by Smith, Wendy
She laughs. “I just didn’t realise what I had until it was gone.”
We travel the distance to her parents’ place in silence. I’m sure she has a lot of regret, but my heart is back in Auckland with Mia.
I wish she was with me.
* * *
Ashley’s father greets us with a smile, and I help him unpack her things.
There’s a sense of relief that comes over me as I leave. I’d thought that part of my life was over, and when I drive away, I know for sure that it is.
I turn onto our street and smile.
Home still looks the same.
It’s so beautiful here. When I stop the car and get out, I take a long, deep breath of the familiar air. The gardenia and freesias I smell—I’m the one who planted them. So much of this garden is me.
“James.” Dad grins as I walk through the backyard. “This is unexpected.”
“I brought Ashley home. Figured you might like a visitor for a few days.”
“Your mum’ll be over the moon to see you.”
When I reach him, he embraces me. I haven’t been home often since I left, and I can see how much he’s aged. The stress of Mum’s illness won’t have helped at all.
“I’m looking forward to seeing her. How are you two?”
“We’ve both been better. How’s Ashley?”
“She’s okay. The guy she cheated on me with cheated on her. So she packed up her stuff and left.”
“Are you two …?”
I shake my head. “No. I wouldn’t go back there. She really hurt me. But I’m okay. I’ve got someone, and I’m happy.”
He beams. “Glad to hear it. Come in and see your mother.”
It’s good to be home.
* * *
My mobile rings late morning the following day. I smile when I see that it’s Mia.
“Babe.” I sit on the bed.
“Hey. I just wanted to hear your voice. How was your trip?”
I swallow. “Good. Ashley’s settled in with her parents.”
“Missed you last night.”
“I miss you too.”
“It’ll be weird when you come back, not having you sleeping here with me.”
I close my eyes. “Tell me about it. I was lonely last night without you.”
“I can’t wait for you to come home.”
Home.
“Is that an invitation to spend more nights at your place?” I ask.
“Always.”
My heart bursts with her word. I love Mia, and she loves me. There’s no doubt in my mind that we’re meant to be together. We just have to work out the tricky parts of her life first. “I really want to … shit. I’m not sure if telling you what I want to do is appropriate given that I’m in my childhood bedroom.”
She laughs. “You can tell me whatever you want.”
I grin. Fuck I miss her. I wish she was here. “Do you really want to hear what I want to do to you?”
A deep voice comes over my shoulder. “What do you want to do to me, James?”
Shit. My heart leaps as I do. Corey. “My brother’s here. I’ll have to call you back.”
Mia’s laughter fills my ear as I end the call. I glare at Corey.
He laughs. “I’m sorry. It was just too good an opportunity to pass up.”
“I didn’t hear you.”
“No, you were too busy sexing up whoever that was on the other end of the phone. Got something to tell me, little brother?”
I shrug. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to visit Mum, and to check in on my baby bro. You know, seeing as he hasn’t come to see me in forever. Thought you might want to go for a beer.”
Glancing at my phone, I nod. “Sure, that sounds good.”
“You’re old enough to drink now, right?”
I roll my eyes. “I’ll just send a quick text and I’ll be ready.”
He nods. “Say hello to her for me.”
Corey just turned up and wants to go for a beer. I’m sorry. Talk to you later? I love you.
“Come on, let’s go. We’ll take my truck, and I’ll drop you off before I head home,” Corey says.
“Sounds like a plan.”
My phone buzzes. It’s okay. I thought it was funny. I can’t wait to meet your family. Love you.
I follow my brother outside, grinning as I climb into Corey’s ute. “I thought you might have traded this thing in by now.”
“And get what? She’s never skipped a beat.”
I nod. “I guess. Suppose it helps that Adam’s around now to fix her when she does break down.”
“Is this a diversion tactic to make me forget about that phone call?” He starts up the car and backs down the driveway, then turns onto the road.
I laugh. “I guess it’s not working.”
“Memory like an elephant. You should know that.”
As we drive into town, the conversation shifts to Corey’s love life. Thankfully. I never saw him as the settling-down type. He loves his solitude, living alone on McKenzie’s Mountain. Well, alone but for that weird commune-type place on the property next to his. Now he’s fallen for one of its former occupants. I’m looking forward to meeting her.
I’ve heard stories of when they were a bit more outgoing, and used to come down the mountain to shop. But for as long as I can remember they’ve been closed off and secretive. Every time I went to Corey’s place, I’d go past the massive corrugated-iron fence that surrounded the property.
Every time, it would give me the shivers.
I’m glad she got out.
And that Corey’s smitten.
* * *
When Corey drops me off, I head inside to see Mum. She’s in her bed now, and rarely gets out. Dad’s her nurse, and it breaks my heart to see them both like this.
She smiles when I walk into the room. “Did you see Corey?”
“We went into town for a beer. I just got back.”
She shakes her head. “You boys and your beer.”
“It was one, Mum. And we’re all old enough to drink.”
