on anyway.”
“I guess you didn’t go looking for him either …”
Rolling my eyes, I shake my head. “I shouldn’t have had to. Your mother should have told him when she spoke to him. Instead, she lied. I had enough to deal with back here.”
The water’s hot, and I scrub the first plate before handing it over. “It was just so confusing when he came back. All of a sudden he appears and takes an interest in Max. It scared the hell out of me, Owen. I could have lost him when he was born, then his father just reappears?”
Owen nods, drying the plate. “I can see how that could be confusing.”
“I didn’t know whether to believe him when he told me he’d just found out. Not at first. But he’s done nothing to convince me otherwise, and he and Max already have this bond. It freaks me out a little.”
A smile spreads across Owen’s face. “You’ll always be number one in Max’s world. You should know that.”
“I do. Max loves all of you too, but there’s this connection he has with Adam that took me by surprise. I guess it shouldn’t have.” I hand him the next plate. “The only thing I’m worried about now is that he’ll have to go back to the army. What happens next?”
“Shouldn’t you ask him that?”
“I will. I just don’t want to ruin this.”
Owen’s right eyebrow quirks. “Ruin it?”
“Everything’s just right.”
“Are you going to be okay if he goes back?” Owen asks.
I gulp and lick my lips, trying to find some moisture in my mouth to answer the last question I want to. “Honestly? I don’t know. After all this time, I don’t want to lose him.” I lower my voice to a whisper. “I’m scared every time he leaves the house it’ll be the last time I see him.”
He nudges my elbow. “Tell him.”
“I already told him I’m scared he’ll disappear.”
“What did he say?”
I raise my eyes to his. “That I had it bad.”
“Lily, I barely know my brother anymore, but I can see a man in love. Tell him how you feel—tell him you want him to stay.”
I nod, my hands shaking as I squeeze them together. Despite my not wanting Adam to leave town again, how can I stand in his way if the army is what he wants?
“If the reason he stayed away all this time is because his heart was broken over you, shouldn’t getting you back be the best reason to stay?”
Owen’s always been the most grounded of the Campbell boys. As soon as the bakery came up for sale, he did all he could to get hold of it. He’s been as unlucky in love as the rest of us, having sampled several of the local ladies. Sometimes I wonder if any of them will truly settle down. The closest any of them have got is Drew, with his girlfriend, Lucy. Not that I’ve ever met her. I think she’s a city girl through and through.
He’s right. Max and I are a good reason for Adam to stay. “I guess.”
“There’s your answer, then.”
21
Adam
A week later, I’m still at Lily’s. I haven’t spoken to my parents; I’ve been too angry. I went into town at the start of the week and bought some new clothes and toiletries to keep me going.
But it’s Friday again and while Max is at school today and I’m missing my buddy, I’ll bite the bullet and visit. “I’m going to Mum and Dad’s place to get my things.”
Panic fills Lily’s eyes. She doesn’t need me, she’s spent all this time demonstrating that, but she’s nervous about me leaving. I can’t blame her; it’s not like I haven’t done a runner before.
It’s going to take some time for us to both settle into this.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can. I need to talk to Mum and Dad, too. Find out why things happened the way they did.”
Lily nods and slips her arms around my waist. My heart still hurts at the thought of her alone and struggling. I can never make up for it, but I can make sure she gets everything she needs from now on. This is my family.
I press my forehead to hers and close my eyes. “I won’t be long.” Kissing her nose, I let her go and she’s straight-faced as I walk out to the car. As I reach it, I turn and look back at the house. This place has been enough for her, but I want more for us.
Over and over again in my head, I practice what I’m going to say to my parents. Not only did they let me go all this time without the truth, but they neglected Lily and Max. I expected better. At the very least, they could have made sure my son was provided for. It’s disappointing.
Dad’s by the back door as I pull into the yard. He tries to smile at me as I exit the car, but it’s strained. I did walk away from him the last time I was here.
“I’m glad you’re back,” he says.
“Just to get my things. I’m staying with Lily.”
He nods. “I thought you might be. We need to talk.”
“Too right we do.” It’s hard to not be angry. Even when I came home they sat by and said nothing.
He turns to go back into the house and I follow. “Your mother’s having a nap.”
“Probably just as well.”
“I was about to make a coffee. Want one?”
I nod and take a seat at the dining table. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“You wanted to talk to me about something before James told me about Lily. Was this it?”
He gives a stiff nod as he mixes two cups of coffee and places them on the table. The sugar bowl is already sitting in front of me and he walks back to the fridge, returning with the milk and a couple of teaspoons from the drawer.
I stir sugar into my coffee. Now I’m here, I don’t even know what to say.
