by Cal, Sarah
Neither did she want to, but it was undeniable that she already was. Still, she let him go and he went downstairs to answer the door as she stayed where she was. Her tears had stopped, at least, but she only felt worse at this point.
What would Kellen do? What would Brian say to her? He had experience with dealing with her moods, but Emma didn’t think the woman had ever been this bad before. She was always careful to keep everything in house, so that Emma only heard it a few times when she babysat for them or Brian told her. It could just be the stress of their new life, but Emma didn’t think it contributed such a large part of it.
The noise stopped downstairs. Emma waited. Moments later, Kellen burst into the room.
She looked different from when Emma last saw her. She had been angry and ready to kill then, but the intensity now seemed to have multiplied. Or maybe she just hadn't remembered it well. Kellen stomped over to the foot of the bed, hands fisted at her sides, teeth bared in anger. Emma didn’t even flinch. She'd already seen an almost similar look in someone so much more frightening, and crazier, too. At least she knew Kellen wouldn’t try to kill her, though she wouldn’t put the other woman past trying to hit her.
"You! How fucking dare you!"
Emma winced at the sound of the screech. She threw a look at Brian, who just shrugged helplessly behind Kellen. Her family didn’t need this. There were enough problems without adding more to them. But she didn’t think Kellen could be convinced to move this outside. If anything, Emma looking over at Brian only seemed to make her more enflamed. Emma held back a put upon sigh.
"Don’t you look at him! You witch! You ruined my marriage!"
She did sigh then, giving Kellen an annoyed look. "You were doing that just fine on your own, last I saw. Your husband was sleeping on the streets, he came here last night for shelter and slept on the couch. Whatever it is you think you saw happening between us just now, you were wrong."
She kept her voice level, wiping at her cheeks to remove all traces of tears. Kellen made a rough sound that she might have meant to be a growl, but only came off as ridiculous. Emma arched an eyebrow and Brian sighed from behind Kellen, sounding exasperated.
"We weren’t happy together Kellen, we never were. You just wanted it so badly you never saw it. It wasn’t Emma's fault."
"But you're sleeping with her," she spluttered, turning an incredulous look at him.
"I am not sleeping with Emma," he said distinctly.
A half-truth. It might not be happening right then, but it did happen before. Emma bit her lip and kept silent and still in her bed.
Kellen watched Brian for a moment before turning back to Emma. She didn’t look any more pacified. She probably just assumed he was lying and dismissed his statement.
"You're evil," she said to Emma, trying to lash out.
It was a poor way to go about it, though. Emma did have some sympathy for the woman, and her guilt wasn’t gone. She had a feeling it never would. She let herself soften, letting the words flow over her back, because she had seen so much in a short time that she had a feeling she was only starting to see what true evil felt like. Kellen, in her sheltered life, still had no idea how much the world around her had changed, locking herself up at home now that she couldn’t stand to put up with the world outside it.
"I understand your anger," she said slowly. "But it should be something that you work through with Brian first. My grandmother and my sister are both mentally ill. You have known this for a while, Kellen. Please leave my house before you cause them any agitation. Please."
Kellen just sneered. "I hate you, Emma. To be honest, I kind of always have. I wish you would drop dead."
She didn’t mind that Kellen hated her as much as she seemed to think it should. But Emma had known for a long time that she didn’t like Kellen, or there were more parts of her that Emma despised than she liked. She must have noticed Emma was unaffected, because she glared.
Kellen moved to step forward, probably to hit her, but Carlson grabbed her arm. She made a sound of anger, trying to tug out of his hold, but he didn’t release his grasp.
"I'm sorry Emma," he said as he pulled Kellen out of the room.
She protested, but he dragged her behind him. She complained all the way, loudly enough that Emma heard her even from her room as he took her out of the house, even once they were outside. She was sure most of the neighborhood caught the commotion, and wondered if Kellen would care, once she came back to her senses.
Emma moved off the bed. She watched from the window as Kellen and Brian fought outside their own house. When she opened the window, she could hear some words in all the noise they kept throwing at each other.
"You're a disgrace on our family!" Kellen was shouting, for once not caring who was watching. "You don’t deserve time with our children."
"You don’t get to decide that—"
"I am their mother! I decide everything!"
It wasn’t true, but Emma winced, knowing Kellen would do anything to make sure it became so. If she had her way, Brian would never see his children again. Emma could see his stricken face from her vantage point, and part of Kellen's smug face at having gotten a reaction she favored from him. He didn’t have a comeback for that, just staring at Kellen, and for a moment, she stared back.
"You're welcome to live with Emma. Good riddance! But you'll never see the kids again."
She was moving, heading for the house while he stood frozen. He followed a moment after, a moment too late. Brian fought to get into the house, but Kellen slammed the door in his face.
Chapter 22
Emma and Chase sat quietly together out in the garden. They could hear Brian crying inside, and planned to give him some privacy.
