How Dell had prayed for the symptoms of pregnancy throughout all those years of hoping. Now she was so deeply immersed in her new life she hadn’t actually recognised them. The ‘seasickness’ that was actually morning sickness. The sensitivity of her breasts she’d put down to the havoc IVF had played with her hormones. The tiredness she’d attributed to the long hours in her new job.
‘I believe so,’ she said slowly, then explained her symptoms to the doctor.
‘I’m sure a blood test will confirm your pregnancy,’ the doctor said. ‘Congratulations.’
Dell’s head was reeling. It was too much to take in. This was the best and the worst of news. A baby at last. But pregnant by IVF to her ex-husband while she was living in a different country on the other side of the world from home and with a halfway serious crush on another man?
Through a haze of disbelief, she made a further appointment with the doctor. Then walked blindly out into the street.
Nidri was more a boisterous, overgrown village than a town. Dell tripped on the uneven pavement and gave a hysterical little laugh that had a well-dressed woman turn and look at her askance. She steadied herself against the wall of a beauty salon that specialised in tiny fish nibbling the dead skin from people’s feet. Moved on to a fournos with a tempting display of the most delicious local cookies and pastries. In her shocked, nauseated state the scent of baking did not appeal.
She was struggling to find a foothold in the suddenly turned upside down landscape of her own life. She would have to take step by dazed step to try to negotiate the uncharted new territory. Not at all certain where it would lead her.
Alex. How would she tell him? What would this mean? Almost certainly the end of her dream job. The end of the already remote chance that they could ever be more than friends. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself against the shivers that shuddered through her, even though the warm spring sun shone down on her shoulders.
CHAPTER EIGHT
ALL NIGHT ALEX had been plagued by a nagging concern for Dell. He’d become so concerned that next morning he decided to take his boat across to Nidri so he could check on her. Her ailment had sounded like something more than seasickness. What if she was seriously ill?
His gut clenched at the thought. Dell had become his responsibility. He had talked her into moving to Greece to work with him even though she had been initially reluctant. Now it was up to him to look out for her. He was all she had here. The job had kept her way too busy for her to get out and make friends. He hoped the doctor’s diagnosis would be something easily fixed. That he could fix for her.
His aunt Penelope had pointed him in the direction to where Dell was seeing the doctor. He stood across the road and waited for her to come out of her appointment. It wasn’t a long wait. He caught sight of her immediately, in the short pencil skirt he liked so much and a crisp striped shirt—she had obviously intended to head to work afterwards. Cristos was on call to take her over.
But as he watched her walk away from the doctor’s rooms, Alex wished he’d been somewhere closer. What the hell was wrong? She seemed to lurch as if in a daze, tripping on the uneven pavement, righting herself without seeming to realise what she was doing. Finally she stood out of the way in the doorway of a closed souvenir shop and hugged her arms tightly around herself. Her hair shone bright in a shaft of sunlight. Had she been prescribed medication? Was she suffering from a fever? Been given bad news? She should not be on her own.
He broke into a run to get to her. Cursing the traffic, he ducked in and out of cars and buses. The delivery guy on a bicycle balancing an enormous flower arrangement shouted at him but he scarcely heard him. He had to reach her. ‘Dell!’
She looked up, seemed to have trouble focusing, her eyes huge in her wan face, her lovely mouth trembling. Alex was struck by how vulnerable and alone she seemed. How suddenly frail.
He felt swept by an almighty urge to protect her, to make her safe. An urge that went beyond the concern of an employer for a member of staff. He cared for her. Alex didn’t know when or how it had happened, but somehow she had snuck under his defences. All he knew was he wanted to fold her into his arms and tell her everything would be all right because he was there for her.
‘Alex,’ she said. ‘Wh...what are you doing here?’ Her eyes darted every which way. As if she’d rather be anywhere but with him right at this moment. As if she was looking for an escape route, not a pair of comforting arms. Especially not his.
Alex shoved his hands into his pockets. He forced his voice to calm, boss-like concern. ‘To see if you’re all right. Which you’re obviously not. What news from the doctor?’
Emotions that he couldn’t read flickered across her face. Secrets she didn’t want to share. People shouldered past them on the narrow pavement. An English couple standing outside a shop loudly discussed the benefits of olive wood salad servers. Motor scooters in dire need of adjustment to their exhaust systems puttered by. ‘Can we maybe go somewhere more private?’ she said, her voice so low he could scarcely catch it.
‘There’s a coffee shop just up there,’ he said, indicating it with a wave of his arm. ‘You look like you could do with Greek coffee, hot and strong.’ If it weren’t only mid-morning he’d suggest brandy.
She shuddered and swallowed hard. ‘Some orange juice, I think.’
‘Sure,’ he said. ‘Whatever you need.’ He put his arm around her shoulder to shepherd her in the right direction. Initially she stiffened against his touch, then the rigidity of her body melted. Her curves felt soft and warm against him. Alex tightened his hold to keep her close, liking the feeling he could keep her safe. But as soon as they reached the coffee shop she broke away from him.
He sat her down at a table in a quiet corner. Pushed the juice towards her. Once she’d taken a few sips, she seemed to revive somewhat, although there was still a worrying pallor to her face.
