I felt over the door molding and found a lot of dust … and a small key. I stared at the object in the palm of my hand, petrified of what I might find. The thought that someone might come into the room to check on things got me moving again. I inserted the key and jerked open the first drawer. There I found a plethora of tapes and DVDs. I was surprised by the disorganization that was so unlike Luke. Did someone else handle this part of the operation?
I went through all the tapes and DVDs, unsure of what I was looking for. I found a disk labeled J, M, & L. My pulse began to race even faster and part of me screamed: Leave now, while you still can. I had ceased listening to my more rational side the day I decided to be with Luke and that night proved no different.
Standing at the monitor console, I hit the eject button of the lower screen DVD recorder that covered the hot tub. A disk spit out and with trembling hands, I tried to replace it with the one I held but I fumbled it. I bent over to pick it up and successfully fed it in the second time. I sat down at the desk as the video began to play.
What I saw took my breath away. Janice was surrounded by men, with a dressed Marcello lording over the scene. Luke, also clothed, held a camera and appeared to be taking photos. I was torn between shutting it off and continuing to view, but in the end I stayed put. The initials on the DVD kept me watching. It could’ve been labeled J w/several men but instead it said J, M, & L. I had to watch the video until the end.
Janice looked amazing even though most of her body was concealed by the men devouring her. Had Luke not been present I might even have been aroused by the spectacle. I prayed that the scene had been filmed before Luke and I were together. I couldn’t tell if Janice’s hair was longer or shorter than now. I fast forwarded. As the video sped up I watched as she quickly fornicated with each man there. Once all the men lay spent around her she crawled over to Luke and I hit the play button to return the video to normal speed. She rose to her knees and pivoted to say something to Marcello.
That’s when I noticed the brand of Marcello’s initials on her hip—the one that had been fresh during my first stay at Marcello’s.
My breathing became shallow and rapid. A large part of my sanity split away through the pain and anger that scorched me. I continued to watch my worst fears confirmed. Janice undid Luke’s zipper and pulled his cock out of his pants. As she slid her mouth up and down his shaft while he continued to snap pictures, I couldn’t take anymore. I ejected the disk and broke the DVD in two, leaving the pieces on the desk. I put the recording DVD back in the player and hit record. I opened all of the file drawers and dumped their contents on the ground, stomping on them. Then I emptied the drawers in the desk on the floor as well.
There are times in life when you make bad, crazy choices even while fully conscious of your actions. Then there are those times when you are so far gone—as I was in that moment—that your actions are fueled entirely by emotion. Reason had left the building. Jane, or what was left of me, vanished as well. I grabbed the metal shelving and, with a strength I didn’t normally possess, toppled it over. I didn’t care if the sound brought attention. I no longer gave a damn what happened to me. The desire for vengeance had charred my heart and soul.
I left the room, not bothering to close the door. On automatic pilot, I traversed the stairs like a robot on a course set for destruction. In the main room the festivities had already begun. I stood in the middle of the huge backroom and shot a bird to where I imagined the cameras to be. I undressed in the center of the room and waited what would befall me.
Christian came to me and grabbed my wrist.
“What are you doing?” he said.
“Huh?” I said, barely recognizing him.
“Put your clothes on Jane. I’ll take you home.”
I laughed, but it wasn’t a joyous sound, but rather the crazy-happy cackle of a demented woman jumping off a cliff. Death was not far away, and the crazy woman I had become embraced it.
“I don’t have a home, Christian. I don’t have anything at all. Leave me be and go have your fun. Fuck me if you want. I know you want to. I’m free for the taking. Did you know we are being taped?”
“Taped?”
“Oh yes, videotaped. I imagine he’s making a killing on it.”
“Bullshit, Jane. Are you on something?”
“If by something you mean abject hatred and pain tearing at my flesh, then yes, I’m on something.”
When Christian slapped me across the face, it surprised him more than it did me. Nothing could faze me anymore.
“Slap me if you wish. Beat me. Fuck me. Use me. Just make sure it’s in front of the cameras so he can see. There are cameras everywhere. Fuck me on tape; that should send him a clear message.”
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Scott said addressing Christian as he approached us.
“Brilliant,” I said, laughing my maniacal laugh. “The more the merrier.”
“Jane is seriously fucked up and I was hoping to snap her out of it. We need to get her out of here.”
“You will do no such thing. I plan to fuck and fuck I will. Back off, both of you, or fuck me. Your choice.” I put my hands on my hips, awaiting their decision.
“Can you watch her? I’m going to try to reach Luke.”
“Oh that’s good,” I said, “even funny, actually. He doesn’t care what the hell I do. He’s made that abundantly clear. Call him and he’ll tell you the same. Now, either leave me alone or fuck me and get it over with. I’m sure someone in this crowd we’re attracting with our little scene will oblige me.”
“Can you handle her?”
“I can help,” Hank said
“Oh this is priceless,” I said, giggling insanely. “Buzz off, all of you.”
“What happened to her?” Hank said.
“Long story,” Christian said.
“She looks so different,” Hank said.
