“O.M.G. Zo! Are you not freaking horny right now? Ben actually told me to curb my urges. What man says that? I mean the man is a walking hormone. Normally he wants sex all the time, keeps him in the groove, whatever that means. And because I’m pregnant and he doesn’t want to hurt the baby, he thinks it’s okay to tell me to curb my appetites. I’m pregnant! I can’t control my bladder more less my sexual cravings. But do you hear him complain when my mouth is wrapped around his cock? Noo!” Suzie exclaims in an attempt to change the subject to their pregnancies.
They crack up at Suzie’s statement and the focus has shifted off of me and onto a subject these two love—sex. Zoey and Suzie’s antics lighten my heart. They are so outrageous whenever the topic of sex comes up. I never understood how anyone can enjoy the act, but I hope that one day I am as animated and excited about it as they are.
Grabbing some ice out of the freezer, I add some Kettle vodka to my rocks glass and pour in a splash of seltzer and some cherry limeade before rejoining the girls. I leave everything on the counter, because with these two I might need more than just one cocktail. I walk over to the sofa, skirting a dancing Ally who is watching some kid show on her iPad, and sit down next to Zoey.
Looking over at me in mid laugh, Zoey says, "Claire, what’s wrong? You got quiet," and nudges me with her foot. She is holding her belly and I am so freaking proud of her and all that she has overcome. To be able to forgive and move on isn’t something that I have been able to do.
I want to be able to embrace Jackson’s proclamation from earlier but I can’t. And what’s worse is I don’t know if it’s the hurt, anger, or fear that holds me back. But something is and it’s ultimately killing me slowly. Just another vice that I have to overcome.
Zoey is sitting there pleading with me to talk to her, to open up and allow her in and although I want to, desperately, something holds me back. So instead of letting my sister in, I lash out. Which is another reason that I have secluded myself from people over the years. No one deserves my mood swings.
Cocktail in hand, self-loathing words spill out of me like poison. "I'm empty, Zo. My heart hurts so much that I can barely breathe. I ache. I am jealous of everyone in my life and yet I can't allow myself to let anyone in to it. Everyone is moving on and I'm here—stagnant and alone. And worse, Jackson is offering me everything that I ever wanted and I can’t allow him in."
Struggling to get to me and unable to, Zoey has gone from jovial pregnancy sex talk right on into protective mode. “First of all, Bear, you will never be alone. We," she says, encompassing Suzy and me, “are a team. This right here is your home team. We might be married but make no mistake, we know exactly who raised us. And Sash, well that kid is so fucking loved we will be lucky if she ever leaves home.”
"You have Derrick and the babies. Sasha is graduating this year. What do I have besides work and Dallas? Tell me, Zoey!" I scream at my sister. "Tell me what I have to look forward to every morning and evening? Because coming home to an empty house and eating alone every day isn't a fucking life!"
Suzie has been sitting in her chair clutching Ally in her arms and has been unusually silent throughout my tirade. But it is her soft voice that finally hits me and brings me out of my self-imposed pity party. “You have us, Claire. You have Zoey, Sasha, Ally, Derrick, Ben and me. But most of all you have Jack. We all know that there is something there between the two of you. You,” she says, pointing at me, “Claire, have to allow him in. And he wants in. Please, allow yourself to be loved. If anyone deserves it, it’s you.”
Defeated by my friend’s words, I sink to the floor and lean against the couch. Suzie has a quiet, in your face, way about her. I know that I have to let Jackson in. I do, however, allowing him to see me at my weakest isn’t something that I am finding easy. Even though he has seen me at my ultimate worst.
I know that my sister and friend are correct, but how do you let someone in that reminds you of the broken person you were? Someone who picked you up off the floor in your tattered clothes barely hanging off your body. How do you love someone that witnessed your darkest and weakest moment?
“Okay, Suz, come get me off of this couch,” Zoey says as she has been struggling for the past several minutes to get up. “Fuck, I hate having to ask for help,” she says on a huff as Suzie helps her up.
“Oh you love the attention and you know it.”
