by Becky Monson
My computer beeps and there’s a message from Brown.
You’ve been avoiding me all day, Dorning, it’s time for a break. I have info on Jared. –B
Must resist. Must resist. Information on Jared? Must resist.
See you in five. –J
Dang her! She got me with info about Jared. How could I resist? It’s not possible. Not. Possible. I’ll just have to remain mum about Nguyen. I’ll offer my soul to the gods if they can just help me keep my big trap shut.
The breeze that hits me as I open the door and go outside to meet Brown feels marvelous. This is one of those days when I feel like ditching work and driving around town with the top on my car down. Then, I remember I don’t have a convertible.
“’Bout time you got here,” she says, taking a drag from her half-smoked cigarette.
“What? I told you five minutes,” I say, keeping my cool. I can do this. I can do this. I feel like I might erupt at any second and just sputter it all out—Jared thinks Nguyen is stealing from the company and now he has me sending him the reports I do—breathe, breathe. Seriously, I didn’t have a problem not telling Brown about Jared’s dad, so why is this so hard? Because this is gossip. Jared’s dad’s passing is not gossip, nor should it ever be considered gossip.
“So, what did you find out about Jared?” I normally would’ve skirted around that, not wanting her to think I’m desperate to find out, but this is the best way to keep her away from asking me about things I’m not allowed to say. And, also, I’m desperate to find out.
“Well, the info I have is that …” she trails off and takes a drag from her cigarette, keeping me waiting, blowing the smoke away from me. “The truth is, I have no info,” she finally spits out, irritation strong in her voice.
What? Did she just say that to trick me into meeting her? Dang her, she’s good. “What do you mean, you have no info?” I ask, trying to keep her on the Jared path and not move onto other paths.
“That’s what I mean. My info on Jared is that I have no info. He’s basically a nobody. There’s no information anywhere on the Internet. No address, no Facebook account, Twitter, LinkedIn, nothing.” She gives me an exasperated look.
“Why is that so weird? Some people like to stay private.”
“Yes, but not in the business world. He should have some sort of track-record, something online. A company he used to work for, anything. But there’s nothing.”
We stand side by side, pondering that for a moment, Brown puffing on her cigarette in frustration. This information doesn’t bother me that much, but it really seems to bother Brown. Perhaps because she’s known for her ability to dig up information on people.
“I don’t know, Jules,” she says after a bout of silence, “there’s something fishy going on there.”
“With Jared?” I scoff. “Oh, please. Yes, he works in HR, they’re always the fishy type. So he’s secretive, is it really that big of a deal?”
“I think it is, and you should, too. Especially with this thing you two have going.” She uses air-quotes when she says ‘thing.’
Ah, yes. The thing. I want to tell her there really is no thing, at least not what she’s insinuating. He used the friend word, more than once even, and so that’s the thing. And although he’s opened up to me about personal stuff he doesn’t normally tell people, we don’t actually have the type of relationship where I could just march right up to his office and demand answers about his past. I don’t even have his cell phone number, or his personal email address. All I have with Jared is work. Every part of our relationship has been based on that, and even though it’s seemed to delve into some flirtation, we’re just plain work friends, stupid freaking work friends. That’s it.
But if I go into the conversation that happened last night, then I’ll have to skirt by the Nguyen information, and as we all know, with Brown especially, I can’t keep a secret. So I’m just going to let Brown think the “thing” between Jared and me is actually a thing.
“I guess I’m not seeing how big of a deal this is,” I finally say.
“Jules, we’ve known this guy for all of what, only two months or so?” I think about that for a second. Has it really been only two months? Doesn’t really feel like it. It feels longer.
“Yeah, so …”
“So,” she interrupts me, “we should’ve found out more about him by now. It’s just … fishy.”
“Yeah, I guess. Maybe … ” My voice trails off. I guess I’m just not getting the importance of this need-to-know information Brown is finding herself so frustrated by.
