Pulling up to the massive apartment building, I was already intimidated by how expensive everything looked. I knew he did well for himself, but I guess I didn’t realize just how well. Walking into the lobby, mail boxes were arranged off onto the side wall. Zeroing in on Grants name he was at the very top. Figures, he would have the best. Sighing, and stepping onto the claustrophobic elevator, there was only one thing I hated worse than elevators and that was heights. The tenth floor felt like it took an eternity to reach, luckily making it with no stops. Stepping out, there was only one door in the small hallway and it made the guessing game a whole lot easier.
Stepping nervously up to the door, I was anxious on how I would be received. Pecking lightly, I wasn’t even sure if he could hear my knocks. Then again, I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to. Just as I was ready to turn heels and run a shapely, tall brunette answered the door. Her cleavage hanging out of her shirt, it barely left anything to the imagination. Her skirt even less than convincing for being called clothing at all. My mouth dried up and I think I lost all motion of my limbs. “I’m sorry, wrong apartment.” My eyes catching movement in the background, Grant stepped out into view. Shirtless, with a towel wrapped around his mid-section I wanted to march in and slap him. The nerve for forcefully hitting on me, making me feel guilty about Ian and he is laying down with another woman. “How could I be so stupid?” I said glaring at him, as I started back to the elevator. To think that I thought this man was actually interested in me. Making me believe that he wasn’t the same Grant he was in high school.
“Lizzy. Stop. Wait.” He yelled rushing forward. Hitting the elevator button several times, it was just my luck that it was already down on the first floor. “Lizzy.” He said pulling me around to look at him.
“I’m sorry to have disturbed you Grant. I must go now.” I said, the tall brunette looking at me with a quizzical look on her face, turning unhappy fast.
“No wait. You just got here.” Trying to hold on to my hand as the elevator worked it’s way up to his floor.
“I can see you got your hands full. I shouldn’t have come.” Turning and looking up at the slow moving numbers.
“Lizzy wait. Come in and talk to me.”
“No. I have to go.”
“Then why did you come?” He said swinging me around to look at him again.
“I..I..don’t know.” The elevator doors opening up, the brunette walking by, giving me a dirty look.
“Grant, as always it’s nice to see you. I’ll be back later tonight, when it’s less crowded.” She said pinning me with an icy stare.
The elevators closing right in front of me, I wasn’t about to get inside with her. Waiting until the doors closed and the numbers started moving again, I hit the button again.
“Lizzy please. Come in and talk to me.”
“I don’t think there is anything to talk about Grant.”
“Please Lizzy. Please. Just give me five minutes. You came all this way.” He pleaded.
“Five minutes.” Turning and walking into his fancy apartment. It looked barely lived in, and not near as warm and welcoming as Ian’s house. Stepping into the kitchen, leaning up against the counter and staring at him.
“Let me go get some clothes on.” He said starting to turn.
“It’s your five minutes, how do I care what you do with them.” I could see him cuss under his breath and turn to me again. He was even more attractive half-naked, I’ll give him that at least. It was hard not to look, and he and Ian held a lot of the same attributes.
“I’m sorry you had to see that Lizzy. If I had known you were coming…”
Cutting him off, “Then what? You would have hidden how you really are Grant? You haven’t changed a bit.”
Shaking his head and walking forward, “Why does it matter to you Lizzy? I thought you didn’t give a shit about me. If I had known other wise, you damn well bet she wouldn’t have been here.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Turning my head away, crossing my arms in front of my chest.
“Then why are you so upset?”
“Because you made me believe that you wanted something more. You made me feel guilty as hell about staying with Ian. Just those two facts alone irritate me that I was losing sleep over it, when you obviously had no problem sleeping.” I said my hand flying towards the door.
“I’m so sorry Lizzy, I had no idea. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“You didn’t, it’s just that….I don’t know.”
“Is that the only thing bothering you? Based on your reaction I find it really hard to believe.” Grabbing my hand, my eyes looking into his.
“I’m a mess right now Grant.”
“Why don’t you just give me a chance Lizzy? I can tell you like me.” Smirking, his hand dropping down to my hip.
Could he tell that? At this point I wasn’t even sure. “I have to much going on in my life right now Grant. I just don’t have it in me. You are to high risk for someone like me, especially after what I’ve been through. You’re just not good for me.”
His other hand going back up to my cheek, “I can be good for your Lizzy, if you give me a chance.”
Choking on the words, “I can’t.”
“You can. What else is standing in your way? It can’t be only Craig.”
Looking off to the side, Ian’s face flashed into my head. Am I that transparent? “That isn’t enough?”
Looking at me skeptically, “It’s my little brother. I’m not used to competing with my brother, but I’m always up for a challenge.”
“I never said it was your brother.” Wishing that I wasn’t plastered against the counter, that I could get away from his penetrating eyes. “This was a mistake, I shouldn’t have come.” Trying to pull out of his grasp, he kept me in place.
“You are always running from me Lizzy. I do enjoy the chase, however I grow tired.”
“Then don’t chase me.” I challenged back at him.
“You’re to good not to.”