Her smile’s faint. “I love all of you so much.”
“I know you do. And we love you. How are you feeling?”
She sighs. “Tired. Just very tired. I want to sleep, but I feel like I’ve been sleeping for hours.”
“Can I tell you a secret?” I ask.
“I’ll take it to my grave.” She laughs softly, and it hurts, but I know she’s still trying to look tough. Mum’s always been good at that.
“I met someone, Mum. And I think she’s the one I’m meant to be with.”
“You should have brought her to meet me.”
I nod. “I know, but we have to keep things on the down low for a few reasons, and I’m trying to protect her.”
She gives me that faint smile again. “You must love her.”
“More than anything. I also know you wouldn’t approve.”
“Pfft. Life’s too short for that. I already caused enough damage in Adam’s relationship. And poor Hayley got the worst of me.” She takes in a breath, and pauses as if she’s catching up. “Just be happy, James. If she has your love, she’s the luckiest woman in the world. As long as she appreciates that and loves you back, I’m happy for you.”
I fight back tears. This is all I ever wanted. We all love Mum, but she never thought anyone was good enough for any of us. It’s hard that it’s taken this to get her acceptance. “Thanks, Mum.”
“Tell me all about her.”
I let out a long breath. “Well, she’s a lecturer at the university.”
“An older woman.”
I nod. “But she’s spent most of her adult life with a man who didn’t appreciate what he had. They were separated well before I was on the scene, but he’s still an unwanted part of her life until the divorce is final.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. She must be special for you to love her.”
“She is.”
Mum sighs. “As are Lily, Hayl
ey, and Ginny. I’m sure Corey’s lady is special too. Your brothers all found the right women for them. I have confidence that you know what’s best for you.”
“I never thought I’d hear those words.”
“Well, if she doesn’t treat you well, I’ll haunt her.”
I laugh despite myself, and lean over to kiss her on the cheek. “Love you, Mum.”
“I love you too. So much. Now, I need to sleep, but will you stay with me a while longer?”
“Of course.”
As I sit there, she drifts back off to sleep. I hate this. I wish I could conjure up a miracle that would let her live. But the reality is that every day she creeps closer to death. It’s so unfair.
But I’m glad I told her about Mia.
* * *
Later, in my room, I lie on the bed where I can keep an eye on the door and dial Mia.
It’s been a good day. Mum’s worse than I thought she would be, but I enjoyed catching up with Corey. It’s left me feeling homesick when I’m already here. I miss this town and its people. I miss the peace and quiet. I miss my family.
And right now, there’s someone else I miss.
“Hey.” Mia’s voice makes me warm.
I close my eyes. “I just wanted to call to say sorry about earlier and hear your voice. I really miss you.”
“I miss you too. How was Corey?”
“Curious about you.” I laugh.
“You didn’t tell him?”
I swallow hard. “I thought it was better if I didn’t. The fewer people who know about us, the better until we can tell everyone.” I smile. “And when we can, I’ll be singing it from the rooftops.”
Her soft laugh warms my heart. “I love you.”
“I love you too. I’ll be back in a couple of days.”
“I’ll be looking forward to it. Not much is happening here. How’s your mother?”
I pause. Seeing Mum is hard. We don’t always agree, but watching her waste away has to be the most painful thing I’ve been through. “She’s dying. I’m glad I’m here to see her.”
“I’m so sorry. If there’s anything you need, let me know.”
“Just be there when I come back.”
“That I can do.” Her tone is so warm and loving. What did I ever do to deserve Mia? I’m the luckiest man alive.
“I can’t wait to see you.”
16
James
I’m not back in Auckland long when I get the call I’ve been dreading.
We’re in semester two, but I have to walk away from everything for a few days.
This is it.
My mother’s got hours to go.
I’ve just finished a lecture when I get the phone call, and there’s not much time. It’s a long drive home, and I need to leave straight away.
I don’t hesitate.
When I get to my car, I flick Mia a text.
I’m just leaving town. Mum’s close to death.
It only takes a few seconds.
I’m so sorry. Have a safe trip. I love you.
I love you too.
This whole situation sucks. Mum fought so hard the first time around, but this second time she decided to let nature take its course.
Nature can be so cruel.
I take a deep breath, and start the car.
My phone buzzes. Text or call me if you need anything. I can drop everything. Xxx
I love her. She’s everything I ever wanted, and I’ll wait as long as I have to for her to be free. My love for Mia helps build my strength to face this.
* * *
Everyone’s there when I pull into the backyard.
Corey’s a bit worse for wear. His girlfriend dumped him a couple of weeks ago, returning to that community, or cult, or wherever it is she came from. He’s morose, and he’s been drinking.
“Should have seen him when he got here. Drew was purple from him chatting up Hayley,” Owen says.
I laugh. “I’ve never seen him drunk.”
“Ava didn’t want to go near him at first. She was already freaked out at him shaving his beard off.”
“He did what?”