‘Thank you,’ she said. Her hands cradled around the glass in an effort, he realised, to stop their trembling.
‘So what’s wrong? Eggplant allergy?’
A hint of a smile—perhaps ten per cent of its full incandescent power—hovered around the corners of her mouth. ‘Not quite,’ she said. She met his gaze directly. ‘There’s no easy way to say this. Turns out the seasickness wasn’t that at all. I... I’m pregnant.’ She sounded as though she didn’t quite believe it, was just trying on the words for size.
Alex reeled back in his chair, too stunned to say anything. Shock at her words mingled with his own disbelief and disappointment. And a sudden bolt of jealousy that she had a man in her life. A man she had denied. ‘Did you know about this when you accepted the job with me?’
The words spilled out from her. As if she was trying to explain the situation to herself as well as to him. ‘No. It came as a complete shock. I... I thought—hoped—there was a chance, which is why I said no to your offer in the first place. Then...well, then it seemed I wasn’t pregnant. But...the evidence that led me to think I wasn’t pregnant and could accept your job turned out to be a false alarm. Turns out, though, I am pregnant.’
‘You said you didn’t have a man in your life. “One hundred per cent single,” if I remember correctly.’
‘I don’t. There hasn’t been anyone for a long time.’
He drummed his fingers on the metal top of the table. ‘That doesn’t make sense.’
‘I realise that. It...it’s complicated.’
Cynicism welled up and spouted into his words. ‘What’s complicated about getting a woman pregnant?’ He didn’t know why his reaction to her news was so sour. Perhaps because he’d started to think of Dell as his. Her news made it very clear she had another man in her life. The father of her child.
‘We all know how it happens.’ Had she met a man since she’d been in Greece? One of his family? His cousin? She’d remarked on several occas
ions how good-looking Cristos was. He had no right to be furious if that was the case, he had no claim on her, but a black rage consumed him at the thought.
She bit her lower lip. ‘In this case, not quite the way you think,’ she said with a dull edge to her voice.
‘Perhaps you’d better explain.’ He made no effort to keep his disillusionment from his voice. One of the things he’d liked most about her was her open face, her apparent honesty. It appeared he’d read her incorrectly.
* * *
Dell quailed against Alex’s grim expression. He hadn’t been able to hide his shock at her revelation. Of course he’d be annoyed, angry even that his newly contracted employee was pregnant. It had been an incredible shock to her, too. But her joy in finally seeing her dream of motherhood in sight overrode everything.
There was no point in telling him anything other than the unembellished truth. She took a steadying breath. ‘This baby was conceived by IVF. I’d been undergoing treatment during my marriage.’
Alex’s dark brows pulled into an even deeper frown. ‘But you’re divorced now.’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Legally divorced. The marriage is done and dusted.’
‘So who is the father?’
‘My ex-husband.’
He pushed back in his chair. Slanted his shoulders away from her. It hurt to see him distancing himself. ‘I don’t get it,’ he said.
Dell caught a half-sob in her throat. She’d known this wouldn’t be easy. But she hadn’t expected it would be this difficult. ‘The IVF procedures I had when I was married to Neil didn’t work. It was one of the reasons we broke up. Well, not broke up strictly speaking. He left me. I hadn’t been expecting it. But he wanted out. He blamed my obsession with having a baby and...and for neglecting him as a husband.’
Alex’s eyes narrowed. ‘And was that the reason?’
‘Looking back, I see it did put the marriage under stress. I always thought having a baby was what we both wanted. But maybe...maybe it was more about me. I’d always wanted to have kids, felt a failure that I couldn’t fall pregnant when everyone around me seemed to do it so easily. My life became a roller coaster of alternate anticipation then despair. And with some hormone crazy happening too. Maybe there were cracks in the marriage I just didn’t want to see. That it wasn’t strong enough to survive the pressure.’
She looked down at her hands, realised abstractedly that the dent from where she’d worn her wedding ring for so long had finally disappeared.
Alex shifted in his chair, obviously uncomfortable. She appreciated this was an awkwardly personal conversation for a boss with his employee. ‘That still doesn’t enlighten me to how you’re pregnant to your ex-husband.’
‘It took me a while to pick myself up from the aftermath of my marriage. We’d been dating since high school and—’
‘So you’d been with the same guy since high school?’ Alex sounded incredulous. She remembered his reputation as a player and a man about town before he’d met the lovely Mia. How tame her own life had been in comparison. But she hadn’t wanted it any other way.
She nodded. ‘He was nice. Steady. I thought he’d be a good husband and father.’
There hadn’t been a lot of fireworks to start and what there had been had eventually fizzled out. But then it hadn’t been sizzling sensuality she’d been after. She’d seen Neil as steady and secure and a family man totally unlike her distant father. Had it been enough? For the first time she wondered if sex had become the effort for Neil that it had for her. It had become all about making babies, not making love. She thought about the thrill she felt just being in the same room as Alex. Had she ever felt that way about her ex-husband?
‘But he didn’t turn out so nice,’ Alex said.
Slowly she shook her head. ‘To be fair, there must have been wrong on both sides for the marriage to have ended.’
