by Lisa Lace
“You’re too hard on yourself, Ethan. You did those things because you love her.�
“I do love her. That’s why I’m going back to New York. She’s better off with someone who’s going to put her first.�
Jennifer shakes her head. “You’re making another mistake. Lily loves you, too. I know she does.�
“Let’s give it time, Jen. For now, Lily needs her space, and so do I. I’ve got a lot of hard thinking to do to figure out what I’m doing with my life.�
She falls silent and nods. “If that’s what you want. I’ll start making arrangements for the team to go home.�
“Thank you, Jennifer.�
She crosses the distance between us and puts a hand on my arm. “Are you sure this is what you want? You’re leaving her again.�
“She doesn’t want me here.�
Jennifer holds her tongue, but I can tell she’s burning to say more. Instead, she picks up her cell and makes the calls to get us back to the city.
I don’t want to leave Lily, but I know I’ve hurt her, and she doesn’t understand the things I’ve done. She thinks all this was about Vincent and about me. I need to show her that my choices were made because I love her.
Somehow, I need to find a way to prove she’s my everything, and I can be the man she needs me to be.
Lily
Chloe sits on my sofa, drinking a soda, while I work on my latest sculpture in the middle of the living room. “I thought you’d have something more to tell me,� she says.
I turn to her and shrug. “I told you nothing had happened. I haven’t heard from him.�
“Nothing at all? Not even a voicemail, or an email? Anything?�
“Nothing.�
“And Vincent?�
I scoff and roll my eyes. “Not a word. Not that I’d give him the time of day anyway, after the shit he pulled.�
Chloe lies back on the sofa and shakes her head. “I can’t believe the pair of them. Idiots.�
I pick up a thin modeling tool and sculpt the detail in a long whorl of hair in my latest bust sculpture.
“You know, I’m feeling better about it.�
“You are?�
“Yeah. I mean, what Vincent did was despicable. He used me to blackmail Ethan. And Ethan should have known better than to start playing games with him. But a billion-dollar contract is a big deal. He gave that up to save this crummy place—for me. I know he should have done things differently instead of being so underhanded and sneaky with everything, but I guess I can believe that in Ethan’s own weird way, he thought he was doing the right thing.�
Chloe offers a knowing smile. “You’d forgive that man for anything.�
“He tried to tell me Vincent was going to use me, and I didn’t listen. I mean, if Ethan had told me that Vincent had bought out my building and was going to evict me, I probably would have rolled my eyes and told him to stick it. For everything that Ethan’s done wrong, I’ve got to admit he tried to keep me out of it before any of it started.�
I pause and run my finger over a smudged line of clay to smooth it. I tilt my head to one side and look back at Chloe. “You know, I never stopped and thought about how much effort he went to trying to warn me about Vincent. He dropped everything in New York to come and tell me I was walking into trouble.�
“He was probably looking out for number one, Lily. He didn’t know what Vincent was going to do, and he wanted to stop it before it began.�
“But Vincent’s plan could only have worked if Ethan cared about me. Ethan didn’t have to come to Payson to tell me about Vincent, but he did—because he cared. He didn’t have to give up the contract. He could have let me be evicted and still have funds to put me up somewhere else. But he didn’t because he knows how much this place means to me. I thought everything he did was for himself, but, I think maybe, he did do it all for me.�
Chloe’s expression softens, and she lets out a long breath. “What have you gotten yourself into?�
“I know.�
“You still have feelings for him, then?�
“I couldn’t forget about Ethan Steele if I tried. I’ve always loved him.�
She sits up and fixes me with an earnest stare. “So? Why don’t you go get him?�
“What?� I chuckle and shake my head. “No. The time has passed.�
Chloe rolls her eyes. “You’re too keen to let destiny do everything for you. Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands. You’ve done nothing but obsess over Ethan since the day I met you, even though you’ve tried to hide it from me. Maybe you should do something about it.�
I smile. “I thought you didn’t like him.�
“I didn’t like how unhappy you were when you were holing yourself up, waiting for him to magically return. But if you’ve got a chance to be with him, and he makes you happy, then I’m behind you, Lily.�
“It’s all so messy now. Even if I do decide to forgive him, and want to give it a go, where do I even start with that?�
“Easy. Call him or send him an email. Go to New York if you have to.�
“I’m going to give it some time to figure out what I want. Ethan has been my everything for so long. Maybe I need this time alone.�
“It’s up to you.�
I turn back to my sculpture, working on another whorl. The face is coming to life.
