by CS Patra
Only fifteen minutes into their mission, Callum found himself staring into the barrel of a gun. He then saw his father ready to shoot anyone that came out of the water. Despite his fear, he tried to call out to him. He got in the way just so no one else would get hurt.
“Dad! Dad, don’t shoot! It’s me!” Callum held up his hands. “Please put down the gun!”
Jacob Caldwell blinked twice to make sure he heard right. “Cal? Son, what are you doing out here?!”
“I was going to ask you the same thing! Do you have any idea what your company is doing?!” Callum pointed to the water. “Look at it, Dad! Not only would it hurt the ocean and everything living it, it’s going to affect the local jobs. Doesn’t that matter to you?!”
He never really got an answer from his father. Instead, he was almost dragged by his arm out of that scene. Soaking wet and angry, Callum tried to break free and get his father to see his point of view. When the struggling and words failed, Jacob Caldwell whirled around and punched his son square in the side of the mouth. Callum reeled back when he felt that punch but stopped talking. He knew very well that he wasn’t going to win this argument. He was fuming all the way back home. He let his father take him there, but he said nothing the whole time.
Two hours later, after he had showered and was sitting in the living room, he still refused to look at his parents. He could tell that his younger siblings were still awake and listening to the whole thing. His dog, a black Lab named Roxanne, was curled up by his feet but he couldn’t pet her right now. He had to talk to them. He had to get his voice out there.
“I’m not a criminal,” he told them. “I’m not the one you have to worry about out there. I’m not in danger nor am I the dangerous one. I hope you know that.”
“I’m disappointed in you.” His mother began. “You meant well, Cal. I know what you were trying to do. I understand the desire to protect the environment but there are better ways of going about it.”
“I’ve tried the other ways, Mom.” Callum stretched out in his chair, turning to her. He refused to look his father in the eye after getting punched. The side of his mouth still hurt. “I’ve tried to be reasonable but they won’t stop. We had to take extreme measures.”
“I could have shot you, son.” His father turned around. “If you hadn’t said anything, I would have put a bullet through you. I could have hurt you!”
“You did hurt me!” Callum pointed to the bruise on the side of his mouth. “I have an interview tomorrow! I can’t go in looking like this!”
“Well, you should have thought about that before going through all this! If you weren’t my son, I would have pressed charges against you!” His father snapped. “You’re very lucky you are not in jail right now! I should have let the police drag you off and leave you behind bars! What has happened to you? You said you wanted to be a marine biologist! I approved of that. I didn’t approve of you becoming an eco-terrorist!”
“An eco-terrorist?!” Callum’s jaw dropped. “Dad, I’m trying to keep the world safe here! If it means having to take down your company, I will have to do it!”
“Listen to yourself, Callum! You are not a criminal and I will not have you turn into one! It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to help the world or not! This isn’t how I raised you!” His father tried to calm down. “What happened to you? You were so much better than this. First, there’s that damn angel and now this! Is it because of Dani that you are…”
“No!” Callum cut in. “Dani isn’t the reason I do all this! I miss her but...this is my decision. I want to do this. I want to save the world.”
“You can’t save it like this, Cal.” His mother pointed out. “You have to come up with another way. Your father is right; we’re not going to let you become a criminal. Vandalism today could lead to something else tomorrow. If this is you acting out because of your sister...”
“It has nothing to do with my sister!” Callum snapped. “When are you both going to understand that I’m not Dani? I can’t be.”
“No, you can’t.” His father agreed. “Dani was a far different person and in some ways, a better person. She wouldn’t have done this. She wouldn’t have gone as far as you did!”
“I wish you wouldn’t compare me to her! I’m not Dani!”
“Well, I wish you had died instead of her! Now get out!”
Callum looked as though his father had punched him in the face again. A million thoughts raced through his mind and he wanted to fight back. However, his aching head and hurt feelings weren’t going to let him attack the man. Instead, he got up and stormed upstairs to his bedroom. Roxanne got off the ground and began barking.
“And take the damn dog with you! I’ve had enough with both of you!”
“Jake, please! We don’t need to…”
“Beth, I don’t have time for either of them right now! I want them out my sight!”
Not wanting his dog to face his father’s wrath, he whistled over to her. “Hey, girl! Come here!”
Roxanne followed him upstairs to his room and he pushed the door open. He could tell that his siblings were watching his every move but didn’t say a thing. If needed, he would explain things in the morning. His room was still the same albeit a little empty. The blinds were shut and his sheets were folded on his bed. Taking off his robe, he sat down on the bed and the dog followed him. He wrapped his arms around her and cradled her in his arms. Her warm black coat and wet nose was all he needed right now. “I’m sorry you had to hear all of that, girl.”
She whimpered and let him scratch her behind her ears. “You’re probably the only one who cares about me, huh? You’d be the only one who’d miss me if I was gone. Don’t worry. As soon as I get a job, I’ll get a nice place by the ocean and you can come live with me. In the end, it’s going to make us all happy.”
