by Smith, Wendy
Her face distorts, and she grabs hold of Drew’s arm to brace herself as she breathes through another contraction.
“Hey, you’re cutting off the wrong brother’s circulation.” He laughs. “Adam invited me, and he’s been giving me updates. I thought it was about time I came to see the lovely Lily.”
I slap him on the shoulder. “Can you go flirt with someone else’s girl?”
“I would, but there aren’t any others around here that I can see.”
Hayley appears in the door, a smile on her face and her arms full of towels warmed in the dryer. I take one from her and roll it loosely, helping Lily up a little to replace the one under her lower back.
“Here’s one. This is Hayley McCarthy. Hayley’s Lily’s midwife. Hayley, this is my brother Drew.”
I smile to myself as Drew sizes up Hayley.
Hayley nods as she places the towels on the blanket box at the end of the bed. “Drew the obstetrician?”
Drew stands, holding his palms up as if in surrender. “It’s okay. I know this is your show. I’m here if you need an extra pair of hands.”
She moves closer, standing almost face to face with him. “That’ll depend on what my client wants.” The tiniest of smirks crosses her face, and I laugh at my brother’s cocked eyebrow.
“She’s got you there, bro.”
Lily moans, and I grab the cup of ice chips from beside the bed. “Want one?”
She shakes her head and reaches for my hand, linking my fingers in hers.
“I’m ready for the death grip.” I grin.
Lily laughs and grimaces. “Don’t. You’re not supposed to make me laugh.”
“I’m supposed to take your mind off the pain, and that’s what I’m doing.”
She nods, breathing deeply before giving me a small smile.
“They’re coming fast now, Lily. We need to see how you’re going. Did you want an audience or not?” Hayley asks.
Lily shrugs. “Why not? My vagina was on display when I gave birth to Max.”
It’s so unlike her, and I can’t help but laugh as I kiss her hand encased in my own. She rolls her eyes and lifts her legs for Hayley to check. Out of the corner of my eye, Drew’s watching Hayley rather than Lily as she feels to see how far Lily’s dilated.
“You’re so close, Lily. Just a little while longer and you can push.”
I reach for a damp cloth, wiping Lily’s forehead. “Nearly there, baby.”
“Where’s Max? Is he okay?”
“You don’t need to worry about him. He’s downstairs with James.”
“I still worry.”
Max has been so up and down with the pending arrival of his baby sister. I don’t know if he fully understands the impact a baby will have on our household, but his mood swings with his mother’s, and as we have grown closer to this day, he’s only got moodier.
I kiss her forehead where the cloth has left a sheen of water. “As soon as the baby’s here I’ll go and get him. He’ll fall in love with our little girl, Lily. I swear he will.”
She nods, but her eyes tell me she doesn’t believe it. Even after all these months together, I’ll never understand the way Lily and Max are bonded. It hurts, but at the same time, it’s a magical thing to see.
Her chest rises and falls faster, and I know the pain is coming again. I’d do anything to take this hit for her, to stop her feeling the agony of childbirth. The best I can do is hold her hand and be there for anything else she needs.
“I want to push.”
Hayley smiles. “Let’s check.” Her smile widens. “The baby’s right there. Next contraction, start pushing.”
“Oh, I will,” Lily says.
“Are you sure she’s ready?” As Drew speaks, Hayley shoots him a look that could kill.
“I’m sure.”
“Want me to double check?”
I extend my leg and tap Drew’s ankle. He shifts his gaze to me. “Want to back off and let her do her job?”
“You invited me here.”
“Not to be a pain in the arse.”
He holds his hands up again. “I was just trying to help.”
“Adam,” Lily says, an edgy tone in her voice.
“Ready, babe?”
She nods. “It’s … Ohh.”
“Push.” All three of us speak in unison, and the strain appears on Lily’s face as she bears down.
“You three aren’t supposed to gang up on me.” She lets out a laugh, only to grit her teeth.
