by A. M. Wilson
“Can you tell us anything that might lead us to where you were?” Closing my eyes, I draw on a deep breath for courage.
“I was in an old cabin, and he’s still in there. I-I don’t know if he’s a-a-alive. Everything was so dark, and he was lying on the floor. I j-just ran. Straight through the trees so I don’t know which direction. But I don’t think I ran that long.” My teeth chatter uncontrollably as I try to share what I can.
“Anything else you can remember?”
“Um, he has a car with him. There was a road and a dirt driveway that led right to the cabin door.”
The officer nods at me. “Thank you. I’ll let you get to the hospital, but a detective will meet you there to take a full report.”
When the officer leaves, I turn to gaze at Elias, ignoring the poke and prod of Mike’s assessing. Instead, I study the slope of his nose, the perfect bow of his mouth, his chiseled jaw rough with stubble like I’ve never seen before. His eyes, their usual depths glowing with hope and love and joy, yet ringed with purple and blue from what I assume were sleepless nights and long days of searching. As he moistens his pink lips, I watch, and when he whispers, “I love you,” my heart swells. I whisper the words I’ve been so desperate to say to him back, grateful for his dedication to find me some hundreds of miles from home.
As I stare at his face, memorizing every line and crease, movement to his right catches my eye. When I turn, I’m so caught off guard that I suck in a sharp breath causing Mike to think I’m in pain. After reassuring him I’m fine, someone I thought I never wanted to see again steps up beside Elias, and I’m struck speechless. Nervously, he extends towards me a bottle of water. I uncap it with a shaky hand, pulling my mask below my chin to down a long, drawn out pull.
“Take slow sips. You don’t want to get sick,” Mike offers.
I nod my head and take a small sip.
“DJ?” The name feels foreign on my tongue.
“Yeah, Sis. It’s me.”
My gaze slides back to Elias, whose face is a mixture of reassurance and guilt. Then back to DJ, who looks only concerned. No longer the angry older brother whom I remembered. His brown eyes, so much like mine, hold kindness and a little pain. I take in his stature; his big burly shoulders, his height probably barely topping six feet, his thick, corded arms; hands stuffed into the pockets of his blue jeans.
“Wh-what are you doing here?” I’m overcome with questions, and as much as I’d denied it in the past, I desperately need answers.
Tentatively, he takes a step forward as if he’s testing the earth to hold his weight. One large hand comes up to rub the back of his neck.
“I contacted him,” Elias contributes to the silent conversation between my brother and me. That small detail prompts DJ to speak.
“Yeah, ah this guy here called me up the other day and told me what happened. I hadn’t heard about it yet, but I swear if I had heard it first, I would have been here on my own.” I can tell he wants me to know Elias didn’t push him to come. He wants to be here. He wanted to find me. He’s trying to make amends, and after all I’ve been through, I’d be a selfish bitch to deny him.
Before I have a chance to respond, Mike pipes in that we need to head for the hospital. Through my pleading and begging, DJ and Elias convince me to go.
“Please don’t make me go alone, someone come with me,” I plead. Elias takes a step forward, but DJ holds his hand out to him.
“Is it all right if I go? I need this time alone with her.”
Elias searches my face, for any sign of distress or disagreement, I’m sure, but he finds none. Giving him a wobbly smile, I mouth, “it’s okay.”
Elias kisses my cheek softly before allowing Mike to strap me down and roll me inside. DJ climbs in after me, followed by Mike, and another paramedic slams the doors shut behind us.
“I’m going to start an IV and get some fluids in you,” Mike says, but I hardly pay attention to him. DJ draws my focus. There’s so much to say, but neither of us knows where to start.
“Marlena...I’m so sorry,” he starts.
“I remember that day you left, you know. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.”
He tries to cut me off, “Marlena—” but I hold my hand out to stop him.
“No, wait. I need you to hear this. You left, and I need to say these things to you because if I don’t, I might break.” Pausing to catch my breath, I look for any sign that he’s going to ignore me or argue. He shifts back against the padded bench and crosses one ankle over the other knee.
