Collecting Smiles
by Melody Burris
Copyright © 2013 Melody Burris
Dedicated to my Michael, who wonderfully supports me in all I do and makes my world a place of dreams.
Acknowledgements
Many thanks to all of my friends who have read the various drafts of this book and have helped with the editing. Also, I want to express special appreciation to all the families I have met who have chosen adoption. Your stories and your families inspire me and give me hope for a better world.
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
About The Author
Chapter One
My name is Megan Johnson and I collect smiles, not the ‘here’s your change, have a nice day’ kind of smiles but real face brightening smiles. I’m not really sure when I started collecting. I can remember as a little girl telling my mom to smile when she was looking sad. I can remember trying to make my brothers laugh when they fell and scraped their knees. I can even remember practicing my smile in the bathroom mirror both with and without my mom’s lipstick.
Why smiles? Because they are happy things and who doesn’t love happy. My fellow collector, and all around best friend, Spencer and I started keeping a weekly tally about six years ago. It became a contest really, with each of us trying to generate the most smiles for collection. As a rule, we don’t count our own smiles unless something really big happens.
My journal, which I’m not very good at writing in, contains each weeks totals from both of us for at least the last four years. Sometimes I like to go back and look at it when I’m feeling down. I can’t always remember the circumstances but there are a few weeks of really high or really low tallies that stand out.
One particular week I will never forget. It was the very first week I was in the hospital for my cancer treatments. I must have looked awful because no matter what I said or did, no one would give me a genuine smile. I remember how that discouraged me more than the pain or gloomy room. One night as I was finding it hard to sleep I flipped through the limited television channels looking for a distraction. I stopped at an old favorite from when I was little, Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. There was something comforting about its familiar music and his calm voice. I’d been surrounded by calm voices, lately everyone had taken to talking to me in hushed tones, but his was more than calm; it was happy. I watched for a few minutes and then as if it were just for me the camera zoomed in on his face and he smiled a real face lightening smile. It cheered me up so much. I recorded it as a half point in my journal because it seemed like cheating to give it full credit.
This week I’m not really sure I want to count all 136 smiles I’ve received because again it seems like cheating. Everyone smiles at you the first couple of weeks of school. You know the smiles I mean, the ‘oh, someone new, I should leave a good impression’ kind. Jackie my roommate was a master at bringing these smiles out in people, so if I was with her it was all dimples and teeth and nice to meet you. She seemed to bounce her way through life and though she claimed to be shy, I hadn’t seen it yet. The first weekend we’d baked bread to take to all of our neighbors. I counted those smiles because even though Jackie did all the baking, I washed the dishes afterwards.
Now she was making enough spaghetti to feed an army and I wasn’t even a troop. I watched her brush her hair out of her eyes with the back of her hand as she stirred her homemade sauce on the stove. She looked so domestic kind of like a mom standing there in her pink apron. I took the hair scrunchie that I always wore on my wrist just in case and pulled her hair back for her.
“Oh! Thanks, Megan.” This smile I could count.
“No problem, Jackie, but who’s going to eat all of this?”
“It’s not that much. We’ll just have leftovers.”
“Yeah, leftovers for a week. When are Kristen and Melissa due back?”
“I don’t think until late tonight.”
“Right, okay I’ll be right back to set the table. You keep cooking.”
The apartment complex we lived in had four buildings. Two of the buildings housed girls and the other two were for the boys. I knew from experience that when it came to large quantities of food nothing beat boys. With purpose, I set off across the parking lot to the first stairwell of building D. I loved Jackie’s cooking but I was not going to eat leftover spaghetti for a week.
There was no answer at the first door I knocked on so I climbed the stairs and tried again. This time before the door even opened, I knew someone was home because I could hear the television. The door edged open a little and a tanned, freckled face peeped out.
“Can I help you?”
“Yes, my name is Megan and I live across the way in building A. I was wondering if you and your roommates would like to come over for dinner.”
“Umm… come in.” He opened the door wide enough for me to pass inside. The apartment was a mirror image of ours even down to the furniture which the complex must have ordered in bulk. The one big difference was the TV in the corner. It was blaring ESPN and the guy seated on the edge of the couch was glued. “Nathan, this is Megan.” Nathan glanced up and gave a halfhearted wave before redirecting his eyes to the game.
“Hi, Nathan.”
“Wait here. I’ll go get the others.”
I wondered over to the sofa and sat down without an invitation. I doubted Nathan was much for manners. I studied the side of his face looking for any clue as to how I might win a smile from him. I suspected he was a hard nut to crack, but with time, I felt up to the challenge. With his close cropped hair and his soccer obsession, he reminded me a lot of my brother, Matt.
