I popped the top off, only finding two. Using the medicine dispenser, I crushed them up and snorted them. That was the only hope I had of feeling anything from them. But I knew the only these pills would do is piss me off.
I searched the drawers again, searching for any relief. I took the last of mine last night, and it would be days before I could have them refilled. I thought I would be okay, but not with my mom pulling shit like this.
I haven’t seen them since the trial. Anna had tried to contact me, but after months with no success, she gave up. There wasn’t anything that needed to be said. I needed to heal and move on by myself. They were all a constant reminder of him and what he did to me. They brought me down.
Especially my mother and Glenn who pretended our lives were perfect, knowing what he did to me. And she did nothing to stop it. He resented me. I was a constant reminder of what my mother once had with my dad. And he made it a point to show me constantly how much he despised me.
Pissed off, I slung a drawer at the wall and slid down, hoping these pills would help in some way. I can’t be in my head tonight. Someone knocked on the door.
"Hayze,” Taylor said.
"Shit. Yeah?”
"Can I come in?" She asked. I looked around the bathroom at the damage. She would know something was up. I walked from the bathroom, passing by her without speaking.
“Hayze?"
I stopped, turned, and looked at her. “You need in there?”
"No... I uh, I just wanted to check on you,” she said, nervously.
I nodded and walked toward my room.
“I’m confused. Why am I even here? Why did you ask me to come?”
And just like that, she had my attention. I pushed my fallen hair back, fidgeting. I couldn’t endure these people alone…that’s why you’re here.
“I wanted you to be here...With me,” I said, shrugging. “I wanted you to meet my family.”
“Is this normal? Am I the only one that sees anything wrong with this picture? You run out of the room and leave me with your family. And what was that about? You couldn't get out of the room fast enough when your brothers came,” she said, not backing down. This girl wasn’t going to stop until she knew every little detail about my life. As bad as I wanted to tell her sometimes, I knew she would run.
“That's not true. I was just looking for something then I was coming back,” I lied.
“You were walking to your room,” she said, once again calling me out on my shit.
Fuck. I ran my hand over my face, frustrated. “I don't know what you want, Taylor. You went out with another guy...”
“But you asked me to be here. And here I am!” She said, slamming her fingers to her chest. “Asking you to let me in; I don't want you to invite me over just to ditch me. If you have a problem with someone out there just tell me.”
You know what? Fuck it. She thinks she can handle a little bit of my life, let’s see what she does with it.
“Come with me,” I said, pulling her in my room. I sat on my bed and she did the same.
“Those two boys in there are my little brothers, Casey and Chance,” I said.
“Yeah I know. Lea filled me in.”
I laughed once. She better not have said too much.
“Well now I’m telling you. I stayed with my grandparents a lot growing up. I don’t know why, my mom’s a fucking angel. My dad would always come in drunk or high and start shit sometimes. One night he took it too far, he was pissed at something and came in... And my little brother was on the couch... He realized it was him after the blade was shoved through his stomach. Wanna know what his excuse was? He thought it was me. He wouldn't have done it if he knew... I know how they look at me now. Some of them blame me, some feel sorry for me.”
“No one blames you, Hayze. Did he ever hurt you? Like that bad?” She asked, watching me with concern. Sympathy was the worst part of people knowing.
“Not to that extent, no.”
She traced the scar above my eyebrow. I flinched, but I didn’t stop her at first. She looked at me, waiting for me to explain.
“Beer bottle,” I said, pulling her hand from my face.
“What?” She asked, confused.
“That’s from a beer bottle. That was probably the worst. Nothing like what he did…” I didn’t want to finish that sentence. I shook my head, hoping the memories would somehow fly out. I wasn’t exactly honest; he’d done a lot of shit to me. Thing’s I would never talk about, but at least she knew some of it. Not every little detail mattered.
“Have you considered talking to anyone about this?” She asked.
“I’m talking to you,” I said. I wasn’t going to tell her about Dr. Moore.
“I mean a professional,” she said.
“I’m not talking to a shrink. What I just did here is a first and I only told you because I know that’s what you want.”
“I want you to tell me when you’re ready…” Her eyes were wide and full of sorrow. I almost wanted to laugh at that.
“I won’t ever be ready, baby. I don’t wanna talk about it again, I don’t need to rehash my feelings, let’s just forget it. I told you to keep you here. When you leave it won’t be because I kept shit from you.”
“So, there’s nothing you want to tell me now?” She asked, searching my face. Of course there’s a lot she need to know, but I’m not telling her. Not yet.
“No.”
“I guess we should probably go back. I’m sure your mom is wondering where we went,” she said, pointing to the door.
“We’re good?”
She chewed on her lip, thinking. “One more thing…What happened the night you had your stomach pumped?”
“Fuck! Really, Taylor?” I ran my hands through my hair, tugging at it in frustration.
“I just need to know.”
I shook my head. She didn’t need to know. “Not yet. Someday when it’s behind me I’ll tell you. Can you live with that?”
“For now,” she said, honestly. I could tell she was disappointed. But what did she expect? Me to just spill my entire life story to her? I didn’t pry for questions about her past. I didn’t need to know what happened back then. All I knew was how I felt about her now. None of the rest mattered.
