by Lisa Lace
He butters a roll and keeps on talking. “He got through six or seven women in the first semester. Broke a few hearts. Destroyed a few friendships. At first, it didn’t bother me—everybody gets a bit wild at college, right? But then he started to take things too far. He’d lead girls on with all the promises in the world, sleep with them, and then cut them off completely. I kept my mouth shut for a while because who my roommate sleeps with is really none of my business. Then he slept with a close friend’s girlfriend. We fell out big time over that—Matt was crushed when Ethan stole his girl. We got past the argument, but I was always kind of uncomfortable around Ethan after that. Once you’ve seen a person betray someone like that, you know it’s only a matter of time before they’ll do the same to you.�
“He’s always had such a good reputation in the news.�
Vincent raises his eyebrows at me. “You’d be surprised what money can do. The things I know about Ethan Steele would turn your stomach. He’s a bad man, Lily. I’m only glad I didn’t get pulled into his lies. I’d have lost far more than I did if I’d stuck with him. He may have come after me once, but at least I got back up again. Now, I look back on that whole time with Ethan as a learning experience. I learned actions speak louder than words. Ethan always had plenty to say, but it was the way he treated people that spoke the loudest. Be glad you never met him, Lily—he’s dangerous.�
“Where are your shoes, Lily?�
I shrug, laugh, and gesture somewhere over my shoulder. “I took them off when I went in the river.�
Ethan looks down the bank and spots a single yellow flipflop leaning against a rock. “I think the other one’s gone downstream.�
“It doesn’t matter. I have better balance without them anyway.� I jump from the bank onto a large, flat stone in the river. The water swirls around my ankles, the current rushing past.
“Make sure you don’t slip, Lily. That current looks pretty strong.�
“I guess you better come and save me!�
Ethan grins. His gaze travels from the bank to the rock next to mine. I see him analyzing the jump.
He doesn’t even take his sneakers off when he hops and immediately loses his footing and crashes into the water. The current’s strong enough to carry him just a few feet before he sinks his fingers into the riverbed and stands up. He’s soaked.
Guilty, I hide my laugh behind my hand. I always seem to coax Ethan into sticky situations. It doesn’t help that he’s this damned clumsy.
“Are you laughing at me?�
I don’t hide it anymore. I tilt my head back and let my laughter erupt.
Ethan laughs too, and swishes through the river toward me, pushing against the current to sweep me off the rock and into his arms. He kisses me. River water runs down his face, and I taste it on his lips. It makes me giggle again, thinking of him spectacularly missing his landing.
“Shall we get back?�
“Sure.� I jump down from Ethan’s arms into the river, and my foot comes down on something sharp. I scream. Billows of blood rise in the water.
Ethan immediately picks me up and carries me to the water’s edge, where we examine the sole of my foot, which is lacerated with a long, deep cut. “There must have been some glass or something under the water.�
“Are you okay?�
I wince. “I’m fine.�
“You’re not walking home like that.�
“Good luck getting a cell signal out here.�
Ethan looks determined. He bends down, scoops me up, and carries me through the woods back toward the road.
I hold on to him tightly. My foot hurts, but I don’t care. Ethan’s got me, like always.
“Maybe it’s for the best that he went to New York, then,� I say.
“Maybe for you!� Vincent chuckles. “I’ve still got to deal with the jerk.�
“You really hate him that much?�
“Hate is a strong word. I don’t have time for fake people. Unfortunately, Ethan’s as fake as they come, and I have to deal with him all the time. I wish I didn’t have to, but business means our paths are always crossing.� Vincent finishes his breakfast and smiles at me. “Anyway, enough about Ethan Steele. I promised you a game of mini golf.�
I laugh. “I was kidding! I know mini golf is far too immature and unsophisticated for the prestigious Vincent Oswald.�
“How many times do I have to tell you that I’m a normal person? We’re going to play mini golf, and I’m going to kick your ass.�
I grin and accept the challenge. We head through the hotel, this time to Vincent’s personal car.
As we drive, my smile fades a little. Staring blankly out the window, I think about everything that Vincent has told me about Ethan, and everything that Ethan has said about Vincent. They hate each other, and I don’t know who to believe.
Is Ethan the villain, or is Vincent? Or are they both silly boys with big egos? I decide not to think about it anymore. Vincent has been kind to me, and I enjoy his company. Ethan doesn’t have to like it. Ethan isn’t here.
Ethan
It’s mid-morning when Lily arrives back at her apartment building. The yoga pants she’s wearing and the mat under her arm suggest she’s recently come back from class in the park. When she sees me, she rolls her eyes and tries to walk straight past me into the building.
