“I didn’t do anything, he is the one that did it. I saw him, he cheated on me.” I sent back rather bluntly.
“I find that hard to believe Lizzy. Have you ever known Ian to be that way at all? He’s hurting Lizzy, it’s obvious. You should talk to him.”
“Why? To be further humiliated? I’ll pass.” I wrote back stubbornly.
“*Sighing in annoyance* Okay let me know if you need anything.”
“Will do. Bye.”
Our conversation ended, and he had a point. Usually past experiences were good predictors of future ones and that just wasn’t Ian. So, he was miserable? Good. Well I guess there was a silver lining. I knew I was going to have to come face to face with him eventually, how I reacted to it was up to me. It was obvious that my feelings for him were a lot stronger than what he felt for me. Maybe that was the part that was hurting the most. You were used Lizzy, get over it. The inner doubt chipping away at my self-esteem again. The next day I had to waitress and I was loathing the very thought of it. I knew I was going to come face to face with him sooner than I would like.
The dreaded day came and I covered the bags under my eyes with make-up. Looking at myself in the mirror, I gave a good impression of my everyday self. Telling myself to keep my mouth shut as much as possible to keep up the facade. I knew when I opened my mouth that was when I was going to get myself in trouble. Truth of the matter is that I’m not a very good liar. I absolutely suck in fact. I wear my heart on my sleeve and am usually a slave to it. This time had to be different. I have to put up the best performance of my life. Show no weaknesses, I told myself as I walked down the stairs and to the day awaiting me.
The day was dragging relentlessly and after the lunch crowd cleared out I was beginning to think somehow that I might luck out today. That was until I looked up from wrapping silverware and Ian walked in. Our eyes connecting I looked down quickly and didn’t look up again until he sat down in front of me.
“Hello Ian. What can I get for you today?” Pulling out my pad and paper, refusing to look up at him.
“I need to talk to you Lizzy.”
Looking up and flashing the best fake smile I could muster, “I’m sorry but I’m very busy today. Now what will it be?” Forcing the smile to stay on my face. Ben was right, he looked miserable and like he hadn’t slept a wink. Telling myself to stand strong.
“Can we talk after you get off of work?” He asked pleading with his eyes.
“I don’t see why that would be necessary.”
“Lizzy, I’m sorry I hurt you but it wasn’t what it looked like.” Reaching out and grabbing my hand I stepped back quickly.
“I don’t know what gave you the impression that I’m hurt. It’s not a big deal. We weren’t together but one night. It meant nothing.” I lied, barely able to spit it out.
His eyes turning cold, “My mistake. I’ve lost my appetite.” He said sliding off the bar stool and out the door in seconds.
I wanted to cry and scream. What right did he have to act hurt or be mad? I’m not the one who went screwing around the very next day. It didn’t matter, my words obviously hurt him and I hated hurting anyone, especially Ian. It didn’t matter how much I was dying inside. It was just as well, it was to difficult seeing him after what happened. So why do I want to go running after him and beg him to explain? To make it right? If I hadn’t seen Tasha all over him with my own eyes I wouldn’t have believed it. Sighing with defeat, I finished my day in silence and after my shift was over retreated back to my apartment.
A week drug by and I hadn’t seen or heard any more from Ian. I knew it was my own fault making it sound like what we had was no big deal. I now regretted what I had said but didn’t have a clue on how to take it back. My inner dialogue telling me that it didn’t matter that he had obviously moved on with that skank Tasha. Even if I hadn’t known Ian most of my life I still would have found it hard to believe what my eyes had seen. What did they see really? Thinking about that awful night, the painful memories came back to the forefront of my mind. The image forever in my mind I remember seeing her practically naked with her arms up and around his neck. Where was his arms however? Racking my brain trying to remember, I was pretty sure they were not around her. Was I reaching because I loved this man so much? Or did I jump to conclusions? I would never forgive myself if that was the case. If I have jumped to conclusions and forever lost Ian the pain would be even worse than what I am feeling now.
