“Marcello?” I felt like crying, but no tears came. Then it occurred to me he might have a message from Luke. But seeing Marcello—striking in his black slacks and maroon, long-sleeved shirt—had me questioning everything. He exuded such strength and energy. His presence after all his letters left me muddled. Although disappointed that Luke hadn’t shown, I felt something stir in me.
“Let’s go to my room; we’ll have more privacy there,” I said.
I could feel his energy radiating all around me as he followed me back to my room. I closed the door behind him. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I waited for some good news.
“So?” I said.
“I have a proposition for you,” he said.
“Oh?” I said, raising my eyebrows.
“Come live with us. You can still seek treatment here and look for work, or try to get your old job back. Or take some time to figure things out for yourself. I would have come to see you sooner and spoken with you several times but they wouldn’t put my calls through. I assume you’ve received my letters?”
“Yes, and thank you for those. They made the time in here almost bearable,” I said, looking away and fiddling with end of the bedspread
“Glad to hear that.”
“And Luke?” I was scared to hear what he had to say but unable to keep myself from asking.
“Luke has been in Japan since the day after we took you to the hospital. Janice and I packed up your things. They’re at my house.”
“Yes, you said that in your letter,” I said, standing up. “Have you heard from him?”
“No, I haven’t. We didn’t part on the best of terms, given the circumstances.”
“How is that?” I said, pacing the couple of steps I could take in either direction.
“I believe he overreacted to the situation, starting with the beginning of the party. He told me what took place. I asked him why he didn’t prepare you and he said he felt he shouldn’t need to.”
“That is not what ended things. You pushed to have me come to your place; that’s what ended things, Marcello.”
“At first it was merely machismo that I could make Luke change his mind, and I did want to spend more time with you. However, his state of mind that night had me worried, and I pushed the issue in the end because I was concerned for your safety.”
“I’m not sure how to process that into all that’s happened.”
“Jane, I’m here to offer you a place to stay, no strings attached.”
“Why?” I said, wrapping my arms around myself. “So you can win?”
“Because we care about you,” he said, placing a hand on my shoulder mid-step, to stop me.
“We?” I looked up at him.
“I care about you. Janice cares about you as well.”
“I’m not like you.” I stared out the window. Peripherally, I could see my computer on the desk. Would I miss my window of solitude? Would I finish my story if I left? “They think I’m delusional,” I said, turning back to face him.
“About what?” He held out his hands in front of him.
“About all that happened. They think I’ve made it up.” I snorted in amusement, although I didn’t find it funny in the least.
“So why are you still here?” He took both my forearms into his hands. “Bella, they clearly are not helping you.”
“No place to go and I had hoped—”
“I’m not sure if he’s ever coming back to the states, Jane, but I am sure that it’s over between you. As I have told you, he doesn’t go back. He never has.”
“Why hasn’t he divorced me then?”
“I don’t know.”
“So maybe you’re wrong about him,” I said. “Maybe he just needs time.”
“I don’t think so. At any rate, you can wait it out at my house.”
“I’ll think about it and let you know. Thank you,” I said.
He stepped toward me and opened his arms. His large body embraced me and for the first time in a month the tears poured forth.
* * *
When Luke didn’t show that day or the next Sunday my loyalties began to veer further toward Marcello. He came to see me again and I agreed to leave with him the following week. I was insanely determined that Luke would have one more chance to come by and apologize. I told Marcello to wait until the end of the day to take me away.
On that same Sunday, a week before my departure, my girlfriends all made the pilgrimage to see me. I knew I’d have to face them eventually but I would’ve preferred to confront them one by one. The hardest to face was Allison, as I had attempted to kill myself on the day of her wedding.
When I met her at the front desk she embraced me immediately.
“It’s okay,” Allison said, although I knew I’d never forgive myself.
I tried to keep my tears in check but they spilled down my cheeks as she held me.
Parker embraced me next and said, “Don’t you ever do that again! You hear me? I need you in my life and no man is ever worth that.” She squeezed me so tight I had to loosen her arms to release myself from her grasp.
“My turn,” Sandy said. She cried as she hugged me. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
“No one could have been, Sandy,” I said as I extricated myself from her hug.
Not knowing what to say next I blurted, “Want to see my room?”
“Sure,” they all said.
Their visit felt awkward; they didn’t know how to act with me anymore, and I didn’t know how to act like the person they used to know. I realized the fundamental truth in Janice’s words of warning: There’s no going back. The Jane I used to be existed in the past and no matter how hard I wished it, she would not be coming back. I now had to find a way to face life as the changed me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
By the time the next Sunday rolled around, I was packed and ready to leave. I had chronicled my entire experience with Luke and felt ready to move on. I couldn’t spend any more time waiting.
At six o’clock Marcello showed up and helped me load my things into his car. He escorted me to the passenger side door and gave me a big hug. I melted into him, feeling rescued and relieved.
