The Dream Catcher Diaries

by Alexander Patrick

  Quickly, I lifted up my arm and before he had realised what was happening I had given him a vicious thump in the groin. I made sure he had the full impact of my manacles. I heard a stifled groan and swiftly I lifted my arm up further, this time catching him on the chin. He screamed as I crunched into his jaw, metal hit bone. It was a wonderful sound. I would have loved to have heard more, but I wanted that door. I jumped up and ran.

  **********************

  I stroked my leg. ‘Never underestimate the enemy. First law in the game of chess. I knew a man once who was blind and the meanest chess player you could ever meet. Whenever he played chess with anyone, they always played him soft, felt sorry for him, couldn’t believe he could play for real. They only ever made that mistake once. He hardly ever lost a game of chess.’

  ‘Bet you could beat him.’

  I was thoughtful. ‘Yes, I did, but only because I knew he was cleverer than me.’

  Sweeney’s eyelids began to droop. I could see the drugs were starting to kick in and he was drifting. Soon he would be fighting a new battle: his need for the needle, the first battle for most of us when we were released.

  ‘I fell down the stairs, Sweeney,’ I said. ‘They left me for dead, but they were wrong, I wasn’t dead. Their first mistake – and, believe me, it’ll be a fatal one.’ I smiled. ‘They call me the Dream Catcher; I steal your dreams and turn them into nightmares – my nightmares.’ I looked down; Sweeney was no longer listening – he had drifted off – but if anyone would fight another day it was him.

  I was right. Sweeney became one of my first soldiers. He had once been a child of the street, someone to fear; he became a child warrior for the oppressed, carrying his heart of gold.

  **********************

  I have no idea how I had the strength to run; it came to me in a surge of panic. I could see the light of the door and I ran towards it. I ran to the light but still managed to crash into the wall instead.

  I found the door and turned right; I remembered which way the front door was and was heading for it. I could hear Paula screaming behind me. ‘Get that bastard!’ I was disappointed that he could still speak.

  I ran straight into some furniture and fell over. I was up again as I felt hands grab at me, then more screams and curses. I thought I must be heading for the door, I was sure I must be. I ran. I had nothing to lose; they had offered me oblivion but I chose my own way out. I no longer cared. The room seemed endless.

  Then I was at the door, hands grabbing me. I fought them off, searching in my blindness for the handle. I was fighting for air. I found the handle and tore at it. The door swung open and I felt a surge of fresh air and saw a change in light. I leapt forward to the light. I was ready to throw myself over the balcony. I knew that was my only escape.

  As I went to jump forward, hands finally took hold of me. I staggered on, carrying people with me until I fell in a heap outside the door. I was still struggling, but I was on the ground. I was so close, just one last jump forward and I would be free. But the more I thrashed about, the more I was weighed down by bodies, all thumping and kicking me. Soon I could no longer move as my hands were, once more, manacled behind my back. Still I resisted.

  ‘You fucking bastard,’ cried Amos. ‘You’ll pay for this!’

  I was pulled and dragged onto my feet. I began to struggle again. I was held by many hands. I heard Amos, Spider, Whitey and Mother. They were all holding me, beating me, pulling me down again – and yet I still fought.

  Looking back, I am amazed at how a blind, manacled, half-starved man could fight – and how he could possibly believe he could win.

  But I did win.

  Chapter 37

  As I left the safe house, Angus caught up with me.

  ‘We need to talk.’ Angus pressed in close, peering at me, daring me to protest.

  ‘Right.’

  ‘Now.’

  ‘And the doctor?’

  Andrew had just caught up with us and had joined me, looking anxious.

  ‘He stays away, just you and us.’

  Andrew demurred. ‘I don’t think so.’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘David ...’

  ‘It’s alright.’

  I knew it was alright. I knew them already. I probably knew them better than they knew themselves. They thought they were hard. They had put their guns to the sculls of bound men. They hadn’t flinched. They thought that made them hard. They had no idea. I knew evil men. The Mackay brothers were nothing like them. They were simply men without a cause. I was going to give them a cause. I was going to be that cause.

