“Come on.” Smiling in reassurance, he tugged her into the middle of the maelstrom. As she tried to hold back the rising tide of fear, the creature inside her raised its bruised and battered head and curled its lip in the beginnings of a snarl.
The beast. Her beast. No. Not now. Fear changed to horror, to panic, to terror. She froze as the thing within her stretched, flexing its claws, making a garbled, sorrowful song low in its battered throat.
All around her, in the middle of the noise, people began looking around, sniffing the air, as if they somehow sensed the struggle being waged inside her. Maybe they did, perhaps this was a Shifter thing, but she knew whatever the creature inside her might be, it wasn’t the same as theirs.
If she had her way, her beast would never again see the light of day. She’d vowed this, no matter the cost. She had to save the rest of the world from its awful vengeance, even if she had to die trying.
Kane turned to look at her, at the same time tightening his grip on her fingers. Something must have shown in her face. Using his body to block her from their sight, he shepherded her away from the others.
Chapter 5
“Come with me.” The deep rumble of his voice sent a shudder through her. She felt as if he’d tossed her an invisible lifeline. Grateful, she went where he led, ashamed of the way she clung to him, yet unable to do more than that.
Inside her, the creature still stirred, wary now.
He took her down a long, narrow hallway and into a small room that had apparently once been a bedroom but had been converted to a craft room/storage space/office. Once inside, he kicked the door closed behind him.
“Are you all right?” Cupping her face with his other hand, he tilted her chin up, making her look at him.
Cautiously, she took a deep breath. She’d been lying to everyone, including her twin brother, and she knew she couldn’t be truthful now, to Kane. She had no choice. He’d never understand. Whatever had been done to her had made her different than the rest of them. No one could help her deal with this. She had only herself and hoped to tap into some inner strength that so far had been conspicuously absent.
“I think so,” she managed, the answer to his question coming a heartbeat too late.
Hand warm under her chin, he studied her, his silver eyes missing nothing. Her entire body flushed. Slowly, moving her head, she gave him no choice but to let her go. Though their fingers were still linked, she backed away, putting just enough space between them so she could once again breathe.
“Are you going to tell me what that was?” he asked.
For a second, she considered feigning ignorance, but since it appeared that everyone in the room had sensed her internal battle, or some aspect of it, she knew this would be futile. “I’d rather not. At least not right now.”
Eyes narrowing, he nodded. “Are you going to be all right to rejoin my family?”
For now, her beast had gone quiet again. She didn’t know what had set the monster off; whatever triggered it seemed to follow no pattern that Lilly could see.
“I think so.” She tried for a smile, partially succeeding.
“Good.” Opening the door, he led her back down the hallway toward the kitchen.
The organized chaos stilled the moment they reappeared. Kane broke the awkward silence by sniffing and grinning as he made a broad gesture toward the pots simmering on the stove. “Something sure smells good. What’s cooking?”
Just like that, everyone went back to what they’d been doing. Bemused, no longer terrified of them, though she wasn’t sure why, Lilly let Kane tug her along by the hand, while he joked and teased his family.
“Go ahead and get seated,” the elder Mrs. McGraw ordered, already bustling from the kitchen to the dining room, carrying steaming bowls of food. She wore a brightly colored apron and her plump hands were adorned with rings, one on every finger.
Judging from the scents wafting from the bowls, she’d made some kind of roast, along with vegetables, and homemade bread. Lilly’s mouth began to water.
Everyone seemed to rush at once to take their seats at a long table. Lilly stopped counting at twelve chairs, amazed as she realized there was another table set up for the kids.
“Here you go.” Kane pulled out a chair for her. Once she’d taken her seat, he dropped into the one next to her. Someone to his left good-naturedly jostled him, almost causing him to knock over his water glass. He saved it with another grin.
Once everyone had taken a seat, they began passing around the bowls. Lilly had never seen so much food in her life. Amazed, she accepted one bowl after another, spooning a little on to her plate, afraid she might offend Kane’s mother if she didn’t sample everything.