“Lily, please. I need to talk to you.�
“There’s nothing left to say, Ethan. Please leave me alone.�
She reaches for the door handle, but I step in front of her. “Last time I tried to apologize to you, I fucked up. I didn’t say what I needed to say. I swear to you, I’m not going to mention Vincent. This is about you and me. Nothing more.�
“What are you even doing in Arizona?�
“I came back to see you.�
Lily falters. I see her body slump, and she lets out a little breath, like she’s fighting with herself. She shakes her head. “I can’t do this with you again. Really, Ethan, you need to go.�
“I’m not leaving until you talk to me.�
“I don’t believe you’re really here for me. Vincent is still in town. I’m sure you’re just here to deal with him for some reason. He’s told me about your whatever it is that’s going on with the two of you.�
I stand my ground at the entrance of the apartment building. “Whatever he’s told you about me isn’t true, Lily. But it doesn’t matter anyway. I don’t want to talk about him. I want to apologize.�
“Apologize for what? Leaving me after my graduation without saying goodbye? Sleeping with me a couple of weeks ago and disappearing again? Or barging into my apartment to tell me who I can and can’t date?�
It’s her turn to stand her ground. Lily leans her weight on one hip and folds her arms across her stomach. She glares at me.
I loosen my posture, take hold of her arms. I catch her eyes. “All of it, Lily. I’m sorry for everything. Please, give me a chance to explain. How about we go to Molly’s? Drink some of that god-awful coffee you love?�
A smile twitches at the edge of Lily’s mouth, but she’s still reluctant.
“Come on, Lily. We need this conversation. Too much has been left unsaid for too long.�
She gives in. “Fine. But I need to get changed. Wait here.�
Five minutes later, we’re walking toward Molly’s. Lily has changed into a loose cot
ton dress and a pair of plain pumps. She’s let her hair down and is walking with a deliberate space between us.
We don’t say anything until we arrive at the café. I order for us both, and we sit at the place that used to be our spot, looking outside. The barber shop is a video game store now.
Lily doesn’t say anything once we’re seated. She keeps her eyes fixed on the street outside, one leg crossed over the other, her purse on the counter beside her. Her jaw is trembling like she’s holding back tears.
“I don’t even know where to begin,� I confess. “I’ve made too many mistakes.�
She doesn’t reply, but she’s listening. She closes her eyes when I speak like I’m causing her pain. Her grip tightens on her coffee mug.
“I should never have left you when we were young. At the time, I felt like I was saving you, but now I know that was dumb. My mom died, and it scared me. I realized that life can bite you hard, and I wasn’t prepared. I applied to Columbia thinking nothing would come of it, but when it did, I knew I had to go. I needed to do it for her so I’d never end up living the life she had. I knew I needed to make something of myself outside of Arizona. I thought you wouldn’t understand—or worse, that you’d try too hard to make me happy, and never be happy yourself. I left, and I’m sorry. Really sorry, Lily.
“I didn’t get in touch because I didn’t want to disrupt your life again. I assumed you’d have moved on, and I didn’t want to complicate things. Then, Vincent tells me that you’ve matched with him on Destiny, and I couldn’t get it out of my head. What I should have told you is that it doesn’t matter that the man you matched with was Vincent. The thought of you with anyone but me broke my heart. I love you.�
A tear rolls out from under her closed eyelid. She says nothing, and it kills me. I don’t know what she’s thinking, what she’s feeling. I go on.
“I thought I came back here to protect you, but I realize now that was only an excuse. I’ve never gotten over you, Lily. I want you.�
Finally, she replies, her voice breaking. “If you love me, why did you come and go again, just like that?�
“I don’t know. Seeing you again made me feel like I wanted to give it all up—New York, Steele Industries, everything. I wanted to drop everything and stay with you. But there’s a reason I left Payson, and nothing’s really changed. I still want more than this town.�
She looks up at me with her tear-stained eyes. “You mean you want more than me?�
I grasp her hands. “No. I love you. Come back to New York with me.�
“New York?� Her words trail off like she’s been punched in the stomach. She blinks, then shakes her head. “I can’t go to New York.�
“Why not? I’d take care of you. You know I would. You could move straight in. I could get you your own studio. We’d be very happy.�
“My life is here, Ethan.� Lily’s voice is incredulous. “My best friend is here. My home is here. My apartment is here. I’ve built a life for myself here, Ethan, in Payson, and I had to work damned hard to get here. I’m not going to leave it all behind because you’ve decided that you love me this week.�
“I’ve always loved you.�
“How do you know? You don’t know me anymore.�
I reach out and brush the back of my hand against her face, wiping away a tear with my thumb. “You’re still the same Lily Miller. Unforgettable.�
She turns her face away from me, pulls her hands towards her chest, shakes her head. “Last month you were dating Lorina Valencia, now you’re telling me I’m the one you always loved. Do you even know what you want, Ethan?�
“It’s taken me some time to figure it out. Last time I left, I was only a kid, too scared to tell you I wanted something different. Now, I’m not afraid to tell you I want you. With me. In New York.�
“And why can’t you come to Arizona?�
“Lily, I run a business. My life is in New York.�
“My life is here.�
We stare at each other. I wish Jennifer was standing slightly out of sight with a set of prompts because I don’t know what to say. I’m losing Lily.