“Megan, is it?” I stood looking at the two guys that were standing near the hall. A familiar face with sandy blond hair greeted me. I was not sure how to count the smile, I suspected it was one of those first meeting kind. “I understand you bring an invitation.”
“My roommate Jackie and I were in need of some assistance. You would really be helping us out if you guys came to dinner. We have an issue with portion control at our house and I’m not overly fond of leftovers.”
Smirks are good, but they don’t count. “Sounds great. What do you say, Mark?” The tall, floppy haired guy next to Andy smiled politely, but seemed distracted.
“I guess so. Thanks, Megan. I just need to send a text first.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and headed back down the hall to his room. Andy smirked again and shook his head affectionately at his roommate.
“Well, that’s two so far. How about you, John, shall we dine with the ladies?”
John shrugged an approval then looked down at the floor. A smile from this one may be completely out of my depth. He was obviously very shy, the way Jackie insisted she was but only real.
I looked over at Nathan who seemed oblivious to what was happening around him. “What about you?” I tried to call out during a lull in the game.
“Don’t worry about Nathan. He’ll be there. I guess that makes all of us. You may count on four for dinner.”
“Great, give us about 20 minutes. We are in apartment 7A. See you soon.”
I was feeling pretty proud of myself as I walked into my apartment. Ours smelled so homey and was brighter than D41 had be
en. Jackie would be so happy that we were having guests. I snuck up behind her as she was draining the pasta. She only jumped a little when I clamped my hand down on her shoulder, but the pan clanged into the sink.
“Oh! You scared me!”
“Sorry, but I have good news. We are having guests for dinner.”
“Well it’s kind of short notice, but there’s plenty. Who is it A11 or B24? Did you invite Rachel?”
“Nope, it’s D41.”
“D41? But that’s the boys’ dorms.” I watched as terror slowly spread across her face. It was kind of amazing to see the expression creep into place and then freeze.
“Jackie, what’s wrong?”
“You invited boys?”
“Is that a problem? I just figured they were the best choice given the amount of spaghetti you made.”
“But I can’t talk to boys.” She bit at her lip while she yanked at the ties of her apron. “I’ve got to change, do my makeup and my hair. When are they coming?”
“In about 15 minutes.”
“Fifteen minutes?” She dashed down the hall and called over her shoulder. “You can finish the salad and set the table. Don’t forget the placemats.”
I was used to Jackie overreacting but this was a bit much even for her. I got out the treasured powder blue placemats she’d made for a young women’s project and paid strict attention to my place settings. I was more of a paper plate kind of girl but it was important to Jackie and I had apparently caused her some distress. I thought back over the last couple of weeks with her and all of our trips around to meet people. She was usually so outgoing and then it hit me, all those visits had been to girls. Was she really not able to talk to boys? Between her, Nathan, and John dinner should be interesting. Maybe I would have to pull out my silly jokes to keep things going.
The doorbell rang as I was putting the salad on the table. Jackie hurried down the hall and paused casually near the kitchen counter. Well, she tried for casual but her fidgeting hands gave her away. I gave her an encouraging smile and opened the door. They all filed in and I turned to introduce them to Jackie but she was no longer there. I found her by the sink filling up glasses with water.
“Jackie, this is Andy, John, Nathan, and Mark. Guys, this is Jackie, my roommate and the cook.”
Andy stepped forward and offered his hand to shake but Jackie panicked and handed him the glass of water in her hand instead. “Thank you. Do you need help with anything else?” I had to give him full marks for effort. He was a bit formal, but definitely nice.
“Um… no. I’ve got it.” Jackie gave him a small smile that showed just the start of one dimple on her right cheek and turned for more glasses.
“Have a seat. We should have everything on the table soon.” I said, then followed Jackie into the kitchen. “You’re doing fine, just take a deep breath and let’s go.”
Jackie nodded and fixed a smile on her face that couldn’t have looked more fake if she was a mannequin.
After the prayer, we were off to a rocky start. Nathan began to shovel spaghetti in his mouth in a spot on impersonation of my brother, Drew. Jackie stared at her plate and kept adjusting the napkin in her lap.
“Does anyone know why when birds fly south one of the legs of the V is longer than the other?”
Everyone turned their eyes to me and I smiled wickedly. Someone had given me a book of nonsense jokes while I was in the hospital. In my boredom, I’d memorized them all in just a couple of days. One of my favorite things about these kinds of jokes were the groans they induced. I should probably start collecting those too, they can be just as fun as smiles. Nathan seemed to be pondering a solution and the look of frustration on his face made me laugh. Mark beamed at me through his dark lashes, amusement apparent on his face. I counted it.
“So what’s the answer?” Jackie asked.
“Do you give up?”
“NO!” Nathan blurted out. He tapped his fingers on the table in a rapid rhythm.
