Chapter Four
I watched my roommates buzz around the apartment. Kristen had a big date with Tony. Melissa was following her around with a can of hairspray. The two girls had been friends since high school so the probably had a routine down.
Jackie was in our room studying. There was more going on with her than just the domestic stuff and boys. She was really smart and spent a lot of time on her studies.
I remembered my own pressing homework. I opened my history textbook that was sitting on the table next to me and tried to focus but I was starting to feel nervous. After I’d reread the same sentence over four times, I closed the book.
What was wrong with me. It was just a dance. I had been to dozens and it was only Andy after all. We were friends. I’d done lots of things with him over the last few weeks. Then I remembered that he wanted to be more than friends and my knees began to bounce up and down under the table.
Jackie hopped into the room. “So, are you just so excited?!!” It wasn’t really a question. Her eyes were alight with a manic energy.
“I guess so, I’m kind of nervous.”
“You? You’re the one that always seems so confident around boys. I can’t believe you’re nervous.”
“Well, I’m not really used to dating.”
She seemed surprised by that. “Megan, I wish I had half your guts.”
“I wish I had them now, too,” I smiled at her. Things just seemed a lot more serious now that Andy said he liked me. I liked him too, but was it enough or in the right way?
“You should get ready it’s about 6:30.”
“Oh, I have time. I just need to run a brush through my hair and slip a dress on.”
“Megan! You really don’t have a clue. Come with me.” She dragged me from the chair and led me down the hall to our room. “Now put your dress on so that we can fix your hair.”
“Really, it’s no big deal.” This was my last line of defense. If I treated it just like any other outing with Andy, maybe I wouldn’t feel so nervous that I wanted to vomit.
“Come on, it will be fun. Let me play dress up.”
“Okay, but I’m warning you, my hair is impossible.” Her answering smile had me sold on letting her help. If it was going to make her that happy, I could endure a little fussing over.
She made me try two dresses then gave up and went into my closet. She emerged with a dress I hardly wore, because it wasn’t as comfortable as my jumpers were.
“Meet me in the bathroom and don’t take too long.”
The first few attempts to tame my naturally bushy hair failed. Jackie was getting discouraged.
“Don’t worry,” I said, “simple works for me.” She settled for clipping the sides of my hair back at the top of my head.
“Don’t you have any make-up?”
“I don’t really wear much.”
“Wait here. I will go get mine and I think some different earrings too.”
She was off fishing around in our room when the doorbell rang. Sighing in relief, I headed down the hallway and called back to Jackie. “Thanks, but he’s here. Have a good night.”
I opened the door to a smiling face. That made two in the last half hour. “Hi, Andy.”
“Hi. You look beautiful.” He handed me a yellow rose tied with a white ribbon. This was the first time I’d gotten flowers when I wasn’t sick.
“Thank you, it smells so good.” I inhaled and left the door open gesturing for him to enter. I went to the kitchen and found a vase for the rose and left it on the counter where we could all see it.
“Ready to go?”
“Yes, where is the dance?”
“It’s just up the hill a bit. It’s a nice night but I thought we would drive.”
He led me to his little Metro that was probably as old as I was. The inside was spotless, the vinyl freshly cleaned and the floor vacuumed. I’d ridden in Andy’s car before. It was never this clean. I realized that he had gone to the extra effort for me and it made me feel special. “So, where do you know Rachel from?”
“She’s from my home stake in California.”
“That’s right, you’re from California. What part?”
“I live in the LA area.”
“Big City boy, huh?”
“Yep, cities are not a problem for me,” he said with a note of friendly arrogance. “But you should have seen poor Mark in Atlanta. He was really out of his depth.”
“Not much for big cities?”
“No, you and I are much more able to deal with lots of people.”
“Exactly how many people are going to be at this dance?” I asked, surprised by the way the conversation was going.
“Oh, don’t worry about that. It’s just a normal dance.” We parked and Andy ran around to get my door. “Are you ready?”
“Sure let’s go!” I said enthusiastically.
