“My wife is nine months pregnant and doesn’t need to deal with your bullshit. As for Julie . . . she’s off-limits until you tell me what the fuck you did last night? I don’t think you want Brody here so Emberlee doesn’t know.”
“Doesn’t know what? Calm down. Where’s Brecklynn?” I look at Avery.
“Is he shitting me?” She asks to no one in particular. I scrub my hands down my face feeling like I’m in an alternate universe.
“Do you mean to tell me you don’t remember last night?” Caden stands. His fists are balled and his face sporting a greenish tint.
“Yeah. Breck and I went out for a bit. I think. It’s fuzzy but we came back here and watched a movie.”
“You’re fucking delusional.” Deacon seethes. Avery looks at me with narrowed eyes.
“Sit down.” Caden demands. I plop my ass down and rub my shoulder. I stand to get a bottle of water and a pill. “I’ll be back.”
They’re sitting there like I’m facing a firing squad when I return. “What is wrong with y’all?”
“You’re either gonna win an Academy Award or you’re telling the truth.” Avery whispers. She wipes a stray tear from her eye.
“You didn’t go anywhere with Brecklynn last night,” Deacon leans forward, resting his elbows against his knees. “We had to come get you from D&D.”
“You didn’t leave her there?” I’m pushing up from the chair.
“No.” My ass finds the chair and I exhale. “You blew Brecklynn off a few days ago. She’s gone.” Caden answers my question.
“You didn’t just blow her off, Mace. You hooked up with someone last night — in front of her.” Avery leans into Deacon.
“That’s bullshit. Did y’all eat candy from a stranger?” I’m pissed at their blatant lies and ready to kill three of my best friends. “I don’t have time for your games. She leaves in a few days.” I stand, disgusted to be in the same room with them.
“Mace . . . she’s gone. She was supposed to leave this morning but she came home distraught, grabbed her luggage and said she and Chris were gonna wait at the airport for her flight.”
I freeze mid step. “What time is it?”
“Close to one in the afternoon.” Deacon states.
My body shakes.
My limbs tingle.
My breath is non-existent.
My knees buckle.
“Tell me everything.” I beg. I drop my head and prepare for the battle to come.
“What’s the last thing you remember?” Avery whispers.
“Darby.” The day the orthopedic told me my labrum was injured and I needed extensive physical therapy. This injury was uncertain and after twelve to sixteen weeks of rigorous therapy there were no guarantees. Surgery was an option but there haven’t been enough studies to know if I’ll ever pitch the same. Or at all.
“What the fuck have you been doing?” Caden bellows. I don’t respond.
“Stop guys.” Avery sits next to me. “You shut us out. We know this was a big thing to happen and we tried to give you space. I don’t know what happened with you and Brecklynn but you were pretty nasty. Last night when you didn’t show up for her dinner, I suspected it was worse than she would divulge.” The first tear falls. This time from me. “She and Chris had plans,” I remember her telling me and begging me to go. But that was weeks ago. I think. “She came home and had been drinking but was a mess. I suspect she threw up every bit of alcohol she consumed. I couldn’t understand her at first but the story isn’t pretty.”
“Tell me.”
“She said she got a text from you and you were there. She went to confront you because some girl was next to you. The next thing she saw was you dancing with some girl . . . kissing her. Mace, she scared me. I’ve never seen anything like it. Nothing.” Her sniffles alert me she’s crying. I want to pull her to me but I can’t.
“She must be mistaken.” I’m reaching. Why would my friends do this?
“She isn’t.” Deacon stands in front of me. I look up to him and his mouth is twisted in a disgusted look. “Caden and I went to look for you after Avery called us. You were shit faced passed out on the bar with some girl pressed all over you. I believe you still have remnants staining your face.” He turns and leaves . . . slamming the door in his wake.
I scrub my face until the skin is red. “Stop,” Avery wails. “We’ll figure it out.”
