“I know. I’ll do my best to see she gets it.”
“And does well by her baby. He’s the last of my blood.” Aurelia knew nothing about the couple who wanted to adopt Juliet’s baby. Juliet had insisted she not be told.
“I promise I’ll give Juliet all the help I can.” Leah could give Aurelia that assurance because she intended to support Juliet in whatever decision she made about the baby’s future.
“That’s all I ask. I pray for all of us, but mostly for you, Leah. You’re my light in the darkness.”
“I feel like a dim bulb today,” Leah said with an embarrassed laugh.
Aurelia chuckled. “That’s a good one. What are you gonna do about that man in my yard? Send him back to Chicago and back into the hell on earth he’s made for himself?”
“I don’t know,” Leah said truthfully. “Can you tell me what to do?”
“Do you love him? It seems to me you’d have to love him with all your heart to be strong enough to fight for him. If you don’t, you ain’t doing either of you, or the baby you’re growing in your belly, a favor.”
“I don’t know the answer, Granny. I don’t know if I love him or if I’ve just picked up another stray.” Leah stood up and folded her arms under her breasts. Talking about Adam and her feelings for him made her restless and uneasy. She was as confused as ever about the future. The events of earlier in the day hadn’t changed anything or made her choices any easier.
“Then you’re not ready to do battle for him.”
“He has to fight his own battles, Granny.”
“Don’t give me any of your emancipated, newwoman malarkey,” Aurelia said tartly. “That’s not what God made us smarter and wiser for. You have to be there beside him to prop him up if he falters. You have to be strong for him. Having you and the baby and a future for the three of you has to be a rock for him to build a shelter on against the past.”
Leah felt the baby move within her. “I was there for him in Vietnam. I let him make love to me without any reservations. He left me without a word. When I hunted him down to tell him about the baby, he told me he needed to concentrate all his energy on rebuilding his relationship with Brian. He didn’t say anything about loving or caring for him.”
“Men don’t often talk about their feelings,” Aurelia reminded her.
“I know, but I can’t help what I feel. He seemed so cold and distant I turned around and walked out of his office without telling him about the baby.” She didn’t like remembering that day, and today she had done the same thing. He had come back to her from the ER and she had panicked at the emptiness in his eyes and refused to allow him any closer. How could they ever work past the barriers they’d both thrown up to save themselves from hurt and loss? She couldn’t see any way they could be happy together, so it was better to stay apart.
“But he came for you when Caleb called and told him about the little ’un.”
“He’s an honorable man. It wasn’t love that brought him to Slate Hollow. It was duty.” She needed to remember that. It made it easier.
Aurelia shook her head. “You’re as stubborn as he is. It don’t have to be something so terrible that happens to a body to make them afraid of loving another human being. Sometimes it’s as ordinary as picking up the wrong couple of strays, animal or human, that can sour you on love. Now I’m tired. I want a minute or two alone to say my prayers, and then you can help me to my bed.”
Leah leaned forward and kissed the old woman lightly on the forehead. “Is five minutes long enough to tell God what you have to say? You need your rest.”
“I think it will be.” Aurelia reached up and patted her cheek. “You’re a fighter, Leah. Don’t give up.”
“I’ll do my best, but there are some battles you just can’t win. This might be one of them.”
ADAM SLAMMED the hood of the pickup closed just as Brian and Juliet drove into the yard. He’d worked his way through the University of Michigan as a mechanic. He’d liked the work then, but quit doing it when he decided to go into neurosurgery. No one wanted to see a brain surgeon with grease under his fingernails.
His son got out of the antique truck and sprinted around to open Juliet’s door. She wouldn’t let him help her out, but she did accept his hand to step down from the running board. Brian reached back into the truck and pulled out a pizza box, smaller than the one they’d all shared for an early supper, but still substantial.
