Karen had lined up her books neatly on the quilt, and Kristina bent to admire them. “I love books too. Which one is your favorite?”
Karen began showing Kristina each book, vividly describing each one. However, when Karen’s brother, Rick, saw Kristina, he snatched up one of the books and scampered over, stumbling and stepping on the other books in the process. Kristina smiled at the two year old and opened the book to read, but paused when she saw Karen pop her thumb in her mouth and rock back-and-forth, rubbing her ear repeatedly. Nathan knew these were signs that she was growing agitated and approached them.
“Rick, how about we straighten these books out first. Your sister had them so neatly arranged.” Kristina said before Nathan could reach them. This earned a tentative smile from the young girl.
Nathan scooped Rick out of her arms and twirled him in the air. “Hey, little man,” he said, “How about you and I go play, so your sister can play with Ms. Kristina?”
When Nathan and the boy returned, he was surprised to see Leanne and Kristina laughing. Though Leanne was only a year older than him, lately she looked like she had aged ten years. Seeing the smile brighten her face did his heart good.
As the weeks wore on, he still sensed Kristina held back something, but she remained, if only to some degree, trusting and open toward him. The pain and the hurt still lingered in her eyes, but there was also a glimmer of hope. And that small glimmer of hope was like a tidal wave in his heart. One night during Bible study, as the class was discussing the verses, she hesitantly questioned, “So, Jesus is like an anchor that keeps us from getting swept away in the storm.” He nearly swept her off her feet in the middle of the class. He wanted to hold her face in his hands and say to her, “Yes darling, yes! Life is a mess; there is trouble around every corner. But Jesus gives us peace and rest in the good and the bad times.”
Their relationship, struggling to thrive above the troubled waters of her wariness, had grown more intense. They were known as a couple around town, which added to Kristina’s guardedness. However, since she didn’t run like a frightened rabbit and actually acknowledged the relationship to those who brought it up, Nathan considered it another positive step. The Lord continually counseled him on his patience. He longed to just shake her and hold her all at the same time. He wished he could make her understand he wasn’t whatever nightmare she had conjured up in her mind. But the Lord reminded him he must tread softly; she had to do it on her own.
Chapter Twelve
Thanksgiving was upon them before Kristina could blink. She was glad there was no school on Wednesday, because she was able to get ready for Lisa and her family, who were set to arrive that afternoon. She just finished her grocery shopping and was loading her bags into the trunk when she heard Nathan call out to her.
She turned as he jogged toward her, a grocery bag in one hand and his jacket slung over his shoulder. She wondered if he knew what a striking figure he made, with the sun tickling the blond highlights in his hair, and his blue polo shirt, stretched across his well-muscled chest, flattering his smoky blue eyes. She almost giggled out loud as she thought, he looks as delicious as the pumpkin pie I just bought.
Nathan asked, “Is your friend here yet?”
“Not yet; she gets in this afternoon.”
He helped her put the last of her groceries in the trunk and together they walked as he put the cart back.
“Don’t forget to take her to the downtown Christmas display. It is one of the most amazing sights you have ever seen, at least here in Hamilton.”
You are a pretty amazing sight, she thought to herself. However, “I will,” was all that she said to him. “Are you and your family going, too?”
“Sort of,” he said, leaning a hip against her car. “The church always puts up a manger display, and on opening night as well as Christmas Eve, several of us go out there and sing Christmas Carols.”
“We’ll make sure and stop by,” she said, just as his cell phone rang.
“That’s my mom, wondering where her groceries are.”
Though he stepped a little away, she heard snatches of his conversation. “No, mom, I didn’t get lost. I was talking to Kristina . . . Yes she is fine . . . I was going to, but she has other plans . . . Mom, I'll be there in a few minutes.” Exasperated, he hung up.
As Kristina closed her trunk and put her purse in the front seat of the car, her heart was skipping within her chest. Had he really thought of inviting her to Thanksgiving dinner? The thought thrilled her and increased the bubbly feeling within her belly.
She straightened and turned as he came up behind her. With one hand on the open door, and one on the top of her car, he bent down. She caught the clean scent of his aftershave, and felt the warm brush of his lips against her cheek.
“I better get these groceries back to my parent’s house.” He said, though he made no move to leave. He just stared down into her hazel eyes.
Kristina said, “Yeah, me too, Lisa should be here in a couple of hours.” She had no desire to move away from him, either. She could still feel the warmth on her cheek where his lips had just left, and she would be lying if she didn't admit to herself that she wanted to feel them again.
He bent his head to give her a kiss, but the roar of an engine revving to its full capacity shattered the intensity of the moment, and they turned to see Bobby speeding down the street. Nathan shook his head and said, “Sometimes I think he won’t rest until he does some serious damage to someone.”
He stepped back as she slid into the driver’s seat. “I’ll see you tomorrow night."
“I’ll be looking for you.” With that, he closed the door and walked back to his truck, whistling all the way.
Kristina drove home, battling against the ever-present fear that always threatened to douse any hope that blossomed in her life. She hadn’t even left the parking lot when she realized that this was how she had felt with David in the beginning. The only constant thing in my life has been pain and disappointment. The thought of Nathan’s handsome smile and gentle hand upon her face caused her to cry out, “It can be different this time!”