Dad takes a sip of his coffee and sighs. “Adam, I’m sorry …”
“How could you not tell me, Dad? I almost understand Mum with her need to control everything, but you?” I want to know what he’s thinking. It’s always been clear he’s under her thumb, but surely this was too big to say nothing about.
“It’s complicated. I did my best to make sure Lily was taken care of.” His tone is pained, and I can see how much he hates this rift the lies have caused. I haven’t seen the man in twelve years, but I love him. He’s my dad.
“Then why is she living in the middle of nowhere, struggling, by herself?” Slamming my mug on the table, I look Dad in the eyes. I thought I could do this, stay and have a civil conversation, but the reality hits me that it’s too late for that.
Dad’s eyes fill with tears, and he looks away. “Adam, there’s more at stake than just Lily. I did my best.”
“Your best wasn’t good enough.” I slam my fist on the table. “Max is your grandson. What the hell is wrong with you?” My heart is shattered by my parents’ seeming indifference toward their own flesh and blood.
I stand a
nd head straight to my room, throwing my few things in my bag and leaving the house without another word.
I’m done.
* * *
Lily has the patience of a saint.
I’ve sulked since I’ve been back at her place, and I know it. The quick conversation with Dad didn’t resolve anything as I let my temper take control of me.
Still, she’s taken me back when I chose to stay away for so long. She didn’t need to, and I’m so aware of that. I left and didn’t look back. I betrayed her just as much as anyone else did.
When I returned from Mum and Dad’s, she greeted me at the door and wrapped her arms around me, as if she knew that no good had come from my visit. She was always all I needed.
In the evening, she cooks dinner. I stopped along the way to her place and grabbed some meat from the supermarket. I had all the intention of cooking, but Lily took charge, delighting in having some pork chops to do something with.
I’m torn. I still don’t have the answers I sought from my parents thanks to my own impatience, and I’m not good company for Lily and Max. Max seems oblivious to my mood. He watches some TV before settling down to read a book. He’s so much like Lily in that way—she was one who had a love of reading.
“Max, it’s bedtime,” Lily speaks, waking me from my stupor. “Get your pyjamas on and brush your teeth.”
“Can Adam tuck me into bed?” He’s stuck to Adam for the day, not Dad as it was the day before in front of Eric.
I stand and ruffle his hair as he goes past. “Sure can, bud. You get ready for bed and I’ll be right up.” We still need to sort out this whole parental thing, work out where I fit in. For now, I’ll just back Lily up.
Watching my son climb those narrow stairs, I sigh as Lily wraps her arms around my waist.
“Are you okay?” she asks.
“Yes and no. I didn’t really get any answers.”
“I’m sorry.” She leans her head against my chest, and I close my eyes.
“Once Max is asleep, I’d really like to crawl into bed with you. We’ve got some catching up to do.”
She chuckles. “All in one night?”
“Depends. How much energy do you have?”
She raises her face to me and I give her a tender kiss. “You’re a good man, Adam. I always knew that, despite feeling as if I’d been deserted.”
“Thanks.”
“You know what I mean. And I know you felt the same way. I spent so long thinking I’d be alone and that you didn’t want us. But I knew you better than that. I just thought …”
“Thought what?”
“What your mother said was right—that you thought you were too young for the extra responsibility. For ages afterward I thought you’d come back, and then you didn’t. You being here with us is everything.”
I raise my thumb to her right cheek to wipe the tear rolling down it. Lily was always good at looking at the positive. “It’s everything to me too. When I think that I missed out on this for all this time … I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for it.”
She lets out a sigh. “Finding out that you didn’t know and having you here already makes up for so much.”
I run my fingers through that long, blonde hair. “I wish it was more.”
“Stop it. Go and tuck that son of ours in.”
A smile spreads across my face, and I kiss her one more time before letting go. “I will. And I’ll make sure he falls asleep so then I get to catch up in other areas with you.”
“Other areas?”
I chuckle. “I’m going to assume his mother will be waiting in bed for his father?”
“I’m pretty sure it’s safe to assume that.”
Max is in the bathroom as I climb the stairs. He’s already in his pyjamas, and I stand at the door and smile at him as he scrubs. When he’s finished, he rinses and turns back toward me, a big grin on his face. I cock an eyebrow as we stand there, locked in place, him showing off his teeth.
“Well?” he asks through gritted teeth after a moment.
“Well, what?” I’m so confused.
“Do my teeth look okay?”
The penny drops. This must be the routine he has with Lily. I take a couple of steps and bend over to take a look. “They look fine to me.”
He shoots past me, running across the hall and leaping on his bed.
I follow, shaking my head as he nestles under the covers.
“Am I allowed to call you Dad?” he asks.
“You were calling me that yesterday.”
“I know, but I didn’t know if I was supposed to.”