Watching, she noticed no one started eating. Apparently they were waiting until everyone had gotten everything. She waited, as well, even though she felt hollow from hunger.
Finally, Kane’s father stood and tapped on his glass with his knife. He flashed a friendly smile at her before glancing around the table. “Today, in honor of Kane’s guest, I’d like to say a little prayer.”
At his words, everyone bowed their heads. Confused, Lilly glanced at Kane, only to realize he too had closed his eyes and dropped his chin.
Unnerved, she also bowed her head, though she kept her eyes open so she could watch Kane through her lashes.
“Higher power, we thank thee for your blessings. This food, our company, the love we have for one another and, finally, our good health. In your name, we salute the earth, the sun, the stars and the moon.”
The moon? She frowned, thinking of the kind of prayers Jacob Gideon and his followers had prayed with such fervor. They’d invoked a lot of retribution and hellfire, and nothing about thankfulness or love. Then and there, she decided Sanctuary and Kane’s family didn’t share the same God.
Once the prayer was finished, everyone dug in. Bowls were continually passed as people took seconds, even thirds. Lilly tried, but she couldn’t even finish everything on her plate.
“Wonderful meal,” Mr. McGraw boomed, patting his ample stomach. “Leave the dishes, hon. Me and the boys will get them.”
Once again, Lilly could scarcely believe her ears. In the world where she’d been raised, Sanctuary, all the men had treated the women as little more than serfs. And that had been in the best-case scenario. Once more she was forcibly reminded that the rest of the world wasn’t like Sanctuary.
As the men pushed back from the table and began gathering the dishes, Kane touched her shoulder. “You’ll be all right? I shouldn’t be gone more than a minute or two.”
Slowly, she nodded. He grabbed her plate and his, and moved to the other side of the table, picking up silverware. Lilly noted some of the other women pretending not to watch her. She offered Kane’s mother a tentative smile, relieved when the older woman smiled back, genuine laugh lines creasing her light blue eyes.
With the background noise of silverware and plates clattering in the kitchen, chatter flowed easily among the women. Lilly didn’t participate, but she listened, marveling at the feminine camaraderie. A swift stab of yearning filled her. The closest she’d ever come to having a friend had been one of the female doctors at Sanctuary, who’d exploited Lilly’s loneliness. Dr. Silva had pretended friendship in order to make it easier for her to perform experiments on Lilly.
The first time Lilly had begged her to stop, her so-called friend had ignored her and tightened the screws instead.
Since that day, Lilly no longer believed in friendship.
But the camaraderie among these women, who were joined by blood or by marriage, felt different. None of them appeared to have anything to gain, no private agenda as they joked and laughed, teased and commiserated. Lilly made a note to watch them while she was here, and see who tried to exploit whom.
The men returned a few minutes later. They too seemed in high spirits, jostling one another, bumping shoulders and fists. Kane seemed slightly embarrassed, side-stepping when his two brothers tried to get him
in a headlock. His gaze locked on hers, sitting so quietly, as if he knew she thought herself a weed among blooming flowers.
“You’re beautiful, you know,” he murmured, holding out his hand to help her up.
Shocked, she couldn’t respond. As her face heated, she gripped his fingers and allowed him to help her up.
A loud whistle made everyone go silent as they turned their attention to where the elder McGraw stood at the head of the table. “After such a fine meal,” he began, bestowing a grin on his wife, “I can think of nothing better than all of us heading to the woods to shift. It’s been a long time since Kane was home for a family hunt.”
At his words, a subtle change occurred in the atmosphere. While Lilly stared blankly, several of the others’ auras changed, going from light to dark and back again. An invisible energy charged the room, like the low thrum of electricity just before a lightning strike.
Shift. He wanted them all to become their wolf selves.