Lisa and her family arrived that afternoon, and for Kristina it was a wonderful time. She enjoyed the fellowship with good friends, and Alyssa warmed her heart. The next day, after Thanksgiving dinner, the group went to the Christmas light display. Kristina loved watching the little girl squeal in delight at each of the displays. When they came to the manger scene put up by the church, she was disappointed to see the carolers gone.
“I’m so glad you came!”
Kristina turned toward the sound of Nathan’s voice. “I thought we had missed you!” He looked exceptionally handsome in light blue jeans and a dark green sweater. They stood before each other a moment, forgetting those around them.
“No,” he ran a hand down her arm, “we are on a short break.”
Kristina introduced Nathan to Lisa and her family, and Nathan bent down to Alyssa, “Do you like horses?”
Never one to be shy, she came right up to Nathan and said, “Yes, do you have one?”
“No, but I know someone who does. And you know what? He also has a carriage, and he gives princesses like you a ride around the block. Would you like that?”
Alyssa turned to her mom and excitedly jumped up and down, “Can we, please!”
“Sure,” Lisa said and smiled as her daughter grabbed Nathan’s hand and said, “Let’s go!”
Nathan grabbed Kristina’s hand in a similar fashion, “Let’s go,” he said with a charming grin. The group headed toward the horse and carriage parked on the corner of the street.
“Look, Mommy, it’s a princess carriage!” Alyssa said in awe.
“Princess Alyssa, if you will allow me to help you aboard,” Nathan said with a bow.
“Yes, you may have the honor,” the little girl said in her loftiest voice, until she dissolved into giggles. Nathan lifted Alyssa into the festively decorated carriage, and stepped back to allow Lisa and her husband to boa
rd. Nathan helped Kristina up the steps and then slid into the seat beside her.
Nathan handed Lisa one of the blankets the driver had given him, and then proceed to tuck the other one about the two of them. “Are you warm enough?”
Kristina only nodded her head. She was, as always, both distracted by and drawn to this man. She could feel the warmth of his breath on her cold cheek, and he laid his arm across the back of their seat and drew her close. “Are you ready?”
Alyssa, sandwiched between her parents, giggled as the carriage began to move. “Yes,” she squealed between more giggles.
Kristina was always endeared by the way Nathan was around children. He brought out the best in them, and they brought out the best in him. He would make a wonderful father. With that unbidden thought, another whisper of fear skittered across her mind. Nevertheless, she chased it away as she inhaled the crisp autumn air, which seemed to carry with it the scent of hope.
Glancing surreptitiously at Nathan, who was eliciting more giggles from Alyssa, Kristina snuggled deeper into the crook of his arm. Knowing he was the reason for that hope, Kristina prayed that her dreams, for once in her life, would not be snatched from her. Again, doubt whispered across her mind, insinuating that it would take a miracle for that to happen.
Lisa sat up sharply in her seat and pointed to a man taking pictures of the various light displays. “Honey, isn’t that the man from the gas station earlier?”
“Hmm, small world huh?”
“It’s quite a coincidence that we would see him here in Hamilton. It looks like he’s alone, too. Doesn’t that strike you as odd?”
Kristina turned to look at who they were discussing, and saw the man make a beeline to the Gibson family. “Looks like he knows the Gibson's.”
Lisa let it go with a shrug.
After the ride ended, they walked back to the manger scene. Most of the choir members had already returned.
“Well, looks like I better get back to caroling.” Shaking John and Lisa’s hands, Nathan said, “It was great to meet you all. And it was an honor meeting you,” he said, bowing to Alyssa.
Nathan gathered Kristina’s hands in his. “You have a great Thanksgiving.”
“You, too,” she replied, “Tell your parents I said Happy Thanksgiving as well.”
“I will,” he said, hesitating. He wanted to kiss her, she could feel it. “Take care,” he said, hugging her instead.
“Good night.” She reluctantly watched him join the choir. They stayed and listened to them sing several songs. Kristina could have stood there all night long watching Nathan sing. However, she did not want Alyssa to be up too late, so she waved and they left for Kristina's home.
Later that evening, when Alyssa and John had gone to bed, the two women sat in the living room, sipping coffee and enjoying each other’s company. Kristina laughed as Lisa updated her on some of her previous student’s antics with the new teacher.
“I know how she feels,” Kristina said, “It was hard being the new teacher here.”
“Are you still having trouble with that one student?” Lisa asked.
“Bobby will always be a problem.” Kristina said, and then explained to her some of the things Nathan told her.
“Speaking of Nathan,” she said, pausing to take a sip of her coffee, “How are things going?”
Kristina did not miss the hint of a smile that Lisa was trying desperately to hide behind her mug. “I know you have been itching to ask me about him since the carriage ride, so go ahead.”
“I have wanted to ask since before the carriage ride,” she said, with a laugh. “Like when I saw how thrilled you both were just to see each other."
