by Sierra Hill
But my feet remain firmly planted and I’m unable to make myself any more vulnerable than I already am. Just as he opens the door, he turns back to stare at me, his expression unreadable.
“I’m truly sorry, Lo,” he whispers a broken apology, his forehead pressed against the doorframe. “But I don’t regret my time with you. I only regret that it’s ended like this. I’ll love you forever, Logan. I’ll never stop.”
And then he’s gone and I fall to the floor in a broken, shattered heap.
Chapter 29
Carver
“You want a brat or a burger?”
Lance is the grill master today, flipping meat between swigs of beer over the last hour. I’m hosting my first party at my new loft apartment. Just a few of my friends to celebrate the summer before I head off to training camp.
It’s an unusually warm and sunny July Fourth in Seattle. The rain and gloom of June has moved off to make way for the summer sun. I just wish the same could be said for me. The gloom has lingered since the moment I left Logan’s apartment two weeks ago.
The sting of metal against my bare leg has me jerking up from my lounger on my deck overlooking the Sound. “Ow. Fuck dude, what’d you do that for?”
Lance stands over me with a perturbed stare, the offending grill flipper in his hand. “Bro, I asked you a question. Your fucking head is stuck somewhere up in the top of the Space Needle. Come back down earth.”
“Oh, uh. Brat’s good. Thanks.”
Lance has been staying at my place for the last few days and we’ve done all the touristy things around town. Last night we went to Cal’s and hung out, played pool, discussed basketball and the likely standings for the upcoming season. Just like old times, except it’s not.
Touring the city just reminded me of Logan. I couldn’t even walk by the Great Wheel without flashes of us up there together.
I didn’t want to go to Cal’s, either, because that would remind me of running into Logan again – although I’d hoped she would be there. She wasn’t. Her friend, Ali, was though. It was her idea that I hold a BBQ this weekend.
Which meant that Lance invited enough women to start at a whole new cheer squad for the Pilots. A few have already propositioned me, making very compelling offers. But I’ve declined. Uninterested and unaffected.
I’m so fucked.
A loud, angsty, guitar riff by the band Royal Blood blares through my speaker system and the sounds of people singing and having a good time can be heard wafting from the living room. I notice my beer is empty and I get up to grab another one from the kitchen.
“Yo, grab me one, too, man,” Lance says, handing me his empty bottle.
I step inside my new apartment and come face-to-face with Alison, Logan’s roommate. She gives a little wave and I stand there hopeful. I not so subtly lean to the side to look behind her, in the event Logan is hiding.
Ali laughs. “She’s coming. Just bringing up some drinks from the car.”
She gives me a brief kiss on the cheek and then whispers into my ear, “Logan doesn’t know this is your place. So, be chill, k? And nice shirt, by the way. Keeping it classy, Edwards.” She gives me a two-gun salute with her thumbs.
My stomach gurgles with nervous energy as I glance down at the decal on my rumpled t-shirt. It’s one of my favorites. It’s a picture of a roll of toothpaste being squeezed over a toothbrush. The caption says, “Everyone needs fresh breath. Now put me in your mouth.”
“What can I say? Oral health is very important.”
Ali waves me off and heads into the kitchen to grab a drink. That’s where I should be heading, but instead, I work my way toward the front door, which is slightly ajar to allow people to come and go. I hear Lance in the background yelling after me, knowing he’s not going to get a beer from me.
“Asshole.” I hear him gripe in the background.
My breath catches in my lungs when I step into the hallway and see Logan heading my way. She doesn’t notice me because her head is down as she adjusts the bag in her arms. It gives me a moment to take in her beauty.
Her hair is pulled back in a high ponytail, but the sides are braided around the crown of her head. No make-up from what I can tell, but her long lashes are darkened with some sort of eyeliner or mascara. She’s wearing a tank top and a pair of shorts, and flip-flops on her feet that remind me of our summers by the lake.
By the time she’s an arm length away, I reach out and remove the bag from her hands as she startles in surprise.
“Hi,” I say, cracking a small smile.
For just a second, I think she might turn and run in the other direction. It’s obvious she’s mulling it over, but then answers my greeting.
“Hey,” she responds, giving me a little wave before looking around the room for Ali. “I didn’t realize...um. Ali didn’t tell me whose party this is.”
She glances around nervously as we enter my apartment, the noise drowning out anything else she was about to say.
We move into the kitchen and I place the bag on the already full countertop. Pulling two beers out of the ice chest, I pop off the caps and hand her one. Then I raise a finger for her to wait.
“Just a second. Don’t move. I need to run this out to Lance.”
I’m taking a chance she might leave, but a grin forms on her mouth and I take that as a good sign. Sprinting out the slider, I throw the bottle at a surprised Lance and run back into the kitchen before he can even say thanks.