She was feeling blank about what had just happened, but it wouldn’t last. She would never have wished for it to happen; for Brian's sake, for his kids' sake, she would have rather Kellen remain in the dark forever. It wasn’t nice of her, but the current situation was worse. Kellen, in her selfish pain wasn’t even thinking of her children.
How did she expect to get food for them in the long term? Emma could admit she wasn’t around a lot, especially not recently, but Emma hadn't seen the other woman leave her house any other time but to start an argument with Brian lately. Emma had no idea what their food situation had been before, or what it was now. Did she realize her baby was too young to eat solid food? She'd gotten from Brian, once, that Kellen didn’t breast feed. Now that here were no other alternatives, Emma didn’t know if she had reverted to that. Did Kellen even know how to look after children? Especially the baby?
Would she know how to be the provider? Before she was the primary breadwinner, but considering she earned money through something she loved to do, looking after two children was different. She would be struggling to get food for them from then on. Also, there was much more that children needed than just food. Emma herself didn’t know to take care of children twenty four seven, but Brian did and how good he was at being a dad was the one thing that impressed her about him. He did it without complaint, even giving everything up once the baby was brought home.
Kellen had just taken it all from him so cruelly.
"It's crazy that family problems still exist when everything else is so chaotic," Chase muttered.
Emma was brought out of her thoughts, and she eyed him in her peripheral vision. After watching the fallout between Brian and his wife, Emma had felt bad. She couldn’t give her emotions a name yet, but they weren’t positive. Neither could she stay in her room, so she made her way outside. Her grandmother and sister were already in their rooms, thank goodness, but she made her way outside. Chase, who had been sitting unobtrusively in the kitchen, had followed her.
They were the first words they had spoken to each other that day, and it was hard to believe how everything seemed to get worse by the minute. Emma sighed, wrapped her hair around one hand and tugged lightly.
"There's not a lot we can do to shield our emotions. Just becau
se the world is pretty much ending, doesn’t mean feelings don’t exist and can't be hurt."
Kellen hadn't exactly overreacted, though Emma thought her actions were a bit much. Alienating others this early on, when things were bound to get worse, could only hurt in the long run.
Emma didn’t think Kellen was acting rationally, or even thinking about the long-term. Either that or she overestimated her own ability. She didn’t know what was out there; she hadn't seen what Emma had. She had no idea how thoroughly she was shooting herself in the foot by being so stubborn. She couldn’t just leave her house because she had an infant to take care of, Emma wasn’t even sure how much food was still in that house. But surely it couldn’t last them very long? Could Kellen even cook, having been the worker of the house instead of the house maker?
Not that she wasn’t allowed to feel. She had every right to be mad at both her and Brian. But if she had been thinking more about her kids than her hurt pride, she would have talked to him more and come to some compromise. Instead, she had jumped into the worst case scenario.
Emma worried a little for the sake of their kids. But Kellen acting so emotionally she hadn't even thought through the consequences...
Well, it wasn’t surprising. Kellen was just like that. She let her emotions rule her most of the time, and currently, hurt pride more than anything was at the forefront of her mind. If it was just hurt over Brian, she wouldn’t have tried to involve Emma in it.
In a way, Emma understood. But she couldn’t help but think how stupid Kellen was being. Not that she was any better, though.
"How are you handling everything?"
Chase again brought her out of her thoughts. How was she handling everything?
Well, depending on what he meant, she wasn’t doing well. If he truly meant everything, she could explain to him, in detail, all the things that were going wrong and end with the display they'd just watched. There was still plenty to worry her; her family, the town, her work, Brian...
But she just sighed and sent a small smile his way. "I talked to Merry, before I came out here. She'll be staying in her room the whole day, I think the shouting bothered her a bit. But she agreed to take the drugs, if only to end her nightmares."
It was the second piece of good news she'd gotten for the day. Of course, it left her anxious on the effect the drugs would have on Merry and her behavior. It might be too early to tell, whether they were working and what the side effects would be, but she planned on checking up on her sister soon to make sure she was okay, and then keep doing it regularly.
Chase's eyes moved across her face. "But that's a good thing, right?" he said cautiously.
Emma grimaced. "I just feel useless, having to sit tight and wait for everything to fix itself."
And she couldn’t even find a way to help her grandmother. It didn’t matter that there was no way out there that could help her. It would be bothering Emma for a while.
Chase pulled her close and she let herself fall into his side. She kept using him for comfort, but could she help that she needed it often? Chase was the only person she allowed herself to act weak around. Because she knew he wouldn’t judge her for it. That wasn’t to say he would just accept everything. Though mostly he tried to make her feel better, he told her things straight, no sugar coating; not just what she needed to hear.
"I'll be with you every step of the way, okay? No need to let everything overwhelm you. I believe I've told you this before."
She could have told him she would do it anyway. As wonderful as it was having Chase, she had spent too long being able to do things for her family on her own to break the habit now. She would go to him once things didn’t work out, but not before.
"I just can't imagine how Brian must feel," she muttered, ducking her head under his chin, "with the best things in life taken from him."
