by Smith, Wendy
I go to sleep with a grin, giving her a promise that I’ll make her a special gingerbread man when I wake.
We’re getting there.
* * *
The alarm beeps at four, and I stumble out of bed.
Tugging on a pair of pants and a shirt, I head toward the door.
Ava.
Turning back, I switch the light back on and take a look. She’s fast asleep, and it brings a smile to my face. She knows where I am when she wakes up, but she’s not in the room she’s getting used to. I’ll have to come back and check on her.
Am I overthinking it?
This whole dad thing is not coming naturally, even if Ginny thinks I’m doing a good job of it. I’m second-guessing myself the whole way and now is no exception.
Maybe I shouldn’t worry so much.
Ava turns up in the bakery kitchen a little before seven. The grin on her face makes me grin. The longer she’s here, the more I see me in her.
“Good morning. Want some breakfast?”
Ava nods.
“Mel, I’m just going to go and sort Ava’s breakfast out.”
Mel nods. “Sweet as. Morning, Ava.”
Ava waves. She’s got Mel twisted around her little finger, and I need to get her out of here before she ends up with more cookies for her meal.
“Let’s go find something to eat.” I take her by the hand and lead her into the flat and toward the kitchen. “Toast with Marmite on it and a hot chocolate. Sound good?”
Ava nods.
“I don’t even really know what you like. I’ve been making you what I like.”
“I like Marmite. And hot chocolate.”
I grin. “Well, that’s a good start. But you can’t live on Marmite and hot chocolate.” I slip two slices of bread in the toaster. “I know you like spaghetti and meatballs. You like them so much that you lick your hands clean.”
She giggles as she sits at the table.
“Anything else you really like?”
Ava nods again. “Lots.”
“Nice. I’ll fill the cupboards with lots, then.”
I really can do this.
My phone buzzes on the table, and I pick it up.
Sorry. I left work early yesterday feeling gross and just woke up. I love you too.
Are you okay? Do you need anything?
I hate the thought of her being sick.
No. I’m staying home in bed today. I’ll come and see you two when I’m feeling better.
I can ask Lily to look after Ava if you want me to come over.
I just need to get some sleep. I love that you care.
Okay. Love you.
This is why I need to convince her to move in. Knowing she’s unwell and alone doesn’t sit right with me. We need her, and she needs us.
I really have to work this out.
18
Owen
Our grocery shop is overdue, and the list of things that Ava needs is getting longer. I hate shopping, but it’s a necessity.
We drive the short distance from the bakery to the Four Square.
Reaching the door of the supermarket, I spot Mary Cuthbert.
“Ava.” Mary walks out from behind the counter, and Ava runs into her arms.
Mary lifts her up, planting kisses on her cheek.
“I guess you two know one another.” I laugh.
“Cara used to bring Ava in for a treat all the time. It’s so good to see her. She’s just like one of my moko.” She smiles widely. “Is she living with you now?”
My jaw drops. “Did you know?”
Mary rolls her eyes. “I’m a big people watcher, Owen Campbell. And apparently, I’m better at adding than you are.”
I can’t help but laugh. “It seems I was almost the last to know.”
“Well, whatever the case, I’m so glad to see Ava.” She turns to look at the girl. “It’s lovely to see a big smile on your face. Do you like living with your father?”
Ava nods with enthusiasm. “He makes cookies.”
“Yes, he does. And now you get to visit me again from time to time. That’ll be nice, won’t it?”
I grin. “Ava, we need to get some shopping. Are you going to help me put some things in the trolley?”
“Yes,” she yells, clapping her hands.
“That’s my girl. Come on.” I say it without even thinking, and it gives me a warm fuzzy to think of her that way.
Ava wriggles down as Mary gives her another kiss on the cheek. “It’s good to see you both. If you ever need a babysitter, Owen, give me a call.”
“Thanks, Mary. I might just take you up on that sometime.”
Grabbing a trolley, I start off down the aisle. I’m terrible at looking after myself at times, and there’s no fresh food in the house right now.
Ava picks out the fruit she wants, and we move up and down the aisles, filling the trolley.
“What else do we need?”
“Pull-ups.” Ava squeezes my hand.
I smile at her. “I’m glad I have you to remind me.”
“Ava?”
I look up, and see Linda Green approaching. She runs the local day care, and it suddenly occurs to me that Ava probably went there before her parents’ death.
“Hey, Linda.”
She smiles at me. “You’re looking after Ava?”
Shit. I hadn’t thought about people asking, or gossiping. I’ve never cared what others think before, but now I have Ginny and Ava to worry about.
“Linda.” Ava wraps her arms around Linda’s waist.
“Ava lives with me now.”
Her eyes widen. “Seriously?” She strokes Ava’s hair. “We’ve missed you.”
“We haven’t had much time to sort anything out, but I probably need to talk to you about her coming to day care. I haven’t worked out what to do with her during the day while I’m working. At the moment, she’s hanging out in the bakery.”
Linda smiles. “We’d love to have her back. She was with us part-time five days a week, but we have full-time slots available. Just let me know.”