She blows the smoke from her cigarette out. “So, what else is new? Any gossip?” she asks still sounding frustrated, but finally cluing in that I don’t have this same need-to-know desire she does, and so it’s a lost cause on me.
This is my cue to leave because I do have gossip, possibly some of the juiciest gossip we’ve ever encountered since we started taking smoke breaks together. “Nope. Nothing,” I say quickly, looking away from her and out into the parking lot so she can’t catch the lie in my eyes. “I guess I better get back to work,” I say as nonchalantly as I can.
“Yeah, me too,” Brown says as she puts the cigarette out in the large ashtray by the door. We walk inside together and head back to our offices.
Did I just pull that off? Am I getting better at lying/keeping secrets? Not sure I should be proud of myself for that, but I kind of am.
~*~
I look at the clock, and it’s five thirty already, which is just a bit early to meet my family for dinner, but why spend the extra time at work? Besides, today hasn’t been the most fun day with all the working and not seeing Jared at all. I mean, what do I come to work for anyway? He may have defined our friendship-ness yesterday, but that doesn’t mean I can shut my crush off just like that. It’ll take me a while to adjust.
I’m surprised to find that going out with my family tonight is something I’m looking forward to. It’s been so long since we were all together. Maybe it’s my newfound relationship with Anna. Maybe it’s finally seeing Lennon after a long while. I don’t know what it is, but it’s a good feeling.
As I walk out to the parking lot I look back at the building, and just as the stalker I’ve totally become, my eyes move up to the window where the sixth floor conference room sits. I see the light is still on, and so next, as always, my eyes move to the parking lot to look for Jared’s car, which is still there.
I have a little time before I have to meet my family, so without really thinking it through, I turn around and head back into the office, onto the elevator, and up to the sixth floor. I’m not really sure what I’m doing, and the butterflies in my stomach are making me think this is not the best idea, but I can’t help myself. I didn’t get to see Jared all day, which is not fair. I just want to say hi really quickly and then leave.
As I step out onto the sixth floor, I consider getting back on the elevator and going back downstairs. I don’t just come up to Jared’s office without a reason—a work reason. But hey, we’re friends. Can’t I just come upstairs and say hi to my friend Jared? I push the butterflies out and walk over to the conference room door and knock.
I hear Jared’s muffled voice say “come in” and I open the door and walk in. I see him sitting at the head of the conference room table, the light from his laptop screen shining on his face. There are files and boxes strewn all over the table. He doesn’t even look up to see who it is. He just stares at his laptop screen.
“Hey!” I say a little too enthusiastically, and a little high-pitched. Really? Did my “hey” have to squeak out like that? I really am a circus freak sometimes.
He looks up from his laptop and seems surprised to see me. “Hey, what are you still doing here, Jules?” He smiles at me, and I relax a little. I know we’re just supposed to be friends, but the sight of him still makes my heart do leaps and skips.
“I was just on my way out, and saw you were still here, so I thought I’d come and say hi.” The voice in my head adds “bec
ause I’m stalking/in love with you” to the end of that, but I ignore it.
He just nods at me, then he shuts his laptop, leans back in his chair, and looks at me. He looks really tired. His hair is a little tousled, and he has an incredibly sexy five o’clock shadow. I’m finding it hard to stop staring.
“You look tired,” I say, not sure if he wants me to stay or leave. I’m feeling butterflies in my stomach as I feel more and more vulnerable and stupid for coming up here, seeing as our last conversation was a little strained and, well, odd.
He stifles a laugh. “You could say that,” he says as he leans back putting his hands behind his head and closing his eyes for a moment.
I stand awkwardly by the door thinking maybe I should just say goodbye and leave. Then, out of the blue, he kicks the chair next to him out with his foot and motions for me to take a seat.
He smiles at me as I sit down. “So, what’s up?” he asks, his voice sounding tired and there’s something else there that seems like maybe sadness? I recognize it from when he told me about his dad. But it’s different this time. I’m not really sure.
