If Finn starts taking other jobs and shooting less for our account, what does that mean for me? What do I even have, professionally speaking, without this? I never even dared to fantasize that one day, I might write for living, until Finn came along. But the truth is, that dream is smoke and mirrors. I haven’t actually written anything in months, nothing worth sharing, at least. What if this is it for me, but for Finn, it’s just the beginning?
“Don’t cancel it,” I say. No matter how low I feel, I would never ask Finn to jeopardize his success for me. “I trust you, and this isn’t about her—it’s about us.”
He rubs his thumb over the corner of my mouth. “Tell me more about that.”
“I want more for us. I want to quit my job and be with you all the time.” At the beginning of our relationship, I might’ve been embarrassed to admit that, but now? I know Finn loves hearing my stalker-ish thoughts.
He steps even closer to me, running a hand down to the seat of my overalls. He pulls me against him. “All the time, huh? And you’re not worried about the ramifications of hourly sex?”
I arch an eyebrow at him. “The ramifications?”
He shifts, pinning my hips to the counter with his. “You’ll have to help me with these overalls . . . unless there’s some secret flap down there for easy access.”
I get a coat of goosebumps but try to focus on the task at hand. “Imagine it,” I tell him. “You don’t have to take any more shit jobs photographing spoiled brats. I don’t have to leave our bed at seven in the morning.” I slip my hand into the waist of his jeans, trailing my finger along his hip. His Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows. “We sleep in. We shoot a new photo or two every day. I sit at the window and write while you edit. We cook breakfast . . . for dinner.”
He groans.
Without bothering to undo his pants, I squeeze my hand into his underwear and take him in my fist. “We make love whenever, wherever. That’s our life. If we can build this business even bigger.”
Finn assaults my mouth with a hungry kiss.
I have my answer. He wants me, he chooses me—for now. If I can bring new life into our work, I’ll buy myself a little more time. As long as our follower count goes up, so does Finn’s career. But I’ll still be here where I started. If I don’t find a way to keep up, I risk getting left behind.
28
It’s not until I’ve hung up my jacket and emptied my pockets in the foyer that I hear voices. Specifically, one voice. And it’s much too deep to be Halston’s. I head to the studio.
Halston swivels in my office chair when I enter. She brightens with a smile. “There you are.”
I put down my camera bag. “I thought we were doing this at seven.”
“No, I told you six.” She comes over to me, links an arm around my waist, and gestures to the couch. “Finn, this is Ken.”
Ken King—supposedly his real name—sets a steaming mug on the side table and stands to shake my hand. “Nice to meet you. I’m looking forward to this.”
Looking forward to touching my girlfriend—I’m sure he is. Halston found him on Facebook, a friend of a friend and a working model with a similar build to mine. He’s even got some light brown scruff. I touch my jaw and look down at Halston. “Can I talk to you?”
“Sure.” Her breath smells like coffee. She smiles at Ken. “Excuse us.”
I lead her out with a hand on her upper back, shooting Ken a glance on the way. I close the studio door once we’re in the hallway. “He’s been here since six?”
“Just about.”
“And you let him in? You should’ve waited for me.”
“He would’ve been standing in the hall for half an hour.”
“I don’t care. He’s a stranger, and you were alone in the apartment with him. Not just a stranger, but one who knows he’s here to take provocative photos with you.”
“Finn.”
I don’t care that she did the same thing with me. Or that Ken is supposedly a nice guy who regularly poses for NYU’s art department. Or that Halston trusts the friend who recommended him. I’ve been trying, and failing, to wrap my head around this for days. When Halston suggested another model, I wasn’t thrilled with the idea, but I’m the one encouraging her to be in control of her life. This project is more important to her than I ever imagined it would be.
Now that he’s here, I want to call it off. He’s ripped. Handsome, in an obvious sort of way. I guess he would be, since he’s a model. I’ve been trying not to wonder whether bringing a third person into the apartment has anything to do with what I read in her “dark” journal. “I’m serious, Hals. You should’ve waited for me.”
“Finn, he’s gay.” She arches an eyebrow at me. “He was telling me about a trip to Barcelona with his boyfriend when you came in.”
It’s then that I realize my shoulders are at my ears. I lower them. This night just did a one-eighty. Though I’m relieved, I try to play it cool. “Still. You didn’t know that when you let him in.”
She half rolls her eyes. “He already signed the release.”
“And the NDA?”
She folds her arms behind her back. “Not yet. I thought it felt a little extreme.”
“That’s why I was supposed to meet him first. Now, he knows who you are without any reason to stay quiet.”
“Is that so bad?” she asks quietly.
“What about all that stuff with the tabloids? And your dad finding out? You still want to remain anonymous, right?”
She shifts feet. “Yes.”
“Then he’ll sign it.” I return to the studio and pull the slip from underneath the model release. I nod at Ken. “Would you mind signing this too?”
Ken stands from the couch and picks up the paper. “Non-disclosure agreement?” he asks. “For what?”
“Halston explained her situation, right? If you have mutual friends—”
“We talked all about it. I’m going to tell my friend Halston was looking for a model for work.” I just look at him until he picks up the pen and adds, “But sure. Not a problem.”