He lay down in bed and thought about how he had failed at everything. All right, he had his degree and he was in graduate school but nothing else was going as planned. He never found the angel that saved him and now his family hated him. He turned off the lights and tried to get some sleep. Roxanne curled up next him and he closed his eyes. Even if his father had said that out of frustration, it still hurt. It hurt knowing that he wasn’t wanted.
Who would care if I lived or died? He asked himself. I should have drowned that night. Why did that angel save me and leave me behind? What good did saving me do?
It hurt to think like that, but he had to get over it. He still had a job interview tomorrow afternoon and he needed to fix his face. He’d get sleep tonight and leave early in the morning before anyone else woke up. He couldn’t be upset now. He had to be calm and collected for the interview. He needed the job. He wanted that so he could continue his research and help the environment. Anything that allowed him to be in the ocean that he loved was worth having.
Callum had been sleeping for forty-five minutes when the door opened again. Though he was woken by it, he pretended to be asleep. He heard his mother sighing. “Oh, our baby boy fell asleep. I guess you’ll have to wait ‘til morning. I don’t want to wake him.”
“I was afraid of that.” He heard his father reply. “I didn’t want him to go to bed thinking that I wanted him dead. I was too rough on him. Even if he acted out, I shouldn’t have said those words.”
“You were upset and so was he. Just talk to each other in the morning and everything will be fine. He’s still trying to put himself together. Out of everyone, you know Dani’s death hurt him the most.”
“I know. Hopefully, he’ll wake up soon so we can talk.”
Callum waited until they left. It was good that his father felt guilty but he didn’t feel like forgiving anyone. Right now, he just wanted to get some rest. After the interview would come some fun. He had planned an evening dive with a couple of friends if all went well. These friends were not part of the protest last night. They would question the bruise on his lip but he could come up with an excuse. He would just use the old ‘walked into a wall’ and �
��being clumsy’ tale.
He didn’t get the chance to talk with his father in the morning because he got up at five, took his things, and called Lyft to take him back to his place. It cost some money but at least he got home in time to change into something better. The bruise was still there and he was able to conceal thanks to help from his sister Emily. She had her own makeup tutorials on YouTube so her help was greatly appreciated. As soon as that wound was concealed, he felt confident to go to his interview. He checked his phone a few times and saw so many messages from his siblings. They identified themselves with the letter that their names began with.
[Do you need to be bailed out? I’ll come get you - B]
[I heard you got decked by one of the company employees. I hope you’re all right. Good luck with your interview - I]
[When does your interview end? We can go to lunch once you’re done - A]
[I heard you set something on fire. Is it true? - H]
[Dude, you set someone on fire?! Call me! I need to know everything! - G]
Callum sighed and only replied back to Abigail, his oldest sister. He told her that he was fine and that he would be done around one. He had something to do in the evening but he would be free in between. As of yet, he didn’t bother texting his father. He wasn’t ready to talk about last night. He couldn’t get upset now.
His interview went well and he felt good enough afterwards to meet up with Abby for lunch. The interviewers were impressed with his background and skills. Although a few of them heard about the protests, they didn’t seem fazed by it. Two of them even admitted that they used to protest against big companies when they were his age. It all seemed like positive feedback, which was exactly what he wanted. Even Abigail, when she met up with him, was surprised to see how happy he was.
“I take it that there’s a good chance you’re getting the job?” She began.
“God, I hope so. It’s everything I could ever want.” Callum opened the door to the restaurant to let her in. This place wasn’t far from the ocean or Abby’s workplace. “I feel so much better than I did last night.”
“Yeah, about that...what happened?” Abby whispered. “I know you told me you were going to some protests but this isn’t like you. What happened to peaceful protests?”
“I tried the peaceful way. No one listened so we had to take things a step further.”
“You could go to jail, Cal! You’re very lucky Dad didn’t press charges on you!”
“I wish he had,” Callum murmured. “Dragging me home and then telling me that I should have died was much worse. I’d rather be in jail than hear that again.”
Abby softened up when she heard that. “Oh, Cal. Dad probably didn’t mean it. He was angry at you and he said things that he shouldn’t have. Still, you weren’t exactly innocent either.”
“I know. I wanted to reason with him and I would have eventually. Then he said those words and every thought of forgiveness went out of the window. It wouldn’t bother me so much if...” Callum trailed off. “Oh, I’ve been thinking about that too. I’ve been thinking about how much better life would be if things had been reversed.”
His sister was glaring at him. “Don’t you dare start thinking like that, Callum. You know things wouldn’t be better.”
“Well, I should have never fought with Dani that night. I should have kept her from leaving,” he muttered. “I let her go and I thought I would be able to talk to her later. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“You had no idea what could happen. No one did. And Dani knows you loved her. Even if you didn’t get to make up, she knows you cared.”
That’s what you think. He thought. You’re not the one who tried to kill themselves after that.
“Will Dad ever talk to me again?” He asked.
“I’m sure he will if you try to talk to him. He was upset as well. He wanted to make it up to you.”