“Not much. I have to leave in a bit to go meet up with my family for dinner.”
“What’s the occasion?” he asks, sounding like he’s relieved to be able to talk to me and get his mind off whatever he’s doing.
“I’m not sure. My brother Lennon invited us.” I look down at my hands, feeling his eyes on me, and suddenly I feel even more nervous and now a little self-conscious. “What’s new with you?” I ask without looking up.
“Um …” he takes a deep breath, “… too much to talk about, or think about right now.” I feel his gaze move away from me, so I look up and see him looking down at his hands, pondering, I guess.
“You okay?” I say with concern in my voice.
He nods his head and looks up at the ceiling. “I’m fine. Just busy.”
The tone in the room seems too serious, and I find myself wanting to lighten it. I don’t want him to bring up my need to un-stuck myself again.
“It just dawned on me that they still haven’t found you a proper office yet, huh?” I say more as a statement than a question.
Jared looks around at his surroundings and only nods his head yes.
“I wouldn’t want to leave here, though. I mean look at all this space.” I motion to the room with my hand. “You’ve got a huge desk, nice big windows … I’d stay here as long as I could.”
He smiles at me and swivels his chair toward me. “Yes, and you never know who I might find under this table.” He taps his fingers on the conference room table and gives me his best smirk.
“Yes, you never know who,” I say, trying to act cool and praying I don’t blush. Ugh, too late. I look back down at my hands, hoping he didn’t notice the blushing, which is like hoping you don’t have poppy seeds in your teeth after eating a poppy seed muffin. It’s just not possible.
I feel his eyes on me, and I try to get over my blushing. I finally look up at him and smile. He smiles back, and then he gets a serious look on his face. This must be my cue to leave, so I stand up from my chair and start to grab my purse so I can go.
“You leaving?” he asks, sounding kind of disappointed.
“Yeah, I guess I should let you get back to whatever you’re doing so you can get done and go home and get some rest,” I say, and smile at him slightly.
As I turn away from him to get my things, all of a sudden I feel him grab a hold of my hand, which catches me off guard, and I turn back around to see him sitting there, staring at me.
“Just … wait a second,” he says, and with that he pulls me toward him and in some crazy fast move, right into his lap. What the heck? This was so not expected.
“Um …” I say nervously, and slightly breathlessly as I look at him in the eyes, my heart starting to pound in my chest.
He looks at me, our faces just inches from each other. With the hand that’s not holding mine, he pushes back some of my hair, which is slightly shielding my eyes, and tucks it behind my ear in a tender way. This, of course, makes me blush, and butterflies are now about to come up from my stomach and out my mouth. There are so many, I feel like I might throw them up.
“Julia …” he says as he looks from my eyes to my mouth, and all of a sudden I realize he’s going to kiss me (yes, I realize I’m cluing in a little late here, but this kind of stuff does not happen to spinsters), and I’m not sure what to do. But before I can even think of anything, he leans in toward me and just like that his lips are on mine.
It’s soft at first and slow and kind of … awkward. I’m not really sure what I’m doing with my hands and neither is he, but then all of a sudden his hands are on either side of my face, cradling it and his lips are hot on mine and the kissing gets intense. I grab fistfuls of his shirt in my hands and pull him toward me.
He moves his hands away from my face and down my back, pulling me in closer to him and I respond by wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling myself into him as well. The kissing gets even steamier.
Many thoughts are going through my head right now like, what the heck is happening? Didn’t he just say the dreaded F word? And, oh my gosh, I’m kissing Jared! And please, oh please, let my breath be good.
After what I can only guess was a couple minutes (it felt like seconds), the kissing slows and the intensity starts to lessen. Jared moves his hands back up to my face, cradling it again, kissing me a few more times sweetly and tenderly. Then, he pulls away and looks at me, and he smiles slightly. He tucks the strands of hair behind my ear again.
I’m not sure what to do or say, and I’m feeling confusion from our conversation yesterday. Do friends kiss friends in Jared’s world? Is that really all I am to him? Right now it certainly doesn’t seem like it.