She walked past me and opened the door. I grabbed her arm, stopping her.
“I can’t go out there,” I said.
Standing on her tip-toes, she cuffed my face and kissed me. “If you’re not ready, we don’t have to go.”
“You shouldn’t have to stay in here with me.”
“What kind of girlfriend would I be if I left you in here alone?” She asked, nudging her shoulder against mine.
Girlfriend?
She interlaced my fingers and pulled me back to the bed. She sat on the edge, and I crouched in front of her. With my hands on her thighs, I pressed my lips to hers. I wasn’t the best with words, so I made up by it with kissing her.
“You don’t know how long I have waited to hear that. What did I do to deserve you?” I asked, nuzzling my face in her neck.
She giggled and pushed me back. She grabbed her phone, texting someone. I wanted to ask who it was after her night with Corey, but I’m trying to trust her.
“Have you talked to you brother since it happened?” She asked, setting her phone down.
“Chance, it was Chance, and no I haven’t talked to him.”
“Do you visit your dad?” She asked, prying into a territory we would never visit.
“No, Taylor, I don’t,” I said as I sat beside her.
She turned to me and tucked her legs underneath her. “Do you write or call? Does he even try to reach out to you?”
I rubbed my hand down my face, sighing. “He has before… No offense, babe, but I don’t want to talk about this.”
“You shouldn’t be embarrassed about it. Everyone has secrets, some are better at hiding them.”
“Yeah, guess you’re right,” I said, nodding.
“You asked
me about ‘The High School Taylor Thompson.’” She said, adding air quotes. “I dated this guy all throughout school. His dad was our youth preacher, I was around him all of my life and it just made sense that we should date.”
“What happened?” I asked, annoyed. I already didn’t like this guy. If something happened…
“My dad had an affair. I found out my senior year, the night of homecoming. I lost faith in everything and I ended it with him. I never cared for him in that way. He was a good friend and he’s a good guy. But that year I found out that it didn’t matter how good of a person you thought someone was, or what their position was, they could still do some shitty stuff,” she said.
“Does your mom know?”
“Oh, yeah. So does everyone else. Surprise! The fucking saint that won’t let his family embarrass him was sticking his dick in his secretary.”
Christ, she’s been around me too long. “Why’d she stay with him?”
“For the family, knowing her…maybe she felt stuck. I’ve honestly never talked to her about it. They just pretended like it never happened,” she said, rolling her eyes. I know how that feels.
“Shit.”
“Yeah,” she said.
Tucking her hair behind her ear, I kissed her. “Don’t let that worthless piece of shit determine your choices. Not everyone’s like that, baby.”
“I don’t. Not now, anyways. I just pushed through school because I knew it wouldn’t always be like that. I knew one day I would leave and never go back. Then I met you,” she laughed. “God, I was so disgusted with you. Your lifestyle choices repulsed me.”
“Please tell me you have a point,” I said., clearly not amused.
“I do. Then I spent time with you and it was refreshing. You were like a breath of fresh air. Your flaws were on display for everyone to see. You didn’t put on a front or try to be someone you’re not to impress people. And I think I started to fall for you…” She stopped mid-sentence when she realized what she said.
“I started falling as soon as I saw this wide-eyed, innocent, out of place girl stumbling around the bar,” I said. Embarrassed, she bit her lip and looked down. “I think I wanna go in there,” I said.
She stood and held her hand out to me. Sighing, I took it. When we reached the end of the hallway, she put her hand on my back.
“There he is,” my mother said, smiling.
Anna hugged me. “It’s so good to see you, sweetheart. I never hear from you. This one stays in touch,” she said, nodding to Lea.
“I know, I just get caught up with school and work…”
She nodded, knowing I’m full of shit. “We’re planning a trip with Lea. Wanna come for a visit to Colorado for Christmas?”
I looked at Taylor. “We can talk about it later.”
Chance and Casey are on the couch. Chance is engrossed in his phone, probably texting girls. Casey flipped mindlessly through channels, ignoring us. I crashed between them. Chance’s head snapped up, studying me.
“How’s it goin’?” I asked. Chance’s hard demeanor crumbled as he smiled. I felt like a piece of shit. I’m the only one who knows what he’s going through, and I’ve failed him.
“You realize you’re stuck with this family forever now, right?” Lea said to Taylor. I pretended like I couldn’t hear them.
“Catch phrase anyone? Taylor?” My mother asked.
“I’ve never played,” Taylor said.
“Now’s the time to play. Hayze isn’t playing and he’s an asshole,” Lea said.
“Lea can’t handle losing. And no one wants to be on her team because she sucks,” I said.
“He cheats,” she said.
“Okay girls, you two against Anna and me?” My mother asked. She always gets annoyed when Lea and I start fighting.
“Sounds good to me,” Lea said.
Casey tossed the remote down. “Wanna play?” He asked, handing me a controller.
“Sure,” I said, shrugging. I had absolutely no idea how to play this shit.