I don’t even want to think of how Halston would react if her identity were revealed. Now that I know her better, I see why it’s important to separate these identities. As long as she’s anonymous, there’s still a shield between the public and her. If insults about her work hurt now, they’ll be even worse if she removes that final barrier.
“Did you get to look through the account?” I ask as I head to set up the equipment. “Get a feel for what we post?”
“I did, and I love it,” he says. “I follow a lot of photographers and models because of what I do, but I haven’t seen anything like this. Especially with the captions.”
“We love it,” Halston says. “We’re hoping these photos will get us to a hundred-thousand followers. We’re not too far, and we still have twelve days left.”
“What’s in twelve days?” Ken asks.
I’ve been wondering the same thing. When Halston asked me to pick a date, I indulged her. I hadn’t thought she’d be religious about it. Every day she writes our follower count in a journal, biting her lip as she calculates and then announces the difference to our goal.
“Finn’s birthday,” she answers. “And that’s the present I want to give him. One hundred K.”
I nod Ken over. “Let me get a few test shots.”
He walks in front of the camera, and I direct him around the space. His white button-down is stark against the room’s smoky-gray walls. “We’re going for sexy, but in a suggestive, subtle way.” I turn to Halston, who’s standing a couple feet behind me, her thumbnail between her teeth. “Are you ready?”
“Yes.” She doesn’t move. She has on a black, short-sleeved t-shirt and ripped jeans. I asked her not to dress sexy this time around, promised I’d still make her look good, even if she opted for a Mumu. That’s my job. My eyes go to her red and patchy inner elbow.
“Are you sure?” I ask. “We can still call it off.”
She co
vers it when she catches me looking, then passes to get in position. Once they’re in front of the camera, I play with the lighting. When I turn around, they both stare at me. “What?”
“What should we do?” Halston asks.
Right. I’m supposed to instruct Ken on how to touch my girlfriend. For a second, I don’t think I can do it, even if he is gay. We could switch places. Nobody would ever have to know I didn’t take the picture. Except me. This is my work. My first love, even before Marissa came along. Having another man behind the camera is about as bad as watching him with Halston.
I wipe my forehead on my sleeve. “All right. This photo’ll be about domination. Your strength, Ken, versus her fragility.”
“Oh. We’re jumping right in then,” Halston says with a nervous smile.
I stop myself from pointing out that I’m not exactly interested in dragging things out. She’s always done what I asked. Made herself vulnerable to me. Allowed me to be a voyeur to her deepest desires. Trusted me. I don’t want to lose or betray that trust, especially while there’s another man in the room.
I can do this for her.
“Just tell me if we’re moving too fast. Halston, turn around. Ken, grab her upper arm.”
Once Ken is behind her, he takes her bicep. “How’s that?” he asks her.
“Harder,” I say. “Enough to demonstrate force, but not enough to hurt her.”
He tightens his grip. “Like that?”
“Drop your head back onto his shoulder.”
Her hair cascades between them, teasing the top of his hand. She glances at the ceiling, around the room, anywhere she can see, then shudders.
“You’re not afraid,” I tell her. “You’re submitting. You understand that whatever he does to you will be for your pleasure.” I snap a couple pictures, but her stiffness shows.
“If you’re uncomfortable,” Ken says, “try inhaling through your nose and blowing it out your mouth a few times.”
“I look that bad?” she asks me.
Ken smiles. “Don’t worry. Even professionals get nervous.”
Halston waits for me to answer. Just me. I don’t even think she’s trying to make me feel secure about the situation; she genuinely wants me to direct her every move. Ken glances over too. It’s a heady feeling having both of them under my direction.
“I could put my hand around her throat,” he says. “I saw one like that on your account.”
She shifts feet. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“I won’t do it for real,” Ken says.
“It’s just that we already did it . . . Finn and I.”
I love that she wants to protect our pose. And at the same time, she’s the one who wanted this. I was against bringing in a third person, and maybe for that reason, I want to test my authority. “Let’s try it,” I say. “A familiar pose might loosen you up.”
Her throat ripples with a swallow, but she nods. My dick stirs—not just because she’s submitting, but because she’s submitting to me. Not him. While another man touches her, I’m still the one to command her.
Ken splays a hand over her collarbone and pins her back to his front. I know what that soft ass feels like pressed against me. Begging for more. Wearing black and white, they’re yin and yang, angel and devil. I take a photo. And another. Ken slides his hand up around her throat.
“Put your finger in her mouth,” I say.
He raises his hand to her face. Halston clamps her mouth shut like dropping a gate to keep him out.
I lower my camera. “Hals.”
She releases her lip, and Ken sticks the tip of his index finger between her teeth. That’s when I realize—as much as I didn’t want to do this, domineering Halston never fails to excite me. Only now, I’m dominant with her in front of another man.
How far will she go? How far does she want to go? If her journals are any indication, there aren’t many boundaries, if any.
“Never mind that,” I say. “Doesn’t look right.”
Ken takes his hand back, wiping it on his jeans. “Might look better if we were facing each other. Or even if . . .”
I adjust the aperture. “If what?”
