by Neale, Kitty
‘Hello? Hello? Penny, is that you?’
‘Yes, it’s me.’ There was no mistaking who it was at the other end. A thrill shot through her. ‘How are you? Where are you?’
‘I’m back in South London,’ he said. ‘Thank God. As for how I am, I’m being driven half mad by the midge bites. They were worse than ever this time. I can’t describe how glad I am to be away from them.’
‘How … how was the rest of your trip?’ She was almost shaking with delight and relief. ‘Did you get the pictures you wanted?’
‘Think so – I haven’t had them all developed yet but I saw some amazing stuff and hope I caught it all on film.’ John paused. ‘I’ll tell you all about it when we meet, shall I?’
‘I’d love that,’ said Penny, wondering if he could hear the smile in her voice. She took her courage in both hands. ‘Would you still like to come round here and I’ll cook you something?’
‘Yes please,’ he said at once.
‘Brilliant. When can you come?’
‘Give me time to get some decent pictures done. Let me see … next Tuesday? How would that be?’
‘Perfect,’ said Penny, already planning on getting Maureen out of the flat that evening. ‘Is there anything you don’t like to eat?’
‘Any instant or tinned soup,’ he said. ‘Anything deep-fried. Or fish and chips. I usually love it but I’m sick to death of it as where I was for ages only had one hot takeaway and that was the chippy. I’ve had enough to last for years.’
‘Okay, I won’t do that then,’ she said happily. ‘You’ll get something special from Jimmy’s stall. How does that sound?’
‘Perfect,’ he said. ‘Shall I come round at about seven? I can drop round to the office and then come to you from there.’
‘Sounds good,’ Penny said, hugging herself. ‘I’ll see you then.’
She almost burst out singing as she put down the receiver.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Maureen told herself that it was a crazy idea and to forget about it, but somehow it wouldn’t go away. It had lodged in her mind the day Michelle had broken her news and now it was fixed there, demanding that she do something about it.
She didn’t even know if it was possible. It might be out of the question. She also didn’t know if anybody else involved would be happy about it or not. She might be living in a fantasy world but the idea kept insisting that it was the perfect solution to everyone’s problems.
The one thing she did know was that she couldn’t mention it without checking out some details first. She didn’t want to raise false hopes or, if it went down badly, give massive offence for no good reason. She debated with herself the best thing to do and faced the fact that it would all take ages.
Well, isn’t as if you haven’t got time on your hands, Maureen told herself sternly. Now that you’ve given Stuart the boot, look at all those empty hours in the evenings. And you wake up fresher and raring to go, not knackered or hung over. So jump to it and stop putting it off. Do something for someone else for a change.
She paid for her groceries at the local supermarket and wandered back out into the sunshine, waving at some of the market traders as she went. She was tempted to stop for a natter or to see if there were any bargains to be had, but knew she was just putting off the moment when she had to act. Right, she thought. Do it now. Get yourself up those stairs and open the Yellow Pages. Because if it does take a long time, any delays now might mean it’s all too late.
Penny was also walking through the market, pausing at each stall, wondering what to cook that would demonstrate how good she was in the kitchen without taking up too much time while her guest was there.
‘I hear you’re going to have company,’ shouted Jimmy. ‘Word travels fast around here you know.’
‘It’s no secret,’ Penny said, thinking it was a good job it wasn’t, as several of the other stall holders were nodding their heads as if they knew exactly what Jimmy was on about. ‘It’s only a meal for a friend. What have you got for me, then? If I do chicken and pasta, what would go with that?’
‘I got you just the thing,’ Jimmy told her, turning for a bowl. ‘Here, you have these lovely tasty red onions, and some red peppers as well, and seeing as it’s you I’ll put these in on top. How about that? Can’t say fairer than that.’
‘They look lovely,’ she said, tipping them into her bag. ‘Here you go. I’ll bring you any leftovers if you like.’
‘Don’t expect there’ll be much in the way of those,’ Jimmy replied. ‘I hear your friend has arrived back starved of good food. Says he’ll never eat another chip again. So you better do him a huge portion.’