The only light at the end of the tunnel came when I got a phone call from my divorce lawyer on one of those depressing days. The one thing that I really remember from the conversation being that Craig had signed the papers and returned them. I was soon to be divorced. My heart heavy only at the fact that when I got married I thought it would be forever, just like my parents. I hadn’t called yet to tell them what happened or that I was filing divorce. The last thing I wanted was to hear the disappointment in their voices. Also obviously happy at the fact that I was finally away from such a controlling toxic person. Maybe now I wouldn’t have to look over my shoulder every second of every day. Looking down at my phone, my heart heavy my first thought was to call Ian. My thoughts never straying far from his handsome face or up until about a week ago what I thought was the most romantic moment of my life.
Sighing and staring at my phone, I had to tell him the words I said were untrue. If nothing else I couldn’t have him go on thinking that magical night with him meant nothing. In fact it meant everything to me. I don’t know if it was me being a coward or my pride taking hold I texted him instead. Even if I get laughed at by him, I know that I at least told him the truth. I wouldn’t go as far as tell him that I was hopelessly and completely in love with him but he would know it meant something. Finding his name on my very short contact list I opened it up for a text message, giving thought to how I would word it.
“Ian, I didn’t mean what I said the other day at the diner. You were right, I was hurt and I wanted you to feel that hurt. That night meant something to me, I just wish you had felt the same way.”
Looking over it and re-reading it three or four more times, my finger hovered over the send button. Once it was sent there was no going back, do I want to open the wound back up? Who was I kidding, it has never healed. Holding my breath, I pressed the send button and threw it on the couch next to me. There it was done. At least I now won’t go through life knowing that he never knew the truth, that lie eating away at me for the rest of my days.
When the text came through, he didn’t know what he was expecting. He thought maybe Ben was drunk and needing a ride home so when he seen Lizzy’s name, he opened it up with a shaky hand. After reading those words, the anger that he was holding inside completely left his body in that moment. The last week had been hell and he was more than a little angry that she didn’t hold the same feelings toward him. Now knowing the words were spoken out of hurt he forgave her instantly. One problem, he still had to convince her that he never did anything wrong to begin with.
When my phone buzzed with the incoming text message I was torn on whether I wanted to look at it or not. I knew my heart would ache with whatever response came through anyhow, so I might as well look. Picking the phone up with apprehension I switched it on and Ian’s name lit up.
“Lizzy you got it all wrong, please let me explain.”
Sighing, I didn’t want to put my heart out there anymore. The hurt I was feeling now would be ten fold if I were to get into a relationship with Ian and it happened again.
“I can’t be hurt again Ian. You promised me. You promised.” A tear escaping down my cheek before I wiped it away. Hitting send that was all I had to say. I had heard it all before. Craig was a master of deception, at making me believe anything. I was stupid and naïve and refused to be that person again.
“When you are ready to talk, you know where I’m at.” The always patient Ian responded back. Sitting up and looking at one of the small luggage bags that I had yet to unpack I started digging into it. I knew wh
at I was looking for and when I pulled out the unrestricted air line tickets, I was relieved that I hadn’t left them behind. Looking at the tickets, they were a gift to Craig and I from my parents to come and visit them in London. Wouldn’t they be surprised if I showed up minus one? It would be a great much needed vacation and I missed my parents terribly. Knowing part of me was just running away from Ian and the hurt, the decision was made anyhow. Maybe some time away would give me some clarity, something I have seemed to be lacking as of lately.
Heading out my apartment door, I had to talk to Mrs. Taylor immediately before I lost my nerve. My conversation with her went a lot better than expected. She was disappointed but she was all about family and understood my need to see them. So, I’m here another week until she can cover my shifts and then I’m gone for a week. She agreed not to tell anyone where I was going or for how long and when she started the on slot of questioning me about Ian I changed the subject and retreated immediately. The last thing I needed to hear about was how great and handsome Ian is. I already know that and the hurt of knowing I wasn’t good enough to keep him even a single day was still an open wound.