“Stop taking the fucking pills.” Caden levels me with a gaze. “You aren’t fooling me. Since the first injury you haven’t stopped taking them. You’re good at covering up but it makes sense.” He swears. “I leave in an hour. I don’t want you here by yourself.”
I nod.
Defeated.
Deflected.
Destroyed.
“You can stay at my house. I’m staying with Saylor but Brody isn’t traveling this game.”
Spring Break. A week on the road, which I was forbidden to go so I don’t miss my routine therapy.
“No.” Caden barks. “Deacon doesn’t want him with the girls and I don’t know if I trust him.” He issues his order to me. “Go to your parents. Spend a week sobering up.”
Not a chance in hell. “Sure. Sorry guys.” I push myself up and leave them whispering. I’m sure they’re discussing me but I don’t care. I sink to the bed and try to remember . . . anything . . . everything. It’s blank.
I pitched the night I was injured this last time— check.
Valentine’s Day— check.
The weeks in between those events— hazy.
The original pills made me groggy so I halved the dosage. I lost time here and there but . . . I don’t think I blacked out.
When Doc gave me different pills after Coach mentioned the side effects, I didn’t discard the ones I had. I found a combination that I thought worked. I didn’t want to be a pill popper so I drank a few drinks with half a pill to make the relief last longer.
At the hospital they gave me a concoction to take and I did the same things. I was in control. Last night was a fluke and once she understood it was the medicine she’d see it wasn’t my fault.
Six days.
In six days I’d fix everything but until she gets home I’m gonna lie low and let my friends cool down so I can explain everything. Brecklynn is my priority.
Quiet. It’s deafening. Day two of solitude.
I think.
I packed a bag and acted like I went to my parents so Caden would get off my ass. In reality, I parked my car on campus and hitched a ride with someone back home. Someone that is of legal age to buy beer. Fuck, what’s this guy’s name?
“Who are you again?” I laugh through hazy eyes. Smoke fills the kitchen and I think I told them no smoking in the house.
“Xavier. Dude, my sister is gonna shit when she finds out I’m here.”
“We should throw a party.” I fist bump him and head to my room to take a nap. I stay in a constant stage of fog because I don’t wanna face what I did to Doll. Her face haunts my dreams. I’ll take a full pill tonight so I’ll see black.
Banging. Loud voices. Music.
I stumble into the living room and try counting bodies. Shit, basic math wasn’t this hard in school.
“There he is.” Someone cheers. I turn to the voice and I think I know him.
“Who are you?”
“Xavier. Dude, you’re fucked up.” Choking on cigarette smoke cuts off his laughter.
“No smoking in the house.”
“My bad.”
“Handle this. I’m going back to bed.”
“But everyone is here for you.” I shake my head and go back to my bedroom.
I wake up sweating and with a body pressed against me. It isn’t my girl. I’d know her body anywhere and this isn’t it. I roll over and see brown eyes staring at me. “Get the fuck outta my bed.”
She smirks and runs her fingers down my chest. “I can make you take those words back.” Her lips come close to my chest and I freak.
I grip her hand.
“Out.”
“You know you want this pussy.” Her voice is like nails on a chalkboard.
“Get. The. Fuck. Out!” She follows my direction and when I hear the front door slam, I’m swallowing bile and wondering how I got to this point. I hurt my girl once and I don’t need to add this to the pile. I get my ass in the living room. Holy shit. It’s a disaster. I grab my phone and see it’s day five of Spring Break and everyone will be home today.
Everyone . . .
There’s bodies covering every piece of furniture and I start yelling. “Out. Get up. Out.” People jump and land on the floor. Others moan. Some grumble.
But they all leave. I throw open windows best I can with one shoulder. Fuck! I’ve missed my therapy appointments all week. Dropping to the floor I hold my head in my hands and scream.
I didn’t account for Avery to have her windows open and she’s at my side. “You okay?” She’s panting from her sprint over here.
“No.”
“Are you hurt?”
“I fucked up. A lot.” I’m clear headed and it’s scary the fact I missed six days of my life.