* * *
Several weeks passed and, good to his word, Marcello gave me the space to do what I wanted without pressuring me for a relationship. I had just begun exploring the world of agents and publishers while I spent my days editing my book and running on the beach.
Although we hadn’t discussed our relationship dynamic, in the last few days Marcello had shown up in my room on a few occasions—one time to spoon me to sleep when he found me still grieving over the love I had lost. He held me close and securely through the night and I woke up rested and ready to get on with my life.
Everyone suffers a tragic loss of one kind or another, and I certainly had had mine. I knew the devastation I had lived through wasn’t unique even if the circumstances were unfathomable.
* * *
One night, when Marcello filled the doorway with his broad masculine frame, I sensed that his intent was different. I could feel his desire like a rocket ready to combust. He must have intuited my readiness, because I wanted him to take me. It had been months since I had felt the hands and body of a strong man bringing me to orgasm. I yearned to be touched, used, and pleasured.
“Jane, come here,” Marcello said in his strong, deep voice as he stood next to the side of my bed. His black silk pajamas rippled as he reached out to me. “I can wait no longer to have you, to be inside of you, Jane. It’s taken all my strength to give you the space you’ve needed, but the time has come. Don’t even think about—”
“Shhhh,” I said, touching a finger to his lips. I rose up on tiptoes and replaced the finger with my mouth.
He actually growled, burying his right hand in my hair and kissing me with a fierce passion. He pulled away scanning my face before resuming his hot-blooded domination of my mouth. He wrapped his left arm around my back to lift me higher, angling his ha
rd cock against my mound.
“Ohhhh,” I groaned when he released my lips, both of us breathing hard.
Marcello lusted after me with such intense hunger that I felt my pussy bloom and my nipples tighten into hard, throbbing crests. When he snatched me up into his arms my legs instinctively wrapped around his waist. His hands firmly gripped my ass as he ushered me over to the chest of drawers at the side of the bedroom. Pushing aside my belongings, he set me down.
“I want to see your face, your eyes, when I finally penetrate you,” he whispered. He took my face in his large hands and lowered his mouth to once again possess mine.
I received him as both the little girl who still needed to be loved and the stronger woman I had become. There was a place for both of us to live safely within me. Sighing into his kiss, I could feel the last vestiges of my time in wait melting away.
I began to unbutton his shirt. Impatient, he pulled it over his head and embraced my naked body tightly against his hairy chest. I buried my face against him and breathed in his unique smell, so earthy and masculine. He tucked his hands under my buttocks, rubbing his hard cock between my legs through his pajama bottoms. Holding my pussy snug to his pelvis, he lowered his head and sucked my aching pierced nipple into his mouth, eliciting whimpers of pleasure.
“I can wait no longer, bella,” Marcello whispered. His husky voice in my ear had me fully roused.
My skin tingled with anticipation of what would come next. He stepped back to lower his pants. His prominent erection was proof of his yearning for me. It was thrilling to see Marcello lose control.
He gathered me up by my hips, lifting my wet opening so that his hard phallus could penetrate me, filling me and frankly thrilling me.
“Oh my god, this feels … ” I muttered as he seated himself deeper within me. “Oh my … you are so … oh please … don’t stop. Please don’t stop.” I leaned back on my hands, brazenly pushing myself up to meet him. His cock felt exquisite, stretching me, opening me to the pleasures I had lost. My eyes closed involuntarily from the sheer elation of the sensations I was feeling.
“Jane,” Marcello said in a stern tone. “Look at me.”
I gave him the vulnerability he wanted. I allowed his piercing gaze to scale the walls I had erected to allow myself to heal. And now, I could feel a massive orgasm building within me, not just a clitoral release but a real body explosion of the woman I was finally accepting, the sexual beast Luke had set free.
“I’m close, Jane, and I want you to cum with me,” he said as he slammed in and out of me, meeting my thrusts.
I inhaled the essence of our sex and the man before me and finally allowed myself the intense decadence my body craved. “Now, oh god, now please, oh,” I moaned.
“Yes, Jane,” He thundered as he spilled his seed within me. Our eyes locked, sparking not only my libido but my heart as well.
As he pulled out of me and stepped back, I scooted off the chest of drawers and ran into the bathroom to clean up. I had so enjoyed the sex, the release, his physical prowess, but now I worried about what he would expect from me. I knew I would enjoy some rougher play but I might never be ready to give myself to another. I lingered in the bathroom not wanting to confront the formidable man in the next room.
“Jane?” I heard him say as he rapped on the bathroom door.
“Coming,” I said, shutting off the faucet and drying my hands. I opened the door and strode over to where he sat on the bed. “I’m not ready,” I said.
“You are closer than you think,” he said, hugging me to him.
“I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to meet your expectations. I can’t commit to the kind of relationship you have with Janice.”
“We have time and I can be quite convincing,” he said, holding me at arm’s length and gazing into my eyes.
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” I said with a small grin. I held out my hand and he smiled. His grin vanished when he realized my intention. “Time for you to go,” I said, leading him to the door.