One thing I’m sure of is I want more. I want to just ditch my family and make out with Jared all night long, but I know that can’t happen. I probably shouldn’t ditch my family, and I’m pretty sure Jared will have to finish whatever he was doing before. Plus, I’m not sure where this is all coming from. One thing is for sure, I’m so glad I came up here. Best. Decision. Ever.
I probably should move off his lap or something, but instead I put my arms around him and hug him tight. He puts his arms around me to reciprocate, nuzzling his head into my neck, and I can feel his five o’clock shadow brush against me, sending shivers down my spine. I never want this moment to end. I’d sit in Jared’s lap, right here in the conference room where I first laid eyes on him, forever.
Okay, so that last statement was cheesy, but I can’t help myself. Suddenly, I feel like I belong here, in Jared’s arms, and I haven’t felt like I belong anywhere in a very long time.
I’m torn between wanting to stay here and also wanting to pull away because I don’t want him to be the one to pull me away like I’m some annoying toddler with my arms wrapped around his leg, not letting go. I pull out of the hug, and we look at each other, he leans in and kisses me softly on the lips, and chills run up and down my spine.
My cell phone rings and we both jump, startled by the noise. I jump up out of his lap without thinking it through, and I immediately regret doing it because that means it’s the end of the kissing, and I don’t know when it’ll ever happen again. I’m actually having a hard time believing how it could happen at all. Wait, is this just one of those crazy-realistic dreams? I avoid the urge to pinch myself.
I grab my phone out of my purse and see it’s Anna calling. I quickly push the end button on my phone, ignoring her call. Leave it to Anna to interrupt the most perfect moment of my life thus far.
I look at the time on my phone and realize I’m now late to meet up with my family, and Anna was probably calling to make sure I’m not dead on the side of the road or something.
“Crap! I’m late!” I say a little too breathlessly and awkwardly. I shove the phone back in my purse and sling it around my shoulder.
Jared stands up from the chair that I’ll secretly have to steal a
piece of at a later time—to, you know, commemorate this less-than-spinster occasion that has just happened in my life, one I’ll have to promise God that I’ll live a life of service if it could happen again. Please, please let it happen again.
I hate leaving, but then I realize I’m leaving on a high note. That’s a good thing, right? Brown is always saying how she likes to leave on a high note in any situation. Too much of a good thing can be bad, she says.
So, am I leaving on a high note? I’m the one who ended the kissing, well, technically, it was Anna, but whatever. But it wasn’t Jared who had total control of the situation. This is good, right? I mean, I’m not trying to play those dumb girls’ rules, but a girl has to be a little bit mysterious and have the slight upper-hand sometimes, so I’ve heard. I doubt that’s what’s happening here, but it’s helping me to leave when I really just want to stay.
Jared follows me to the door as I go to leave, ever the gentleman. I turn around as I get near the door and look at him. He smiles at me slightly and grabs my hand in his, just like yesterday, only this time he weaves his fingers through mine. There’s intensity in the hand-holding now, like it means something more. I want to ask him what this all means, where this is all coming from. But I can’t. I can’t ruin any of this by getting all girly right now.
“Julia, before tomorrow, I need to …” My cell phone cuts him off and I try to ignore it so he can finish what he’s saying, but he gestures for me to see who it is. I let go of his hand and get the phone out of my purse, and of course, it’s Anna. I answer it quickly, let her know I’m not dead, and am on my way to the restaurant. Clearly annoyed, she tells me they’re all waiting for me. She won’t be so annoyed when I tell her why.
“Okay, I guess I better go,” I say as I end the call and put the phone back in my purse. “What were you saying before?” I look in his eyes, and I see sadness in them. Oh no! He regrets kissing me already?
“Um … don’t worry about it.” He shakes his head. “We’ll talk about it later.” He grabs my hand again, making my worries of him regretting kissing me lessen.