The dance was well attended but the crowd wasn’t huge. With all those bodies dancing, it was extra warm in the gym. Andy led me to a place on the dance floor which was just under an air vent. I really appreciated the extra air flow because as it turned out Andy loved to dance. We were out on the floor the entire first hour. It had been a long time since I’d danced so much and I realized I was kind of out of shape.
Finally, I asked. “Andy, could we sit down for a bit, I’m feeling tired.”
Andy reacted quickly looking around for a couple of seats together. Placing his arm around my shoulders, he guided me out of the gym into a foyer. The sound of the music was much quieter here and it was much cooler. The foyer was surprisingly empty.
“Hope this is okay, I didn’t see many seats in there.”
“This is great,” I said, collapsing onto the couch rather more dramatically than I had meant to.
He laughed, “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”
“I was a little embarrassed and I was having fun.” I counted another smile.
“I’m glad you’re having fun. I am too.”
“I didn’t realize you were such a party animal.”
“I’m just happy because I’m with you. Normally, I hold the walls up at these things.”
“I find that hard to believe. You seemed to know what you were doing out there.”
“When I was a youth, we all used to just get out and dance. We never really did the boy/girl pairing thing. It would be too weird because we all felt like brothers and sisters.”
“Sounds fun. My ward paired off a bit more, but I had friends like that in high school. My best friend Spencer is on a mission now in France.”
“France, that's a long way from Atlanta.”
“It's a long way from Provo too. I miss him sometimes. We practically grew up together.”
Andy looked around. “Are you thirsty? I’m going to get us something to drink. Wait here.”
I smiled at him and he hurried back into the gym. I took advantage of his absence to remove my shoes and stretch my feet. My toes didn’t like my dress shoes much and they weren’t real happy about all the dancing either.
Things were going pretty well. I liked Andy a lot. He was full of energy and he was so sweet to me. But he was sweet to everyone. I couldn’t tell if he was treating me different or not. Thinking about it too much was liable to terrify me so I tapped my feet to the music instead and waited for Andy to return.
When he sauntered into the room he had cookies in a napkin and two glasses of some light colored punch. He handed me a glass and then sat next to me spreading the napkin with the cookies on his lap.
“Those look yummy. Can I have one?”
“You can have as many as you want.”
I grabbed a cookie and we both munched away in silence for a few minutes.
“Your cookies tasted better,” he complimented.
“Learning how to make cookies was just a matter of survival in my house, but I wish I could cook like you.”
“It’s not hard, you’ll get there.”
“Maybe but I’m wishing I’d had
my mom show me more while I was home.”
“Tell me about your family. You’re from Arizona right?”
“Yes, my family lives in Mesa. I was born here, though. Dad was still in law school then.”
He made an encouraging noise through the mouth full of cookie and I continued. “I have an older brother who is about your age. He just got engaged to a girl from our home ward. George is an engineering major at ASU. Then after me come the twins, Matt and Drew. Drew is short for Andrew, that’s your name right?” He nodded and popped another cookie in his mouth. “Well, the twins are 16 now and busy with jobs and school. Then Kelly is the youngest and my only sister, she’s 11. She’s way into dance and is a lot more graceful than I am.”
“You were dancing gracefully.”
“That’s nice of you to say, but I don’t think that I believe you. Are you ready to dance again?”
“Don’t be silly, dancing is fun but this way we can talk.” He casually rested his hand on my shoulder and looked into my eyes with an intent gaze that made me feel shy. “I had an evening study session and haven’t had dinner yet. Do you want to go get something to eat?”
“Still hungry after all those cookies?” I said, looking at the empty napkin.
He looked guilty. “Did you want some more? I could go get you some.”
“No, I’m fine. I think we had better get you some proper food before you eat every cookie in sight.” He hopped up off the couch and took my hand, pulling me enthusiastically to my feet.
“Dinner it is.” Again, he led me out to the car with his hand around my shoulders and I was beginning to like the way it felt. Maybe I didn’t need to try to feel something, maybe it would just come naturally.
We talked about classes and he gave me a few pointers for my finance class. It was fun to be out and it wasn’t hard at all to talk to Andy. I already knew that we got along great. It seemed silly to be so nervous and yet it felt different.