Penny waved at him and made her way to the flat, hurrying up the stairs, throwing the vegetables into their rack. Maureen was putting down the phone as she did so.
‘Who was that?’ Penny asked idly, picking up an onion that had fallen from the bag.
‘Never you mind,’ said Maureen shortly. ‘Got something to sort out, that’s all. None of your business.’
Penny pulled a face behind her back, thinking she didn’t have to be so sharp. Maybe her landlady was missing Stuart after all. Best let her get on with it. ‘I’ll be off again then,’ she said hurriedly.
Maureen sighed. ‘No need. I got to go out, got to see some people down the council. They don’t tell you nothing down the phone. I got to show my face and persuade them in person.’ She nodded decisively. ‘And no time like the present to do it, so I’ll catch you later.’
‘Not too much later,’ Penny said in alarm. ‘You did say you’ll be out this evening, didn’t you?’
‘Keep your hair on, yes, I haven’t forgotten,’ said Maureen. ‘You want the place to yourself so you can reward the Microwave Man. I’ll be nowhere to be seen. Just make sure you give him my very best regards.’ She winked as she left the flat.
What was Maureen up to, Penny wondered, it wasn’t like her to react like that. Well, she didn’t have time to worry about that now. She had a meal to plan and an evening to prepare for.
Michelle struggled grimly with her sequinned top, finding that she couldn’t get the hooks to fasten and the spaghetti straps dug painfully into the flesh of her shoulders. Glancing in the dressing room mirror, she shook her head. It was as if she had been squeezed into a strange new shape. It was not a good look. Nobody was going to pay to see that.
‘Mark!’ she called. She could see him on the other side of the room behind a clothes rail. ‘Can you give me a hand?’
‘Think you’re going to need more than a hand, dear,’ he said, coming over and eyeing her critically. ‘Crowbar more like. Ugh, look at those red marks. Do they hurt?’
‘Of course they bloody hurt,’ she scowled. Was he winding her up deliberately? ‘You got to get me something else to wear or else make this thing bigger. My boobs are swelling and they won’t fit in this no more. I can’t go on in this.’
‘Hmmm, maybe a strip of extra material here …’ He pulled at the hooks and Michelle let out a little scream. ‘Okay, maybe not, as that won’t help the straps and they’re too thin to let out. We’d better get you something different. You need reinforcing, darling.’
‘Bloody marvellous,’ muttered Michelle. But she didn’t have the energy to argue. She didn’t have the energy to do anything. It took all her will power to get out of bed in the morning and drag herself over here, and not to be sick while she did so.
Mark wandered off and then returned with a similar top but with thicker straps. ‘Here, try this. It’s one size bigger and you can adjust it here, and here. That’ll give you room to manoeuvre.’ He helped her into it, trying to avoid the painful red welts from the first straps. ‘How are you feeling, then? You seem to be managing all right in the evenings, getting out there and keeping up with the rest.’
‘Sort of.’ Michelle pulled at the hem and looked at herself in the mirror, smoothing out the creases. ‘Yes, this is much better, thanks. Well, I’m glad you think I’m managing. It
doesn’t always feel like that.’ She sank into a chair. ‘Tell you the truth, I don’t know how I’m going to cope. I’m just about keeping going for now but not knowing what’s going to happen is doing my head in.’
‘Must be difficult,’ agreed Mark, sitting down beside her. ‘What about your parents? Have you told them yet?’
‘Had to, when I was sick one morning and they could hear me,’ she admitted. ‘That wasn’t much fun. They’re very disappointed in me. They didn’t get angry but I just knew.’ She shook her head. ‘It’s not that they don’t want to help, but there’s so many of us already. The house is bursting at the seams.’
‘Bit like you, dear,’ said Mark.
‘Stop it. It’s not funny. I can’t stay there with a baby and I can’t really go anywhere else. I wouldn’t want to be on my own with it, I wouldn’t know what to do. To be honest, I don’t want to be with it at all.’
Mark looked directly at her. ‘So what do you want, then? Stop for a minute and just imagine what you’d like if it was an ideal world. Other than to put the clock back and the condom not to split.’