Chloe looks over my shoulder. “Wow. You’re talented, Lily. Too talented for this place. Maybe New York is where you should be.�
There’s a knock at the door. I frown. “I haven’t ordered anything.�
“Maybe they’re checking the alarms or something.�
“Well, it better not be the people downstairs. I’m not even using the turntable.�
I stand up and go to the door. I open it and scan the corridor, left and right. There is nobody there. Only a package. Tall, thin, and wrapped in brown paper.
“Hey Chloe, come here!�
Chloe appears at my side and follows my gaze. “What’s that?�
“I don’t know. Will you help me bring it in?�
We each take a side of the delivery and carry it across the threshold. It’s light but large and rectangular. Although it’s wrapped in paper, I recognize the feel of the contents at once: canvas.
“Who’s it from?� Chloe asks.
I scan the package to find a sender. All I see is a little note taped to one side. “Love, Ethan� reads the simple message.
“It’s from Ethan.�
My heart is in my mouth. It’s been a month since I heard from him, and now this. I wonder what he’s sent me. I think of Vincent and all the art that he flew to Arizona. Is Ethan doing the same thing? Flashing his money to make me swoon?
“Open it!� Chloe urges me. “Let’s see what it is.�
I tear the paper from the tape and gently pull it back. As the image underneath emerges, tears spring to my eyes, and a happy, nostalgic joy sweeps over me. My stomach fills with butterflies.
When the paper is all ripped away, Chloe helps me turn the canvas to its upright position and lean it against the wall. “Oh, Lily. That’s beautiful. Who do you think painted it?�
I know the answer. I’m laughing from happiness as I reply, “He did.�
My eyes take in every inch of the port
rait. It’s a young girl in a floating white dress, standing by a window, one hand resting on the sill. She looks outside, the wind lifting her blonde hair a little, her face lit up by the sun streaming in. She has a smile on her face, and her painted eyes are sparkling with dreams.
I cover my mouth with my hands. “It’s Ethan’s portrait.�
“What portrait?�
I laugh as I answer. I’m crying, but they’re happy tears. “Ethan tried to paint this picture a hundred times. He said he could never get it right. Look at what he’s been doing.�
I trace my finger over the oils, rough beneath my fingertips. The portrait is painted in muted, pastel colors with heavy, urgent brushstrokes—except for the brightness of the smile, caught in the light.
“He said this is how he would always remember me.�
Chloe stares at the picture and smiles. “It’s you, Lily. It’s so you.�
“Do you think he’s still here?�
I dash through the apartment door, look up and down the corridor again, and race down to the lobby. When I don’t find Ethan there, I stand out on the street, scanning the road up and down, trying to spot him.
He’s gone.
Slowly, I walk back upstairs to my apartment. Chloe is in my living room, clutching the windowsill and staring at the sidewalk. She turns around when she hears me enter. “It was probably delivered by someone else anyway.�
“Probably.� I return to my apartment door and stare at the portrait.
Chloe comes to stand beside me. “Does this change things?�
I smile. “Yes. It does.�
Ethan
“You haven’t told us about the proposal, Ethan. Tell us—did we win the defense contract?�
Here it is, the moment I knew was coming. I stand at the head of the board table, my team sitting in front of me, eyes raised, waiting intensely for my reply. I lower my head and place my hands flat on the edges of the table.
“Ladies and gentlemen, you all did a fantastic job working toward the defense contract, but I’m sorry to say that we haven’t been successful.�
My Head of Development, Mitchell, is horrified. He stares at me with wide, angry eyes. “How can that be? We were miles ahead of anything that Oswald Solutions can offer. We worked for months on those prototypes. They were flawless.�
“The proposal covered everything,� Elaine, my Head of Communications, chimes in. “The research was all there; the figures were right. I don’t know how anybody in their right minds could turn us down. Our standards were far above anything else on the market. How could this happen?�
I pause and take a moment to glance at each shocked face. Some of my team look angry; others, heartbroken. All of them are confused. Thousands of hours have been spent creating something that has gone nowhere. My team were proud of all they’d done, and it had all come to nothing. Because of me.
“I have to be honest with you all,� I tell them. “We weren’t rejected by the Department of Defense. I withdrew our bid.�
An audible gasp passes around the table. Everyone begins to shout questions at me over one another, becoming a furious rabble.