“Until I was six, you were the best big brother. I looked up to you. I always wanted to play with you, hell, I wanted to be just like you even though you were a boy and I was a girl. That didn’t matter to me. Because you were always the bright spot in my life. You slayed the imaginary dragons and comforted me whenever something would bother me. Up until that point, I didn’t know love other than you.
“Then you became angry. When Dad walked out, I thought you were mad at me. Mad that it was somehow my fault, which makes no sense, but it’s all my childish mind could come up with. You were so angry.” I have to stop to collect myself and to redirect my thoughts. This isn’t about making him feel guilty; it’s about telling him that I’m okay. That I miss him.
“The day you left was one of the worst days of my life. Mom and I had a nasty fight before school because she was drunk, like she was always drunk. When I came home, it was like she was waiting for me. Waiting to rub it in my face that not only David left because of me, but that you did too. She blamed me something fierce for the men in her life walking out on her. She stared me down with a bottle of vodka and screamed at me, and I just took it. Because I thought she was right.”
DJ looks stricken as he sits beside me, one of his hands scrubbing his brow aggressively. I reach to him, tugging his forearm to bring his hand down to mine. I thread my fingers through his like I used to do when we were kids. Like I used to do…before.
“I tried cocaine for the first time that day.” Ignoring his sharp intake of breath, I continue. “Had it not been for Travis, I probably would have continued. I needed something to take off the edge of not only losing my dad but also my brother. I’m not telling you all of this to hurt you.”
“Then why? Not that I don’t deserve it for being a fucking bastard, but why are you telling me all of this?”
“Because I survived. Without all of that—David, you, mom, Travis—I would have never become who I am today. Sure, it was shit, and I don’t look back on it fondly, but I know who I am supposed to be now. And you didn’t do anything to me. You were mean, and we fought, but I know that you were trying to protect yourself. You didn’t leave because of me; you left because you needed to. I forgive you. I forgave you a long time ago, but I never thought I’d get the chance to tell you.”
My big brother squeezes my hand tightly, and I don’t miss the tears leaking down his cheeks when a few of my own release. He grips me tightly as if he’s afraid this moment isn’t real.
“God Marlena, I’m so sorry for what I did to you. I treated you like shit, because I was angry. Fucking angry with dad for leaving and for what he did. The more I was angry with him, the more I was terrified I was just like him. I would hurt you with my words, and I couldn’t stop. I left so I wouldn’t have the chance to hurt you and mom like he did. I didn’t think you’d actually miss me. It was selfish and stupid, and I should have been there to protect you.”
“Shh, it’s okay. I swear, it’s okay,” I comfort. Relief floods me when he leans forward and wraps me in a gentle hug, careful not to put pressure on my injuries. My big brother is back. Taking a chance, I share, “I love you, big brother.”
DJ huffs a clogged breath against my hair. “I love you too, little sister.”
Laughing, I swipe a tear off my cheek, but an intense, sharp stabbing pain on the left side of my stomach surprises me.
“Oh, God!” I scream, attempting to curl myself into a ball to stop the pain.
> “What is it?” Mike asks, stopping whatever he was writing down to tend to my sudden distress.
“Stomach. Hurts.” I gasp. A fiery intenseness, making it difficult to breathe, overcomes me. “Right. Here.” I try to point to the spot, but my hand feels weak and shaky. My body begins to tremble, and I feel like I’m going to vomit.
“Do something!” DJ shouts frantically as Mike slaps a blood pressure cuff on my arm. He leans toward the little window to say something I can’t hear to the driver, but I’m assuming he told him to go faster because suddenly the sirens begin wailing as the ambulance picks up speed.
“What’s happening?” I hear DJ ask, as my eyes grow tired and heavy. I close them to ease the spinning inside of my head, focusing on inhaling and exhaling each breath.
“I think she may be bleeding internally. Her stomach is distended, and she’s showing signs of shock.” Then to me he adds, “Stay with me Marlena. We’ll be at the hospital in two minutes.”