“Don’t tell me you’re hungry again,” Adam said, wiping his hands on an old towel Leah had given him. Working on the battered pickup had been a godsend. It gave him something to do with his hands and kept his mind occupied. He’d battled hard to come back from the cold, dark place his memories had sent him that afternoon, and so far he’d been successful.
“Starved,” Brain assured him. “Want a piece?”
“No, thanks.”
“Figure out what’s wrong with the truck?”
“Looks like the alternator’s bad.”
Brian nodded. “That’s what it sounded like to me when Juliet described how it was acting.” Brian liked to work under the hood of a car, too, Adam had learned over the past months. Far more than what his mother thought seemly. “I’ll pick one up in town in the morning, and we can change it tomorrow after I bring Juliet home from school. If you and Leah don’t have other plans?”
“I don’t have other plans.” And if he did he would change them. Father-son projects had been too rare in their lives to pass up the opportunity of one.
“How much is it going to cost to fix?” Juliet asked with a worried frown.
“Zip, zilch, nada,” Brian said expansively.
“I can pay to have the truck fixed,” she said stubbornly. “We’re not a charity case.”
Brian opened his mouth to argue with her, but Adam interrupted him. She was a proud child. Brian would have to take that into account in his future dealings with her. “An alternator will cost you around a hundred dollars,” he said.
“A hundred dollars?” Juliet’s face fell.
“I’ll look for a rebuilt one tomorrow,” Brian hurried to interject. “It’ll only be about half as much, right, Dad?”
“Sounds about right.”
“Well, I guess I could afford that,” Juliet said. “And I do need the truck to get back and forth to school. The bus only comes as far as the main road. It’s a long walk.”
“I’ll go to the parts store first thing tomorrow—” Brian held up his hand to halt another protest “—and I’ll bring you the bill.”
“Thank you,” Juliet replied with grown-up dignity.
Leah walked out onto the porch, her arms wrapped around her to ward off the chill of the evening. “How was the game?” she called to Juliet.
The teenager turned to her with a smile. “We won! Six to four.”
“That means we’ll be going to the regional tournament, doesn’t it?”
“It starts next week. But the first game’s at Lexington Christian, and I don’t think Mr. Fackler will let me ride that far in the bus.”
“I don’t think it would be wise.” Leah was watching Juliet closely, Adam noticed. The teenager was standing with both hands supporting her back, as though to ease the strain of the burden she was carrying. “Are you feeling okay?” Leah asked.
“As okay as I can expect, I guess, but I can’t say I won’t be glad when this is over.” She changed the subject. “How’s Granny?”
“She’s sitting in her rocker. I think she was hoping you’d be back in time to sit with her for a few minutes.”
“I’ll tell her about the game,” Juliet said as she mounted the rickety porch steps.
Leah reached out and brushed a strand of Juliet’s hair from her cheek. “I’ll be in to help her to bed shortly.”
“I can do it.”
“No, I’ll help. You shouldn’t be lifting anything these days.”
Juliet sighed. “Okay, I’ll call you when she’s ready.” She took a step then turned back. “Thank y
ou for looking at my truck, Dr. Sauder.”
“I’m glad to help, Juliet.”
“Thanks for the pizza, Brian. And thanks for... everything. I’ll never forget it.”
“The offer still stands.”
Juliet nodded. Brian looked as if he wanted to say more, but not with Adam and Leah listening. He lifted the pizza box toward Juliet. “Do you want a couple of pieces of this for a bedtime snack?”
Juliet shook her head. “I couldn’t eat another bite.”
“Say good-night to your granny for me, and remember, I’ll be at the school at three to pick you up.”
“You don’t—”
“I’ll be there at three sharp.”
Juliet nodded and went on into the house. Leah came down the steps and walked toward them. “I’d like to thank you for all you’ve done for Juliet today.”
“My pleasure.” Brian avoided his father’s eyes, making Adam wonder what had happened between the two teenagers that afternoon. “If no one else wants some of this pizza, I think I’ll head on back into town with it.”