She winced when she remembered how he looked once he'd stopped knocking on Kellen's door and gotten inside. That face was going to haunt her for a while, and every time she remembered it she would know it was mostly her fault. Emma was the one that Kellen hated, she just wanted to punish Brian for cheating on her. Emma had thought momentarily about going to talk to her, but decided it was too early. She might just make everything worse instead of better. But maybe, if she let Kellen hurt her, she would be more willing to forgive Brian. It was worth a try, just not yet while she was still so mad.
"Do you want kids someday?" Chase asked, tentative.
Emma pursed her lips. It had been a while since he asked that, but she imagined he was asking again now thinking she would have changed her mind. And really, with how the world currently was, with how it was going to be pretty soon, it would be better if she didn’t have children.
It had been her dream to start a family of her own for so long, but she had given up on it and left it as that, a dream, for an even longer time. She didn’t just want children; she wanted to be married when she had them. She used to imagine, back when her parents were still alive, the kind of man she would marry, what her wedding would be like. She imagined a lot of girls had the same thoughts by the time they were fifteen.
But then the accident happened, and her dreams had died a slow death. They still existed, but that meant nothing since she had no hope of them ever getting fulfilled. To get married, have two point five kids and her own house in the suburbs with a white picket fence. The few guys she had known to say that had meant it as a joke, but it was all Emma had wanted, once upon a time.
She didn’t think that would be possible now. Even if she could find someone willing to be in a relationship with her, knowing her family came as a package deal, though the chances of that were low. Not to mention how dangerous it would be to have children just then. Or being pregnant and more vulnerable than she already was when everything was so dangerous.
With the state the hospital was in, could she safely deliver? If something went wrong, all the sophisticated medical equipment people had been depending on for too long no longer existed, she wouldn’t know until it was too late. She could be risking her life.
Also, there was the extra food she would need, and the extra mouths to feed that came after when they were facing possible starvation. Where would she get food for these hypothetical children? She would have to spend most of her time at home to look after their needs until they were old enough to be left alone. So who would look after her and her family? Her hypothetical husband? It was all too ridiculous to think about.
But Chase's question was really simple.
"Of course I do—when I find the right person to settle down with." She chewed on her lip and hunched her shoulders. If it happened at all, it would be far away. When everything had settled, and the hostility just starting to build up in the world had died down. Their lives would be back to their old normal, or settling into a new one. "But it's not like there's a rush, or anything. Dating isn’t top of anyone's priority list right now," she pointed out.
She felt Chase take a deep breath as he was about to respond, when they heard a crash from indoors.
There was a moment of stillness, before they were both moving. Emma pushed away from Chase and got to her feet, rushing inside with Chase at her heels. They found Brian in the living room, and it took a second for Emma to piece together what had just happened.
Brian had punched a wall. There was a very visible dent, and his knuckled, when she looked, were bleeding. He stood still, breathing heavily, and it was almost impossible to believe, with how frozen he stood, that he had lost his temper so violently. She had never seen this side of him before.
Emma was torn. Brian was hurting, and it was part her fault. He didn’t deserve the treatment he was getting from Kellen, because his children meant more in the world to him than anything. She wanted to do something, try to comfort him like he had tried to do for her, even though that was what ruined everything.
But he didn’t look like he wanted to be approached, for any reason. His chest heaved with every breath, his eyes staring at
the wall where he had just put his fist through. There was a wildness in his eyes that held her back, and she was pretty sure he hadn't even noticed they were in the room with him. Then he struggled to take his ring off, and it was the first that had hit the wall. Emma winced in sympathy, but he didn’t seem to feel the pain he was causing himself.
He got his wedding ring off and threw it down, storming out of the house.
Chapter 23
Emma sat by Merry's bed, watching her sister. They had been sitting there, locked in a silent argument for a while. Emma was trying not to lose her patience. It wouldn’t be fair of her, but she had too many things to worry about without adding this. It wasn’t fair of her, to take out her bad mood on her sister, which was why she was holding herself back.
Her patience was pretty much shot. That, and Merry, were always a bad combination. Her sister made it hard for her to maintain control, and she had thought that the best way to not say the wrong thing was to keep her mouth shut. Only Merry wasn’t talking either, and she was growing sick of the stiff silence.
Finally, she sighed. "Merry, you need to take your pills if you want to get better."
Though she had been excited when Emma first gave her the drugs, her excitement had died pretty quickly. Emma assumed she now regretted begging for the medication, even if it could take her nightmares away. The nightmares she was used to, she had one nearly every night since the death of their parents ten years ago. Emma could only imagine that the side effect made her feel so bad that her former state was preferable.
Merry had yet to tell her what it was, though. Emma had just entered to give her another dose, only Merry glanced at her, at the drugs in her hand, and promptly turned her back on Emma. Every attempt to talk to her had yielded no results.
There was silence for a moment, and then Merry moved to eye Emma out the corner of her eye.
"No," she refused, point blank.