The words form in my head, but I don’t have the energy to speak them. Instead, I make a small noise, a hum, to let them know I’m still here. The need to sleep is trying to drag me under, a grasp so powerful it seems almost unnatural to fight it. My eyes close, my breathing is deep; it would be easy to let go, to fall beneath the black blanket surrounding me.
Something tells me not to.
In the warm protective casing of my head, I know if I let go, I won’t wake up. I keep grasping the thread tethering me to life, listening to DJ’s voice pleading in my ear to hang on, Mike the paramedic shouting to someone about my stats, and every once in a while, I let out a small hum, hoping they know I’m still listening, barely hanging on.
Though my fog, I feel the sensation of moving.
The smooth ride of the stretcher ends by my body jostling and then, lying on a cold hard table. As hard as I try to fight it, the darkness is closing in. The blanket is beginning to suffocate me, and I’m powerless against it.
Everything goes black.
CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR
Beep.
Beep.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
A soft light filters through my closed eyelids. My head is cradled softly, a stark contrast to the heaviness enveloping my body. It’s stifling. Can I move? I strain my ears, trying to make out a sound other than the incessant beeping somewhere beside and above me.
Beep.
Beep.
“Please wake up, baby. If you can hear me, please open your eyes.”
I recognize that voice. It calls to me in the deepest part of my heart, a part that had been relatively undiscovered before I’d met him. He owns that part. The words he speaks are heavy and weighted, holding the fear of a man who has so much to lose. It tears at me.
“These few days have been agonizing without you. I tried so hard to get to you, I’m sorry I couldn’t find you sooner. You’re strong. You found a way out of there and you’re safe now. I won’t let you go. I just need you to come back to me so I can take care of you. I’ll be here waiting. Always. God, I love you.
The pain in his voice is pure torture as I lie here in my sedated state. I try with every fiber of my being to reach out my hand and hold his, to turn my head to the sound of his voice, but it’s a struggle I’m losing. My effort to comfort him is not entirely in vain, as the softest of moans escapes my lips.
“Marlee? I’m here. Please wake up.”
Warmth envelops my hand, the gentlest of squeezes zips up my arm like an electric shock. Focusing all my remaining strength once more, I manage to groan, this time a little louder. The fog in my brain slightly clears. Instead of trying to speak, I focus my attention on that small warm spot in my hand, willing my fingers to bend, curve, anything. I’m here! I want to shout at him. I’m so tired that it surprises me when I feel my fingers move slightly, hugging that warm spot gently to my palm. My entire body sags in relief from the effort.
“It’s going to be okay.”
I manage to blink my eyes briefly. The room is bright, and a blurry image stands off to the side. My head lolls to the other side, the one I know Elias is on, and I soak in the blur of his face, taking comfort in the fact he’s here next to me before I let my eyes close once more. I drift off into a dreamless sleep.
Minutes or maybe hours later, I’m unsure; I open my eyes once more. This time, my vision is clearer.
Noticing I’m awake, Elias makes his way around the bed from where he was standing with my brother. He continually keeps a hand on me at all times, going from my left knee, dragging his fingers along my right knee before settling down with his hand grasping my right one. Once again, I open my eyes, peering up into his devastatingly handsome face.
“Hi,” I say my voice gravelly and dry.
“Hi, baby,” he breathes back almost reverently.
I’m unsure what to say next. Questions bombard me, but our reunion is too precious to ask them right now. Instead, I lay silently, drinking in his features.
“God, I missed you so damn much,” he says, placing his palm tenderly against my cheek. Staring into his eyes, I can see the well of emotions pooling in them, unshed tears barely held back from overflowing. Leaning forward, he presses a chaste kiss against my tender lips, a slight stinging sensation present. Tears fall down my cheeks when he places his forehead against mine.
“I know, Elias. I missed you too.”
“Shh. It’s okay now, I promise you. Don’t cry.” He wipes the tears from my cheeks. A sob breaks free, making present a pain in my chest. I lean forward slightly, clutching my ribs.
“What happened?” I groan. “Last thing I remember I was talking to DJ in the ambulance. Did I pass out?”
