by Amy Cross
“Don't let her get to you,” Absalom says, turning to me. “All your training -”
“I know,” I reply, turning to Oncephalus and seeing the fear in her eyes. She held back while Emilia was here, as if the sight of a spider after all these years – albeit in human form – was a reminder of her past. “We need to get back to work.”
She stares at Emilia for a moment, watching as she walks away, before turning to me. “I'm sorry,” she stammers finally, with all the color having drained from her face, “I just... I never thought I'd have to see one of those creatures again.”
“Teach me to fight her,” I reply, stepping past her and picking up my staff. “No, more than that.” I pause for a moment, before turning first to Absalom and then to Oncephalus. “Teach me to fight and kill all of them.”
Abby Hart
“It's okay,” I tell Jonathan later in the afternoon, as we sit cross-legged and facing one another in the garden at the rear of the temple, “it's natural for you to feel that way. Six months isn't a lot of time and there's still so much for you to learn.”
“Sometimes I...” He pauses, staring down at the Book of Gothos for a moment before looking across at me. Lately his eyes have been filled with fear and confusion, and I can tell that just as I'm struggling to learn how to become a warrior, he's struggling to understand everything that has been written about our species and our family. “Sometimes I get these flashes where I stop believing in it all,” he says cautiously. “Not all the time, not often, but... Occasionally it hits, and I feel as if the whole thing has to be a nightmare and I'm going to wake up at any moment.”
“I remember what that's like,” I reply. “I was just a teenager when I first found out where I really come from. There were nights when I'd just stare at the ceiling and pray that none of it was true.”
“No-one ever answered those prayers, huh?”
“It's not so bad, being like this,” I continue. “At least you'll never get bored.”
“But this place...” He glances around for a moment. “You told me you tried to live among humans in New York. Why didn't that work? Is it completely impossible for people like us to live in that world?”
“I think it's very hard,” I tell him. “Maybe someone smarter than me could manage, but...” My voice trails off for a moment as I remember the last time I saw Mark. He was so good to me, better than I deserved, and sometimes I feel I should send a message so he knows I'm okay; at the same time, I think maybe I should just let that part of my life be, and thank the gods that I didn't get Mark killed. Either way, I guess I'll never see him again.
“You miss someone,” Jonathan says suddenly.
I turn to him. “No,” I stammer. “What are you talking about?”
“I can see it in your eyes,” he continues. “We might not know each other so well yet, Abby, but... I'm still your brother, remember?”
“Well you're wrong about me missing someone,” I say firmly. “There's no-one to miss.”
“So you're not going back when all of this is over?”
“It won't ever be over,” I reply. “That's what you have to realize, Jonathan. This isn't some kind of problem that we can deal with and overcome. This is who we are, it's our lives, and we'll be like this until the day we both die.”
I pause, seeing the fear in his eyes, before reaching over and closing the Book of Gothos. Maybe he's been looking so hard for answers in those pages, he's stopped looking elsewhere.
“If the spiders get to Karakh,” I continue, figuring that he needs to know how bad the situation could become, “they'll be able to resurrect their empire. If they don't get to Karakh, then they'll most likely decide to make a stand anyway. Either way, we're going to have to fight at some point, because that's what vampires have always done. All the way back when the spider empire became decadent and corrupt, our predecessors stood against them. That war was supposed to be over, but it looks like there's more to come.”
“But you said our father upheld a prophecy,” he replies, “and that the point of the prophecy was that he had to keep the spiders from returning.”
I nod.
“So if he upheld that prophecy, then why are they still coming back?”
“Absalom thinks Patrick hesitated for too long, that he allowed cracks to form in the prophecy, just enough for a few spiders to survive.”
“None of this makes sense,” he points out.
“You kind of have to live through it to understand,” I reply. “It has its own logic. Let me tell you some more about our parents, about the way they were always -”
“It's time,” Absalom says suddenly.
Turning, I see him standing in the doorway wearing the coat he hasn't worn since the day we arrived.
“Emilia didn't just come here to offer a deal,” he continues, stepping into the room. “I've been thinking about it, and I've come to the conclusion that the only reason she was here is that she had to be sure of our location. The plains of Jagadoon are harsh territory for anyone to investigate, and the spiders don't exactly have a network of informants in place around here, so it's probably hard for them to get firm news one way or the other. I'm sure they suspected we'd come here, but finally they had to know for certain, so Emilia was sent to check on us. To me, that suggests that they're moving ahead with their plans, so we have to move too.”
“But I'm not ready,” I point out, feeling a stab of panic in my chest. “My training -”
“Your training is complete,” Oncephalus replies, following Absalom through the doorway. “It has been complete for several weeks now.”
“That's not possible,” I tell her, getting to my feet. “I haven't even managed to knock you to the ground once!”
“The plains of Jagadoon have a force in place that prevents conflict,” she continues. “It was that force that meant you were never able to really fight me. That's why I chose Jagadoon many years ago for my own training purposes. Fighting with that force all around you... It makes you stronger than you could possibly imagine. If we'd been training anywhere other than at Jagadoon, you'd have felled me several times by now.”