‘So how did you manage on your own?’
She shrugged. ‘Okay.’ Of course it hadn’t been okay but she didn’t want to admit that to Alex. Of how Neil had screwed her out of her fair share of their assets. How she’d been left with the considerable IVF expense as he’d convinced her it was what she’d wanted, not him. She hadn’t been able to understand how he’d turned so nasty until she’d discovered he’d met someone else while they were still married and had moved in with her straight away.
Alex’s dark eyes were perceptive. ‘Really okay?’
‘Not really.’ An awkward silence fell between them. But she had no desire to discuss her dating disasters with Alex. That was something she could laugh at with her girlfriends. Not with the only man who had attracted her since—well, pretty well ever.
Alex was the one to break the silence. ‘So...back to your pregnancy.’
‘The fertility clinic got in touch, asked me what I wanted to do with our last stored embryo.’ She implored him with her eyes to understand. ‘I’d wanted a baby for so long. Desperately. I saw this as my last chance. At twenty-nine I was running out of time to meet a guy who wanted to get married and have kids. Start again. I told the clinic I wanted to try.’
‘What did your ex say?’
Dell found it difficult to meet Alex’s eyes. Concentrated instead on the pattern of olives printed on the café placemat. ‘Here’s where it gets complicated. I didn’t tell him.’
‘What?’ His voice made no bones about his disapproval. ‘You didn’t tell the guy who fathered it?’
She looked up at him again. There was no point in dissembling. ‘I know. It was probably wrong. Even immoral.’ She leaned over the table towards him. ‘But you don’t understand what baby hunger feels like. A constant ache. Torture every time you see someone else’s baby. When you have to congratulate a friend who’s pregnant and all the time you’re screaming inside why not me?’
‘No. I don’t understand that,’ he said shortly.
‘Don’t judge me, Alex. I did what I did because I had to grab that one, final chance of achieving the dream of holding my baby in my arms. I didn’t hold out any hopes as no attempt had ever worked before. But when the chance was offered to me I had no choice but to take it.’
‘Is that why you initially turned down my job offer?’
‘Yes. I didn’t want to be away from home if by some miracle the treatment worked. It never had before but I kept alive that tiny beam of hope. Until...until it appeared I had failed again. Evidence that it turns out was false.’
‘So what does your ex think of this?’
‘What? Me being pregnant? I only just found out myself. He doesn’t know.’
‘When do you intend to tell him?’ It was ironic, she thought, that she had told Alex, her boss, before the biological father.
‘Not...not yet. The pregnancy is still in its early stages. I... I...may still lose it. I wouldn’t want to tell him until I’m more sure. Why go through all that for nothing?’
‘You obviously don’t anticipate a happy reaction.’ Alex’s fingers drummed on the table top. Dell resisted the temptation to reach over and still them with her own.
‘He’s moved on. Married already to the woman he left me for.’ Swift, brutal, her ex had put their years together behind him as if they’d never happened.
She’d made the decision to take the embryo without really thinking about Neil. Possibly she’d even justified it by remembering how he’d said she wanted the IVF so much, she could pay the bills for it. Didn’t that make the baby hers and hers alone? In her heart she knew that thinking was wrong. Not so much for Neil’s sake—though she knew he had a right to know he was going to be a father—but for the baby’s sake. Her child deserved to know about his or her other parent. The idea of a baby had seemed so abstract. Now it was beginning to feel real. A little person she hoped she would be bringing into the world. And for whom she bore the entire responsibility. It was both te
rrifying and exhilarating.
‘What do you intend to do?’
‘Give you my resignation, along with my sincere apology, if that’s what you want. I certainly don’t blame you if you do.’
He leaned forward across the table. ‘Is that what you want? Legally, I can’t fire an employee for being pregnant.’ For a moment she saw a flash of her old adversary in the set of his jaw.
‘It wouldn’t come to that,’ she said. ‘I... I...’ She was going to say I love working with you but somehow she couldn’t utter the word love to him under any circumstance. Not with the knowledge of her secret crush on him throbbing away in her heart. ‘I really enjoy working with you and would like to continue. The baby isn’t due until after Christmas. I would like to stay here and help you with the launch, then return to Australia at the end of summer, say late August. I need to be back there for the birth.’
He leaned back against the chair. Templed his fingers. ‘You’re sure you want to do that?’
‘Yes. I really want to continue working with you. To...to be part of your awesome project.’ To stay part of his life.
His expression didn’t give away anything. She had no idea what his decision would be. She would accept it either way. But she just hoped he would agree to keep her on.
‘With all the hospitality staff I’ve employed over the years, I’ve worked with pregnant women. There’s no reason not to keep you on.’
Hope bubbled through her. ‘You mean I’ve still got a job?’
‘Yes,’ he said.
‘You’re not just saying that because you’d be breaking some employment code if you asked me to go?’
‘No,’ he said gruffly. ‘I want you to stay. I consider you an...an indispensable part of my team.’
She wanted to fling her arms around his neck to thank him, but knew it would be totally inappropriate. Especially now considering her condition.
‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘I promise I won’t let you down.’
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