“That could be because I’m naked,” I said, winking. “I think I’ll check out the hot tub.”
“Go,” Scott said to Christian.
“Please watch her and I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
I laughed at their histrionics and strolled toward the exit. Turning toward the crowd, I said, “Anyone care to join me?”
Scott and Hank followed. Scott, a previous friend-with-benefits, had taken me to the house without letting me know what sort of party I would be heading into. Hank had kept me company briefly before I unwittingly stepped into the bedroom and life of Luke. I didn’t know how Scott and Hank planned to stop me, short of sitting on top of me. I sauntered over to the hot tub and lowered myself in. An unknown man was intercepted by my sentinels.
“She’s not well,” Scott said, putting his hand on the man’s bare chest.
“Are either of these guys your boyfriend?”
I said, “I’m here alone, come join me,” and waved him over.
I watched his cock and balls sway in my direction. I knew the hot tub had at least two cameras on it and I planned to put on a show. I can’t tell you what he looked like, because at the time his appearance mattered not in the least.
“Sit on the edge,” I said, pointing to a spot facing the house.
I swam over to him and he rewarded me with a nice hard cock. I took hold of his shaft and lowered my mouth over his big head. My mind focused on the moment that Luke would see the video. I hoped he would be livid. I hope he’d feel even a small part of the utter disillusionment that devastated me. I couldn’t feel my body and wasn’t the least bit aroused. I executed the task for performance sake only. I assumed I’d never feel pleasure again. I only wished there were more men surrounding me.
“He’s on his way,” Christian said, as he approached. “You were supposed to be watching her.”
“We couldn’t stop her,” Hank said.
“Jane, get out of the hot tub. Luke’s on his way.”
“Yeah, right, Christian. Doubt you even reached him.”
“I spoke with him and he’ll be h
ere soon. Go get dressed. We’ll wait out front.”
“Thanks, but no thanks,” I said, lowering my mouth back down on the unknown guy’s cock.
“Is he really coming?” I heard Scott ask. “I warned her to stay away from Luke, but she wouldn’t listen.”
“What he said was, ‘he would take care of it’. Not sure if he’s coming or not.”
“Hahahahaha,” I cackled. “I told you he doesn’t give a shit. Now come and join my show.”
“We could try to pull her out,” Scott said.
“Not a good idea,” I said. “I’m a free woman and men choosing to move me against my will would cause all kinds of legal problems for you. So buzz off or join in. Either way, please shut the fuck up.”
My cock boy laughed and gently pushed my head back down onto his penis. I could hear my saviors whispering amongst themselves but could no longer make out what they said. They stood around and waited, at a loss as to what to do.
“I’ll take it from here,” Luke said as he approached the hot tub.
I paused in my cock sucking and looked up at him. “Now you can see my performance in person instead of on tape. Welcome to the show.” I lowered my head again and continued to lick and suck my new friend.
“Jane, get out of the tub,” he ordered.
“Ummm, no,” I said, barely lifting my mouth up to get the words out. “You might want to check out my redecoration project upstairs. DVDs are still running though.”
Luke took a different tact and pulled the guy out of the hot tub by the arms.
“What the fuck?” he said, standing on the edge of the deck.
“That’s my wife, so get lost.”
“Oh man, she said she was here alone. Sorry, man, I don’t want any problems.” He backed away from us.
“Oh, so now I’m your wife. Didn’t seem to matter much when you were letting Janice suck your cock now, did it.”
“I’m putting a restraining order on you.”
“Uh-oh … now that is funny. Does that include handcuffs and rope? That has to be the funniest thing I’ve ever heard in my life: you needing protection from me. Clearly the world has shifted on its axis.”
Maybe he was right to get a restraining order because in that moment I wanted to kill him. I wanted to stab a huge hole right through his heart. I wanted to watch him bleed and scream in pain.
“Get out of the tub and out of my house.”
“What happened to me being your beloved bride? You just ran off my cock boy because of our state of matrimony.”
“Jane.”
“Don’t Jane me, Luke. So how often has your cock been in Janice’s mouth since we’ve been together … or other places, for that matter? You have to be the biggest hypocrite I have ever encountered in my life. So full of shit and yet so fuckin’ self-righteous.”
I remained conscious of the cameras rolling and the audience of Scott, Christian, and Hank.
“Janice? Why are we talking about Janice?” he said. He reached down to pull me out.
I swam away to the other side and said, “Nice video room you have … oh I mean had up there.”
He left me in the hot tub and went back into the house.
Christian and Scott each offered me a hand out and I took them.
“Thanks,” I said. “Guess the show’s over.”
“Here are your clothes,” Hank said, handing me a towel with my clothes folded on top.
I quickly dried off and dressed.
“Thank you for your concern but as the curtain has closed you are free to travel. Might I recommend the condoms in the bowl by the refrigerator?” I smiled at my attempt at humor but felt dead inside.