“She were on her knees.”
I glance up just in time to catch him shift feet. Halston looks between us, trembling slightly. Her fear is doing something to me. She’s been walking this line for a while by showing me that journal, inviting Ken here, chatting with that stranger on New Year’s Eve. But she won’t do anything without my permission. Without my order. With their silence, their uncertainty as they wait for my answer, my head swims.
“Undo his pants.”
Neither of them moves—or objects. If Ken’s uncomfortable with it, he can speak up. He doesn’t. Halston slowly lifts the edge of his shirt, and he takes it from her, holding it up out of the way. She touches the button of his jeans. It takes her a few tries to get it open. She begins to unzip his fly, then looks at me.
“That’s good,” I say. “Now you can get on your knees.”
She freezes. Her eyes are as big and gray as ever.
Ken bites his lip, watching her. He might be gay, but I’m not convinced he’d turn Halston down. Halston senses it too, because her chin trembles.
I need to know that Halston trusts me. Always. That she’ll submit because she wants to, and not just to anyone. Only me. “All-loved by lovers all,” I tell her.
I can see the words from her “dark” journal entry about the threesome sinking in. Finally, she gets to her knees. I raise my camera and instruct her. I get her hands at his waistband. I take a photo from behind her. Ken threads his hand through her hair and fists it. He isn’t pretending. She sucks in a breath. I make sure to capture all of it, and since her face isn’t in the shots, she follows me with her eyes.
“Let’s try the fingers again,” I say.
Ken cups the side of her face. This time, she leans in and licks his thumb. She pulls it into her mouth and begins to suck, keeping her eyes on me. My heart pumps. I’m both jealous and excited, my erection straining against my zipper.
“My willing doll,” I murmur, love and arousal churning through me. Her expression softens. We’re speaking another language. Our language. There’s no one else in the room.
I get closer for my shot. Ken is hard. When a hot, sexy blonde sucks on your thumb, it’s inevitable. I’ve had her hot mouth around my fingers, I know how good it feels.
Halston’s breasts jiggle under her t-shirt as she gets more into it. One word from me could end this. He’d take his hand back. I get to decide when and where and how far it can go, and that’s what’s getting me off about this.
I’ve seen enough. Now I want to act.
“We have what we need,” I say without warning.
Halston releases Ken’s thumb and sits back on her calves. With one look, I know what she needs. What she’ll always need. None of this means anything to her without me.
“What?” Ken asks.
“That’s good for tonight.” I set my camera on the desk and head for the door. “Come with me, and I’ll get you your check.”
“But we’ve barely started,” he points out.
I turn back to him. From the corner of my eye, I can see Halston still on her knees, her cheeks bright pink as she practically vibrates. My girl’s ready for me, and I’m losing patience. “And?”
“Nothing. Never mind,” Ken says when he sees the look on my face. He throws a wave in Halston’s direction. “See you.”
I open the door, let Ken exit first, then turn back to Halston and point to the couch. “Hands and knees. Now.”
I walk Ken out, nabbing the envelope with his check from the kitchen table. He says something along the lines of next time, but I’m barely listening. I’m so hard, my ears are ringing. “Yeah, sounds good,” I say, nearly shoving him out the door.
When I return to the studio, Halston’s in position on the sofa. She looks over her shoulder, tracking me with her eyes. “Is he gone?”
“Finn?”
I yank her jeans and underwear down by their waistbands, just enough to bare her pussy to me. I take out my cock and run it up her wet slit. She must’ve enjoyed that more than she let on.
“I didn’t want it,” she says, almost pleads. “What I wrote, I thought maybe . . . maybe I might . . . but when his hands were on me, I didn’t want him.”
I know, baby, I know. “Tell me what you do want.”
“Just you.”
She nearly drips onto the crown of my dick. I slam into her, and she jolts forward. “Oh, God,” she cries. “Finn. I only want you to touch me. Only you inside me.”
I rear back and thrust again, vaulting her face into the cushion. “Tell me you’re mine.”
“I’m yours,” she says, her cheek pressed against the sofa. “You’re all I need.”
I mold one hand to the curve of her ass, spreading my fingers over her lower back, and give it to her harder than I ever have. I circle her clit with my two favorite fingers, relishing the way she writhes. I lose myself in her, so much so that I’m not even sure if she comes. I only know I’m not going to wait another second to lay claim to what’s mine. To let her know I’m not going anywhere. To leave my mark for any other fucker who might come sniffing around.
I hold her hips in place as I give her a few solid drives and erupt inside her, filling her as deeply and completely as I can. I keep her there while I milk myself, making sure to empty every last drop in her.
She breathes in body-wracking shudders. “You came,” she rasps. “You came inside me.”
“I know.” I stare down at her. “I don’t want you ever questioning that you’re mine.”
29
Finn isn’t expecting me this early, so I make noise as I enter the apartment. Even though it’s officially been over a week, I’m not quite used to living with someone yet. “Finn?” I call as I remove my coat.
“In the bedroom.”
I find him in front of the mirror, knotting a thin, black tie. “Hel-lo, handsome,” I say.
Yours to Bare Page 27