Ava lets go of Linda and jumps up and down excitedly. It brings a smile to my face as I find one more thing that might help her get through all of this.
The pieces are starting to fall into place.
* * *
I unpack the groceries at home, Ava under my feet the whole time. She goes through the bags, looking for the things we bought for her. Not only did she get the fruit she wanted, but there’s also yoghurt and potato chips.
“Do you want to go back to day care?”
Ava nods.
“Then we’ll do it. I need someone to take care of you so you don’t eat all the cookies.”
She giggles, squeezing my hand.
“How about I talk to Linda in the morning, and we’ll see how quickly we can get you back? I bet you have friends there that you miss.”
Ava nods.
“It’ll be time to go to school in a year or so, too. You’ll be able to go with Ginny. She’s a teacher.”
“I love Ginny.”
I grin. “So do I, Ava. So do I.”
Ginny probably won’t stay the night again until Friday, and that’s three days away. I busy myself making dinner for Ava. It’s nothing fancy—mashed potato and chicken nibbles, but where I used to eat out most nights, I’m quite enjoying cooking for the two of us. Or three, when Ginny’s here.
Tonight’s just like the first night she was here, as she’s yawning by the end of dinner. I’m not as organised as I was that first night, though, and I carry her to her room still in her clothing.
“Should we put your pyjamas on?” I ask. “Guess I should get the pull-ups too.”
Ava gives me a nod, her eyes closing and snapping awake as she fights sleep.
I grab the packet of pull-ups and pull one out. It seems pretty straightforward.
Ava lies on the bed as I pull her pants and knickers off, slipping the pull-up on.
“That was surprisingly
easy.”
She’s already asleep by the time I pull up her pyjama pants, and she flops in my arms as I struggle with her pyjama top. With it buttoned up, I let her flop down in her bed. As I pull the blanket over her, I watch her. She’s so beautiful. Even after everything, I have trouble believing she’s mine.
Without warning, I have tears in my eyes. Tears for Ava losing her parents. Tears for me finding out the truth. Tears because I’m happier than I have been in years, and it’s taken Ginny and Ava to do that. How have I lived my life without them?
My heart’s so full that I know I could never return to the life I had before Ginny. I never realised just how much I needed the stability a good relationship could bring.
Although, until Adam and Lily were reunited, and Drew fell for Hayley, it’s not like I had a lot of great examples in my life.
I lean over and plant a gentle kiss on Ava’s forehead.
Rather than climb into an empty bed, I go back to the living room and turn on the television.
It’s not long before I’m asleep just like Ava.
* * *
I rub my neck as my phone alarm goes off. After the last time I fell asleep on the couch, I made sure I had a back-up alarm, and I get dressed and stumble out to the bakery kitchen, much to the bemusement of Mel. At least she didn’t have to wake me by flicking water in my face.
“You look like shit.”
“I fell asleep on the couch.”
She laughs. “I guess I should be grateful that you turned up at all.”
I poke my tongue out at her as I get to washing my hands to start the day.
The time passes quite quickly before Ava turns up in the doorway.
“Hey, pretty girl. Time for breakfast?” I smile.
“I thought you’d never ask.” Mel grins.
I roll my eyes. “You, be quiet. Come on, Ava.”
This time we’ve got Coco Pops, and her beloved hot chocolate with marshmallows. The food disappears in minutes, and I smile watching her.
“We’ll go and see Linda today and get you back to day care.”
Ava nods, chocolate milk running down her chin.
“Looking forward to seeing your friends?”
“I like the bakery, too.”
I chuckle. “I know you do. At least, I know you like the cookies. Especially those gingerbread men. Am I right?”
She nods.
“Well, if Linda can look after you today, when you get home, I’m sure I can have something special waiting.”
Ava climbs down from her chair and runs to my seat. She climbs onto my lap and wraps her arms around my neck. I give her a hug. “You’re such a good girl. I’m so proud of you.” I close my eyes as her cheek grazes mine.
Sometimes, I feel so in control. Other times, I still feel like this is way too much for me to deal with.
Either way, this is my life.
After breakfast, we drive down the road to the day care.
Linda greets us at the door. “Owen, Ava, it’s so good to see you.”
“I was thinking that Ava needs to get back to some normality.”
She nods. “I’m not surprised to see you. We’d love to have her back. It’s a hundred and fifty a week, and we’re open from 7.30 a.m. to 6.00 p.m.”
“Okay. That’s fine.”
“There are some forms to fill out, but I’ll sort those out for you.” Linda smiles. “Why don’t you leave her here with us, and go get some work done? I’m sure we’ll be fine.”
Ava looks up at me.
“Do you want to stay here for a while?”
She pouts.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t have my bag,” she whispers, wrapping herself around my leg.
Linda squats in front of us. “It’s okay. I’m sure Owen can get you a new one if you need it. Want to come and play with your friends?”
Ava nods.
Linda holds out a hand. “Come on, then.”