Living with brothers had prepared me for the amount of food he managed to scarf down. I was used to such displays. I was a bit hungry after all the dancing, but I only nibbled at my food, trying to avoid getting sauce on my dress.
His eyes seemed to sparkle when he talked and it felt like they were sparkling just for me. It was an unusual feeling but the longer we were together the more shy I felt. There was a strange feeling in my stomach. With luck, he wouldn’t notice that I had stopped talking and was just giving him encouraging nods as he talked about his mission and his home life.
He was hoping to do marketing for one of the big animation companies when he graduated. I learned that he was a bit of an artist. I managed to come out of my shyness enough to ask him to show me his work sometime. He seemed pleased that I was interested and then his eyes sparkled again and I was silent.
I was a little glad when we stood to go home. This new silence of mine was making me feel like I was being completely stupid and making things weird. Where was my long list of silly jokes or my easy banter about sports? He seemed not to notice and continued on talking about plans and fun dates he had been on.
One time he had taken Rachel to the prom and they had gotten lost trying to find the location. His musing lasted the ride home with little encouragement from me and I was grateful that he was so at ease. Obviously, this was not his first date and I suspected that experience was on his side.
He walked me to my door. “Thanks. I had a really fun time.”
He leaned over and kissed my cheek. “Me, too. Can you go out next Friday?”
“Yes. What do you want to do?”
“I'm not sure yet. We can talk more later.” He smiled a wide grin. Dating was going to do wonders for my totals. Tonight alone I had collected eleven big smiles.
“See you tomorrow.”
I walked into the living room and Jackie pounced. “So, how was it? Are you going out again? Did he kiss you? I saw your rose. Oh, how sweet!” She squealed and jumped around. Jackie should have come with us then she could have danced some of that energy out and I wouldn’t have to tell her everything that happened.
I tried to gather my scattered thoughts because I just realized that I was apparently dating Andy. “I had a really good time; he’s a great dancer.”
“Oh, give me all the details.”
The General Women’s Broadcast the next day was a good opportunity to spend some time with my roommates. We decided to dress alike so each of us was wearing a black skirt and a solid colored top. Arm and arm we entered the Marriot Center to watch the broadcast. With our matched outfits, we looked a bit like choir members. We felt more like a large group of young women than we did Relief Society sisters, but somewhere in the last couple of years, we had crossed that threshold.
I listened intently for any help with my questions about visiting teaching. Both the General Relief Society counselors talked about visiting teaching but somehow the words failed to instill in me an instant love of the program. Perhaps, I wasn’t in tune enough or maybe my answers would come during general conference.
After the broadcast, we began a new tradition and like most of our traditions, it involved food. By the time the frozen pie was baked and cooled enough to eat, it was very late. We dragged our pillows and blankets out into the living room and had a slumber party.
I’d managed to get about four hours of sleep before we got up for church. I think I had more sleep than the others did, especially Jackie who takes at least an hour to get ready in the morning.
Sunday morning our usual rides were waiting for us; the only difference was that Andy casually held my hand as we walked from the parking lot into church. He seemed to be smiling more than usual and I was much quieter. I wasn’t sure if these were the kind of smiles I could count, but they seemed to be for me.
We had just sat down and started to listen to the prelude when Andy hopped back up. “I have to go take care of some Elder's Quorum business, I'll be right back.”
“Okay, don’t forget to be in your seat when it's time to start,” I reminded him. Our bishop was a stickler for starting on time and we’d had the lecture several times.
“No, worries. I'll hurry.”
With Andy gone it was easy to talk to Mark who sat in the seat on Andy's other side. “Hey, I wanted to tell you that everything is set for Rebekah staying with us. Everyone is really excited to be entertaining, actually.”
Mark sighed, “That's great. I will call her right after church. I've told her all about you. She is anxious to see for herself.” Mark wiggled his eyebrows jokingly as he spoke.
“Great, is she expecting me to have a third eye or something?”
“Not exactly, I told her you were the life of the party.”