Michelle twisted her hands, trying to find an answer. Eventually she said, ‘I don’t think I’m the right person to bring up this baby. I’m not saying that I’m bad or what I did was wrong, I just don’t think I’m old enough. Not in my head.’
‘So …’ said Mark, encouraging her.
‘If my fairy godmother was to show up right now, and it would be spot-on timing if she did, I’d say find this baby a lovely family. One that had a bit of money to give it a good life, one that had space for it, one that would love it and know how to look after it as I would like to but just can’t.’ Michelle burst into tears.
‘There, there,’ said Mark anxiously. ‘Don’t cry. Don’t whatever you do drip your mascara on this nice new top. No, no, don’t take on.’ He gave her a hug. ‘Who’s to say we can’t find your baby a family?’
‘How?’ demanded Michelle. ‘Do you think I haven’t thought about that? How?’
‘Don’t know,’ said Mark, ‘but watch me try.’
‘Mark, I know you’re owed favours by all sorts of people all over London,’ said Michelle, wiping her smudged eyes, ‘but this might be beyond even you. Because for the life of me I don’t see how you can manage this one.’
It was just after seven when John rang the bell to the flat. Penny had been watching from upstairs while trying not to make it obvious she was doing so, dodging behind the windowframe when she saw him approaching. She felt like one of the curtain twitchers back in Margate, old busybodies who used to cluck with disapproval when she walked down the street in her Madonna gear. God, how long ago all that seemed. She’d done a lot of growing up since then.
The sun was shining and it was hard not to feel optimistic. Even here in the heart of the city signs that spring had well and truly arrived were everywhere. The neighbours opposite had replanted their windowboxes with bright geraniums, and she wondered what it had been like in Scotland, if there had been lots of colour in the sweeping countryside. She’d never had much time for the countryside. She’d been surrounded with it at her boarding school but as she had hated it there, it wasn’t much use. It had been one more thing to emphasise how far she was from her mother and how her mother didn’t care.
Well, maybe John was going to change all that. She wouldn’t mind. Penny was willing for him to change all sorts of things about her. Tingling with excitement, she went to answer the door.
He looked up at her as she stood on the bottom stair above him and his eyes crinkled with pleasure. ‘Good to see you,’ he smiled.
‘It’s been ages!’ she exclaimed, beckoning him in. ‘Come on up.’
Once inside the flat, she could see he had caught the sun, though his hair was as thick and dark as ever.
He laughed when she pointed it out.
‘No one ever expects Scotland to be that fine in spring,’ he told her. ‘I was lucky, we got great conditions and I took all the shots I needed. I’ll show you later.’ He tapped a wide, flat bag he had tucked under his arm. ‘Here, I brought something to drink.’ He handed her a bottle. ‘What’s it been like here?’
‘The weather?’ she asked. God, he’d been away all this time and they were talking about the weather? ‘All right, I think. I haven’t really noticed.’ She shrugged. ‘I’m not out in it much. Too much else going on. Things at work, things going on with my friends.’
‘Ah yes, how’s the world of translation?’ he asked, and she remembered she hadn’t actually told him what it was she translated.
‘Busy,’ she said shortly. ‘No, it’s fine, most of it is fun. It’s just … nothing. Are you hungry? Come over to the table and we can eat.’
The smell of freshly made chicken pasta filled the room and they ate swiftly, exchanging smiles and small talk. She was reminded of how comfortable she was around John, how there were no awkward moments or gaping silences. He was the best listener she could think of. She hadn’t imagined it. She’d worried that she had, that she’d missed him so much that she’d created a perfect image of someone who didn’t exist, but it turned out he was even better company this time.
They made their way over to the sofa after they’d finished, and John poured them some wine. Penny found it went to her head fast – she hadn’t had much to drink since that terrible evening when she’d had the vodka and tonic, when she’d learned the truth about Eduardo. This tasted completely different and made her feel very relaxed, so relaxed that she found herself leaning up against him. He didn’t pull away.