“Not a bad achievement,” Absalom mutters. “Trust me, Abby, I've seen Oncephalus on a real battlefield. I know I certainly could never have her measure.”
“But you managed to knock me down,” I remind Oncephalus.
“I've picked up a few tricks over the years,” she replies with a faint smile. “Or cheats, as you might think of them. Trust me, Abby, you've learned as much as you can from me. I've taught you how to fight, and more importantly I've taught you how to learn to fight. You must now take that knowledge and apply it elsewhere. This place is no substitute for a real battlefield and I'm no substitute for a real enemy. You and I will always hold back against one another.”
“So I -” Feeling a knot of fear tightening in my chest, I realize that she wants me to leave Jagadoon and fight in an actual battle, with actual enemies and real stakes. “I'm not ready,” I stammer. “You're lying, you're just saying this because Emilia came and messed up the schedule, but you both know I'm not ready.”
“You always knew we couldn't stay here forever,” Absalom points out.
“I need more time!” I hiss.
He shakes his head.
“What if I refuse?” I ask, starting to panic. “What if I refuse to leave until I feel ready?” I turn to Oncephalus. “Do you seriously think I'm ready to face down more of those spiders? It was pure luck that I managed to defeat Keller back in New York, I'm not remotely ready, I can feel in my bones that I still have so much to learn!”
“You're as ready as you'll ever be,” Oncephalus replies, with just the faintest hint of tears in her eyes. “You've learned everything you can learn from an old woman on a desolate plateau. The rest, you must learn in battle.” She pauses. “Or not. There can be no guarantees.”
I want to argue with them, but I know there's no point. Looking down at my hands, I see that they're trembling.
&nbs
p; “I thought I'd feel different when I left Jagadoon,” I say finally, “but I don't feel different at all. I feel exactly the same as I felt when I arrived. Like I'm the same weak, scared person.”
“Now you're exaggerating,” Absalom replies. “You have to feel different, Abby.”
Turning to him, I shake my head. “I'm exactly the same,” I tell him. “I don't feel stronger at all.”
He stares at me, before glancing at Oncephalus, and I can see that they're both a little worried.
“I hope you do feel different,” she says after a moment, “because if you truly feel the same after six months with me, the situation is hopeless. Trust me, Abby, when the time comes for you to fight, you'll feel the extra strength and confidence that I've tried to instill in you. You have to. If you don't, then...” Her voice falters for a moment. “Well, you will. I believe in you, and Absalom believes in you, and we're never wrong.”
“So gather your belongings,” Absalom adds, “both of you. We've got a long journey ahead of us.”
“Where are we going?” Jonathan asks, getting to his feet and standing next to me.
“Where do you think?” Absalom replies, smiling at him before turning to me. “We're going to Gothos. We're going to the home of the vampire species.”
***
“It's been a long time since I was there,” I reply a couple of hours later, as I close the zip on my backpack. “I don't remember so much.”
“But you went to Gothos with Patrick, didn't you?” Jonathan replies, hauling his own backpack onto his shoulders. “Didn't he tell you all about its history?”
“He wasn't much of a talker,” I point out. Understatement of the century.
“And our mother, Sophie... Was she with you as well?”
“No, she was already...” I pause for a moment. To be honest, while I'm always happy to talk to Jonathan about our father, our mother is a different matter. I never met her properly, I never really knew her, so she's always remained something of a mystery. “She'd been dead for a long time by then,” I point out finally. “I know it's a little complicated, but try to remember the sequence of events I explained to you.”
“They still don't entirely makes sense,” he replies. “If our father killed our mother, then doesn't that make him a monster? How can you excuse someone for something like that? It's murder.”
I want to tell him that he doesn't understand, but the truth is, I think maybe he's right. No matter what happened all those years ago, Patrick should have found another way. As much as I like telling Jonathan about our family history, he has a habit of asking difficult questions, and it doesn't help that he has a hint of our father in his eyes.
“Sometimes,” he says after a moment, “I find myself wondering whether -”
“Wait here,” I reply, interrupting him as I turn and head back up the temple steps. “I forgot something.”
“But Abby -”
“Just wait a moment!” The truth is, I just want to get away from the conversation before he asks too many more questions about Sophie, because I know I don't have any answers. Making my way around the side of the temple, I figure I can loiter up here for a few more minutes, and hopefully I can change the subject when I go back down and then we'll be busy setting off on the journey. For the first time in my life, I'm starting to think the past should be left alone.
Up ahead, from inside the temple, I can hear voices. Absalom and Oncephalus are talking in hushed, whispered tones, and although I know I shouldn't eavesdrop, I can't help but step a little closer to the doorway and listen.
“I thought she'd show at least some signs of improvement by now,” Absalom mutters. “It's been six months, but she's still the same scrawny, scared little thing she was when we arrived.”
“She doesn't have the warrior's edge to her soul,” Oncephalus replies. “There's nothing I can do about that. I told you I could train her, but I can't change her entire personality.” She pauses. “I'm sorry, Absalom, but I did everything in my power to make Abby ready for the fight ahead. I broke her and I waited for her to get stronger, but she just stayed broken. I guess she's just not cut out for any of this.”