“I don't think I can live up to that expectation. It's not like I am an endless supply of fun ideas.”
“No, it's just that you make things fun no matter what we're doing.”
That was a nice compliment. I grinned and added his return smile to my tally. “So when is she coming again?”
“A week from Thursday, I can’t wait. My dad has to come for some meetings in Salt Lake and she is tagging along.”
“Your Dad will be here too?”
“No. He has to stay in Salt Lake. I'm picking Rebekah up Thursday afternoon and returning her Saturday night. Hey, you should come with me. I'm sure Rebekah would love it and you can meet my dad.”
I was curious but I didn't want to intrude. “Are you sure? It sounds like a family thing.”
“Absolutely. When are you done with Thursday classes?”
“About 2:00.”
“Perfect, call as soon as you get home and we will go.”
“You’ll probably need to remind me as it gets closer.”
Mark and I were leaning towards each other so that we would not have to speak too loud. Andy squeezed down the row and sat back down. “What did I miss?”
“Just plans for Rebekah's visit,” Mark said shrugging his shoulders.
On the way home Andy said, “I
was thinking about our date Friday. How about dinner. I could take you where I work. The food is really good. It's the best place in town if you like Mexican food.”
“That sounds yummy. I miss Mexican food, it's a favorite.”
“Great, so Friday at 6:00?” I nodded and looked out the window. I wasn't quite used to this, yet. “You are coming over for dinner tonight right?”
“I am?”
“Did you forget? I'm making my fried chicken.”
“That's right. Should I bring anything?”
“Just some games.”
In the couple of hours I had between church and dinner, I panicked. Dating was new and Andy was new and my old troubles were circling above and threatening to land on my head. What if I really had relapsed? How could I tell Andy or Jackie or any of my new friends? What would they think when I was sick all the time and no fun? What would they think when I lost my hair? Could I even stay at school or would I have to go home? Worries and fears circled and circled until I was too exhausted to care about the answers. I wiped the tears from my eyes, splashed my face with cold water and went to dinner.
“This was so good. You really know how to cook.” So many talents it hardly seemed fair.
“Yeah, it made him pretty popular in the mission too.” Mark said gathering the dishes.
“There are only so many ways you can cook macaroni and cheese though.” Andy said, picking up the Pictionary game from the stack on the coffee table.
“We need another player for that,” I commented.
“Nathan!” both Andy and Mark yelled at the same time.
Andy and I were pretty good as Pictionary partners. Nathan was getting a little frustrated at our speed. Mark’s drawings weren’t very good and Nathan couldn’t figure them out. Andy and Mark would probably make great partners, despite Mark’s drawing skills, because they knew each other so well. I was going to suggest we divide our teams that way but Nathan wasn’t up for losing again.
Instead, I suggested that it would be a good time for Andy to show me some of his artwork. This would give Nathan time to relax and I was curious. Nathan harrumphed down the hall.
Andy returned with his art portfolio. I was not disappointed, it was definitely amazing. He did mostly ink drawings that seemed to come alive on the page. I noticed that he had a little character he drew over and over in his sketch book always doing something different.
“Who’s this little guy?” I asked.
“Oh, that’s just a doodle I do to practice different poses.” He said shrugging.
“He’s cute. You should give him a name.”
“What would you name him?” He asked his eyes sparkling at me.
I tried to think of something clever but gave up. Those green eyes of his just left my mind blank. “I’ll think about it.”
I thanked Andy again for dinner and said goodnight to the various faces roaming around the apartment: one talking on the phone, one looking through a book and one rummaging in the fridge for something to eat; where did he find the room? I was still stuffed.
When I got home, I picked up the Ensign from the table and headed off to bed. I decided to get a head start on October by reading the visiting teaching message early. Then I prayed again for the answer that I was seeking, hoping that Conference would teach me what I needed to know. I pulled up my computer calendar and made a note to call the sisters on my list this week and get their report. Looking at the note for my ultrasound last week, I remembered that I was still waiting for my results. Before I could spiral down into another unhelpful panic attack, I focused on thinking up names for Andy’s little character.