“It stinks in here. Have you been here all week?”
“Yeah. You didn’t hear the parties?”
“We stayed at Deacon’s parents. I pampered Saylor, they took care of Julie and that way Saylor still felt she was being responsible.” She sighs. “I’ll call the cleaning service. You go get in the shower.”
Five hours later, shampooed carpets, scrubbed walls and a grand payment . . . Caden isn’t gonna kill me. “Mace — what are you doing?”
“Trying to forget.”
“This isn’t the way. Promise me you’ll stop. Don’t destroy yourself.” I nod. “I’ll keep this between us . . . don’t make me regret it.”
“When does she get home?” I don’t know if she kept the same flight.
“Ten. I’m picking her up at the airport. Don’t bombard her tonight.”
“I need to talk to her.”
“Not tonight.”
“Aves, I can’t promise. I’m dying here. I need her.”
“You need to get your shit together. What can you offer her when you’re like this?” She’s grilling me and making me feel worse than I do.
“My heart.”
“But that didn’t come with your loyalty and fidelity . . . and that’s the most important part. And it isn’t the Mason I know. You’re the most loyal, honest person I know and if you can’t give her that — don’t offer her anything. Let it go for now.”
“I can’t.”
“Please.” Her eyes water. “You didn’t see her, Mace. It isn’t something I can describe.”
I drop my head and close my eyes. When did things get this bad?
Her phone rings and her smile lights up when she answers. “I’ll be there. Okay. Love you.” She ends the call and looks at me. “Shortstop is in labor. Deacon and Caden are going to the hospital.”
I stand. “Can I ride with you?”
Her gaze drops and she shuffles her feet. “No, Mason. Deacon doesn’t want you there.” This time, my eyes water.
“But . . . it’s Shortstop. And Deacon. That’s my family.”
“We’re all your family but give me a break. Your pupils are dilated. You reek. You’ve been on some sorta bender for a week and you want Julie to see you like this? By the way check your fucking phone.” She goes from upset to angry. I watch her walk to the door.
“Tell Shortstop I love her and Deacon congrats. Please give Julie a kiss from me.”
“Will do.” She sighs. “And, Mason — we do love you.” I’m beginning to wonder if I know the meaning of love because it fucking sucks right now.
I take a hot shower, dress, and fall back to my bed — thankful the linens were changed. I grab my phone and see voicemails from Saylor’s phone. Texts from both Deacon and Caden . . . radio silence from Brecklynn. Emberlee sent a few texts with pictures of Darby and her. I haven’t seen her all week . . . I’m a shit uncle.
I press speaker to listen to the voicemails from Shortstop and wish I hadn’t.
“Unca Mace come phim wif me.” Julie’s innocent voice grips my stomach.
“Unca. Miss you. See me.”
“Unca Mace. I’z you.” She loves me. She doesn’t know better.
“Mace, it’s Saylor. Julie won’t quit asking for you. Please call.”
“Unca Mace. I mad. I wan pop.”
“Unc. Bye.”
The last one is her crying. Her tears singe me through the phone line. I throw a pair of shorts over my naked body, my sling for exercise and sneakers. I pound the pavement, sweating and detoxing my body until I’m sick and dry heave in the grass. I head home, chug water and shower again.
I’m restless and going out of my mind. I watch the road, looking for any sign of life next door.
Avery: She’s two centimeters. It’s gonna be a long night. She says hi and she misses you.
At least she’s gonna keep me updated. My phone rings and it’s Coach Gill.
“Hello.”
“Adler. Why do I have a report sitting on my desk saying you were a no show for therapy? Do you want off the team? You giving up?”
“No sir. I needed to wrap my head around it. I’ll be good to go next week.” Lying is coming too natural for me.
“Adler don’t throw this away. This doesn’t have to be career ending.” He’s gruff.
“Yes, sir. I won’t.”