I grin. “You’re allowed, Max. I am your dad.”
He sits up and gives me an intense look. There must be so much going on in that head of his. “Where have you been?”
The question hits me right in the chest. I wasn’t where I should have been. “I was in the army and travelled all over the place.”
“You didn’t visit me.” His tone is flat.
“Well, I was so far away I didn’t know you were here. But now I’m back.” His lower lip wobbles, and I reach out, running my knuckles under his chin. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here for you and your mum. No more going away,” I whisper. This hurts so much and yet it’s what I need to do. To tell my son how I feel. I’ve had so little time to absorb everything, but being with him feels more right than anything ever has.
I lean over, and he slips his arms around my neck. “It’s good you’re home, Dad.”
Tears roll down my cheeks as I hold my boy tight. I grip his head and kiss his hair, my stomach churning with regret for not being here sooner, for not being here for him. Renewing my relationship with Lily is one thing—developing a relationship with Max is right up there with it.
“Don’t cry.” Max pulls away.
“I love you and Mum so much.” As I let him go, I force a smile through the tears.
“We love you too. Have you seen this?” He points at his bedside cabinet. There’s a framed photo of Lily and I on what was the best night of my life. We’d gone to the school ball, danced all evening cheek to cheek, and then driven somewhere secluded where we both lost our virginity.
“Not for a long time.”
“It’s you and Mum.”
I nod, reaching for the photo frame. My overwhelming memory of that night was the love between Lily and I. We were seventeen, and it felt as if we’d waited forever for that night. Within a year our lives were torn apart, and I, being a heartbroken teenager, had run away from it all. Guilt hung over me as I took in every detail of that photo. How had I not stayed? At least until I knew where she was?
“You’re still crying, Dad.” Max tugs on my sleeve as I put the photo back.
I can’t speak, and I wrap my arms around him again. I’ll never let either of them down again, never run, never hide from anything. No matter how hard things get. At eighteen I thought I was a man. Now I know for sure what a boy I was.
“Goodnight.” Max’s voice is muffled, his face pressed into my chest. I release him from my hug, but cup his face.
“Have a good sleep.” My heart swells just looking at him. My flesh and blood.
I turn as Lily places her hand on my shoulder and I look up to see her eyes full of tears too.
“Night, Max.” She leans over and kisses Max’s cheek. He grins as he lies down and pulls the blanket up.
For a moment we watch him, and he closes his eyes.
Our boy.
* * *
Max is asleep, and I take Lily by the hand and lead her to the bedroom, closing the door behind us. We can reopen it when we’re done.
“Sorry I’m not waiting for you,” she says, swinging her hand in mine.
“I loved it being the three of us in there. Being with you and Max—I can’t even begin to tell you how much it means.” I smile. “Seeing that old photo was overwhelming.”
She grins. “I dug it out the first time you visited. Max caught me sleeping with it.”
She slaps my arm. “I have to admit I was a little overwhelmed with memories. Didn’t help you looked so good.”
“How good?”
She reaches for my shirt, and I watch her face as she unbuttons it. It’s so freeing to be here with her without restriction. Lily focuses on her task and pushes the fabric back, running her hands over my chest. “That good.” Her breath hitches as our gazes lock, and I lower my head to kiss her.
“You like, Miss Parker?” My lips seek hers, and she relaxes in my arms as we come together.
“Very much,” she says as we pull apart.
I raise my hand to touch her face, anchoring my fingers in her hair. She gives a little sigh when I tighten my grip. “I think you’re overdressed.”
Her fingers trace lines up from my chest to my shoulders. Every little touch is magical, sending warmth through my body that I haven’t experienced for so long. It’s like my body knows she’s the only one for me.
Running my hands down her back, I drop them to her thighs, pulling her up to hook her legs around my waist. I want her, want inside her, but tonight we take our time—it’s not the mad, frantic rush that’s ensued every other night.
“I love you,” she whispers.
In response, I move us to the bed, turning and gently lowering her onto her back. My mouth is on hers, tasting her tongue as it tangles with mine. I always loved kissing her, and now it’s all I want to do.
I raise her T-shirt, pushing it up and over her breasts, cradled in her bra. She lets out a contented sigh as I nuzzle a nipple through the thin fabric.
“Adam.” Her fingers claw my scalp as I push her bra up and take that nipple in my mouth. It pebbles under my tongue, and her repeated sigh tells me why.
“I love you too.” My fingers work on her jeans, and she helps, pushing them down before I take over. She raises her hand to my face and I kiss her palm, sucking her fingers one by one as I spread her legs. I kiss my way down that flat stomach and bury my face between her legs. Tasting her is almost too good to be true, and I lose myself as she surrenders to me.