“I’m with Juliet—I couldn’t possibly eat another bite,” Leah told him.
Adam just shook his head.
“I’m going to call it an early night, Dad. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Adam interpreted Brian’s remark to mean he wouldn’t be waiting up for him to come back to the Hideaway, but Adam didn’t think he’d be far behind his son in returning to the motel. Leah had barely spoken a word to him since he’d walked in on her and the others in the break room back at the clinic.
“See you tomorrow, Leah.”
“Bye, Brian.”
His son gave him a half salute, sprinted to Caleb’s truck and rattled away over the ramshackle bridge leaving Adam alone with the woman he wanted so much to be able to love.
“I hold my breath every time I see someone cross that thing,” Leah said as the sound of the truck’s engine died away.
“It needs to be shored up,” Adam agreed.
“There’s no money for that kind of project, and, well, it won’t be much longer that anyone will be living out here.” She looked at Aurelia’s bedroom window.
“Will Juliet come to live with you?”
“I don’t know. We haven’t discussed it yet. She’s having trouble accepting that Aurelia’s dying. There will be time—after—to make those kinds of arrangements.” Leah paused a moment and cleared her throat. “I just came out to tell you I’ll be ready to leave soon. Aurelia’s tired and needs to go back to bed.”
“I’ll help you.”
“That’s not necessary.”
“Yes, it is. Juliet’s not the only one who shouldn’t be lifting a lot of weight.”
“Aurelia’s skin and bones.”
“Leah, let me help.” She was warier of him than ever this evening, and he understood why. When he had left Caleb and his patient in the ER, he’d felt himself shutting down, as he’d done so often in the past. He knew there was only one hope for him—to find Leash and let her healing presence bring him back into the light. But when he found her, she had seen the darkness in him and reacted accordingly. Still, he’d managed. Just being near her had helped him to fight back against the overwhelming terror of his memories.
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to.”
Her next words hit him like a blow. “I don’t want her upset by your... distance.”
“What do you mean, Leah?” She might be talking about Aurelia, but she was really talking about herself and the baby.
“I don’t want her to see how remote you are because you know you can’t help her. If you can’t heal her, you want nothing to do with her emotionally.”
“I’ve never done less than my best for any patient.”
“Technically, yes, but how long has it been since you’ve given anything deeper than the surface of yourself to anyone?”
“We’re not talking about Aurelia now, are we?”
“No,” she said softly, shaking her head. “I guess we’re not.”
“What is it you want of me, Leah?” He took a step toward her.
“Everything you can’t give,” she said, then turned and went into the cabin.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
SHE SHOULDN’T HAVE SPOKEN to him that way. Leah couldn’t get the image of Adam’s stricken face from her mind as she helped Aurelia get ready for bed. It was a measure of how deeply her words had penetrated his defenses that he’d let his reaction show at all. And her own reaction? How could she defend herself for keeping him at arm’s length?
He had tried very hard to be part of their small circle earlier that evening. He had eaten practically none of the pizza, but he’d sat at the table with her and Juliet and Brian with his coffee mug cradled between his hands. He had added bits and pieces to the conversation and treated Aurelia with the respect due her age and condition.
He was trying, but could he succeed? It wasn’t for herself alone that she had to ask the hard questions. It was for the baby’s sake, too.
“I thought your man would come to bid me good-night,” Aurelia said as Leah tucked the blankets around her. “Did you two have words out there?”
Leah sighed. “Are you able to see through walls?”
“No, but I know you. I can tell when you’re struggling with yourself.”
Leah sat down on the edge of the bed. “I am struggling. I have to make a decision about what part Adam will play in the baby’s life, and I need to make it soon.”
“Seems to me his role is clear enough. He’s the baby’s father, isn’t he?”
“You know he is.”
“Then he should be your husband, too.”
“Things aren’t always so cut-and-dried.”