I forced myself to go back into the house, leaving the men staring after me. I needed my backpack, which I had left in the recording room. I was still too crazy to be afraid to return to the scene of the crime. At the top of the stairs, I saw Luke in the doorway talking on his cellphone. I stepped over the tapes and supplies strewn on the floor and clutched my backpack. Then I picked up Luke’s keys and walked over to him.
“I won’t be needing these anymore,” I said, dangling the keys out to him.
“Wait,” he said, cupping the phone.
I contemplated leaving anyway but curiosity got the better of me.
“I don’t ever want to see you again,” he said after he finished his call.
“Fuck you,” I said. “You asked me to wait for that?”
I slipped through the threshold of the door but Luke seized my upper arm, bringing me back.
“I’m serious, Jane.”
I stood there staring at him. I hate to admit this but I still loved him, even then. If he’d said he was sorry and wanted me back, I would’ve gone. I knew we could be happy together if I could just stop fucking it up. At the same time I wanted him dead or at least grievously injured. I would have loved it if he had been bedridden, needing me to care for him. I wanted to cause Janice hurt as well.
How can a person spend her entire life never wanting vengeance toward another person and then all of a sudden it is the one desire that consumes her? Is that what happened to workers who went “postal”? One day it all changed for them and they wanted—no needed—to get their hurt out of them by hurting others? Was that what drove crimes of passion as well? Was I like them?
“Jane, JANE … I’m talking to you.”
“Let go of my arm,” I said, yanking it out of his grasp. “Give me Janice’s number.”
“Why?”
“You want nothing to do with me so why ask? Just give me the number.”
“She didn’t have a choice.”
“That must be the stupidest thing you’ve ever said to me. The video was already over at that point. She had fucked all the men. You must think me the most naïve person you’ve ever met. I saw what it was. I now see who you are. Who you would like people to think you are is so very different from the real you. At least Marcello is honest about who he is—even if he is an asshole.”
“I made a mistake choosing you and for that I’m sorry.”
I can’t explain what came over me but I picked up the letter opener and drove it into his left thigh. It didn’t go in far but it made my point.
“Goddamn it Jane! I’m calling the police.” Luke pulled the letter opener out of his thigh.
“I think that’s a brilliant idea. I’ll wait right here and show them your video operation. I’m certain they’ll be interested in what’s in here.”
“What do you want?”
“I want Janice’s number. I want my money back—all the money from the sale of my apartment and the money that was in my account. I want the house on the beach and you to move out ASAP. I would love to see you suffer in pain but I’ll let that part pass.”
“I thought you still loved me and wanted me back.”
“Does it matter?”
“No.”
“Here you had me convinced that Janice was the fucked-up one. She was so right about you. You’re the one who can’t sustain a relationship because you’re the one who withdraws and is incapable of real love.”
“I loved you, Jane. I just don’t anymore.”
Those words hit me like a bullet in the chest. My arms hung at my side and the tears streamed down my face. I didn’t want to live past that moment. I didn’t want to have to suffer another thought in my mind or feeling in my heart or breath in my lungs. I wished to cease to exist. I crumbled to the floor and couldn’t move. Had I had the strength, I might have attacked him again, hoping he would kill me in self-defense. I curled up in a ball near the wall and lost touch with reality.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Time was suspended for me. Maybe I fell asleep or just shut down. I can’t be sure of what had happened until I woke up in surroundings I did not immediately recognize. I opened my eyes, desperate to let some light in, but found it pitch black. I thought for a moment that I might be dead and in my coffin. I felt around until I determined that I lay on a cot. I remembered my
past dreams and realized I must be asleep and revisiting the same vault dream. I strained in the direction of the door and could make out a sliver of light coming from underneath. The light increased as the huge vault door opened and I struggled to make out the shape walking toward me. I stood next to the cot and recognized Marcello’s shape. I opened my arms out toward him and as soon as he materialized into a solid form he morphed into my father. I screamed, waking up in another bed I didn’t recognize.
“It’s okay,” Parker said, touching my shoulder. “You’re just having a bad dream.”
As my eyes cleared from sleep I made out Parker’s guest room.
Allison and Sandy were there as well.
“Why are they here?” I asked Parker.
“Luke called all of us.”
“He did?” I said as I sat up in the bed still in the same clothes as the night before. My head was swimming.
“Yes,” Allison said.
“What did he say?”
“You needed help and he couldn’t give it to you.”
“That’s it? That’s all he said?” I lay back down in bed, hoping for oblivion to take me again.
“Yes,” Sandy said.
I looked over at Allison and said, “I’ll be fine. You have way more important things to be attending to.”
“I had to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’ll never be okay again, but I will go on. I’ll feel worse, however, if you’re here worrying about me when you should be getting ready for your wedding.”
“We can handle it,” Parker said to Allison.
“I don’t need handling,” I said, sitting back up.
“That Hank guy seemed nice,” Sandy said.
“I thought you said Luke called.”
“He did, but Christian drove you back here and Hank followed in my car,” Parker said.
“I need to be alone.”
“Oh well, okay,” Sandy said.
“Let us know if you need anything,” Parker said.
“Thank you.”
My Body-His Marcello Page 20