Smiling the smile that means evil Zoey is coming out, Zoey says, “And if I can milk the attention for another few weeks I will. Derrick brings me chocolate chip cookies every day and doesn’t say one word when he walks in and I’m sitting on the couch watching Star Wars and eating cheese balls.”
“Bitch, you know how I love cheese balls! There is absolutely no need to rub it in that you can have them in your house,” Suzie says as she finally gets Zoey completely up and off the couch.
God they make me laugh with their antics. Lighter of heart and soul in general, I get off the floor and walk over to them and give them a “Claire-bear” hug.
“Be you, Claire. Not the Ice Queen. You,” Zoey says while drilling her index finger into my chest. “You have done your job with Sasha and me. Now it’s your time. Be happy.” She gives me a quick peck on the cheek, and follows Suzie and Ally out of my home.
Jackson
FUCK, FUCK, FUCKITY, fuck, fuck, FUUUCK! I cannot believe that I told Claire that I love her. Way to drop the ball, Jack. Good thing defense is my side of the ball. If this were just X’s and O’s on a white board it would be a piece of cake for me. I’d have my boys rush the quarterback, the secondary coming around from the blind side, and force a fumble. Hell, if this was a game of chess I’d have no problem. I didn’t graduate Suma Cum Laude with a Computer Science degree from the University of Kentucky for nothing. But frankly Claire isn’t a game. She is the moon and stars. And I only hope that one day soon she is my ecstasy.
Pacing the living room of my little cottage, I realize that I have to figure out a way to make sure that that fucker Brad doesn’t come into contact with either one of my girls. Yes, that is what I consider Claire and Sasha—my girls. Claire wants to retreat. Fuck that! I allowed that twenty-three years ago and I’ll be damned if she’ll do it again.
Slamming my way out of the kitchen door, I continue to pace the back deck. I think better outside. If I was back home in Kentucky, I’d be down at the barn cleaning stalls. It’s a shit job, one that needs to be done, but it helps. The manual labor helps clear my mind and keeps my eye on the ball.
I’ve been thinking about putting in an herb garden just off of the deck, on the left. But I just don’t have the time to maintain it right now. As it is, the seasonal flowers I planted over the spring are slowly dying off. Frustrated and unable to look at the rot that is occurring, I slam back into the house. I walk over to the refrigerator and yank it open and grab a bottle of water.
The fresh air did my mood little good. Which pisses me off because it usually does the trick. I’m frustrated—emotionally and sexually—and there is no immediate light at the end of that proverbial tunnel. I know that I have to take things relatively slow with Claire. I can’t push too hard.
Doing what I do best, I pull the chair away from my desk and plan out the best way to begin my investigation on one Bradford Callahan III. I’m good at hacking, even better than Suzie. If Suzie knew just how good I was she’d want to join forces. I like her, I do, but the woman is relentless. I’ve had to cover my own tracks so that she doesn’t get too much information on my whereabouts in the mid-nineties and early two thousands. Susie is good—I’m better—but she has kept me on my toes. I even had to hack Mac’s email to keep some of my secrets.
Sitting down at my desk, I wake up my desktop. The collage of photos that I have of Claire pops up, and damn the woman amazes me. Looking back over the years of photos I have collected from Myspace and Facebook, I know that she has done her job. Sasha is fucking amazing. That kid is a combination of spit and vinegar like her aunt, but I’ll be damned if
she isn’t regal and stand-offish just like her mom.
When you look at Sasha you can just see her brain working overtime. It fucking kills me that her learning disability has held her back in school. ADHD and a depth perception problem has hindered her since kindergarten, but neither has stopped her from pushing forward. I pulled the school records and found Claire fought tooth and nail to get Sasha classified. ADHD is typically not a disorder that plagues girls, but Claire was a pit bull that wouldn’t let loose. It did not make her popular with the school district. But it was her tenacity and the McEvoy last name that finally had the school caving and testing Sasha for a learning disorder.
