“Trust is the main problem. Everyone has an agenda.” He paused and looked at the people gawking at him. “That’s why I prefer to spend time with people who knew me before I became famous.”
“You’re taking a leap of faith with me.”
“You think so?”
“Everyone else does.”
“Well, I don’t. I think things are going extremely well. Don’t you?”
“Yes.”
Their food came, and the conversation shifted to holiday shopping, final exams, and Seth’s movie.
“I understand you’re watching DJ tonight,” Seth said.
“We’re decorating my Christmas tree. I decorated it by myself last year.” Sarah shivered at the thought of last Christmas. “I have to get back to work. Can you get the waitress’s attention so we can pay the bill?”
“My treat.” He laid a fifty-dollar bill on the table. “You treat the next time?”
“Okay.” Sarah liked the idea of a next time.
A crowd had gathered at the entrance. Seth sighed. “Sarah, you go ahead. I’ll talk to you later.”
Sarah did as he suggested, but turned to see Seth swallowed up by overzealous fans. She felt sorry for him and felt grateful for her mundane life, having had her eyes opened to the price of fame.
A price she paid while standing in the checkout at the grocery store later that day. She caught sight of Seth with a beautiful woman on the cover of a magazine and thought, A heavy price for whom? Me.
SETH
Lunch failed to satisfy his appetite for Sarah, so Seth found himself driving to her house on his way to poker with the guys.
He rang the doorbell; footsteps followed with Sarah’s warning. “Wait for me to see who it is, DJ.”
Seth directed his smile at the door’s peephole. The deadbolt disengaged.
“DJ, you’re never going to guess who’s here to see you.”
“Santa Claus?” DJ yelled.
“No, but someone just as special.” She opened the door. “This is a nice surprise.”
“I hope so.” He ruffled DJ’s hair. “Hey, buddy. Are you having fun with Aunt Sarah?”
DJ dragged Seth to the kitchen, which looked as if a tornado had touched down. He smelled cookies baking in the oven and the remnants of Sarah and DJ’s baking on the countertops. A hodgepodge of craft items—glue, markers, construction paper, and glitter—lay scattered on the kitchen table.
Sarah scratched her head. “I guess we’ll be eating pizza in the living room. Hey, why don’t we have a picnic under the Christmas tree?”
“Yeah!” DJ held up a chain of paper garland. “Uncle Seth, look what we made.”
“Cool.” He watched DJ run into the living room and around the couch dragging the garland behind him. Between the mess in the kitchen, the Christmas music blaring in the living room, and DJ running around, Seth’s head began to spin. He turned to face Sarah, who looked equally overwhelmed. “You look tired.”
“I am, but not for long.” She held up a Mountain Dew. “This is my third. I’m just waiting for them to kick in.”
Seth reached for Sarah’s cheek, which sparkled. She backed away. “I’m sorry. Is that glitter on your face?”
“Yes, we made Christmas ornaments. Glitter has a way of sticking to everything. You better watch it. You may have some explaining to do to your girlfriend later.”
“Not a problem. It’s poker night. Don’t you look at my schedule anymore?”
“Not really. I guess you can tell Jill there’s no need to send it.”
“Now that’s progress.” He smiled and rummaged through a stack of CDs lying among the hodgepodge on the table. “What’s this?” He held up a CD titled SETH with a dagger after his name.
Sarah blushed. “I made that CD when we broke up.”
Seth noted the we but didn’t bother to argue the point.
“It’s silly. I couldn’t listen to the radio, so I made a CD of breakup songs.”
“But breakup songs are sad.”
“Not these.”
“Great,” he said, both sad and hurt. “Can you give me an example?”
“‘I Will Survive’ by Gloria Gaynor.”
“I have a feeling you chose one of the tamer songs.”
“Anything to get by, Seth.”
“It wasn’t easy for me either.”
“What did you do?”
“I kept myself busy.” The pain resurfaced like an old wound that festered just beneath the surface. Having Sarah beside him, the person who had caused it, made him feel conflicted. Hurt and hate battled with a deep longing to talk to Sarah about what had happened, to try to understand how things had gone so terribly wrong between them. The fear that it might cause more pain stopped him. “I stepped up my hours at the garage.”
“What about school?”
“I dropped out.”
Sarah gasped.
Seth looked away from the disappointment in her voice. “It was torture going there…all the memories…what they were saying about you, about us.”
“I had no idea.”
Seth didn’t understand why Sarah looked so surprised at what he’d gone through. Since they had been seeing each other again, he’d noticed Sarah’s subtle insinuations he hadn’t been heartbroken by their breakup and wondered how she’d come to such a conclusion. Wondered, but didn’t ask. More of that fear thing.
“Mrs. Holcomb helped me get my GED. I owe her, my family, and friends for putting up with me.”
“I’m glad you had them.”
“That and booze.”
“I hate to hear that, but I understand. Stock in double chocolate chip ice cream skyrocketed when we broke up.”
Again with the we. Again with the fear of asking for clarification. “We’ve both suffered.”
With a weak smile, Sarah replied, “And we both survived.”
“And here we are.” He held up the CD. “Maybe someday you won’t need this anymore. I want that.”
“And I want to give you that. Is there anything I can do?”
A long list of desires filled his head. “This is good, baring our souls.”
“Yes, but we never discuss what really happened.”
“I can’t. The details won’t change anything. I’d rather look forward.”
“That sounds good to me.”
“It’s nice to hear that. I wasn’t sure you weren’t doing this out of guilt. That’s not what I want.”
“I owe you so much,” Sarah said.
“No, we owe each other this second chance, to make things right between us. Only good can come from this.”
“Yeah, like a good meal,” Sarah said, clearly eager to change the subject. She took a checkered tablecloth out of a kitchen drawer and walked into the living room. Seth followed with the box of pizza, paper plates, and napkins she had set out.
DJ jumped up and down. “Pizza!”
Sarah shook her head. “Not before you wash your hands, and make sure you use soap.” She turned to Seth. “How do you like my Christmas tree?”
“Interesting. Why are the ornaments at the bottom of the tree?”
“You tell me.” She walked to the kitchen. “Do you want a beer or soda?”
“You tell me.”
“Very funny. You drink too much.” She came back to the living room with Mountain Dew, beer, and a chocolate milk.
“Do you think I drink too much?”
“Don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“What are you doing about it?”
Seth shook his head. “I see a therapist.”
“Really? Does it help?”
“Yes and no. It’s hard to confront my demons.”
“Am I one of those demons?”
“You’ve been the topic of many sessions. I’m sorry if that hurts you.”
“No. In fact, it explains the reason you’re willing to have me back in your life. You’ve worked through it.”
“Not quite, but I’m getting there.
”
“When did you start therapy?”
“As soon as I could afford it. I know I have issues, and my lifestyle here in LA makes it easy for things to get out of control. Do you think less of me?”
“Quite the opposite. It takes a strong person to face his demons. I’m happy you have someone to go to for help, but I hope I never meet your therapist. She’d probably slap me for what I’ve done to you.”
“No. Rita would thank you; she’s made a bundle of money off you.”
Sarah groaned.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to make you feel bad. What do you do with your demons?”
“They’re locked away in here.” She pointed to her head. “I threw the key away a long time ago. I picture it as an old trunk with a rusty lock on it.”
“And what’s in this trunk?”
She laughed. “Your dead, rotting corpse, all ugly and disgusting.”
He grimaced. “Wow! You could use a session with Rita.”
“I’m sorry. I suppose it’s everything I don’t want to deal with…all the secrets and lies…the heartache and even the good stuff; that can be painful too.” She looked toward the bathroom. “I better check on DJ. He’s been in there way too long.”
Seth looked after her, burdened by the pain they had both suffered, and had committed to heal. It wouldn’t be easy, yet they had no choice. He had set in motion a new world for them, one he couldn’t wait to explore.
Sarah and DJ came from the bathroom and stood by the Christmas tree. “DJ, Uncle Seth can’t figure out why the ornaments are at the bottom of my tree.”
Seth rubbed his forehead and stared at the ornaments clustered at the bottom of the tree. It looked ridiculous, but DJ seemed particularly proud of it so Seth squashed any sarcastic remarks and instead asked, “Can you tell me, DJ?”
DJ held his hands in the air and smiled. Seth still didn’t understand. Sarah laughed and raised her eyebrows. It was apparently
obvious to both of them.
“Silly goose,” Sarah chided. “Think, Seth.”
“I’m trying,” he mumbled, feeling pressured and stupid.
“Who decorated the tree?” Sarah pointed to DJ, whose hands remained in the air.
“DJ?”
“Yes, DJ decorated the tree. And how high can DJ reach?” She pointed to the tips of DJ’s fingers.
“Oh, I get it.” Seth pulled DJ to him for a bear hug. “You can only reach so high.” He looked up at the tree and then to Sarah. The lights made her shine. My Christmas angel. His eyes filled with tears. He looked away for a moment and blurted, “Let’s eat. I’m hungry.”
Sarah sat between him and DJ and handed out the pizza. They ate and shared their Christmas lists. Well, DJ did. Once he started, no one could stop him. So much so, he wore himself out and practically fell asleep while eating.
“Is he spending the night?” Seth whispered while picking him up and placing him on the couch.
Sarah covered DJ with a blanket. “Yes. Derrick’s playing poker with you tonight, and Pat’s going out with the girls.”
She sat on the blanket and finished her pizza. Seth joined her reluctantly. The ambiance seemed different with DJ asleep. The lights from the Christmas tree, the impromptu picnic, and the Christmas music playing in the background gave the scene a romantic overtone, at least for Seth.
His cell phone rescued him.
“Where the fuck are you?” Johnny shouted.
“I’m sorry. I got tied up.”
Johnny laughed. “I hope she’s worth it.”
“Most definitely. I’m headed out now.” He hung up the phone. “I’m late. Where did the time go?” He stood and offered a hand to Sarah. Of course, she didn’t take it—one of her rules…one he vowed to get overruled.
“Thanks for stopping by. I know DJ enjoyed it.”
“So did I.” He picked up the plates and pizza box to carry them to the kitchen.
Their eyes met and, for an instant, he saw “his” Sarah: the seventeen-year-old girl he had adored. She wore a look he’d seen many times when they’d dated: a look of longing, and a smile that said everything without saying a word. The look Seth could see from across the room and made his stomach flip; and it did. It took him by surprise, and he trembled all over. The past and present had collided again. There had to be some remedy for this ailment, though he didn’t know if he wanted it.
“I’ll take that.” Sarah took the plates and pizza box. “You better get going.” She walked him to the door. “Thanks again for the pizza. Have a good holiday if I don’t see you.”
“Sarah, I’ll be seeing you.” He opened the door and walked to the car without looking back. He’d had enough for one night, maybe too much.
OUTCAST
SETH
Seth waited for the elevator in Abby’s condominium, his hands weighted down by two large packages and a bottle of wine. Although no one had discussed presents, he’d felt compelled to buy Sarah and Abby something.
Buying a present for Sarah had proved easy and enjoyable. While shooting on location in Colorado, Seth had commissioned a local artisan to sew a quilt in shades of blue that resembled Sarah’s eyes. He’d bought Abby a margarita blender and a gift certificate for the best tequila on the market.
Abby greeted him with a glass of wine in hand and a broad smile on her face. “Merry Christmas, handsome.”
“Merry Christmas to you too. Is Sarah here?”
“She’s on her way. So, how was your Christmas?”
“Good. Did you hear Johnny proposed to Molly?”
“I did.” Abby laughed. “Molly’s already perused dozens of bridal magazines, and the planning has begun. I hope Johnny knows what he’s getting into.”
“Johnny loves her. Why? Who knows why anyone falls in love with a person.”
Sarah’s arrival interrupted their conversation.
Seth greeted her at the door. “Merry Christmas.”
“Bah humbug,” she mumbled. “There’s nothing worse than shoppers taking presents back the day after Christmas.”
Abby held up her glass. “Do you want a glass of wine?”
“That sounds wonderful.” She plopped onto the sofa and took off her shoes.
Seth sat in a chair opposite her. “So how was your Christmas?”
“Good, and yours?” she said.
“DJ makes it fun.”
“I bet. Not to change the subject, but how about Johnny and Molly?”
“How about that?”
Sarah shook her head. “I never thought my little sister would beat me to the altar.”
“You have time.”
“Yeah, all I need is the man.” She laughed.
Abby appeared in the doorway. “Dinner’s ready.”
They enjoyed a delicious meal and stimulating conversation before retiring to the living room to watch a movie and open presents.
Sarah handed Seth a small box. “For the man who has everything. I hope you like it.”
He couldn’t wait to see what she had bought him. “Sarah.” He held up a pair of cufflinks with the initial M in silver embedded in an oval black onyx stone.
“I thought you could wear them when you receive your first Academy Award.”
“If, not when, but thanks for the vote of confidence and such a thoughtful present. Here, open mine.”
She pulled the quilt out of the bag and gasped. “Seth, it’s beautiful.”
“I noticed the one on your bed is worn.”
She took a picture of the quilt with her phone. “I’m sending it to Aunt CeCe. She discouraged me from bringing the one I have on my bed now to LA. Thank you. It’ll be an heirloom I’ll treasure.”
He beamed at her delight, but his happiness was cut short by Abby’s groans. “Enough with all the sweetness. Where are my presents?”
Sarah handed her a present. “You already know what it is.”
“I know. That way I make sure I get what I want.”
Abby opened the perfume
and sprayed it on herself. Seth didn’t particularly like the scent, but chose not to comment.
“Here, Abby.” Seth handed Abby his gift while she handed one to him. She raved over the margarita blender and swooned over the alcohol.
Seth liked the shirt she had bought him and made a mental note to wear it on the next dinner and movie night.
Sarah pulled another gift bag from under the Christmas tree. “There’s one more present for Seth from Santa.”
“What could it be?” He pulled out a CD with Sarah’s name on it.
“Now you have your own collection.”
Seth laughed wryly. “I can’t wait to hear the songs you picked out for me.”
“I think you’ll agree my choices are more than appropriate.”
“I’ll let you know. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Abby grabbed their glasses. “Let’s refill our drinks before we watch the movie.”
Abby nudged Sarah awake as the ending credits rolled on the screen. “Hey, sleepyhead. Are you staying here tonight?”
“No. I have to get home.”
Seth stood and stretched. “I’ll walk out with you.”
“You’ll be okay driving home?” he asked when they reached her car.
“I’ll be fine.”
“What are you doing New Year’s Eve?”
“Working, of course. I guess you’ll be at Pat and Derrick’s.”
“Yep. Well, be careful driving home and Happy New Year.”
“Happy New Year to you too, Seth.”
Seth placed his new CD in the car’s CD player. The first and only song he listened to was “Back Off Bitch” by Guns N’ Roses, imagining that set the tone for the rest of the songs on Sarah’s CD. She must’ve thought he wanted to hear hateful songs. Maybe he had when they first broke up, but not anymore.
SARAH
Sarah spent New Year’s Eve the same way as the last, working for Bon Appétit while her family and Abby attended a party at Pat and Derrick’s house, which had become a tradition, one that would never include her. And that hurt.
“Sometimes it’s hard to be left out,” Sarah complained to Aunt CeCe one day after Abby went on and on about a party she had attended the night before while Sarah sat at home alone.
“I’m sorry you’re having a rough time of it. Is there anything I could do to help?” Aunt CeCe asked.
Then & Now Page 26