The thing inside Lilly reacted violently. Taking her by surprise, the monster tried to break out, using claws and teeth and some sort of dark magic. Caught by the figurative throat, Lilly fought back. Because of the battle inside herself, she stood stock still. Though she bared her teeth, she made no sound.
The room grew quiet as the others somehow sensed her inner struggle.
“Lilly?” Kane’s voice, strong and steady, gave her strength. Blindly, she held out her other hand, asking him to grip it. When he did, she clung to him like a lifeline. She’d fought this battle before and almost always won. The few times she hadn’t, she couldn’t bear to think about. Though these had been during her captivity at Sanctuary and induced with drugs, the end result had been bloodshed and terror.
Never, ever, would she willingly allow her beast out again. Especially not now, surrounded by these good, innocent people.
“Come on.” Kane pulled Lilly away from the others, hustling her toward the front door. Though his father called him, he only shouted a quick apology and an order that no one follow them.
Once he had her outside, he let go of her hands and pulled her close, wrapping his strong arms around her as if he could will away the monster.
Even as the thought occurred to her, she felt the beast falter in the middle of its onslaught. Taking advantage, she forced the thing back into a mental cage, slamming imaginary iron bars down.
Only then, was she able to relax her guard, and allow herself to sag in relief.
As she began to take note of her surroundings, she realized with some shock that Kane still held her. And she had no desire to push him away.
He felt...good. Warm and muscular and safe. As she had when he’d played his guitar, she felt the awful weight she carried 24/7 momentarily slip away from her shoulders.
Even as she let herself enjoy the temporary peace, she began gathering strength to push him away. Because she knew if she let him become involved with even the smallest aspect of what snarled and paced inside her, she’d risk him becoming infected with it, too.
* * *
Later, after Kane had gotten her into the cabin and made her drink some hot tea, Lilly claimed she wanted to sleep, even though the sun hadn’t yet set. Before he could even respond, she fled to her room without meeting his gaze.
Once she’d closed the bedroom door, leaving him alone in the living room, he eyed his guitar case and debated playing a few notes. But the last night on the way here, he’d been so proud of Lilly when he’d realized he’d fallen asleep and she hadn’t woken him to ask him to play.
She’d overcome her fears. Damned if he’d give her back the crutch she’d managed to kick to the curb.
He wanted his family, but wasn’t up to the endless questions he knew they’d have. They’d decided to postpone the family hunt, and he’d had to promise them he’d participate as soon as things improved. By things, he meant Lilly. Truth be told, he had no idea when that might be.
His wolf grieved at the missed opportunity to change. For half a second, he entertained the idea of shifting and hunting solo. Only the thought of his family’s disappointment and Lilly’s shock dissuaded him. Instead, he left and walked the woods, taking care to always keep the cabin in his sight. Walking was like meditation for him. He’d tried to empty his mind, refusing to dwell on anything beyond the sound of his feet hitting the ground and the crackle of the leaves underneath.
By the time the darkness was complete, he must have walked several miles, picking his way over rocks and sticks, guided only by moonlight and sheer luck. Despite this, his unease and concern was no better than it had been when he’d begun.
Finally, he returned to the cabin. Two handcrafted rocking chairs sat to the left of the front door. He took one, staring out into the dark woods, listening as the sounds of the nocturnal creatures, which had grown silent at his passing, began again.
Something had happened earlier. Though they hadn’t discussed it, he knew his entire family had sensed it. Something to do with her inner wolf, though he wasn’t sure he could call the animal he’d sensed inside Lilly a wolf, exactly.
But what the hell else could it be? Despite rumors or myths to the contrary, he’d never heard of any other kind of Shape-shifter. Not bear or leopard or lion. As far as he knew, there’d never been a documented instance of such a thing.
And even if there had been, this wasn’t possible. Not with Lilly. Kane knew her twin brother, Lucas, pretty well. He’d seen the other man shift, had been nose to nose with his wolf. Lilly’s brother’s beast had been perfectly normal.