Sasha is funny, kind, and witty as all get out. And if she feels comfortable enough around you, she lets loose of her quirky personality and genius brain. Just like her mom. Jesus the two together is a sight to behold. The love that they have for one another is amazing. It won’t surprise me in the least if Sasha rushes home tonight. Some kind of six sense the two have.
Maybe it’s because in a way they grew up together, or maybe it’s just because Claire commands that kind of love and loyalty from those around her. It isn’t a one-way street though. Claire gives as good as she gets. Quietly helping the single moms that work for the team, as well as the vendors for the stadium. Creating scholarships to help them go to college to better themselves. I’ve seen her bank statements. She has even paid for childcare and extracurricular activities.
Every penny that Claire has received from her grandparents and her parents has gone to either Zoey, Sasha, or a single parent struggling to support their child. What she has—the house, the car—she has paid for out of her own money. Money she has earned. Not the “family” money. In fact, with the exception of the car, apartment, and a trip to California when she was seventeen years old, Claire has not touched her inheritance except to help someone else.
I minimize the screen of the financial background check I’m currently doing on Brad because, with this man, everything has to do with money and I want to know where he stands financially. Pulling up the cameras at the training facility, I refocus on the issue at hand. Bradford Callahan. The bastard is walking out of his office and down the hall toward the gym and coaches’ offices.
“What are you up to, you bastard?”
Passing my office, the OC’s office, and all the others, Brad stops at Coach Smith’s door. Looking first left and then right, he pulls out something that I can’t make out. I make a mental note to go back and enhance the image. Brad fiddles with the door for exactly four and a half seconds and then turns the doorknob and pushes into the office. The entire time my gut is screaming at me, This isn’t happening! Please, God, this isn’t happening!
The team has cameras everywhere within the facility. Everywhere except inside the offices. Which means I can’t follow Brad inside Coach Smith’s office.
And the only thing I keep thinking is why would Brad be going into Coach Smith’s office?
Whatever it is…it can’t be to better the team.
Claire
“MOM!”
I’m standing in the kitchen making a cup of tea when Sasha comes storming into the house. Walking over to the end of the island, I look over to the front door. “Sash? Baby? Is everything okay?”
Dallas and Legs are down the hall and greet Sasha in the middle. Bending down to give the girls a nuzzle, she looks up at me and says, “I got your message earlier. Heard the tone in your voice and was worried. I figured I’d stop by and check on you.”
“You should have gone to UCSB not Rutgers!” I say in jest. “Baby, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m good. I just needed to hear your voice is all.” The girls are dancing around Sasha’s legs and it’s as if she is reading my mind because she walks over to the back door and lets them out into the yard.
Watching my daughter walk back over to me, I realize that despite Jackson’s concerns Brad will not affect our lives. I will not allow it. Sasha and I have come too far to allow some jerkoff into our lives. Yes, I was stupid at fifteen. I am not the same girl anymore. I allowed my better judgement to be clouded by pretty words and an even prettier face. Brad didn’t deserve me at fifteen, he sure as hell doesn’t deserve my daughter now!
Sasha finally comes over to the island and stares at me. “So, you gonna tell me what is bothering you? And don’t say nothing, because I know you, Mom, and you don’t call for no reason.”
Looking around the main floor, I attempt to verify that nothing has been moved, my natural instinct to fix things taking over. Sasha looks back at me and says, “Have you been sleeping? I worry about that since I moved out.” Again, my child is reading me. Damn that kid of mine is too smart for her own good.
“Sasha, stop! I’m fine. Dallas and I are good and we now have Legs for the next few weeks. We are all fine.”
“Can I ask you a question?” she says.
Placing a hand on her cheek, I say, “Baby, you know you can ask me anything.”
“I worry about you. I worry that you aren’t loved enough. Have you been loved enough, Momma? Was the love that Ya and I gave you enough?
Trying to shrug the question off and be nonchalant, I say, “What’s enough, Sash?” Then with a laugh, I follow up with, “Of course I have been loved enough.”
“But why haven’t you ever dated? You’re beautiful. Everyone says so. Ya and I look like you and you tell us all the time that we are. So tell me. Have you been loved enough?”