  Angus was still watching me. ‘Why should we fight for you?’ he asked.

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Not good enough! I know these people. I know what they’re capable of. This is an English problem. What has this to so with us – with Scotland? Why should I risk my life for the Sassenach?’

  ‘It is not an English problem, as you put it,’ I returned hotly. ‘It’s just something that’s happening in England, but you can be sure that if this isn’t stopped it’ll come to Scotland one day. I also know that it already exists under different names and different guises in other parts of Europe and America. We have to stop it here – now; if we don’t, then this is the future for all of us!’

  ‘These are wicked men.’

  ‘I know them better than you can possibly believe.’ I returned quickly. ‘I understand them. To call them wicked doesn’t begin to describe them. They’re far beyond that – and, as far as I’m concerned, they forfeited their right, long ago, to be treated as human beings. You know this; you’ve a brother who feels it every moment of his life.’

  ‘How do you know what Hamish ...?’

  ‘Because I know them – and my knowledge means that they’re weaker.’

  ‘You? You’re just a half-blind cripple.’

  ‘I see more than you think.’

  ‘What do you see?’

  ‘I see into men’s hearts. I don’t need eyes for that, only understanding.’

  ‘And what do you see when you look at me?’

  ‘I see a man who’s lost, who’s searching.’

  ‘You see nothing.’

  ‘I see a man who could fight to the death, if he believed – and, more than that, I see a man who needs to believe. You’re famished and I’m the one who’s offering you a feast. You know it, Angus. People say you’re cold; I can only see fire! You’re burning with passion and you’ve nothing to feed that passion. You’re scared shitless that your fire’ll burn out for lack of sustenance. Oh, I know you, never doubt it.’

  He stared. ‘Now, at your house,’ he said. ‘Ditch the doctor.’

  Chapter 38

  Amos was furious. He had a terrible temper - they all did, but his was the worst. He took hold of me and I felt myself being lifted from the ground. He held me and, out of sheer surprise, I stopped moving. Then, he threw me down the stairs.

  The apartment was, as I said, situated at the top of the communal stairs. These were the only way up and down when the lift was out of order. They were steep, made of concrete and they twisted and turned all the way down to the ground below. One moment I was in his arms, then I was in the air and I was flying. I flew down and against the wall. I bounced from the wall and onto the stairs. I tried to stop myself from falling further, but my arms were now bound and I was travelling fast. I could do nothing to stop my rapid descent as I smacked into walls, steps, walls and steps again. Even when my arms were jarred free of their bonds, I was hurtling down too fast to do anything. I hit everything with all parts of my body. It couldn’t have lasted more than a few seconds, I suppose, before I came to an abrupt stop. It felt like days of slow death, and, as I fell, I blessed Amos for releasing me from my torment, at last.

  Those were my last thoughts as my head crashed against a post and I was plunged into blackness.

  **********************

  Angus was prowling around my room, obviously thinking. ‘It’s no
t enough,’ he said. ‘We need more.’

  ‘More what?’ I asked casually.

  Euan and Stewart were watching him intently, listening to everything he had to say. When Angus talked, people stopped and listened. He pointed to them. ‘We’re brothers, you’re not, you’re no relation to us.’

  ‘Sorry about that,’ I said sarcastically.

  ‘Something we’re going to have to change,’ he said, and he placed a long, sharp knife on the table.

  I looked at it, nervously. ‘Why do I have this strange sensation that you’re going to suggest something that’s going to hurt a lot?’

  He grinned. ‘From what I’ve learned, you’re no stranger to pain.’

  ‘Doesn’t mean I enjoy it.’

  ‘This is serious; we have to stay true to each other, over and above anything else you’ve ever experienced before. Our loyalty can never be questioned. Given the chance, people’ll try to break us, divide us, and make us betray each other. We need to be sure that can never happen.’

  ‘So, how do we do that?’

  ‘We have to have something that makes us strong – stronger than a marriage, stronger than the bond between father and son. We need the bond of the Blood Brother.’ He spoke quietly, calmly, almost whispering, but his voice carried and sent a chill through me.