“Well, he’ll have to do it another time. I’ve got a lot to work on today.”
He didn’t have to wait long for his father to face him. As Callum was heading back home, his father pulled up in his car and stopped him. “Hold on, son! Before you go inside, can we talk?”
“About what?” Callum didn’t bother hiding how much he had been hurt. His cheeks felt like they were on fire as he turned around and fumbled for his key. He wanted to get away. “You said everything you needed say. The worst part about it is you weren’t wrong. I did something I shouldn’t have done.”
“I said some things I shouldn’t have said. I can’t get your face out of my mind from last night. I…I got to you in a way that no one should,” Jacob sighed, stopping Callum from entering the house by pressing against the door. “Please, son. Before you go in, will you at least hear me out?”
Callum knew he had no choice but to do that. “Okay, I’ll listen.”
“First off, what you did was not right. You have to understand that there are better ways of getting your message across. Your heart is in the right place but you should think before you act. Secondly, I am sorry about what I said. I never meant to hurt you that way.”
“I know you didn’t. Sometimes people say things they don’t mean.”
“Right. I can tell you’re still mad at me, but I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. I don’t want you to go away. If you left, our family would fall apart.”
Callum appreciated the apology and the effort but it wasn’t enough. “Our family already fell apart. We’re not whole and we’re never going to be whole again.”
“I know. That’s why I don’t want you to stray away from us either. Do what you want, but don’t leave us,” Jacob lowered his voice. “I love you too much to lose you. Please think about what I said.”
“I will.”
Callum kept his promise and thought long and hard about forgiveness. Deep down, he did forgive his father and he still loved him. It was just hard to say those words. He never got to say them until a month later when Roxanne was diagnosed with an inoperable tumor in her head. His poor dog was suffering deep down and he could do nothing about it. If they tried to take it out, they risked killing her. The only option he had was putting her to sleep. After much thought and hesitation, he agreed to do it. He couldn’t bear to see Roxanne suffer anymore. He gave her a million kisses, scratched her behind the ears, and told her that everything would be fine. He loved her and wished he could have more time with her. Roxanne just pushed her wet nose against his face as if to assure him that this was fine. He would be fine without her. She knew her time had come.
When she was finally put to sleep, Callum broke down. He came undone not just because he lost his beloved dog, but for everything. His depression and anxiety, which had been kept at bay thanks to some medication and therapy, fell on him with full force. He curled up into a ball and sobbed throughout the night. It just didn’t seem fair. The universe had taken his twin away and now it had taken his dog. He felt completely alone and lost.
While he was crying, he felt someone drape themselves over him. He didn’t need to look up to know that it was his father. No one had to say anything but he was glad someone was there. His father pressed a kiss into the back of his head and held onto him. Regardless of their past disagreements, they had each other.
“Never blame yourself for this.” His father whispered. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Callum swallowed hard before speaking. “I’m sorry, Dad.”
“No, no, don’t apologize! Roxie was an old dog. She loved you very much.”
“No, I mean…I’m sorry for what I did and said. You had a right to be mad at me.” Callum wiped his eyes. “I messed up. I messed up so bad and this is what I got.”
“Don’t you dare say that again.” His father whispered. “I should apologize to you. You were already hurting and I hurt you even more. I know you were conflicted earlier but…”
“I forgive you.” Callum said. “I always did, I just didn’t get to say it.”
His father just looked at him
before pulling him back into a hug. That was it. That was all either one needed. Callum just stayed in his father’s arms and almost fell asleep. He had dozed off after an hour and forgot about his pain. He forgot the fighting. He had his father to hold him. That was where he wanted to be.
Since that moment, their relationship had been repaired, but Callum was nervous around him. He always thought that maybe there was some truth to what his father said. Maybe it was a mistake that Dani died over him. Maybe it should have been him. He was still trying to figure out what his true purpose in life was.
That angel saved him for a reason and now he needed find them more than ever. He needed to know why he was saved when there were better people to save out there. There had to be someone else worthwhile.
There had to be someone more worthy of life than him.
Chapter 3
The day of the trip had finally arrived and Callum had to check to make sure he had all his medication. His depression wasn’t as bad now but he still took pills. He just took a lower dosage than before. It was good for him because higher dosages made it hard to work sometimes. In the past, he struggled a lot with stepping out of the house. He hated himself. He felt worthless and the suicidal thoughts did come back to haunt him. He didn’t do anything to himself but he still felt like dying. At much insistence, he agreed that he needed help.
After Roxanne’s death, Callum had to go see his psychiatrist again for some sleep medication. It was too hard to do anything without his beloved pet by his side. There were days that he didn’t want to wake up. There were also days where he would wake up, get dressed, and get ready to head out. Unfortunately, he never made it out the door. Something would snap him back and he would run into his room. He would go back to bed, turn off the lights, and stay there a little longer. He would go into work late on a few days but he would do as much as he could. Getting back into society was tougher than he imagined. A few times, he thought about getting another dog but he was in no condition to do so. He didn’t have the time or energy to take care of one.