“Sasha, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. Worry about you. It’s your senior year and you have your new internship starting tomorrow. I’m fine.”
Sasha looks at me as though she doesn’t believe one word that is coming out of my mouth, and shakes her head while pushing off of the island. “You deserve to be loved, Mom. I don’t remember you ever having a man in your life. Why is that? Why have you secluded yourself from the world?”
Looking at my daughter, I see the same stubborn tilt that I get when I’m not budging on a topic. I know that I have to give her something or she will never let it go. “Sash, baby, life doesn’t always work out the way you hoped it would. I have a good life. I’m okay. Really, I am. It just isn’t what I had hoped it would be when I was younger.” Brushing a nonexistent crumb off the counter, I follow up with, “It is so much better. You, you are my great love.”
“You say that as though you are sixty years old and have given up, Mom! Jez, you are only thirty-seven! If you met a man and fell in love you could have another child if you wanted. You’re young. Fuck, you are absolutely rocking! Have you seen yourself in the mirror? Every boy I know at school drools over you every time you stop by the dorms.”
“Do not curse in front of me! And stop it, Sasha. As for me having another child, Jesus, for all that is holy, bite your tongue! How many times do I have to tell you and your aunt that I am happy?”
Throwing up her arms in defeat, Sasha walks back over and lets Dallas and Legs back in. Turning back to me, she says, “Fine! I give up! But just so you know, Jack looks at you like you are the sun and moon combined.”
“Sasha!”
“Okay…I get it, you don’t want to talk about Jack.”
“Not just Jackson, Sash, men and love in general. It is not your job to worry about me.”
“Okay. But I do. I love you. I want to see you spread your wings and soar. But okay, I get it. You don’t want to talk about your sex life.” Looking at me with concern, she follows up with, “You are getting some aren’t you, Mom?”
“Sasha!!”
“What? You don’t have to have a man in your life. But please tell me you have a FB or a vibrator or something.”
“Jesus, Sasha. When have I ever given you the impression that this kind of questioning is appropriate?”
Walking over to me, Sasha wraps her arms around me and squeezes. “Claire.”
“Mom!” I say, pushing her slightly away, one eyebrow arched almost to my hairline.
“Mom,” she says sarcastically, “I lov
e you, but man you need to get laid!”
“Sasha! I raised you better. I did not raise you to talk this way. Go home.”
“Yes, you did. You, Ya, and Suzie taught me that. Sex is their favorite subject.” Walking over to the refrigerator and grabbing a bottled water, she closes the door and looks back at me over her shoulder. God damn, I made one beautiful girl. “You most definitely raised me to be open, honest, and frank. And frankly, Claire, you need to hop on top of Jack and ride him to town,” she says this with a laugh as she walks out of the kitchen and toward the front door. Blowing me a kiss as she shuts the door closed, she says, “See you tomorrow! I’m so excited!”
Jesus that kid is awesome I think to myself as the door shuts. But then Sasha’s final words hit me and I realize that I need to figure out a way to keep Brad away from our daughter.
Claire
NEVER IN MY life have I ever snuck anywhere. But sneaking is exactly what I am doing at the moment. Coward comes to mind but I refuse to think of myself as one, so it just doesn’t apply at the moment. Stealthy…Ninja-esqe…I am in tune with my environment and that environment is one with me. I just have to get from the front door of the training facility to my office without being seen. Piece of Cake!
“Claire! I was hoping I’d catch you,” Jerry Reece says, walking over to me.
Are you fucking kidding me! The man never speaks to me. Never. So much for being stealth-like!
“Jerry, I’m actually running late. Can we catch up later?” I say as I hurry over to the hall that leads to my office.
Cutting my path off, Jerry steers me toward the executive offices side of the complex. “I want you to meet our new VP of Community and Corporate Relations.”
“Jerry, really, I’m running behind. Maybe I can meet him later today.”
“Nonsense, Claire. You need to meet the man that you report to. Plus, you can say hello to Sasha.” Jerry is pulling on my arm and frankly he isn’t being all that gentle about it.
Encroachment (Coach's Shadow Trilogy #2) Page 6