  I glanced down at the long knife. ‘So, this is going to hurt?’

  He grinned again. ‘Matrix, it’ll be nothing for you.’

  ‘Yeh, sure.’

  ‘Take your clothes off.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Just your top half – I need your arm, and you don’t want to get your clothes all messy with blood now, do you?’

  ‘I’m not taking off my clothes.’

  ‘Now, don’t be shy.’ He was already stripping off.

  I watched until he stood standing before me in a thermal vest. I stared at him. ‘Angus, I don’t believe you’re wearing thermals!’

  He shrugged. ‘Why not?’ he asked awkwardly.

  Euan and Stewart began to giggle behind me.

  I shook my head laughing. ‘But - thermals!’

  He shrugged again. ‘I feel the cold,’ he said.

  ‘Bad choice to live up here then.’ I crowed.

  ‘Just take your fucking clothes off!’ he said, picking up the knife. He turned to his brothers. ‘You too!’

  I stopped laughing and stripped as requested. All three brothers went silent when they saw me. I felt exposed and ashamed. Angus stepped forward and looked me up and down. ‘Well, they really fucked you up, didn’t they?’

  ‘Let’s just get this over with,’ I growled.

  He gazed at me a moment longer; then, he lifted up his left arm and drew the blade down the inside. It was a long, deep incision. I winced at the sight. He hadn’t flinched. Blood began to seep out, slowly at first and then quicker.

  He lifted his hand and beckoned to me. I took a deep breath and held my left arm out to him. I watched fascinated as the bloodied knife came down – but, when it did, surprisingly, it didn’t hurt. He grasped my hand in his and entwined his arm around mine so that the two gashes met. Our blood was being mixed. He looked straight into my eyes. He spoke in Gaelic.

  ‘I give my allegiance to Matrix. You are my Blood Brother. My life is your life. My blood is your blood. I place my life before yours. I place my heart at your feet and my soul is yours. This is the Ultimate Oath. It will never be broken. This is the oath that I swear to you. Your pain is now my pain; your enemies are now my enemies. This is the Oath of the Blood Brother. We are now equal. We are now complete. Nothing can break this bond – not even death.’

  He stepped back; Euan came forward and swore the same oath; Stewart did the same. By now, there was blood everywhere. Angus came back to me and I held up my arm, but he began to bandage it. ‘Hang on a minute,’ I said. ‘Don’t I have to say it to you now?’

  ‘No,’ he said.

  I frowned, not understanding. ‘But we’re Blood Brothers. Surely I must give you my allegiance?’

  ‘We’ve given you our blood, that’s enough. You are Matrix and we’ll follow you. The promise has been made. There’s no need for anything else. This is Bràithreachas.’

  ‘We’re the Brotherhood,’ I whispered.

  ‘Exactly so.’

  ‘We need names, codes,’ I said. ‘We must never use our real names when we’re out. I’m Matrix, that’s simple enough.’

  ‘Since we don’t know your real name, I don’t see what the problem is,’ commented Angus wryly.

  I looked down at my chessboard and picked up the knight. ‘You’re the General,’ I said.

  He nodded and smiled. He liked that.

  ‘What about us?’ asked Euan.

  I picked up the bishop and held it out for him. ‘We need your God; we need all the help we can get. You’re my Angel of Death,’ I said, ‘You’re Azrael.’

  Stewart was looking at me apprehensively, ‘And you’re Belatucadros, god of war,’ I said.

  He nodded, unsmiling but pleased.

  Angus stretched out his hand and took the king, ‘and you’re our King,’ he said. ‘We’ve given you our allegiance.’

  He placed his hand to his chest in a fist and thumped his heart; then he took my hand and lifted it to his lips. It was not a gesture of affection, he didn’t kiss my hand; he brushed his lips across. It was done with a formal aggression. It was a war salute.

  ‘From now on,’ he said, ‘we are at war. I’ll be the General in your army. I promise you, I’ll never let you down. Give me my orders. You are my King.’