“Corey went to get his hair cut, and decided to shave, ready for Adam and Lily’s wedding.”
“Isn’t that months away?” I shake my head, laughing.
“James.” Dad stands in the doorway. “Come on.”
Swallowing hard, I walk toward him. As much as I need to see her, I don’t want to see her like this. I hate the thought of a final goodbye.
She’s asleep, and Dad nudges my arm. “She can hear you. Get closer and talk to her.”
I nod, and I step forward to speak to her. “Mum, it’s James.”
Her eyes stay closed, and more than anything I wish they’d open just for a few minutes. But I know that’s not going to happen.
“I came as soon as I heard. I’m sorry I haven’t been here more often. But I’m here now.”
The room’s silent but for the faint sound of her breathing. It’ll stop soon, and the strong, vibrant woman who raised me will be no more.
I hate this.
“I wish Mia was here. You’d love her.” While I have no regrets about hiding our relationship, I do wish I’d brought Mia to meet Mum. “She loves me so much, and I haven’t told her yet but when she’s divorced, I’m going to marry her.”
Mum’s breathing is slow and steady, but I’m not sure for how much longer.
“Love you, Mum. It’ll be hard when you’re not around anymore.” I lean over and kiss her on the cheek. I can’t imagine this world without you.
I stand and make my way to the door. When I open it, Dad’s on the other side. He folds me into his embrace, and I cling to him like I’m a child again.
“It’s okay. She’ll be free of pain soon,” Dad says.
“How are you coping?”
He shrugs, and when he lets me go he looks at me with so much pride. “I’m not sure that I am. But I have all my sons under my roof when I need them the most. When she needs them. That’s all parents can ask for.”
I blink back tears.
“I’m so glad you made it in time.”
“So am I,” I whisper.
* * *
The only place I can get peace and quiet is my room.
I sit on the bed and close my eyes. Mum’s death has been coming for a long time, but now it’s here, it seems surreal.
I check the time. It’s late afternoon. Despite the break, Mia still has work preparing for next semester. If I can’t get hold of her, at least I can leave her a message.
She answers on the third ring.
“Hey.” Her tone is so full of affection.
“Hi.”
“What’s up?”
Tears prick my eyes. “I just wanted to call to tell you how much I love you.”
“I love you too. How are things with your mum?”
I catch my breath. “It’s just a matter of time. We’ve all said our goodbyes, and now Dad’s in there with Drew.”
“Oh, James. I’m so sorry.”
“I’ll be okay. I spoke to her. The doctor told Dad she could hear us.”
“I wish I was there.”
Sighing, I nod. “I wish you were too. But I’m glad to hear your voice.”
“Me too.”
I lie on the bed with the phone to my ear. “I just really want to hold you right now.”
“I’d love to be there.” She pauses. “I’ll be thinking about you.”
“I hate that I can’t share us with the world.”
Mia lets out a breath. “So do I. I just want to leave that old life completely behind and start fresh somewhere else with you. I don’t care where, as long as we’re together.”
My heart, which has been hurting so badly all day, feels a little less broken. Mia’s right—nothing matters but us. Once all her shit is resolved, nothing and no one will be able to cause us any problems.
We’ll be together.
* * *
We’re all in the living room when the time comes.
Drew comes out first, but he doesn’t say a word. Instead, when he gets to the hallway door, he just gives us all a nod.
Hayley goes straight to him, wrapping her arms around her husband as he buries his face in her hair. Lily holds Adam; Ginny holds Owen. There’s just Corey and me left, and he lets out a sigh and stands, walking toward me.
He pulls me into a bear hug, and I’m so grateful for him.
“I’m glad you’re here, little brother.”
“Me too.”
“Fuck, these past couple of weeks have been hard.”
I nod. “I heard about Constance. I’m so sorry.”
“It sucks. Mum’s death, I understand, but I don’t get why she’d leave.” He pauses. “I bet you wish your lady was here too.”
“Yep.”
He chuckles in my ear. “You’ll have to put up with hugs from your big brother.”
“There are worse things in life.”
Corey lets go of me and looks down. I grin when I see Ava tugging on his shirt.
“What’s up, sweet pea?” He picks her up and cradles her on his hip.
“Daddy wanted me to make sure you’re okay.”
“I will be. Especially now I have you here.”
Ava looks at me. “Are you okay?”
I can’t help but smile. “I’ll be fine. Thanks, Ava.”
She leans her head on Corey’s shoulder. This kid is so damn cute. It was a surprise when she came into this family, but now it’s like she’s always been here.
Mum’s death has hit us all hard.
But we’ll emerge as a stronger family for it.
17
James
Today’s so hard.
There’s a big turnout for the funeral. Big by Copper Creek standards.
We’re sat down the front ready to begin when the last people walk in. I run my gaze across the room, and take a breath when I see her. Down the back in a black dress, her dark hair down, and a pair of dark glasses perched on her head, is Mia. She gives me a reassuring smile and nods.