“We could build a new life together in the city.�
“I don’t belong there, Ethan. I don’t want to be your accessory.�
“It wouldn’t be like that.�
“Nothing you have done in the last eleven years makes me think that I would fit into your life. I don’t want to leave my friends and my home, for which I’ve worked myself into the ground, to sit in some skyscraper and wait for you to come back to your penthouse. You say you love me, Ethan, but maybe I don’t feel the same. I don’t even know who you are anymore.�
“What can I do to change your mind?�
She shakes her head and lifts her hands. “There’s nothing you can do. It’s just too little, too late. I want to believe everything you’re telling me, but I don’t. I can’t help but feel like there’s more to it than you’re telling me. You show up out of the blue at the same time that I match with Vincent Oswald, who says himself that you’re always out for blood. I truly don’t trust you, Ethan. I’m sorry.�
Her words cut me deeply, and I can’t believe that I’m hearing them from her. Lily was always my champion, but now, she’s treating me like a stranger. The worst feeling of all is the sense that maybe I deserve it. After everything I’ve done, can I blame her for not trusting me?
Lily stands. She wipes her tears with the back of her hand and stares at me one last time. “I hope you find what you’re looking for, Ethan. I hope you’ll be happy.�
Jennifer closes her eyes, and when she opens them, they’re filled with sorrow. “I’m so sorry, Ethan. You did all you could.�
“She doesn’t trust me anymore. I never thought I’d hurt her this badly. I’ve pushed her right into Vincent’s arms. I hope he treats her right.�
Sitting on the arm of the chair I’m in, Jennifer lays her hand on my shoulder. “You knew it might not work out. Now you have to find a way to move on and let her live her life.�
“You’re probably right, Jen, but I really don’t think I can walk away again. Nothing I have feels like it means anything anymore. Not without her.�
“We fly back to New York in a couple of days. You’ll be focused enough on the meeting with Healy that you won’t have time to think about Lily. Trust me, Ethan—you’ll be okay.�
Lily
Chloe ushers me into her apartment, then throws her arms around me, swaying from foot to foot in a giant hug. “At last!� she squeals. “I’ve been dying to catch up with you for too long. You didn’t come to class yesterday.�
“Too much has happened. I needed to let it sink in.�
“Well, you’re here now. Tell me everything.�
Chloe pours me an iced tea, and we sit together in her minimalistic apartment. It’s very feng shui. All her furniture faces the window, and she has a collection of mini bonsais on the sill. It smells of woody incense.
She sits cross-legged on the futon. I sit with one leg tucked under the other. She widens her eyes expectantly. “Well?�
“You’re not going to believe everything that’s gone on.�
I finish telling Chloe the whole story, and she lets out a low whistle. “Wow.�
&nb
sp; “Tell me about it. On the one hand, Ethan’s declared his love for me and wants me to move to New York. On the other hand, I’ve got Vincent, who says he doesn’t want things to end when he goes back to the city. I don’t know what to do.�
“Which one are you going to pick?�
“Who says I’m going to pick either of them?�
“Let’s recap, Lily. We have Ethan Steele, whom you’ve been in love with for as long as I’ve known you, who wants to set you up in his penthouse and give you your own studio, and whisk you off to a happily ever after with him. Then, you’ve got Vincent Oswald, equally attractive and rich, who also wants you. And you’re saying you don’t know if you want either of them? You’re going to have to talk me through your train of thought there, honey.�
“Ethan was my childhood sweetheart, and, Chloe, of course, I still love him. Every time I see him I go weak in the knees. I’ve spent years dreaming of hearing everything he said to me—that he made a mistake, he loves me, he wants us to be together.�
“But?�
“But he’s changed a lot since we were young. He says he loves me, but how do I know if it’s true?�
“Why would he come all the way to Payson and wait outside your apartment to win you back if he didn’t care, Lily? He must still have feelings for you.�
“Maybe I could believe that if he didn’t have this weird thing with Vincent.�
“The rivalry.�
“Exactly. It makes me doubt that he’s sincere. I want to believe him, but then I think about how he came back, fucked me, and vanished. I think there’s something off.�
“Just because he did something stupid doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. Men do stupid things all the time based on some crazy logic we’ll never understand. They like to think they’re big boys, but a lot of the time, they don’t have a clue what they’re doing. Even the ones with lots of money and fancy suits. Underneath, they’re only people—and people make mistakes.�
