What if they did kick her out? Where would she go?
Even more frightening to her was what her father might do to Stephanie—like calling her drunk, irrational mother, telling Ms. Greer about them and then kicking them out of church. Thoughts of him hurting Stephanie were the most upsetting. If he did anything to make her life harder, if either of them did…
She shook with rage at her mother’s betrayal. She had expected something different from her. The stories about her growing up in Boston, getting in trouble at school—she seemed to go against the grain herself. And for this, Jess mistakenly assumed she would be an ally.
She lay on her bed, staring at the paint patterns on the ceiling, waiting for the ax to fall.
Eventually, she heard her parents’ bedroom door open and footsteps coming down the hall.
Chapter Sixty-Four
Someone knocked on Jess’s door.
“Come in,” she said resignedly.
It was her dad, looking tired in his bathrobe, the crimson one he always wore at night. Her mother must have blindsided him while he was changing. “You got a minute?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
Just waiting around for you to kill me.
She sat up. She secretly hoped that he’d done all his yelling tonight at the church in Cherry and was drained of all his hellfire and brimstone for the evening.
He settled in beside her and cleared his throat like he did in church. “Your mama told me what she found.”
“I promise it’s over!” she interrupted.
He held up his hand. “I know. She told me that too. If you say so, I trust you. It’s not like I’m so far outta touch, you know.” He smiled slightly at her. “I know that girls sometimes have little crushes on other girls. It happens. It doesn’t mean anything more than that.”
“That’s right,” Jess chirped. “I had a boyfriend!”
He nodded, seemingly comforted by this.
“This was just…” Jess made a face. “I don’t know what this was. But it’s nothin’ now. I promise!” She never realized how scared she was of him until tonight. She would say or do anything to smooth this over, even if it meant selling her soul.
“I know,” he said. “Your mother and I have talked. She assured me that this was a special friend you had when you were young and that she too had little girl crushes. She helped me to understand.”
This was a relief to Jess, hearing that her mother had intervened on her behalf. And another surprise about her mother…
“It was hard,” he continued, “watching your sister stray from the path of the Lord. I don’t want that to happen to you. So I think this is some kind of warning from God.”
Her mother appeared in the doorway. Until that moment, Jess had thought things were going well. Now it seemed as though a bomb was about to drop.
Her dad glanced at her mom, who nodded in agreement. “We talked it over, and we want you to know we have faith in you.”
Jess nodded eagerly.
“But,” he continued, “I can’t lose another daughter. So, for your senior year, we’re going to enroll you at a Christian academy in Knoxville.”
“No!” A year without seeing Stephanie? A year of Bible verses all day and night? Why didn’t he just kill her instead?
“Now calm down,” her dad said. His voice was sugary, so forbearing it spooked her. “This is for your own good. Of course, the deadline to enroll for this year is already over, so we’ll have to wait till your senior year. We believe it’s the best way.”
That’s why it had been so quiet for so long. They were planning all of this out.
“For the rest of this year,” her dad continued, “I think it goes without sayin’ that you’re not to have any contact with that…girl. You’ll go straight to the bus after school each day. You can take the earlier one now, since I heard you aren’t playin’ ball no more.”
Jess nodded.
“That’s good,” he said. “It helps to dispel any…rumors.”
She had to pray hard that Kelly would keep her mouth shut.
“You probably didn’t know this,” he continued, “but sometimes girls who play sports can be…a bad influence. We don’t want you havin’ any temptation.”
“What if I promise I won’t see her?” Jess begged. “Can I stay at my school?”
“We believe the Christian academy is best,” he said.
Jess looked at her mother. This couldn’t have been her idea. “Why are you goin’ along with this?” she asked her directly.
“You mind your mother,” her father said immediately. He wouldn’t tolerate any questioning of their decisions.
Her mother put her head down, which indicated to Jess that it wasn’t her idea, but that the decision had been made anyway, by the family dictator.
* * *
As much as Carolyn had wanted to help Jess with her secret, she decided she couldn’t in good conscience not tell Dan after she’d made such a fuss about them consulting each other about their kids. She couldn’t be a hypocrite. They’d had long talks about trusting each other again, working together again, doing whatever they could to salvage their marriage. She had to uphold her end of the bargain.
The only problem was—she wasn’t sure how she felt about him anymore. The distance between them was getting wider every day. This latest development—it wasn’t the outcome she’d tried to achieve for Jess. But to keep the peace with Dan it was necessary.
She swallowed, knowing how painful this was for her daughter and dying inside at the thought that Jess might even hate her for what they were doing. She could hardly bear it.
* * *
“Why!” Jess repeated, screaming, hoping to force her mother into the conversation. But she wouldn’t engage.
“We think it’s for the best,” her mother repeated like a trained parrot, then turned to leave.
Her dad smiled and patted her on the head as if she were a child. “I know you’re upset. But you’ll see in time that this is the right thing to do. Sometimes we all need an extra push to keep us on the path of righteousness. You never know what might happen if you fall off that path.” He smiled at her.
“Why isn’t goin’ to church with you enough?” Jess’s last hope was to reason with him.
“Because I can’t give you the kind of disciplined learning twenty-four-seven that the academy can. You’ll see. You’ll make new friends.”
Would he kick Stephanie and her mother out of church? He had to be plotting a way to keep them apart. Jess refused to believe that was all there was to this punishment.
What was the real reason for the Christian academy? Did he feel he was losing control of his kids and wanted them out of the house so he wouldn’t have to deal with them anymore? She cried with the knowledge that she couldn’t see him the same way again.
Her father rose from the bed, satisfied with his decision. “It’s for the best.”
“Yes, sir.”
He closed her door and she collapsed facedown into her comforter. Not seeing her face or hearing her voice…it would be an impossibly long time. Her parents must have suspected that her feelings for Stephanie were stronger than her faith in God.
It was ironic, she thought, that they were reading Romeo and Juliet in English class. For the first time, Jess could see why someone would think there was no hope left. She rolled over, staring up at the ceiling.
The rakes in the shed…no, the garden shears. One blow to the head would be all she needed. No, that was murder. Something other people did. She wasn’t a cold-blooded killer, no matter how much she hated her father tonight.
Chapter Sixty-Five
“Hey, Jess.” At her locker, Jess whipped around to see whose friendly voice it could be. It turned out to be Fran’s.
“Hey,” she replied.
“How you been? You okay?” Fran was eager and chatty. What was going on?
“I’m all right.”
“If you hear people talkin’, don’t believe ’em,” Fran w
arned.
Jess’s heart sank. “Don’t believe what?”
“They’re sayin’ the whole team is mad at you for hurtin’ your ankle, but I’m not,” Fran insisted. “I know you couldn’t help it. Stuff happens, right?”
“My ankle?” Jess remembered the coach’s excuse, and she decided she had no choice but to go along with it. “Yeah. It’s a bad pull.” If her ankle was bad enough to miss a game, one that cost The Green Machine girls the rivalry game and caused Jess to miss the rest of the season, that would be understandable. Anything less would feel like a betrayal to her teammates. “Really bad,” she added, making a face that suggested she was in pain.
“I guess you didn’t see the massacre.” Fran held her books tightly to her chest, glancing around the hall. “I’m ashamed to even come to school.” She gave her a playful slap, reminiscent of the bubbly, good-natured girl whom Jess remembered.
“Hey, it happens.”
“It was Kelly,” Fran whispered. “She lost the game for us, always tryin’ to prove to the coach how great she is. I got news for her. She’s not.” Fran let out a giggle, then she paused a moment as Jess shut her locker door. “I’ve missed you.”
“Uh-huh.” Jess tried to appear unaffected; it was a natural instinct not to let anyone feel sorry for her. She started walking. “I gotta get to biology.”
“Hey,” Fran continued, following her up the stairs. “Kelly told me stuff that I knew wasn’t true. I mean, we know how she makes up all kinds of things. But what I don’t get is why would she say that?”
Jess paused on the landing and turned to her. “What did she tell you?”
“That you and that Stephanie girl were like…boyfriend and girlfriend.” She spoke in a hushed tone, looking all around, as if she were giving the nuclear codes to a foreign operative.
Jess relaxed her posture. This would be easy to defuse. “Think about it. She’s never liked Stephanie. She’s been jealous of her and jealous that I was friends with her, right?”
For Fran, everything seemed to click into place. “Oh, yeah. She hates her.”
“There you go.” Jess started for the stairs again, but Fran held her arm.
“I want to say I’m sorry. I’m done with her.”
Jess offered a smile; she was relieved to have Fran’s friendship.
“I’m sorry about Alex,” Fran added. “I’m not seein’ Joel anymore.”
Jess was clueless.
“The guy you saw at the movies that night we went?” Fran tried to jog her memory.
“Oh, yeah.”
“I’m just real sorry. About everything.” It seemed important to Fran that Jess forgive her.
She put a hand on Fran’s shoulder. “It’s okay. I never had anything against you. It’s Kelly who’s the slime.”
As Jess headed up the stairs, she heard a voice calling her through all the noise of students, rushing to their classes at the last minute. It sounded like Fran. When she reached the top, Fran was still on the landing, calling, “Jess!”
“What is it?” Jess called back. “I’m gonna be late! So are you!”
“How come…” Fran’s face fell. “Your ankle doesn’t look…”
Jess realized she’d forgotten to limp, to play the part. In fact, she’d practically run up the stairs and at one point, she took two at a time.
“It was pretty messed up, believe me,” Jess told her. “It comes and goes, never know when it’s gonna give out on me.” She reached down to rub it. But judging from Fran’s face, she wasn’t convincing enough.
Jess’s heart rushed to her throat as Fran turned and stormed down the stairs.
* * *
At lunch, Jess scanned the cafeteria for Fran. She wasn’t sitting with Kelly, but she was nowhere to be seen. At the cheerleaders’ table, there was no sign of Stephanie either. Jess had to get a message to her somehow, in a way that wouldn’t draw attention, especially Kelly’s attention. Jess’s gaze stopped on Kelly’s narrowing eyes. The gossip she had was too juicy; it would be physically painful for her to keep quiet much longer. Jess knew it in her gut.
She turned away from the lunch scene and took her bagged lunch outside. Even in the dead of winter, it was preferable to being where Kelly was. With Christmas break around the corner, the grass was yellow and the trees were dead. It was a season of stagnation, stillness, again matching the mood of her life perfectly.
She sat on a cold bench on the bleachers near the empty track and field area. There were no sounds today, except for an occasional snap of the flag on the school flagpole and then the rustling of approaching footsteps on the brittle grass. When she looked up from her sandwich, she saw Stephanie coming toward the bleachers.
She could tell her everything. Jess sat up from her slouchy posture, waiting excitedly for her. But as she looked through the rails of the bleachers, she realized there was another figure moving right behind her and another set of feet. Mike Austin soon came in to view. He was holding her hand, trailing behind. She overheard his playful teasing.
“You wanna get me alone, all to yourself, huh?” he asked.
“I thought this was your idea,” she countered.
“I told ya nobody would be here,” he said.
As they came around to the front, they saw Jess sitting near the top. She held up her hand in a reluctant wave to Stephanie.
“Jess,” Stephanie said, blowing clouds in the cold air with her breath. “What’re you doin’ out here?”
“I’d ask y’all the same.”
They climbed a few bleachers closer to Jess. Mike seemed especially awkward. “I’m sorry,” he said.
Of course he was talking about Alex.
“Thanks,” Jess said. “I’m sorry for you too. I know he was your best friend.”
Mike nodded, his eyes suddenly pink and shiny. “You should know,” he said, “he talked about you all the time, said you were the girl he was gonna marry.”
Jess saw Stephanie look away toward the trees, and she herself put her head down, biting her lip.
“He loved you,” Mike said.
That was enough. Jess rose from the bleacher, wrapped up her lunch, though she’d barely touched it, and began to climb back down.
“I’ll leave y’all alone,” she said quietly, her eyes shifting back and forth.
Stephanie watched her with concern. “See ya later,” she said. It was a casual, friendly tone, sticking a million daggers in Jess’s heart.
“Yeah, see ya,” she managed, grateful to hit the ground so she could hurry back up to the school.
Chapter Sixty-Six
Since she was no longer on the basketball team, Jess had been instructed to report to the principal’s office for sixth period. It looked like she was going to be an office assistant after all, she thought sardonically. The moment she came inside the office, she glanced at the floor where Stephanie had dropped her papers, where they had first seen each other again. The lump in her throat wouldn’t seem to go away.
“Hey, girl!” It was Denisha coming down the hall. “Are you my new office buddy?”
“Apparently.” It was nice to see a friendly face. But Jess was anxious. Before the school day was over, she had to get a message to Stephanie. Looking around the office, she got a brilliant idea. All she had to do was persuade Denisha to help her.
In the middle of sixth period, the intercom carried Denisha’s voice into the gym, where the cheerleaders were practicing: “Will Stephanie Greer please come to the office? Stephanie Greer!”
Jess high-fived her. “That was great!”
“You mind tellin’ me why I did that?” Denny asked, an edge to her voice. “It’s nothin’ Principal Edwards is gonna suspend me for, right?”
“No, not at all,” Jess assured her. “It has to do with something my parents asked me to tell her. You know, my dad’s the pastor at our church. I’ll just need a minute.”
The church angle seemed to give it credibility, so Denny’s shoulders relaxed a little. “All right
, well, I gotta file this shit, and when you’re done playin’ messenger, you gotta help me, okay?”
“You got it.” Jess smiled at her as Denny took a stack of papers down the hall to one of the back rooms.
Luckily, the principal wasn’t in. The secretary wasn’t either. Rumor had it they skipped out at sixth period most days to grab the early buffet at the only diner in town. Whatever the case, Jess liked having some freedom.
It wasn’t long before she saw Stephanie coming into the office. She looked anxious, obviously wondering why she’d been called there. Her face softened immediately at the sight of Jess. She came in and threw her arms around her in a long hug. She didn’t seem to care who was around. Luckily, there was no one.
“I knew you wouldn’t say goodbye to me,” she whispered in Jess’s ear.
Jess caught her breath, then released her. “I gotta talk to you.”
“I wanted to talk to you at lunch, but…”
“I know. Come on.” Jess took her hand and led her out of the office to the front door of the school and outside. This was the most secluded place she could think of. The buses were pulling up on the side of the building, and no students would be coming out here for a while.
“You couldn’t pick a warmer place?” Stephanie’s lips trembled in the frosty air.
“You got a better idea?” Jess crossed her arms to warm herself.
When Stephanie shook her head “no,” Jess moved in as close as she could.
“My parents are sendin’ me to a Christian academy in Knoxville next year,” Jess told her, adding a feeble smile so she wouldn’t feel sorry for her and to try somehow to soften the catastrophic news.
Stephanie’s eyes widened. “You’re kidding.”
“I wish I was.” She laughed nervously. Something about Stephanie looking at her in the face of this unbelievable situation…she found herself laughing nervously. “If I thought I was goin’ to hell before, now I know I really am,” she joked. She kept talking to fill in the silence.
Southern Girl Page 31