“I’m not one to give up easily,” Marcello said as he looked back at me before closing the door.
I knew he meant it.
* * *
While I lived at Marcello’s Janice and I renewed our friendship. It took a while, but after a time I forgave her, realizing that she, too, had been a pawn in Luke’s game. I knew she still loved him as much as I did. I also knew that, given the chance, she’d go back to him. I honestly wasn’t sure of what I would do, but I’d given up the hope of ever seeing Luke again.
I sometimes struggled between “ignorance is bliss” and “knowing the truth,” which currently battled for dominion. One thing still plagued me and I finally got up the nerve to ask Janice about it.
Janice, who had just gotten home from work, asked me if I would join her for a drink. She opened a chilled bottle of Moscato and poured us both a glass.
After taking a large swallow of the wine, I said, “Something has been bothering me and I’m wondering if you have the answer.”
“Sure, what is it?” she said, sitting on the couch near where I stood.
I paced a bit and then finally spit it out, “Does Luke sell the videos from the house parties?” It bothered me to think he did something so illegal and ethically wrong.
“Oh, those? No. He records them for liability reasons. He worries about getting sued.”
“Oh,” I said, sitting down next to her. I felt incredible relief, which struck me as silly. “And videos like the one I watched of you and the men?”
“Those are legal. All the parties involved signed waivers to participate.”
I looked away, trying to organize the new information in my mind.
She laid her hand on my thigh and I glanced back at her.
“Do you still miss him?” Janice asked.
“I’d say no but he still haunts my dreams.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean.”
* * *
At least the doctors at the retreat had gotten one thing right: documenting the story of my time with Luke had helped me gain clarity. In order to be with him, I’d had to barter away pieces of myself. I traded parts of me for his love. In the end he abandoned the love that kept me whole, leaving me to fall apart. I would never again let that happen.
Unfortunately he had instilled in me the desire to be dominated, disciplined, and tied up. I wasn’t yet ready to explore that place again but I felt the time would be coming soon.
Something else I had learned: Janice and I both loved Marcello. Even though he was the more severe of the two, Marcello had shown more depth of compassion than Luke ever had. He’d also shared much more of himself with me.
* * *
The next day, after dropping off ten query letters for agents at the post office, I went to the beach for a run. When I finished my workout, I stretched in the usual spot. I bent over to touch my toes and felt an unexplained jolt to my spirit. When I stood again I saw Luke leaning against the wall across the boardwalk.
I stood, staring at him, not knowing what to do. Although he had never divorced me nor I him and I had kept the piercings from our wedding night, I didn’t know what I wanted to do or what I hoped to hear if I did speak to him.
My heart raced and the rest of the world fell away. His face looked sad and lost. He looked older than I remembered. What had happened to him? I thought.
As my eyes brimmed with tears I realized that I had happened to him. We had happened to each other. We had been the cause of our mutual destruction. I leaned down to retrieve my water bottle and when I looked up again, I could see him slowly walking down the street, away from me.
Sometimes love isn’t good love, my mother used to say. I don’t know where life will lead me next but I do know I will look for good love the next time around.
* * * *
Following is an excerpt from
MY BODY-MINE
The final episode in the My Body Trilogy
By Blakely Bennett
C
oming July 2013
CHAPTER ONE
The crazy odyssey I had come to know as my new life had quieted down somewhat, but I knew it for what it was, a mere reprieve. I had healed, mostly, from my recent ordeal and settled peacefully into Marcello’s comfortable home. Janice, Marcello and I had found an easy daily rhythm, and they both allowed me the space I required to repair the damage to my psyche and soul. However, I knew my time for coasting was coming to an end.
True to his word, Marcello persisted in prodding me to move forward into a more submissive relationship with him. So far I had held him off, but now he began to show his impatience in the way he would raise his voice before quickly regaining self-control. Not unlike Luke, he intended to possess my body, possess my sex, and rule my life by giving his own erotic urges precedence.
“Jane, pick a safe word,” Marcello said as if we had sorted everything out between us. He took a seat next to me on the brown leather couch closest to the front entrance.
“I could leave …” I said, using my trump card again. I knew the last thing he wanted was for me to move out from under him, literally and figuratively.
Even though our sexual encounters had become more aggressive, I had yet to allow him true dominance. There had been no bondage or discipline between us, short of the spanking I had received the day before. The only fallout from that had been a mildly inflamed ass. I had giggled and squirmed and resisted, causing his large phallus to poke against my stomach.
His hospitality had run its course and now I needed to decide whether to move out or submit. Could I give Marcello the submission he hungered after and still keep my mind intact? I had a constant fear of losing myself again. I longed to be more like Janice, who really owned the person she knew herself to be and fully embraced the choices she had made. I, on the other hand, constantly second-guessed my decisions and lived in fear of repeating my recent mistakes.
In my own way I loved Marcello and a part of me wanted to give my body over to him. Another part of me—the survivor—argued that my sanity hung in the balance.
My Body-His Marcello Page 23