He disconnects and I feel like I’ve dodged a bullet. I grab my laptop and search for statistics of others with my injury. Very little is known or proven but there’s hope. In my mind there’s a way.
Avery: They gave her meds to speed it along. Up to five centimeters. She says you owe her for bailing. DD hasn’t told her.
Missing this moment with her is killing me. I was at the hospital with Lee Lee but I wasn’t present mentally.
Me: Hey momma. How are Darby and mom?
Lee Lee: Good. Surprised I haven’t seen you. Brody went to get Brecklynn since Avery is with Saylor . . .
Me: You aren’t going to the hospital?
Lee Lee: In a bit when my mom gets here but that isn’t where I was going with that. Why aren’t you getting your girl?
Me: She isn’t my girl.
Lee Lee: Want me to come over?
Me: Please.
Lee Lee: We’re on our way.
She walks in the back, her house makes it easy to cut through yards— with Darby bundled in all pink. She places her in my arms and it’s as if something clicks in me. Looking into her blue eyes filled with innocence and smelling the baby smell, which equates innocence in me. I have to do better.
For me.
For her.
For Brecklynn.
For my family and friends.
“She’s beautiful,” my throat is clogged.
“Takes after her momma.” Lee Lee chuckles and Darby’s eyes dart, looking for the noise.
“What happened with you and Breck?”
“I messed up.” I don’t know if I can tell her.
“Mason, spill it.” She gives me that look. The one I gave her when I found her crying in her car so many years ago.
“I’ve been taking pills . . . drinking. Anything to make me forget. I don’t remember saying and doing half the stuff I did to her. I kissed a girl in front of her, Emberlee. I swear I thought it was her.”
“Shit, Mason. What were you thinking?”
“Sorry for myself.” I look at her for the first time. Really look at her. This normally put together girl has her hair piled upon her head, mismatched clothes and not a stitch of makeup. “Hey. Sit down. You okay?”
“No.” She cries. “Yes. I don’t know. She’s the greatest gift I’ve got but it’s hard work keeping another human alive. Every noise she makes has me jumping up. I can’t cry or complain in front of anyone because I don’t want to seem like a bad mom.”
“We’re quite a pair.” Darby starts fussing so I pat her back a
nd she quiets down. “Lee Lee you aren’t a bad mom. You’re a new mom. A young mom. Talk to Brody. Don’t make my mistakes.”
“I will.” She swipes her tears. “You gonna fess up to Breck?”
“It isn’t that simple. I swore I’d be there for her and wouldn’t hurt her. I fucked up.” I admit.
“Is it really over for you?” She nods to my shoulder.
“I don’t know. I just don’t know. I hope not but I’m afraid to wish. I fear the unknown. What if I rehab and can’t throw? What if I rehab and I can? I’m afraid I’ll be waiting for my body to fail me.”
“Mace,” she comes to my side. “We both need a hug.” Her arms circle my waist and I cling to her. “You always have us. We were gonna ask you later, but I think you could use some good news. Will you be Darby’s godfather?”
“Lee Lee, I’m not worthy of that title.” God, I want to be that man.
“You are. Without you I don’t know if I’d be here. You saved me and now I’m saving you.”
“What if I’m not savable?”
“Don’t say that.” She hits my head. “Now are you gonna be her godfather or what?”
“Talk to Brody. He needs to know the truth first. Deacon won’t let me see Julie . . . or come to the hospital.”
“I’ll talk to him but it isn’t gonna change. And Deacon’s a dick.” She purses her lips.
“He’s protecting his family.”
“From who? You? Please,” she rolls her eyes. “He needs to step off the pedestal.”
She takes Darby from me. “You gotta go?” I hate the solitude.
“I do. My mom is coming to watch her and I need to get to the hospital.”
“Okay. Thanks for this, Emberlee.”
“I got you, Mason. Give Brecklynn the benefit of the doubt. You may find her understandable.” I watch them cross the yard and when she’s inside I shut and lock the door.
Karma (Endgame Series Book 3) Page 17