As Ava takes Linda’s hand, Linda leans a little closer. “Go and ask Mary. She usually has some schoolbags. All she needs to bring is a change of clothing, and a hat for playing outside.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
I look down at Ava. It’s a bit weird leaving her behind, but it’s good for both of us, I guess. It’ll be nice to focus on work without worrying about her, but at the same time I’ll miss having her around.
“What time do I pick her up?”
“We’re open until six, so between now and then. I’ll sort out the invoice, and it’ll be ready when you come and get her.”
I nod. “Okay. Ava, be good and have fun.”
She lets go of Linda’s hand and I bend to hug her.
“Bye,” she says.
When I get to the door, I turn. Ava’s already surrounded by the other kids, no doubt excited to see her. And she’s excited, her little face lit up with a big smile.
This is the right thing to do.
* * *
Despite seeing her so happy, I watch the clock and wait for closing time.
Ginny’s not coming over tonight, so it’ll just be me and Ava. As much as I hate that Ginny’s not going to be with us, I’m looking forward to hearing about Ava’s day.
“Go and get her.” Mel rolls her eyes at me. It’s a little after four. “You’ve looked at that clock about fifty times in the last five minutes.”
“Thanks. It’s her first day back, and—”
She smiles. “You don’t have to explain it to me. She’s your daughter.”
“That’s still sinking in.”
Mel laughs, walking around the counter to slap me on the back. “You’re doing well. It’s obvious Ava adores you. Ginny, too.”
I sigh. “I want us to all be together.”
“You will be. Give Ginny time. Settling down with you is a crazy enough thing to do, even without taking the kid into account.”
“I can always rely on you to bring me down to Earth.” I laugh.
“Always, my friend.”
I don’t hang around any longer, heading toward the day care. Earlier today, Mary dug out the perfect bag from her stock. It’s got some cartoon character on it I don’t know, but she assures me Ava will recognise it. It’s at home, ready for tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
The thought of dropping Ava here for a full day tomorrow leaves my stomach aching. Which is crazy. It’s good for both of us. I repeat it over and over in my head.
I know that, but I don’t want her to ever feel alone. Even surrounded by the other kids, she might miss me.
Her face lights up when I enter the building. It’s all I need to see to know how Ava feels about seeing me.
“She’s had such a good day.” Linda follows Ava as she throws herself into my arms. I can’t explain how good it feels to hold her again, even though I only saw her a few short hours ago.
“Did you?” I ask Ava.
“I played with my friends,” she says.
“Want to come back tomorrow?”
She nods, and I don’t know whether to feel happy or heartbroken.
“Come on. Let’s go get a cookie and hot chocolate at home. I’ve got a surprise for you.”
On the way out, Linda hands me an envelope. “Here’s all the info you need and an invoice.”
“Thanks. I’ll get that paid as fast as possible.”
She nods. “I know you will. See you tomorrow, Ava?”
My heart settles as Ava nestles in on my shoulder.
I hope she’s always so easy to please.
19
Ginny
It should be the easiest decision in the world to move in with Owen, but it isn’t.
Every day, he and Ava grow closer. As hands-on as he’s become, there’s still a distance between them I don’t think he can see. It’s almost like he thinks someone’s going to swoop in and make everything better. He has to learn to be a father, and not just a caretaker.
But he’s getting there.
Her attachm
ent to me is all kinds of wonderful and hard. While I don’t doubt Owen loves me, and he’s opened up his life and his heart, there’s still a lingering doubt over his ability to commit. But then again, he proves that wrong all the time.
I don’t want to leave him hanging, but nor do I want to jump in too fast.
All I know is that I love both him and Ava.
They’re the family I thought I’d never have.
When the bell rings at three, the kids disperse quickly. I sit at my desk and prepare the classwork for the following day, as I often do. It’s the best time for it, when no one’s here and it’s quiet.
Until Owen, I enjoyed my own company better than being alone. Now, my mind wanders, thinking of him and the evening we have planned. It’s Wednesday, and I’m going to have dinner with Owen and Ava.
I don’t even notice Nathan entering the room until he sits on the corner of my desk.
“Ginny.” His eyes immediately go to my cleavage. It makes me sick. It’s the most overt he’s been. “I thought we should talk about the conference I mentioned a while ago. I’ve got more details, and I’d like to book us both in to go. There’ll be some valuable information we can use here.”
Nodding, I adjust my top to make sure he can’t see anything. “It’s a good idea.”
“To save money, we’ll share a room. The school budget is so tight.”
I freeze, staring at him. He’s worded it so it doesn’t sound like a proposition directly, but the way he’s looking at me so intensely leaves me in no doubt as to what he means. “I’ll pay for a room of my own.”
He smiles. “You don’t need to.”
“I want to.” My stomach rolls, nausea flooding through me.
His smile disappears. “It’d be a shame to turn down an opportunity like this.”
“I’m not turning down the conference, but there’s no need to share a room.”
We stare at each other for a moment before he turns and leaves without a further word.
I’m confused. Did he just remove my chance of going to a conference that could benefit my career?