“Come on, Nathan. You’ll never get it, just let her tell us.” Andy was watching me as if I might steal second base.
“Fine. What’s the answer?”
I paused a moment waiting to savor the groans. “Because there are more birds on that side.”
I was not disappointed.
By the end of dinner, Jackie seemed to be feeling better. Andy and Mark were both really good at making conversation. Originally, we’d fallen back on the basics like where we were from and what our majors were but eventually we got some more interesting facts.
I felt a little forgetful when it came out that Andy was the new Elder’s Quorum President for our ward. No wonder he’d looked familiar. Mark and Andy had also been mission companions in Atlanta. You could tell they were close. John was a man of few words and most of them were monosyllable but I suspect that was mostly to hide his Texas accent.
When phone numbers were exchanged, plans made for the next day and the dishes done, Jackie went screaming through the house. “I can’t believe you did that.” She paused long enough to put her hands on my shoulders and look me in the eyes. “I thought I was going to die. But they are so sweet and cute.” She jumped up and down still holding my shoulders. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Then she smiled and I counted it.
I called Mom the next morning just to hear her voice. I’d missed her this week. “Megan, your timing is perfect. I’m just sitting here at Kelly’s dance practice.”
My little sister was very graceful and had quite the talent for ballet. Mom was amused that they had tried a modern dance piece this time and Kelly wasn't sure she wanted to wiggle her hips the way the other girls did. “I’m proud of her modesty,” Mom said before she switched subjects. “Megan, I've been wondering when your test results are coming back. Did Dr. Swenson tell you when to expect them? They usually don't take this long.”
Oh, no. I was hoping she had forgotten about that. “No, I didn't actually go to the appointment,” I said weakly.
“What!” Mom was not happy. I jumped in to defend myself before she got too angry.
“Mom, I wasn't able to get off work that day. They really needed me. It's no big deal. I feel fine.”
Mom was taking deep breaths, deep cleansing breaths like the ones you take to avoid yelling at someone and then you do it anyway. It was the same breathing exercise I had seen her do many times when dealing with my twin brothers, Matt and Drew.
“Megan, I understand that you hate these appointments, but you know that they are important.” She sighed, “It would have been better if you had seen Dr. Swenson, but I guess it is time you established yourself with a doctor there. Normally, I would trust you to make these kinds of arrangements, but since it is clear that you do not want to do this ... I will take care of it.”
“Okay, Mom. I need to go now. I have homework. Bye.” I hung up the phone, feeling guilty for missing the appointment and also for lying about the homework. I just didn’t want to talk to her anymore. I didn’t want to talk about that. Why did this have to be such a big deal?
I spent the better part of the next afternoon helping my roommates pick out their clothes. Jackie was kind of a lost cause with all the pink in her closet so we gathered all the dark shirts and pants we could find and threw them on my bed. Melissa was excited to meet the guys that Jackie had been gushing about all day. Kristen thought it might be fun, but since she had a steady boyfriend, she wasn’t all that interested in the prospects in D41.
When the boys showed up at 8:35, they were decked out for the occasion. Nathan was especially prepared, dressed in black from head to toe. I thought the knit cap was a nice touch but he did look like a bank robber. Andy stood out because of his conspicuous use of cologne. He must have had the same dilemma Jackie and Melissa did. He smelled nice but it was a bit strong; he would be easy to track in the dark.
Mark apologized for making everyone late and explained that his phone call home had run a little long. None of the girls seemed inclined to chastise him for it and Mega
n couldn’t fault them, with his curly dark hair and endearing smile there was little to dislike.
“Is something up?” I asked.
“Not really, my brother, Christian, just needed some help with his homework.” That was nice. I wondered if my brothers would be that nice if I called them for things like that.
Kristen took charge and introduced herself and Melissa. This started a round of introductions that included much of the information from last night. The girls of course already knew all these details from Jackie’s briefing earlier but the guys didn’t need to know that.
“We should go before it gets too late,” Nathan complained. We were led out to Nathan's and Andy's little cars. Andy gestured for me to get into his car and I climbed into the front passenger seat. I looked in the backseat and immediately felt guilty because Mark was sitting with his knees almost to his chest.
“Do you want the front seat? You look uncomfortable.”
“No, I'm fine. It's a short ride.” He smiled at me, it was a nice smile, but I didn’t count it because he still looked so awkward and uncomfortable.
There were lots of big bushes and trees at the park. We huddled together to quickly review the rules for sardine hide and seek. Once everyone knew what they were doing, we all closed our eyes and John sneaked off quietly to hide.