“Grant you barely know me anymore. It’s been years since we spent any time together. You wouldn’t know if you still did like me. I’m not the same person I used to be.”
“Then let me get to know you again. Sit down, let me get dressed and I’ll make some coffee. We’ll just talk. Come on, what do you have to lose?”
He was good. I didn’t really know what I had to lose. I know I didn’t want to go back home yet, knowing Craig could never find me here. “Okay fine.”
“Great.” Smiling and clapping his hands together, he disappeared down a long hall.
Looking around, his apartment was immaculate. It was hard to believe anyone actually lived here. It seemed like everything had a spot and was rarely moved. I sat down gently on the couch, afraid to touch much of anything. It wasn’t long before he reappeared in a loose pair of brown khaki’s and a white t-shirt. Starting a pot of coffee he walked into the living room, sitting down next to me. I scolded myself immediately for not choosing the chair instead.
“So, have things gotten any better?” He asked sitting closely to me.
Crossing my legs and leaning back, the couch really was comfortable. “Not so much. He showed up last night.”
Sitting up concerned, “What? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, Ian took care of it.”
Nodding his head, looking displeased. “That’s my brother. I’m glad he was there for you.”
“Yeah me to. He saved the day.” I said smiling nervously at him as he leaned back again.
“My brother tends to do that.”
“I thought you and your brother were always close.” Surprised at the hostility in his voice.
“Looks can be deceiving.”
“My interest is peaked. Do tell.” Walking back into the kitchen to retrieve our coffee, I wasn’t sure if he was going to answer me or not.
Placing the coffee into my hands, “My brother and I through the early years always competed in everything. He was always better at everything, eve
n receiving my fathers love.”
Shaking my head, “I doubt that Grant. Your father was always so nice, I can’t see him picking favorites.”
“Point is, there has always been a bit of hostility and hard feelings between us.”
“He’s your brother Grant. You only have one, cherish it. I wasn’t so lucky to get siblings.”
Running his fingers through my hair, “Your so caring Lizzy, you have such a big heart. I wish you didn’t have feelings for my brother.”
“I never said I did.” Looking at him in defiance.
“You don’t have to.” Coming in closer, he turned his body towards mine, his leg touching mine.
“So is that what this is to you? A competition with your brother? Because as far as I can tell your brother isn’t competing.”
Laughing, “That may be the case, but I can tell he is just as enamored with you as he always has been.”
“Always? What are you talking about Grant?” Now visibly annoyed with his evasiveness.
“Oh come on Lizzy. You can’t tell me you never noticed how much he was always staring at you in high school. I noticed it more of course when we were dating.”
Shaking my head, “You’re crazy. He never stared at me, he had just as many girls chasing him as you did. He wouldn’t have had time to stare at me.”
“You know my brother. He is picky, but you captured his interest and it seems you have held it just as you have caused me to hold mine all these years.”
Looking into his mug of coffee, I bent down to sniff it.
“What are you doing Lizzy?” He asked laughing in confusion.
“Just wondering how much liquor you put in your cup.”
“I haven’t been drinking.” Now even more amused with me.
Gazing at each other, the silence became uncomfortable and I would have given anything at that moment for a diversion.
“Kiss me Lizzy. Not because I made the first move, but because you want to.”
How absurd has this man become? Always so forward. “I’m not kissing you Grant. You just had another woman leave. I refuse to be second. I played second fiddle far to long in my marriage.” Looking down onto the floor, he looked injured. I didn’t mean to insult him. “I’m sorry Grant, that was harsh. I had no right to be so judgmental. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Don’t worry about it. I know how bad it looks, it doesn’t give you a very good glimpse of the man I am now.”
Smiling at him, “I’m still sorry.”
“So what do you have planned for the day?” Switching topics before he caused even more damage.
“Nothing much. I was just going to go window shopping and then head home.”
“Wait a second, how did you get here?”
“Cab.” I knew what was coming next.
“I’ll give you a ride home, but first lets go do that window shopping you talked about.”
“On no. Really that’s okay. I don’t want to put you out and I think your girlfriend is planning on coming back.”
“I insist. It’ll be nice to get out for a walk. It’s not very often that I have friends over for visits.”
I couldn’t refuse him, and I liked the fact that he called me a friend. I seem to be running low on those lately. When I married Craig I eventually lost contact with all of my friends, another of the tools he used in secluding me from the outside world. “Okay, lets go then. I didn’t wear any walking shoes, I didn’t plan on going very far.”
“That’s okay, there is a park nearby that we can go sit down and relax in. Looks like a beautiful day.”
Window shopping along the way, I didn’t dare say I liked one thing or another because I knew he would march in and buy it for me. Reaching the park, we sat down together on the nearest bench watching the little kids play on the merry-go-round.
“Why didn’t you and Craig have children? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“He wanted them, I fought it. I guess I knew in my heart that I didn’t need any more strings holding us together.”
“So do you want children?”
“Oh yeah definitely. With the right guy. How about you?” I asked wondering if the notorious Grant could ever be settled down enough for babies.
“Yes, someday maybe.”