DJ steps up to the foot of my bed as he stares down at me with pain in his eyes. “You were bleeding internally. You went into shock and,” he chokes up, swiping his eyes with the heel of his hand, “We almost lost you.”
“But we didn’t,” Elias adds. “You’re going to be fine now.”
They’re both looking at me as if I’m so precious and fragile, and it’s startling being scrutinized so thoroughly. Never in my life have I had one person who cares so deeply, and suddenly, I have two? My heart swells with love for these two men at my side, both who’ve sacrificed hours of sleep and wake to search high and low for me.
“I’ll get the doctor,” DJ says before stepping out of the room. He probably needs a minute to gather himself. I know I haven’t seen my brother in years, but he was never one to cry when we were kids. The fact he’s cried twice in front of me since our reunion tells me he’s probably more than a little uncomfortable right now.
Elias keeps his hand in mine, offering a silent comfort I desperately need but don’t want to ask for. Dr. Jugasek introduces himself when DJ leads him into the room, and he begins briefing me on the various injuries I sustained during my capture.
“You were brought in my ambulance at 0353. After the rescue team found you, you went into shock from internal bleeding. You were unconscious. We rushed you into surgery where we discovered you had a ruptured spleen. It has since been removed.”
Elias gives my hand a gentle squeeze. Always observant, always knowing exactly what I need. I look over into his face as he sits stoically beside me, and I drink in his strength. Never will I get enough of him.
“You have a contusion on this side of her head here,” he points, indicating a spot on the left side of my skull. “You had some swelling in your brain which has since subsided—” I cut him off.
“Wait, you said I was brought in at almost four a.m., what time is it now? What day is it even?” Panic is rising, the familiar heat of dread churning in my stomach.
“You’re okay,” Elias sooths as he places his palm on the top of my head, running down softly to my cheek, and settling it around the back of my neck. My eyes close at his familiar touch, and I take a moment to calm down.
“Today is June 2nd.” Dr. Jugasek pauses to let this information sink in. My eyes snap open as I realize what he’s telling me. �
��You were taken on May 27th. You were brought here around 4 a.m. this morning.” I have a white knuckled grip on Elias’s hand as I process this. A week? I’ve been gone for a week? A whole six freaking days were spent with that bastard?
“Oh my God,” I whisper, because it seems like the only appropriate thing to say.
“You have some abrasions and lacerations on your face, neck, and upper extremities,” Dr. Jugasek continues. “You’ve suffered three broken ribs, a punctured lung, and a small fracture to your right Tibia. The swelling on your brain has subsided and all CT scans are normal.”
“Is that all?” I respond dryly. I know it could be much worse, but I feel as if I’ve been run over by a dump truck.
“I know it’s a lot to take in, but I’m confident you’re going to be just fine.” He smiles at me. “I’ll leave you all alone. If you need anything, press the call button on the side of your bed. It’ll sound directly at the nurse’s station.”
When Dr. Jugasek leaves, I sink down into my pillow and shut my eyes, wishing this were all a bad dream. The sterile smell of the hospital reminds me it’s not, and I try to extinguish my panic. It’s over. I’m going to get better, and I’ll go home. Life will go on. My eyelids flutter open amid a well of tears, and I’m choked up when not one face but two are studying me, concern etched freely amongst their features.
Elias strokes the back of my hand as I lift it shakily to wipe my tears. DJ comes to stand beside my bed, looking down on me with such pain in his eyes. He looks so remorseful I wish there was something I could do to alleviate his guilt.
If he’s anything like I remember, he’ll need to figure out how to move past it himself. The best I can do is show him my forgiveness and hopefully we can move past this—together. I don’t want to lose my brother again.
Nobody speaks as we sit in my hospital room, each one absorbed in our own thoughts and feelings, each one fighting against our own what ifs and guilt. Each one questioning what our futures hold. I’m certain, as I am doing myself, that both of the men beside me are reflecting upon their own lives. The silence weighs heavy, although comfortable, and I don’t fight my eyelids as they drift closed, bringing me a quiet respite from my swirling thoughts.