One hundred counts later, we split up to look for him. I went to the right towards a pair of large bushes that were barely visible in the dark. Just before I reached the first bush, I looked back toward the others. Jackie was coming in my direction too, only she was aiming toward the farther bush. I could see three other outlines in the distance spread out over the field. Two were missing? Had they found John already? I decided to go with my original plan anyway.
I circled the bush, which was actually a pine tree whose branches sagged to the ground. Slowly I went looking for any signs; still, I nearly missed it. Just before I gave up and headed to the other bush, I caught sight of a white piece of shoe sticking out from under the bush. I dropped to my knees immediately, hoping that I could get hidden before Jackie saw me. I scrambled under the bush next to John. In the darkness, it was hard to be sure, but I thought I saw him bury his face in his arms. Luckily, the tree was big enough to conceal me. My legs were much shorter that his.
Jackie was approaching us now. I tried to hold my breath but it was difficult. My heart beating fast from my mad rush to shimmy under the low branches of the pine on my stomach. She circled once and didn't see us. After taking a few steps away, something made her turn and come back. This time she crawled around looking for us. One pair of white shoes later she was scrunching in under the branches on the other side of John.
“Hi guys.” she whispered. “It sure is tight under here.”
“Just wait.” I whispered back.
John shushed us and Jackie giggled. “It's okay everyone else is still clear across the field. That's how I knew you must be here, 'cause Megan wasn't out there and because your shoes stick out, John.” He began to wiggle further towards the large trunk to hide his feet better, but there was only so far he could go. The movement stirred up the dirt in the lower branches of the pine. I tried to stifle a sneeze, but it was too late. I buried my face in my arms and tried to sneeze as quietly as I could.
We laid there in the stillness waiting to be discovered. Jackie was still giggling softly, now and then, as the pressure got to her. John's head hadn't come up from his arms in a while. This closeness must be really difficult for someone as shy as he was.
Being short has its disadvantages. The next person to join us saw John's feet again and tried to climb in next to him right on top of me. I groaned then tried to move out of the person's way. “Sorry,” a soft voice said from my right.
“It's okay.” I whispered. Soft curls brushed my face as he scooted into place so it must be Mark. I moved a little farther away to give him more room. A moment later, there was rustling sound of someone climbing in on the other side of Jackie. I counted in my head. There were still three searchers. How could we fit two more people under here? We went at least half way around the bush now and surely, Mark's feet were sticking out too. It wouldn't be long before we were all caught.
The next one to slide in on my left was Andy; the musky/floral smell gave him away instantly. It blended nicely with the pine scent. He had just gotten settled when we heard. “Okay, we know you guys are in there. You can come out now.” There was a collective sigh of relief as people started to back up, scooting along on their bellies. Standing near the bush were Nathan, who was nearly invisible in his black and Melissa who was laughing at us as we dusted off.
“Great hiding place, John.” Nathan said appreciatively. “I think I can top it.”
We stretched and Nathan, excited for his turn, ran off into the dark. “Start counting,” he called over his shoulder. I picked sticks and pine needles out of my hair as I counted along with the group.
The counting done, I headed out across the field towards the distant tree line. Only the light from the occasional street lamp lit the park enough for me to make out shapes; it was truly dark now. I was aware that someone was following close behind me, probably Jackie. I changed my course so that I could shake her pursuit. “Megan, wait up.” an unexpected voice called from the darkness.
“Andy?”
“John said you were the first to find him. I thought I would tag along with you.”
“Okay,” I said feeling a little weird. I slowed my pace and he was soon beside me. We made our way towards the line of trees again. Looking for Nathan proved to be very difficult. I was sure that he was the best hide and seeker I had ever come across. We walked from tree to tree looking up into them. From the figures moving around in the darkness, I didn't think anyone else had found him either. Twenty minutes later, there were just as many seekers as there had been at the beginning of the game. We gathered in the middle of the field. My eyes scanned the park looking for anyplace we hadn't searched.
“Nathan!” Mark and Andy called.
“Nathan!” we all joined in. “We give up.”
After a moment, Nathan appeared behind us. “Told you I could do better,” he said smugly. I counted his smile because it was so impish and full of fun. It hadn’t taken me as long to get a smile out of him as I’d expected.
“That was definitely a good hiding place. Where were you?”
“I'll never tell. Maybe I can use it next time.”
“It's getting pretty late.” Kristen said with a yawn. She was taking 18 credits this semester and she'd had a long week.
“This was really fun! We should do it again,” Jackie added. Then she smiled. I was getting a lot of smiles from her this week. There were several head nods around the group and I was glad that everyone was happy.
We climbed back into the cars and this time I offered Mark the front seat. He shook his head and climbed in the back, knees to his chest. I started to feel guilty, but then I saw that he was sitting next to Jackie again and I thought that maybe he had chosen that seat on purpose. She certainly looked comfortable.
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