“We’re helping,” Drew says. Hayley’s entire focus is on watching Lily, and she seems to ignore Drew.
Each push brings us closer to our baby, and when she finally slides out, Lily closes her eyes.
“We did it,” I whisper
“No, I did it,” Lily replies.
I laugh. “You know what I mean. Now we have two perfect babies.”
Hayley’s checking the baby, Drew hanging over her shoulder. I should have known he couldn’t keep his distance.
“She’s got great colour and tone,” he says.
Hayley turns, and the look on her face tells me she wasn’t aware Drew was behind her. “She does. I’ll just finish her checks and give her back to her mother.”
He nods. “Of course.”
It doesn’t stop him from hovering as she places the baby on Lily’s chest. Lily gives me a bemused look as Hayley covers her.
“You just had to invite your brother,” she whispers.
“I’m not going to apologise for worrying. Not after everything you went through with Max.”
Her expression softens, and with one hand on the baby, she cups my chin with her other. “We made it through in one piece.”
“Two pieces.”
She grins, and shifts her focus to our daughter.
“Did you want to cut the cord, Adam?” Drew asks.
“Yes,” I reply before I realise Hayley’s staring at him.
“I clamped it.” He shrugs. “The gear and the hand sanitiser was right there.”
She shoots a glare at him, and he shrinks back. “Just trying to help.”
I shake my head. “Dude. Maybe you should go and help in another room.”
Hayley hands me the scissors to cut, giving me a forced smile as she does.
With trembling hands, I cut it, pushing thoughts that I never got to do this with Max out of my head. I still wish I could turn back the clock and either not leave, or come back to get answers. My hurt pride has a lot to answer for.
I know one thing for sure. I’ll be here for Lily, Max, and this new baby now. And any other children we have. If I have my way, we’re far from finished.
Lily moans, and I look back at her.
“Are you okay?”
“Just delivering the placenta,” Hayley says.
“It looks good.” Drew’s still hovering, and I roll my eyes.
“I hope you take Hayley out for a drink after this to apologise for being a pain in the arse.” I laugh. Drew opens his mouth. “I know, you’re just trying to help.”
Raising my hand, I stroke my daughter’s fuzzy little head. She’s so beautiful. Her hair is dark, but I hope she ends up with Lily’s colouring.
“What are we going to call you?” I ask.
“Don’t you have names picked?” Drew walks around the bed to stand behind me.
“We have a huge list, but we decided to wait until she was born to see what suited her,” Lily says. “Go and get Max. I want him to meet his little sister.”
Standing, I lean over and kiss her tenderly. “Back in a second.” I reach a little farther to kiss the baby on the head. “My girls.”
Max sits in the middle of the living room floor, playing with his Xbox, James beside him. He’s home from university, and I’m overjoyed to have my little brother here for such a big event.
“Hey Max. Wanna go and meet your sister?”
His eyes stay glued to the screen, but when I look, the game’s not even loaded.
“We’
re between games. Now is a great time,” James says.
“Max. Come on. Let’s go and see Mum.”
My son stands, his face long, as if it’s been slapped. I frown; something’s not right with him. Hopefully seeing his mother will shake him out of it.
I hold out my hand, and Max takes it. His lips curl into the tiniest of smiles as I grab hold of him and pull him into a hug. “Let’s go.”
Hand in hand, we walk to the bedroom, and Max cracks a grin when he sees his Uncle Drew.
“Hey Maxxy. How’s it hanging?” Drew grins, leaning over to bump fists with Max.
We’re back in time to see Hayley helping Lily put the baby to her breast for the first time. It’s a sweet thing to watch as our daughter latches on and suckles enthusiastically.
“She’s very alert,” Hayley says.
Lily has tears in her eyes, and I grab her hand again. She doesn’t need to tell me what she’s thinking. This is far from the experience she had the first time around.