Distractions used to work really well but any more, it seemed I was having to step up my game to ignore all that made me feel worried.
I got Spencer’s tally on Monday. He must have had a hard week. His 14 was unusual and hardly a match for my 61. I pulled out a card and wrote in it one of my favorite silly jokes. Then I drew a smilie face with its tongue sticking out because I was sure it would make Spencer laugh when he saw it.
Wednesday afternoon, the results I had been waiting for came. The nurse called to tell me that both tests had looked normal and the doctor felt he didn't need to see me again for a year. I was relieved that I wouldn't have to think about it for another year; even more relieved than I was that everything was fine. I knew that my mom would need the details soon but I just couldn't face it now. I left my phone in my room and went in search of some fun.
Nathan was home and up for a game so we went out to the courts. I managed to beat him once. He was a little grumpy until I told him my secret. “It's just because I'm a girl.” I patted his shoulder.
He grumbled and pulled his shoulder away. “Emily's a girl too, but I always beat her.”
“Yes, but she's your sister and you aren't worried as much about fouling her. Think about it Nathan, weren't you just a little hesitant to get in my way?”
He perked up, “Yeah, that does make a difference. I just wasn't playing very hard.” He felt better instantly and tossed me the ball. “How about another game?”
“No, thanks. Now that my secret is out, I am pretty sure I'm toast.”
“Well at least let me buy the winner a soda or something?”
“Okay, that sounds good.” We walked to the laundry room where there was a soda machine. I opened my root beer and sat on the grass near a tree. The sun was still bright even though it was almost dinner time. Nathan sat next to me and I was surprised that he was in a mood to talk. It was so unlike him.
“Megan, what do you think of John?”
I was not expecting this question, I had to think about the answer a second. “John's great, a little quiet but nice. Why?”
“Emily seems pretty interested in him. I just wondered ‘cause I don't get it. I mean John is a great bud but Emily is special, you know.”
Well, well Nathan had unknown depths. “Emily probably sees special things in John too.”
“Yea, but a cowboy? He actually rides a horse and takes care of cattle. Did you know that?”
“Are you sure it's John that bothers you or are you just jealous that she wants to spend time with him instead of you?”
He looked at me for a long moment and then back down at the grass. “No comment.”
I laughed. “She had to find someone eventually. Aren't you glad it's someone as great as John?”
“I still don't like it.”
“You are grumpy today aren't you?”
“Oh, sorry. I guess I'm not very fun to be with just now.”
He screwed his face up into a strange expression and then he started to talk like Donald duck. The drink of root beer that I had just swallowed caught in my throat and I coughed a laugh. Encouraged, Nathan continued. The coughing continued until he paused to see if I was okay. He patted my back and I carefully took a sip to see if I could calm my throat down.
I flopped back on the grass and let the sun warm my face while I tried to breathe deeply. Nathan leaned over me cautiously and quacked, “Sorry,” plain as day. I laughed again and hiccupped this time.
In this mood Nathan was so much like my friend, Spencer, that I couldn't help retaliating. I grabbed a handful of grass and tossed it in his surprised face. Too competitive to let that pass, he grabbed his own handful and instead of tossing it, he ground it into my frizzy hair. How had he found my weakness so quickly? It would take forever to get all that grass out. I reached up and put a handful down the back of his shirt. He jumped up and danced a bit, shaking the grass free. I sat up preparing for the next round.
But Nathan stopped, “Okay, uncle.” I was surprised he had given up so fast. He scratched at his back a little. “I'm allergic.”
“I'm sorry. Are you really uncomfortable?”
I felt the hiccups coming back so I took a big drink of root beer. It was as if Nathan had waited for that exact moment before answering. He let out a loud quacked, “I'm okay,” and I spit my root beer across the lawn. He rolled on the ground
laughing then started scratching again. “I'd better go and take a shower. This was fun Megan. Thanks.” He stood up and left me sitting there with a frustrated look on my face.
“Yeah, anytime,” I yelled sarcastically to him as he walked away and he laughed again.
Collecting Smiles Page 4