With my mind made up I booked my flight to leave on a Friday morning. That left me with eight days to suck it up and deal. Deal with my mess of a life that I had managed to only make worse. Luckily, I was getting more and more hours in the kitchen because I have done so well cooking. At least those days I could hide in the back. I was getting good at hiding, the whispers from some of the customers kicking me in the gut. They think I can’t hear them, thinking they know what happened with Craig. Whispering about Ian and I. Jealous girls calling me names behind my back because they think Ian and I are now together. I could understand the jealousy as Ian is the best catch in town, hell the state for that matter. Only to be rivaled by his playboy brother Grant. The unattainable Walker brothers I am sure held much of the gossip in town. The girls worshiped them and the guys wanted to be them. Why did I think I could be the one? The one woman that finally peaked Ian’s interest? Kicking my purse across the room in anger, it knocked down a picture off of the wall breaking it. Yep that’s my luck, can’t even get angry without having a mess to clean up. If I wanted to be a one night stand booty call I’d have hooked up with Grant. I thought disgusted as I now cleaned up the shards of glass. With Grant at least I know where I stand. I know that the sex is exactly that, just sex. I know with Grant there is no chance of me settling him down. But, no. I have to pick Ian. The sexy guy with blazing blue eyes and a killer body to match. The best kisser and lover that I have ever experienced, he has ruined me for all others. Could any guy be faithful? On my side of things it sure didn’t seem like it.
The week passed with little incident and at one point I saw Ian walking by on the street. The distraction nearly making me drop my orders and the need in the pit of my stomach sparking back up violently. Part of me wished that he had come in but another part was glad he hadn’t. I wouldn’t know the first thing to say to him if we had come face to face.
The night before my flight had arrived and the packing commenced. I hadn’t called my parents to let them know I was coming and decided to let it be a surprise instead. Packing my skirts and jeans carefully, I had everything strung out across my apartment. It looked like a tornado had hit it and I was torn on what all to bring. Throwing my passport on top of the small coffee table next to my airline ticket, that was the most important thing. Sitting down among the chaos I didn’t realize anyone had walked up the stairs until I heard a knock at the door. Smiling, I figured I would see Mrs. Taylor one more time before I left.
Swinging the door open, stood Grant. “Grant. Hi. What are you doing here?” Unable to hide the shock from my face.
“Can I come in?” He asked, standing in a suit and looking like his usual handsome self.
Looking back into my apartment and cussing under my breath, if he came in he would know I was leaving. I didn’t want to be rude, with no other choice I invited him in.
His eyebrow going up in speculation, “Going somewhere?” He asked as he walked toward the couch. Clearing the clothes off, I threw them in the bedroom quickly.
“Um just a little vacation, no big deal.” Walking back out he was holding up my passport.
“Doesn’t seem like a little vacation to me if you need a passport.”
Grabbing it out of his hand, “I just need to get away, that’s all.”
Leaning back onto the couch, “When will you be back? Looks like you have packed your whole apartment.”
“Um, I don’t know really. Not sure.” I said nervously not wanting to give him every detail about my plans that I didn’t want anyone to know about anyhow. “So what brings you by Grant?” Throwing my suit case in the corner.
“Can’t I just want to see the beautiful Lizzy Harris?”
Laughing, “Um, I don’t know about all that and I’m not back to Lizzy Harris yet but with any luck it’ll be soon.”
“I’d rather you be Lizzy Walker.” He said winking, flashing me that playboy smile that every women melts under. I’d rather be Lizzy Walker to, but not from Grant.
“Grant, you are as charming as ever.” Sitting down beside him on the couch. “Can I get you anything to drink?”
“No. No. I’m fine.”
Staring at each other I was patiently waiting for the reason of his visit. “Grant what is on your mind? I can’t imagine you just visiting for no reason.”
Throwing his hands to his chest, “Lizzy, I’m hurt.”
Rolling my eyes, “I’m sure you are.”
“Okay, so I have something to say before I reveal my real reason for being here.”
Crossing my legs and leaning back, “I’m listening.”