Which meant something had been done to her, some poison injected or worse, during the experiments performed on her while she’d been her so-called father’s prisoner.
Kane wanted to put his fist through the wall. He hated that Lilly had been suffering alone. He’d sensed her strength, her iron will and fierce resolve as she’d battled the misshapen thing that had once been a wolf. Was this fixable? Curable? He’d have to put a call in to the Protectors and have them ask the Healer.
He also needed to talk to Lucas to find out what the other man knew about his sister’s wolf. He hadn’t thought to ask if Lilly had shifted at all since getting out of the hospital, making the obviously erroneous assumption that of course she had. It had been several months, after all. Most Shifters couldn’t go that long without changing into their wolf form. Those who tried were often known to become mad.
A chill ran through him. Not Lilly. He’d vowed to protect her from whatever dangers might threaten her. Even though he hadn’t known one of those would come from within her, he didn’t care. His oath remained unchanged. He would help her. No matter what the cost.
Pushing up from the chair, he walked a short distance away from the cabin before turning on his cell phone and locating Lucas’s phone number, the one that went to the disposable phone they’d purchased for this purpose. Since it was three hours earlier in Seattle, he knew Lilly’s brother would still be up.
“What’s wrong?” Lucas asked upon hearing Kane’s greeting. “Has something happened to Lilly?”
“No, nothing like that,” Kane hurried to reassure the other man. “I was calling because I had a question. Has Lilly shape-shifted that you know of since she got out of the hospital?”
Lucas took time to consider the question. “Now that you mention it, no. I asked her if she wanted to a couple of times, but she said she wasn’t well enough. Why?”
“It might be nothing...”
“No.” Lucas wasn’t having any of that. “If you’re taking the time to call me, it’s something. What happened?”
“I’m not sure. We had dinner with my family tonight, and several times over the course of the evening, she clearly struggled with her inner beast. Everyone noticed it.”
“So?” Lucas sounded incredulous. “That’s not unusual, you know that. Lots of inexperienced Shifters fight that same battle. It takes time and ease of practice before they can control it.”
“I know. But that’s not it. Have you ev
er seen her wolf?”
“I told you, not recently. In fact, the last time we shifted together was over fifteen years ago.”
Briefly, Kane closed his eyes. “That’s what I was afraid of. I don’t know what they did to her while she was a captive, but something’s happened to her wolf.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not sure. You’ve noticed her aura. I think that’s tied in with her beast.”
Lucas cursed, low and furious. “I’d like to wrap my hands around Jacob’s throat for what he did to her.”
“Me, too.”
“What are you going to do?”
Dragging his hand through his hair, Kane exhaled. “I don’t know yet. Right now, I’m going to stick with my original plan. Teach her self-defense, instruct her in firearm use and keep an eye on things.”
“Promise me you’ll keep me posted.”
Kane promised and ended the call. Then, heart inexplicably heavy, he went inside to try to get some sleep.
He woke just before sunrise and made coffee, carrying a cup outside to sit and watch the sun come up. He’d barely taken a couple of sips when the door opened and Lilly emerged, cradling her own steaming mug in her hands. Her disheveled hair tumbled over her shoulders, looking as though she’d just gotten out of bed. He felt a sudden urge to bury his hands in it, to see if the silken strands were as soft as they looked. Surprised, he shook his head, belatedly realizing she’d think he was warning her away.
“Good morning.” She flashed an uncertain smile, already taking a half step back. “Do you mind company?”
“Mornin’.” Patting the arm of the chair next to him, he smiled back. “I’d love some company.”
Her gaze clung to his, before she nodded and lowered herself into the other rocker. For a moment, birdsong was the only sound as they each drank their coffee.
Someone rounded the corner, heading their way on foot. Kane stiffened, then saw that it was his sister, Kathy, her thick brown hair in a braid like their mother’s, carrying a covered dish. This meant his mother had cooked something and sent Kathy to deliver it. His mouth began to water. He hadn’t even realized he was hungry until right that instant.
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