“Max. Come around here and see your sister.” Her eyes are so full of love, and he walks around the bed. I follow so he’s got me, too. The last thing we want is for him to think we favour his sister over him.
“You were that little once,” I say to him as we reach the other side.
“I hate her,” Max screams, slapping Lily’s arm that supports his sister. He turns and runs from the room before I can stop him. I look back at Lily. Tears well in her eyes, and it stings my heart to see them.
I lean to kiss her forehead. “I’ll sort him out. We knew he was going to be jealous, at least for a while.”
“I didn’t think it would be that bad.” She sniffs.
I stroke our daughter’s head. “He’ll come around. I’ll go and hang with him for a bit while Hayley and Drew clean up.”
Drew’s eyebrows leap up. “Huh?”
“You were a dick. The least you can do is help Hayley.”
Hayley laughs. “It’s okay. It’s my job.”
“Your job was interrupted by Drew. He can do his share.”
Drew nods. “That’s fair enough.”
“You don’t mind getting your hands dirty, then?” Hayley asks.
I bite down, stopping myself from commenting further as Drew shoots her a look I understand well enough. When Hayley’s gone, I’ll be teasing him about his reaction to the midwife. It’s even more intriguing considering he has a girlfriend. Drew’s never been the kind of guy to play around.
“Go and check on Max now?” Lily asks.
Nodding, I peck her on the lips and go searching for my son. I find him sitting cross-legged on his bed, the dog next to him. Those two are so close. Lucky picks up on Max’s moods, and today is no exception. His head rests on Max’s leg, and he looks as sad as Max does.
“Hey,” I say, sitting on the bed.
Max doesn’t even look at me.
“I know that having a sister is going to be difficult. You’ve got to share Mum and me now.” Tears roll down his cheeks. Sometimes Max seems so grown up, and it’s easy to forget he has learning difficulties that sometimes spread into his behaviour.
“I have four brothers, Max, and I found that annoying sometimes too. Especially when James came along. I was about your age when he was born, and all of a sudden, we had this squawking, pooing baby in our house.”
He snorts, breaking down and giggling. I have no doubt it’s my use of the word poo. Like a lot of other kids, Max finds fart jokes funny.
“But you know what? We were his heroes. James followed his big brothers around because he wanted to be just like them. That’s you, Max. You’re the big brother. You’ll be your little sister’s hero, and she’ll adore you.”
His eyebrows raise. “Really?”
I nod. “The minute she can crawl, she’ll be crawling after you. She might drive you crazy sometimes because she just wants to be with you and she’s your annoying little sister, but you’re the only big brother she’ll ever have.”
He straightens his back and puffs out his chest a little. “She’s so small. We can’t play together.”
“Not yet, but she needs you no matter how small she is. Your mum’s going to be tired and will need us both to help her as much as we can, too. There’ll be nights when none of us get any sleep. But you know what?”
“What?”
“We’ll all be together. And Mum and I love both of you so much.”
His bottom lip wobbles, and he throws himself into my arms. “I thought Mum might love the baby more.”
“No chance, mate. When the baby’s as small as she is now, she needs more help because she can’t do things like you. But you and Mum have a very special bond, and nothing will ever break that. She loves you so much. So do I.”
“Love you too, Dad.”
My heart’s so full in this moment. It always is when Max expresses his feelings. It’s a love I sometimes think I don’t deserve given he didn’t know me for the first eleven years of his life, but he feels so much more than he ever lets on. Seeing Max’s heart is rare.
“So, do you want to go and see your sister again?”
He nods. “Dad?”
“Yep?”
“What was she doing?”
I chuckle. “She was having her first feed. Instead of a bottle, she drinks Mum’s milk.”
“Mum has milk?”
Oh God. What have I done?
“It happens when mums have babies.” I pause as I don’t know if Lily breastfed Max. I’m not sure whether she got the chance; he was so premature. “Mum knows more about it than I do.”
“Did she feed me like that?” His voice is full of wonder, and it’s a bit of a kick to the gut to not be able to answer.