Swallowing hard, I realize I was right earlier when I told them I wasn't ready. They insisted I was wrong, they told me I'd realize the truth about myself later, but they were lying to me!
“What if we stayed for another week?” Absalom asks. “Could you fast-track the rest of the training? Maybe she'd respond better to that kind of program.”
“You know it wouldn't work,” Oncephalus replies.
“But -”
“I know what you wanted,” she adds, interrupting him. “You wanted Abby to become some kind of savior, someone who could lead the fight against the spiders. Like her father, maybe. It was a nice idea and it would have been wonderful if things had worked out that way, but she so clearly lacks the necessary qualities. I remember Patrick, I remember the steel and passion in his eyes, and I haven't seen even the faintest glimpse of it in Abby. She and her brother have too much of their mother in their souls, and not enough of their father. It's a great tragedy, but -”
She stops suddenly.
“Did you hear something?” she asks.
I quietly hurry around the next corner, ducking out of sight just as I hear footsteps heading to the doorway. There are tears in my eyes, but I quickly wipe them away.
“There's no-one listening,” Absalom says finally. “Abby and Jonathan are waiting, though, so I should go to them soon.” I hear him stepping back inside. “The journey to Gothos won't be easy, but we have to go there if we want to join the council and find out what they've learned. Just because this time at Jagadoon has been a failure, that doesn't mean we're out for the count just yet. Maybe the council has another idea.”
“What about Abby?”
“She can still hold a weapon,” he replies. “She and her brother can be soldiers, like the rest.”
“It's a shame she couldn't be more.”
“We'll find another way to defeat the spiders,” he continues. “This plan might have failed, but another will emerge, I'm sure of it.”
“I pray that you're right,” she replies, “because if the spiders find Karakh, their power will double and they'll become unstoppable.”
Realizing that I'll be discovered if I linger, I make my way down the steps and back around to the front of the plateau, where Jonathan is making some adjustments to his backpack. I'm shaking with rage and shock, but I know I can't let any of that show, not unless I want to face another torrent of awkward questions.
“Ready?” he asks.
I nod, even though I feel as if I want to scream.
“Abby?” he continues, frowning. “What's wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“You look upset.”
“I'm just tired.”
“But -”
“Leave it, okay?” I snap, forcing myself to hold back tears. “I'm fine, I just don't have much enthusiasm for a long trek. That's all. You might have been sitting around for months, reading about history, but I've been fighting and I'm tired!” Pausing, I realize that I shouldn't be so harsh. “I'm fine,” I add. “It's nothing.”
Hearing footsteps, I turn and see Absalom and Oncephalus coming down to join us. They have no idea that I overheard their conversation just now, and I guess they'll keep lying in an attempt to make me think that everything is okay. I hate them for that, but this isn't the right moment for a confrontation.
“I hope one day we'll meet again,” Oncephalus says with a forced smile as she comes over to me. She takes my hands in hers, and I manage to fight the urge to pull back. “It has been a pleasure and a privilege to train you, Abigail. You have truly come on in so many ways, and you have exceeded my expectations.”
“Really?” I ask, desperate to tell her that I know she's lying. Still, despite the nausea in my belly, I manage to hold my tongue.
“I believe in you,” she adds, before letting go of my hands and wrapping
her arms around me to give me a big hug. “I wish I could travel to Gothos with the three of you, but my days of being involved in such matters are over. I'm an old woman now and I would only be a hindrance.” She steps back and turns to Absalom. “If there's to be more fighting, we need young warriors, not old fools like us.”
“I still have something to offer,” Absalom says firmly, with a hint of grit in his voice.
“I wish I could say the same,” she replies, before glancing back at me. “I have faith in you, Abby. I know you'll do your absolute best.”
I want to tell her to go to hell, but instead I turn and start walking down the slope that leads to the base of the mountain. “Come on,” I call back to Jonathan and Absalom, “we need to get going. All this talk won't get us any closer to Gothos.”
I keep walking, not even looking back, not wanting to see Absalom and Oncephalus's lying faces again, until finally I get to the base of the slope and I hear footsteps behind me. A moment later, Jonathan catches up and starts walking next to me. I can tell that he wants to say something, but he seems to be waiting for me to start the conversation instead. He was right earlier: even though we really don't know each other so well yet, we do seem to understand one another on some basic intuitive level. I glance back and see that Absalom isn't far behind us.
“Maybe you should walk with Absalom,” I mutter finally, turning to Jonathan.
“Why?”
“I'm not in the mood for talking right now.”
“But if -”
“Can I just be alone?” I ask, increasing my pace. Fortunately he doesn't try to keep up, so I'm able to walk alone with just the vast plains of Jagadoon ahead. All I can think about is the fact that I failed, and that the past six months have been a complete waste of time. There were moments when I actually thought all this training would lead somewhere, but now it's clear I was just deluded. There's a war coming, and I can't do anything to help defeat the spiders. I had a role to play, but I'm not strong enough.