‘So tell me what’s been happening to keep you so busy,’ he suggested, and before she could stop herself, it all came out – about the club, how Juliet had disappeared, how Michelle had ended up pregnant, how she now no longer felt the same about dancing.
‘Sounds like you’re pretty much alone,’ he said seriously.
‘Well, not alone exactly. I’ve got Maureen, you’ve met her. And my friend Mark. But they’re always busy too.’
‘Maybe it’s better to call it lonely, then. Is that it? You’re feeling lonely?’
‘Yes,’ Penny said, and stopped. That was exactly it, and she hadn’t wanted to put a name to it. She’d been so determined to make it in London, not to call on anyone for help, to set out independently. But the result was that now she was lonely. ‘Yes, I suppose I am.’
Gently John stroked her face. ‘I don’t like to think of you as lonely,’ he said. ‘You’re far too lovely to be lonely for long.’
She smiled uncertainly, not wanting to seem weak. But she was sure he was genuine, not one of these men waiting to take advantage of vulnerable young women. She wasn’t so naïve now, she could tell the difference.
‘Sounds like you need a special friend,’ he went on, gazing into her eyes. ‘Is that what you’d like?’
‘Yes,’ she said, and knew she trusted him completely. And then suddenly they were kissing, and she could feel all her doubts and fears fading away. She had no idea how long it lasted but time seemed to stand still as she floated, her worries and pains disappearing as she held him and felt him hold her, and thought she had never been so safe.
Slowly they pulled apart and he swept her hair away from her eyes.
‘You aren’t shocked?’ she asked, suddenly afraid again. ‘About the club, I mean. It’s not just any old office job. I know some people don’t approve.’
‘Don’t be silly, Jimmy’s always known what Maureen did for a living,’ he said. ‘It’s up to you how you pay your way.’
‘That’s good,’ she laughed. ‘Yes, of course, he’d have known for ages. But I know she’s had a bad time from her family, nearly all of them won’t talk to her.’
‘That’s unfair,’ John said soberly. ‘She seems nice.’
‘She is,’ she said. ‘Anyway, it’s not as bad as my mother, who was really two-faced. All the time I was growing up she was this heartless businesswoman, really worried about what people thought of her. But Maureen
knew her years ago and she was a stripper. Not even a burlesque dancer, just a plain old stripper. She even had a silly stage name, Adrianna.’
‘Did you say Adrianna?’ asked John, taking a quick gulp of his drink.
‘Yes, why?’
‘It’s a very unusual name,’ he said, pulling away. ‘Don’t think I’ve come across many of those. I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old are you?’
‘Does it make a difference?’ she asked, her old fears returning in a rush. ‘You must have known I was much younger than you. I’ll be seventeen in July.’
‘Don’t worry,’ he said, stroking her hair. ‘I just felt I should check. I know you’re younger than me, just didn’t realise by how much. But it doesn’t feel as if we’re different ages. You’ll think this is silly but I feel as if I’ve known you for ever.’
Penny sat back as well, but this time in pleasure. ‘Really?’ she exclaimed. ‘That’s exactly what I thought when you came round last time. I can’t describe why. I told myself it was stupid to feel that way when I’d hardly met you before but those were the very words I used. It’s like we’re connected somehow, deep down.’ She wanted to kiss him again but wasn’t sure how to draw him closer. It wouldn’t be right to grab him. Yet now John seemed to be moving further away.
‘Look,’ he said, ‘I’m going to leave these pictures with you. I know you’re not as obsessed with wildlife as I am and I don’t want to bore you. You’ll probably think I’m very rude but I need to get back to South London. My … my mother hasn’t been well and I should drop in on her before it’s too late.’
‘Oh,’ Penny said, disappointed. He hadn’t mentioned this before. She was surprised. He’d given no hint that he’d have to leave so soon. But it showed he cared for his family. Maybe it was her talking about her own mother that had reminded him. ‘Oh, okay. Pity you can’t stay longer.’ She smiled invitingly at him. ‘You’ll be back, won’t you?’ She tried not to sound too desperate.
‘Of course,’ he smiled. ‘I’ve left you my pictures, haven’t I? I trust you with them. Look after them, won’t you?’