Mitchell’s voice is louder than the rest. “What the fuck, Ethan? Did you get cold feet?�
“No, Mitchell. The work you have all done was impeccable, and I have never been prouder of my team. Each and every one of you has risen to the challenges of this project, and I’m impressed by the quality of the work you’ve done here. I want you all to know that my decision to withdraw the bid was not due to a lack of confidence in what you created.�
Elaine fixes me with a blank stare. “Then why?�
I take a deep breath and shake my head. I lift my gaze and make sure to catch the eyes of each person in the room. “I made some bad decisions that put us in a compromising situation. Because of those decisions, I had no choice but to end our involvement in the defense contract. We lost the contract because of me. This is my fault, and I apologize to you all. I hope that you can forgive my poor judgment.�
“I don’t understand, Ethan,� Mitchell says. “What bad decisions? What compromising situation?�
“I allowed my personal life to get in the way of business, Mitchell. I can’t give any more details, but I will reiterate that I accept full responsibility for losing this contract. I’m sorry.�
My team has more questions. I can feel their unspoken words burning in the air, but it’s too difficult for me to say any more. I’m filled with a crushing guilt. “Thank you for attending this meeting this morning. I appreciate your time. Please tell your teams to continue with their normal work. We’re back to business as usual.�
I call the meeting to an end and wait for everybody to file out. Each of them casts me a scathing glare as they pass by; a couple look concerned. Then it’s just me and Jennifer in the boardroom.
She rests her hand on my arm. “You did well, Ethan.�
“I feel like a complete jerk. Did you see their faces? All the work they put in, for what? And their boss can’t even tell them why.�
“You know that telling them would do no good. You told them it involved your personal life. They don’t need to know anymore.�
“There’ll be rumors.�
“There always are.�
“There’ll be resignations.�
“I don’t think so.�
“Really? Because if my boss had thrown years of my work down the drain with no real explanation, I’d be walking.�
“These people are loyal to you. They trust you.�
“Not anymore.�
“Whose name is it on the door, Ethan? This is Steele Industries. You built this company from the ground up. None of them would be here without you. This will be a hard blow for them, but they know you’re good at what you do, and you’ve always taken care of your staff. They’ll be disappointed, but everybody loves working here. This will pass.�
I nod, although I’m not convinced. I’ve let down my employees today.
Three weeks later, I walk into the lobby of my headquarters. Heads turn and conversations fall silent as I pass. I hear whispers.
Ever since news of the loss of the defense contract spread, people have been filling in the gaps with their imagination. Terminal illness. Mental breakdown. It doesn’t help that I’ve been absent from work a lot lately.
I go to my office. When I arrive, Jennifer’s waiting at her desk outside my door. She looks surprised to see me, stands, and follows me in. “Ethan! You’re in today. We haven’t seen much of you lately.�
“I told you on the phone, Jen, I’m stepping back a little.�
“Is that paint on your neck?�
I rub at the mark and sit down behind my desk.
Jennifer continues. “Are you a painter now? Jesus, Ethan, people have been asking where you are, and I don’t know what to tell them. I’ve got the press hounding me night and day. People are talking.�
“I told you there’d be rumors.�
“I can handle rumors, but I need a direction to spin the press. I’ve been trying to get ahold of you so you can tell me what you want me to say.�
“Tell them Ethan Steele is taking a sabbatical.�
“A sabbatical, hmm?� Jennifer sits on the other side of my desk, then leans forward on her elbows. “People think you had a breakdown, you know that? They’re talking about how you threw the defense contract and then haven’
t come to work. People need to see you around here, or they’re going to lose faith in you.�
Jennifer reaches out and takes hold of my wrist, her eyes full of concern. “This isn’t like you, Ethan. Please tell me everything’s okay.�
“Everything is fine.�
She sits back. “Have you heard from Lily?�
“No.�
“Are you going to reach out to her?�
“I already have.�
“You have?�
“Yes.�
“What did you say?�
“I sent her a gift.�
Jennifer’s face falls. “I thought you said she’s not the sort of girl to go for expensive gifts.�
“It’s not that kind of gift. It’s something personal. From the heart.�
“I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you, then.�
“Thanks, Jennifer.�
I wanted to reach out to Lily sooner, but it took me a month to finish the portrait. When I returned to New York after Lily told me to leave, I didn’t know how I was ever going to make things right, or if I would ever see her again. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of the barely-begun canvas that I’d brought back with me from Arizona.
Paintbrush in hand, I started to bring Lily back to life. The girl I knew. The one I loved. I knew I had to finish it.
I’d spent hours hunched over the easel, putting oil to canvas. It had been so hard to break the news that we’d lost the defense contract to my team, and even harder to lose Lily all over again. When I had the brush in my hand, I could escape my thoughts and return to her.
A month had passed, but it was done, and I’d sent it to Lily. I’d thought about writing a letter to go with it, but I couldn’t find the words. I hoped that the painting would be enough to show her that she has always been with me.
“What will you do if the gift doesn’t work?� Jennifer asks me.