“I’m not sure. Why don’t you ask her about it?”
He nods.
“Shall we go and see her?”
Drew’s rocking the baby in his arms when we return, and Lily’s nowhere to be seen.
“Lily’s just in the shower. I get to hold this one.” He grins.
“You’d make a great nanny.”
I don’t miss the snort that comes from Hayley as she makes the bed.
“Do you want to see your sister, Max?” Drew asks.
I hold my breath as Max hesitates, then nods.
Drew holds my daughter down at Max’s level. She fixes her sights on him, and he grins. “Dad. She’s looking at me.”
“She is, Max. Give her a few weeks and she’ll have a special smile just for her big brother.”
“She will?” His eyes are as big as saucers.
Drew chuckles. “She’s going to think you’re the bee’s knees, my friend. How lucky is she having a big brother like you? I bet you’ll take really good care of her.”
Max nods, and it’s heart-warming.
He leans over and kisses his little sister on the head. “Sorry for earlier.” His head shoots up, and he stares at me. “What’s her name?”
I shrug. “We’ve all got to work that one out.”
“What about Rose? It’s kind of like Mum’s name.”
“Kind of.” I hold out my arms, and Drew hands the baby over. “What do you reckon, little one?”
Those dark eyes fix on me. I’d love it if she takes after Lily.
“What does she reckon about what?” Lily comes out of the en suite. Her eyes are heavy; she must be tired after giving birth. She’s still easily the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, with the possible exception of our daughter.
“Max thinks we should name her Rose.”
Lily lights up. “That’s a beautiful name. I’ll have to think about it.”
“Mum, the baby looked at me.”
Lily reaches the bed and sits, patting the duvet beside her. Max sits as I hand her the baby. “She’s so pretty, Max. Did you know she looks a lot like you when you were born?”
He shakes his head.
“I’ve got photos. We haven’t looked at them in ages, but maybe we should pull them out and you can see for yourself?�
�
His mouth twists as he keeps his gaze focused on his sister. “Mum?”
Lily smiles. “Yes?”
“Did you feed me like you feed the baby?”
Lily’s clearly taken aback from the surprised expression on her face. “I did. Not at first, but I did.”
“What do you mean?”
“You were born earlier than we expected, and you didn’t know how to feed like your sister does. But that came in time, and at first you had a tube that went through your nose and down your throat. I could put milk in the tube and it went into your stomach.”
His eyes widen. “Really?”
“Yes. You were in an incubator for a while to help keep you warm and healthy. The nurses used to fuss over you because you were so perfect.”
A smile crosses his face.
“Max, I love you so much. And I love your sister just as much. You two and your dad are my whole heart.”
He nods. “Dad says she’s gonna follow me everywhere.”
Lily laughs. “She probably will. I would have loved to have had a big brother or sister, or a little one.”
Max’s face falls. “You were by yourself.”
She shakes her head. “No. Once I had your dad and then you, I was never alone.”
My throat constricts at her words. That she can say that after everything she went through means more than anything.
“Lily, everything’s clean, so if you want to lie down again, you can. The placenta’s in a bag in the chilly bin and ready to be frozen if you want to.” Hayley picks up her bag.
I nod. Lily wants to bury the placenta in the backyard and plant a tree over it. It’s a Māori tradition, but with this being our home, she wants to put down roots, and neither of us could think of a better way to cement our family being here.
With Max, it all happened so fast for her, and at eighteen she didn’t get much of a chance to do things the way she wanted to. This isn’t just about doing something for this baby—it’s about righting a wrong from so long ago.
“Thanks, Hayley.”
“If you’re all comfortable, I’ll get out of here and give you some space. Give me a call if you need anything. Doesn’t matter how big or small it is, if you have any concerns, call me. Even if it’s in the middle of the night.” She strokes the baby’s head. “She’s so beautiful. You’re welcome to name her Hayley if you want.”