As he started setting the game up, Lea was trying to explain the game to Taylor. “Okay, so you are given a word and you have to explain it without using the word, or what it rhymes with, starts with, you get the point. If the buzzer goes off in your hand the other team gets the point and they get to guess your word,” Lea said.
“Kinda like charades?” Taylor asked.
“Exactly! Except you don’t act it out and you can talk,” Lea said.
“So, absolutely nothing like charades,” I laughed. Taylor turned and glared at me.
I walked to her, leaning on the back of her chair. “And hold it until the buzzer is about to go off then pass it. Baby, do you want me to teach you the right way to play?”
Lea swatted the air, missing me. “Go away, cheater!”
After getting smoked at every game we played, Casey got up and left. He didn’t say anything to me, but he spoke to Taylor.
“Goodnight. It was nice to meet you, Taylor,” he said. That little shit.
“Nice to meet you,” she said.
“Goodnight, love you,” Lea said, blowing him a kiss.
Chance grabbed Casey’s controller and picked up where he left off. I was trying to listen to Taylor and Lea whispering, but this damn game is too loud.
After beating me for the second time, I stood up and threw the controller on the couch.
“Fuck this game!” I laughed, ruffling Chance’s hair. He slapped at my hand.
“Night,” he said, walking down the hallway.
With everyone in their rooms, I walked over to Taylor. A grin was plastered on her face and her eyes were glossy. She leaned against the dining room table near an empty bottle of wine.
“Are you drunk?” I asked, pointing to the table.
She looked back, giggling. “Oh, I had help with that. I have only had two glasses.”
“So you are drunk?” I laughed. She’s a light-weight.
“Pretty much,” she said, nodding.
My hands slipped around her waist, pulling her to me. “I owe you a thanks.”
“What for?”
“I wouldn’t have come out of my room if it wasn’t for you. Hell, I wouldn’t have even been here,” I said.
“I can’t think of any place I’d rather be,” she said.
Grinning, I nodded to my bedroom. Her face heats, but she tugged her bottom lip.
I leaned in, kissing her neck “So, everyone’s asleep…”
“Noticed that, captain obvious,” she said. She stepped back, walking away from me. She stopped, making sure I was watching her before she walked to my room.
I jogged up, catching her on the wrist. “You like to play games, do you?”
“That depends on what you had in mind.”
I pushed my lips to hers. “I’ll give you a hint, it’s not charades.”
Although I was making fun of her, that was lame. But she laughed anyway. I pushed her on my bed, and climbed on top of her. I had never brought a girl in this room, so this was a first.
She grabbed my shirt, but I pushed her hands back and held them over her head. She wasn’t doing anything until I said. I unbuttoned her jeans, pulling them down.
She ran her hands through my hair, and I grabbed them again, holding them over her head. She poked her bottom lip out, frustrated. It was driving her crazy, and I was having fun with it.
With one hand I held her hands above her head; the other hand, slid down her stomach, stopping at her panties. I kissed down her stomach, looking at her as I moved further. She clenched her eyes closed, bracing herself.
Tonight I was going to show her how she made me feel. I was going to show her, without words, that I loved her. After tonight, there wouldn’t be an inch on her body I hadn’t kissed. She would feel different tomorrow. She would finally know how much I cared.
****
“Thanks for coming,” I said, tossing her backpack on her bed.
“Thanks for inviting me,” she said. Pushing up on her to
es, she kissed me.
I looked around the empty room, wondering where to start. Lea left to grab coffee when we got back, giving us space.
Taylor went to work pulling her dirty clothes from the bag and putting them in a pile. Like a caged animal, I paced the floor waiting for her to finish.
“Sometimes I wish I could just start over. Ya know?” I asked.
She looked at me skeptically as she tossed the last of her clothes in the pile. “Like, with us?”
“Yeah.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Just everything…I just wanna do this.”
She laughed, throwing her clothes in the hamper. “Isn’t that what we’re doing?”
I walked to her. Stopping inches from her face, I held her arms. “I mean really do it. Put everything behind me…nothings in my way of being with you.”
She looked around before settling her eyes on me. “I thought we decided that last night.”
“I just wanna be clear. I’m done keeping things from you…I want this with you,” I said, pressing my lips to hers. She melted into the kiss; it was what she needed to hear all along. I was done with all of it. I just wanted her. No more secrets and no more lies.
24
WRECKED
“Let’s go out to the cabin. Jenny wants to ride tonight,” Joel said, bringing a cigarette to his mouth.
“Take her to your parent’s place,” I said, knowing where this was going.
“I’m not taking that girl to meet my parents. Let’s go to the cabin.”
“I was planning on doing something with Taylor.”
Rolling his black eyes, he tossed the cigarette to the ground and stomped it. “Bring her with us. You never let us hang out with the girl anyway…Chandler hasn’t even met her.”
I huffed, “I haven’t seen him in months.”
He looked at me as if I was missing the point. “You keep her in a bubble. Invite her out…She’ll have fun. No one will slip your precious secret to the Virgin Mary,” he said, shoving my shoulder.
“There’s nothing to tell. My stash is gone and I’m quitting,” I said, walking into the dining hall.
Ruined (The Hazed Series Book 3) Page 15