Aurelia shook her head. “Right is right,” she said with conviction. “That’s the problem with the world today. Everyone wants to make everything come out right for them. They don’t think of others. The man has rights as a daddy, don’t he?”
“Yes, he does.”
“Well, then, you’d better give them to him.”
“I wish it were that easy.”
“Seems easy enough to me—you just have to decide if you love him.”
Leah still couldn’t answer that. She stood up and adjusted the oxygen tubing and checked the gauge. “Do you need a little more oxygen?” she asked, noting the bluish tinge to the old woman’s lips and the grayness of her skin.
Aurelia nodded. “Yes. It’s so close in here tonight. The weather’s changing for the worse again, isn’t it?”
“They’re predicting thunderstorms.”
“I knew it. I always know when there’s a weather change coming.” She folded her hands on her chest. “I’ll pray the way comes clear for you,” she said.
Leah bent over and kissed the old woman on the cheek. “Thank you, Aurelia. You’ve eased my mind. Now get some rest and remember I’m only a phone call away.” She adjusted the shade on the bedside lamp so the light didn’t shine directly into Aurelia’s eyes and turned to leave the room. Adam was standing in the doorway.
“I’ve come to say good-night to Aurelia,” he said.
“I thought you had better manners than to leave my house without speaking to me.” Aurelia’s eyes glittered with satisfaction as she caught Leah’s gaze.
Adam walked into the room and leaned over the bed, taking Aurelia’s hand in both his strong, well-shaped ones. “Thank you for your hospitality, ma’am.”
“You’re most welcome. Don’t be a stranger, Doctor. I like company. I’m not ready to meet my maker just yet. I still like to hear the gossip and what’s going on in the world.”
“I’d be pleased to visit again. My son is very taken with your Juliet, you know.” The low murmur of Adam’s voice was a pleasant counterpoint to the growling of thunder they could already hear echoing among the hilltops.
“And I’m beholden to him for his care of her.” Aurelia’s voice grew sharper, stronger. “But you tell that yo
ung scamp Juliet’s too mixed-up in her feelings to be anything more than friends.”
“I agree completely. Brian has a lot of hard decisions of his own to make before too long. He isn’t ready for more than friendship, either.”
“Good. Then we see eye to eye.”
“We do. Good night, Aurelia. Sleep well.”
“Good night, Doctor. God bless.”
“Thank you.” He straightened and moved past Leah to the doorway. “I’ll wait for you outside.”
“Good night, Granny. I’ll tell Juliet I’m leaving.”
“Don’t let the devil get your man,” Aurelia whispered, already half-asleep. “He needs saving from his demons, but you’ll have to do most of the work.”
“Then you’ll have to pray for a miracle, I’m afraid.”
Five minutes later Leah and Adam were in the Cherokee. They crossed the bridge as night closed in on the isolated glen. “Aurelia doesn’t have much time left,” Adam said, breaking the silence, as he maneuvered around the biggest puddles in front of the empty Perkins’s homestead.
“I know. She’s having more and more difficulty breathing. Soon we’ll be forced to switch to narcotics for the pain. With her diminished lung capacity...” Leah didn’t have to finish the sentence. Adam knew as well as she did that the depressant effect of morphine on the respiratory system would bring the end sooner rather than later. It was a trade-off at this point—time for comfort.
“It’s going to be touch and go if she lives until Juliet’s baby is born.”
“She’s due in less than three weeks. Aurelia’s determined to stay alive that long.”
“And Juliet won’t make a decision on giving up the child for adoption while the old woman’s alive.”
They were quiet for a while as they drove back to town. Leah thought about Juliet and her baby. She was going to lose Aurelia and be alone in the world. Her thoughts swung to her own baby and his father sitting beside her, and she turned to face him. She didn’t want to be angry with Adam. They would never be able to come to an agreement on what was best for their baby with hard feelings keeping them from learning what was in each other’s hearts.
Winter Soldier (Mills & Boon Vintage Superromance) Page 14