  Everyone looked solemn; then Stewart grabbed the queen. ‘Who’s this, then?’ he asked with a grin.

  I took the piece from him. ‘She’s in my heart, where she’ll always be,’ I said. They all knew I was referring to Judith, and the smiles disappeared.

  ‘And now all we need,’ I said, staring down at my chess board, ‘is an army.’

  Chapter 39

  I was sitting having dinner with all my friends and family. It was wonderful. I felt total joy and peace. Everyone who I had ever loved was there: my best and closest friends; my brother and his two sons; and my mother and father. Even beloved pets were there at my feast.

  And then I realised that something was wrong. My mother was there but she was dead; she didn’t belong. I looked at my father sitting next to her and I remembered that he, too, was dead. Then, I looked at the man who I had once called brother and I knew that he, also, had died.

  I was overwhelmed with sadness. This could only be a dream; it had to be because there was one other dead man at the table: me. I had died long ago. I no longer existed. The process had started at my father’s funeral and now it was complete.

  I was dreaming of a past that could never, and would never, be. I wanted to weep; instead, I woke up to bright lights and crushing pain. I woke up and I was no longer blind. Light and vision filled my eyes and I laughed; I laughed so much. Now, at the end, I could see.

  **********************

  The Tavern

  ‘Why do you always look so scruffy?’ Sonia glared at me.

  ‘Do I smell?’

  ‘Of course not.’

  ‘Well, there’s been some improvement then.’

  ‘David!’

  ‘Just get me a whisky.’

  ‘You don’t seem to ever comb your hair, either.’

  ‘Make it a large one.’

  ‘Is that a beard you’re trying to grow?’

  ‘Sonia!’

  ‘What are you doing here, anyway?’

  ‘Well, this may surprise you, but – like everybody else – I’m here for the music.’

  ‘But, David, it’s the Mackay brothers.’

  ‘I hear they’re very good.’

  ‘Oh, David, after what happened the other day?’

  ‘Nothing happened.’

  ‘I don’t know how you got out of it or what was said, but ...’

  ‘Sonia, a man could die of thirst in this
pub.’

  ‘I thought they were going to kill you.’

  ‘Perhaps they’re just misunderstood.’

  ‘Why are you here, tempting danger?’

  ‘I’m here for a drink and some excellent music. Why are you here? You don’t appear to be serving drinks.’

  ‘I still don’t see ...’

  ‘I’m here for the music. I thought I’d do a little dancing. Would you like to have a dance with me, Sonia?’

  ‘Oh, you’re impossible!’ She flounced off – hopefully to get me a drink.

  That was when Andrew arrived. ‘Whisky for me, please, Sonia,’ he called out after her.

  ‘You’ll be lucky,’ I muttered.

  ‘Don’t be so hard on her. She was very worried about you.’

  ‘She’s apparently got over it.’

  He leaned forward. ‘She’s got a point, you know. Those Mackay brothers are dangerous men. You didn’t know Hamish. You don’t know what he was like. Sonia does; she went to school with them. They were all wild boys at school.’

  ‘Wild doesn’t equate to evil.’

  ‘You still don’t know them.’

  ‘Actually, I think I know Hamish very well.’

  ‘How can you say that? You never met him.’

  ‘I know his brothers.’

  Andrew shook his head.

  At that moment, the musicians turned up on the small, low stage. They staggered a little. They had obviously already been drinking. Their hair hung down their backs in ponytails and plaits. They were dressed in warrior kilts and white vests. They carried weapons around their bodies and they all clasped beer glasses and cigarettes in their hands as they set up their instruments.

  ‘And they’re exceptional musicians,’ I said.

  ‘That doesn’t make them good men.’

  ‘Well, you’ll have the opportunity to discuss it with them after the performance.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘You’ve been invited to a wee party at my house.’ Sonia arrived at this point with our drinks. I noticed that she hadn’t given me a large one.

  Andrew gave her a broad grin. ‘Can I have one of those wee pies of yours?’ he asked. She nodded frowning. He turned to me. ‘You eating anything, David?’