Reaching over and squeezing his leg, “You’ll find the right girl Grant. The one that you want more than one night. That person that when they leave, two seconds later you are already missing them. The same person that when you’re holding them close, it’s not close enough. The person that gives you butterflies in your stomach every time they look in your direction.” Looking at him, he was staring at me intensely. “I’m sorry, my mouth runs away with me.” I hated to admit to myself when I thought of those things, I thought of Ian.
“No, that’s perfect Lizzy. Who ever you decide on is the luckiest guy in the world. Craig was an idiot.”
“Thanks Grant. That’s sweet.”
“One problem, now you’ve made me want you more.”
Shaking my head, “I don’t know what to say, when you say those things.”
“Um, that you want me to?” He said smiling.
Laughing, “You never give up.”
“If my brother doesn’t pull his head out of his ass soon, I’m going to have to pull out the big guns.”
“I really don’t know what to say when you say things like that, and big guns? Here I thought you already had.”
Laughing, “Oh no. Not even close.”
“Oh and your brother has no interest in me. I think you’re just imagining things.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. Enough about him. Lets talk about us.”
“Grant, you are relentless.” Laughing at his tenacity.
We didn’t speak entirely about “us.” We spent most of the afternoon discussing what he does for a living, what we have heard about former classmates. How his life has changed since his father passed away. The morning was gone and the afternoon was turning into evening when we decided to hit a sandwich vendor. Grant really was easy to talk to, more open to talking about himself. Sometimes when I talk to Ian it’s like banging my head against the wall to get him to open up. Such a stark contrast between brothers. “It’s getting late Grant, I should really call a cab and be getting back. I had a lot of fun.”
“No. I won’t hear of it. I will take you back home.”
“It’s okay Grant. I know you have your lady friend coming back.”
Stopping me before we walked into his apartment building he put his hand up to my face, bringing me in close, “I don’t care about her. I care about you.”
Even though my heart was aching for another, it was getting harder and harder to fight off Grant’s advances. When you’re lonely and the guy you are seriously holding a torch for keeps turning you down, and you have a sexy guy showing you attention, well I am only human. I knew it would only be a moment of weakness, and I didn’t want to encourage him any further. “Grant, I don’t know what I want. I do know I have feelings for your brother.” My nerves shot as I gazed up at him.
“Are you saying you feel nothing for me?”
Thinking to myself, I didn’t know. Sometimes I felt yes, and sometimes I feel like it’s a no. That hesitation was all that he needed as his lips came down on mine. His hands circling around me as one hand fisted tightly in my hair. He was an even better kisser than I remembered. Pulling me quickly out of view to the side of the building behind several bushes.
“You’re all I have thought about Lizzy. I want you. I will take care of you. You will never want for anything.” He said trailing kisses down my neck.
“Grant. Stop.” Both my hands pushing on his chest with little resolute. He new my weaknesses, and he was working them to his advantage.
Grabbing my hand, “Come inside. I’ll get my keys and take you home.”
Following him into the elevator I was shaking like a leaf. The only man I have ever given my body to being Craig, I couldn’t help but be curious.
To want to know what it was like with someone else. Someone that actually respected me, cared for me as a person and not as a piece of property.
Pulling me inside of his apartment he turned to me again, “Stay with me Lizzy. I promise I won’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with. Just stay.” He pleaded, searching my eyes.
“I can’t.” My resolve starting to waiver. If I didn’t get out of here soon, I was going to crumble under his handsome gaze.
“Please Lizzy.” Taking his thumb and rubbing the back of my hand.
His lips touching mine again, this time I kissed him back, my own arms going up and around his neck. That was the only motivation he needed as I felt myself being lifted up and moved to a different room, coming down softly on a bed. The weight of his body on top of mine immediately. His kisses working down my neck, the front of my dress was down and out of his way in seconds. I wanted to stop and I didn’t want to all at the same time. I knew if I had sex with Grant, I would never have a prayer with Ian. As little of a chance I felt I had, I didn’t want to risk it. My heart knew it didn’t want to just have sex, it wanted more. Pushing him back, “I can’t Grant. I’m sorry.”
Smiling down at me and lifting my shirt back up, “You can’t yet. You will be mine Lizzy. I’ve never wanted anyone more.”
Sitting up and smoothing out my hair, “I’m going to go call a cab, it’s time for me to go home.”
“I’ll take you home.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Shaking my head and lifting my straps back up onto my shoulders.
“We’re both adults, it’ll be fine. Trust me.”
Trust, now wasn’t that an issue of mine. I don’t trust, not after Craig. Will I ever again? I can only hope. “Fine. I guess.”
“Great. Lets go.” His eyes still reflecting the obvious disappointment in them.
The ride back to Ben’s house was mostly in silence. He tried his hardest to engage me in conversation but I no longer had it in me. My life seemed to get more and more confusing and out of control all the time. I had to find a way to simplify. To get my priorities straight and decide what’s important to me. This floundering around at sea wasn’t what I wanted for my life and I hated it. Pulling into the long gravel driveway he came to a stop in front of the house. Ben’s car was actually home and I was relieved that I wouldn’t be alone at least for a couple minutes.
On Steady Ground (The Walker Brother's Series) Page 6