“I wanted you Lizzy. I wanted you like no other. I know what you think of me and I don’t blame you really. I had my chance with you years ago, only I was a young stupid boy and couldn’t see the great thing I had right in front of me. If you would have chosen me, I wouldn’t have cheated on you. I would have cherished you and every moment we had together. With that said I just wanted you to know how I felt. That you weren’t just another girl to me. With that said I didn’t want you to go on thinking the worst of me Lizzy.”
“Oh Grant. I didn’t really have any idea that you felt that way. I mean I guess I knew a little but I didn’t know how serious you were.” Sliding across the couch I hugged him briefly, remembering the boy years ago that I used to date. The man in front of me know, revealing his heart and his true intentions. Most women would melt and it did pull at my heart strings a bit, but my heart belonged to another.
“Well it doesn’t really matter at this point since I am here on behalf of my brother.”
My body going stiff I pulled back and held in the flood of emotions. “What do you mean?”
“Lizzy, I know my brother better than anyone. He didn’t cheat on you. He called me the next day to tell me what Tasha did and I believe him.”
“How do you know he wasn’t lying Grant? I saw the two of them.”
Smiling and shaking his head, “You saw Tasha all over him. You didn’t see him reciprocating and you didn’t see him flipping her over his shoulder and throwing her in the car telling her to leave.”
“He what?” Part of me was scared that they finished what they started inside the house.
“He had no intentions of anything with her. One being that he loves you Lizzy. The other being he wouldn’t do that to his brother.”
“I don’t think he loves me.” Shaking my head in denial.
“Lizzy, my brother is respectable. He had no idea how much I really cared for you or he would have sacrificed his own happiness and backed off from you. I am repaying the kindness he would have shown me and am here to tell you the truth. Besides that I talked to Tasha and she was steaming mad that Ian had rejected her. Nothing happened.”
My head swimming with disbelief, my heart knew all along that there was more to the story. “You are sure?”
La
ughing, “Do you think I like being here telling the woman that I would like to have for myself that you should be with my brother? No, hardly anything that I enjoy doing. I am sure.”
Shaking my head, “It doesn’t matter. I have already made a fool of myself.”
“Better to be a fool now and end up with the one you love, than be a fool forever.” He said, looking at me with compassion in his eyes.
“The flight is booked. I mean I wouldn’t even know what to say to him. How would I even begin to ask for forgiveness for jumping to conclusions?”
“It’s simple really, you just go to him. I have never seen my brother more heart broken.” Standing up, he looked down upon me. It’s your choice Lizzy, I would recommend you make it before your flight. Starting to walk to the door, I stopped him.
“I’m scared Grant.” Smiling and shaking his head, he walked out leaving me in a whole new misery.
How could I have been so stupid? I basically condemned him before he had a chance to explain. I jumped to conclusions, knowing the type of woman Tasha is and I humiliated myself. Ian was kind and the perfect gentlemen and I threw it all away because I had to keep my pride intact. When was I going to learn, this man wasn’t Craig. He was nothing like Craig. It’s to late Lizzy, you ruined it. Just get on the plane like you had planned. I told myself wondering how I could have been so blind.
Grant walked down the steps and it was one of the hardest things he has ever had to do. To give up on such a beautiful, strong woman was killing him. He knew who her heart belonged to, he could see it in her eyes. The same look he could see in his brothers eyes. He knew Lizzy, whether it be pride or fear she would get on that plane tomorrow. Sliding into his car and turning in the direction of his apartment, it was just as well, I did all that I could. He told himself trying to make right what his ex-booty call ruined.
Morning came and with a heavy heart, I pulled my bag to the door. Grabbing my purse, I shoved my ticket and passport inside and made my way downstairs. Calling the cab only seconds before, it was hard not to dial Ian’s number instead. Luckily when I got to the bottom of the stairs and out the door the cook was in the walk-in freezer and paid me no mind. Walking through the alley way I stood in the shadows as to not to be seen until the cab finally pulled up. The drive to the air port seemed to take forever and my flight would be taking off in a couple of hours.
On Steady Ground (The Walker Brother's Series) Page 13