A pause settled between them as Kristina sighed. “Really, you think he was thrilled to see me?” Her voice trembled, a little from excitement and nervousness at the prospect of their relationship moving forward. Lisa just arched her eyebrow at her friend, and Kristina sighed again, resigning to the fact that she would have to spill it all or face the wrath of her friend.
“Okay, I know we are attracted to each other.” Kristina placed her cup on the table between them. Plucking at a non-existent thread in her robe, she continued, “It has grown all too quickly. I mean, one day I was trying to avoid him, and now I find myself thrilled at the prospect of seeing him again.” Looking up she said, “You know, I didn’t come here to get involved in another disastrous relationship.”
“All relationships don’t necessarily have to be disastrous.” Lisa admonished, “Especially when you have a relationship with God that takes priority.”
Kristina smiled, “Before Nathan, I didn’t even understand that God wanted to have a relationship with me.”
Lisa sat up, “But all these years I thought . . .”
Kristina cut in, “I understood that Jesus died for my sins, and that through repentance and belief I am saved. However, I never understood I should have a relationship with Him. I always saw God as a stern father, harsh and strict. Far off and distant - caring - but not tolerating any slip up."
“Like your father?”
“Yeah, I guess.” Kristina said with a shrug. “David was always using the Bible to hurt me. It wasn’t until recently that I saw he was manipulating me with scripture.”
Lisa brushed tears from her eyes as Kristina continued, “Nathan told me once that everything on the outside, like family, friends . . . whatever . . .” she said with a wave of her hand, "It attempts to shape us. But God wants to come into our hearts and shape us from the inside out.”
Lisa grabbed two tissues and handed one to Kristina as she commented, “That is beautiful, and so true.”
“I can’t tell you I’m not afraid. Trust isn’t easy for me. I haven’t had much I can trust in.” Kristina looked down, and confessed a little hesitantly “I know this is going to sound stupid, but I feel that if I reach out toward God and trust Him with everything in my life, that He might take me down a road I don’t want to go." With a shrug she added, “I know that’s silly because He’s God wherever He leads me, I should just follow. But there is this growing part inside of me that wants to just reach out for God and see where He takes me. The same is true for Nathan – I want to reach out to him and trust that things will be different this time. But like I said, trust isn't easy for me.”
Lisa pulled her friend into her arms and said comfortingly, “Remember what Nathan said. Are you going to let your past shape you, or are you going to let God do the shaping?”
“Well,” Kristina said with a laugh, “I wish He’d hurry with the shaping, because it is really beginning to hurt.”
Lisa pulled back with a laugh, and then added “He knows your pain, and He also knows His purpose. He knows who you are and who He created you to be. He knows your strengths, your great courage. . . “
Kristina laughed, but it was a cold laugh. The self-loathing was clearly evident in her voice as she interrupted doubtfully, “Courage? If I had courage I wouldn’t have let my date rape me on my prom night. I wouldn't have stayed with David year after year, getting beaten up and put down. If I had any courage, I wouldn’t have needed to run away - even after David was dead. Not that it did any good, because I still hear his accusations over and over in my head.”
“Kristina,” Lisa exclaimed, “do you really think that any of that was your fault? You survived all of that – which takes courage. You didn’t run away, you moved on.” Setting her cup down on the table, she pointed at her friend and said with all the love she could, “Now it is your choice. You can let the past continue to rule your life, or you can let go, and grab on to what God has in store for you.”
“But it is not that easy to just let go . . .”
“Kristina, when David first came into your life, you and everyone else were swept up in his ‘all-consuming’ love. But all I saw was a woman searching for love from the wrong source. Sure, he seemed like such a wonderful guy, who said such sweet and loving things. He showered you with gifts, praise, and affection. You were his
beautiful angel, his darling princess – but such perfection doesn’t exist, and I knew your pedestal would eventually crumble."
Kristina sniffled, and said with a humorless laugh, “It sure did!”
“My point is, that kind of love – it doesn’t exist between two people. I love John, he makes me happy, and I hope I do the same for him. But he is not the source of my joy. God needs to be the source, the one who fills me up – everyone else just adds to it. Look, you grew up with a demanding father – you had to earn his love. You went to high school and fell in love with a boy who, whether knowingly or not, used that to his advantage. From the stories you have told me, it sounded like you tried to please him, just like used to do with your father. He eventually asked for more than you were willing to give – and instead he just took it.”
Kristina’s eyes filled with tears as she listened to her friend sum up her life. “Throughout college, I watched you hide from every man, until David came along. He managed to gain your trust with his tidal wave of love. And it didn’t help that you were so hungry for it.”
Kristina looked away, because she knew the truth of her friend’s words. David may have had her on a pedestal, but Kristina never protested. She loved his love – for once she had felt so full, so complete. But like Lisa said, she had fallen.
“My point is, you can only last so long on someone else’s love before you need some more.” Lisa smiled and said, “I hope you don’t take offense, but it is like the youth that John works with. They have their drug fixes, and it keeps them fine for a while. But it always leaves them flat.”
At Kristina’s look, she laughed and added, “I’m just saying that God’s love fills us completely. It fills us to overflowing. So no matter how much people try and take away from that – we are still full.”
Miracles in Disguise (The Trampled Rose Series) Page 9