Logan’s already talking to someone, a guy. But I can’t have that. I snake my hands around her waist and pull her down the hallway to my bedroom as she gives a little yipe of protest. I count my lucky stars she doesn’t kick and scream.
Shutting the door behind us, I snap the lock and turn to face her.
We stare at each other like it’s a face-off. I’m not sure what she’s thinking, but I’m wondering if it would be considered kidnapping if I kept her in this room with me for the next ten years.
The air gets sucked out of my lungs when she looks around and then smiles.
“Nice place you got here.”
I try to see my bedroom through her eyes. It’s pretty sparsely decorated, but I put some money into the furnishings.
“Thanks. I’m not the most skilled decorator.”
She nods and then takes a seat at the corner of the bed, covered in a grey comforter. I remain standing, uncertain as to whether I should move or not. I decide the best tactic is to let her have her space.
“I’ve been wanting to talk to you, but I didn’t know what to say. Things got ugly.”
I lean back against the door and cross one foot over an ankle, crossing my arms in front of my chest and nod.
“Yeah, they did.”
Logan drops her head down to her hands, her elbows on her knees. She takes a big breath and exhales slowly.
“Carver, I’ve missed you,” she says softly, her eyes shifting to mine. “I said a lot of hurtful things to you – things I didn’t mean, but at the time just came out because of how angry I was at the situation. At how the news so callously got reported about Jeremy, without a thought to his privacy. I took it out on you and I’m very sorry.”
Those words mean more to me than anything I’ve ever heard in my life. I take this as my cue to move toward her and sit down next to her on the bed.
Her scent surrounds me, engulfing me in awareness that we’re locked in my bedroom together, while my party rages outside my door. Even in her remorse, she’s so beautiful.
“Logan,” I whisper as I place my hand behind her back, caressing her softly. “There’s nothing to forgive. And I’ve missed you, too. So very much. Nothing seemed right without you. I was hoping this would blow over and you’d come back to me. I was waiting for you to come back, baby.”
She drops her hands from her knees and sits upright, as I cover her cheeks with my palms, and stare down into the face that takes my breath away every single time I look at it. The face I know I want to stare at every day for the re
st of my life.
The kiss we share as our lips touch is one full of promise. It’s a reminder that we can exhale the regrets of our past, and inhale the beauty of our future together.
The pain we experienced – the things we lost, yet all that we found – is buried within the touch between us. It’ll always be there, but will be overcome by the joy that pours out of the love we share because we’re in this life together.
It’s an extension of our sweet summers of love – the endless moments that took our breath away. The moments that shaped who we are individually and who we became together.
And from the bottom of my heart, I know that someday we will be able to share those memories with our son.
The End
Epilogue
When your boyfriend is one of the hottest NBA rookies, you get your fair share of evil glances and stink eyes from his female fans.
But you also get treated like a rock star, with your choice of hanging with the other WAGs in the team suite, or sitting in center court seats to watch your man play.
Tonight, there was no question of where I’d be viewing the game. Sitting next to me is Jared and Karina, and on my lap a wiggling, squirming, overly-sugared and excitable five-year-old.
My heart swells to epic proportions as he turns his head to look up at me, smiling as he points and says in his cute little boy voice, “Dat my fren, Cava.”
Jeremy can’t pronounce his R’s yet and everything he says is just pure cuteness.
I nod my head and point at Carver out on the court, who has his left hand in the air, calling out a play to his teammates as he dribbles the ball down toward the goalpost.
“Yep, it sure is. Now watch what Carver’s doing, Jeremy. He might either pass the ball to one of the other players or he might post up and take a shot.”
Jeremy turns his attention back to the game, his sticky hand reaching in once again to the popcorn bucket on our laps and shoving his face full of buttery goodness. We both watch Carver intently, excited to see him play. I’ve learned a lot about basketball over the last six months, more than I ever thought I would.
I’ve also learned a lot about how active and rambunctious little boys this age can be.
It turns out, the media fiasco that occurred earlier in the summer ended up to be a blessing in disguise. While it didn’t happen the way any of us wanted, especially for Karina and Jared, it did force our hands in making a decision on how we’d play a part in Jeremy’s life. With it being unveiled to the general public, it didn’t make sense to hide us from Jeremy any longer.
It also proved rather advantageous to Carver in his paid sponsorships, who is now a national spokesperson for a new condom brand – reminding the sexually active youth to always use backup protection, because you just never know when one of those buggars will slip by and score a shot.
But in all seriousness, Carver was also asked to be a spokesperson for the International Adoption Association, shedding light on the reasons adoption is a blessing for families around the world. It’s one of his most rewarding roles.
I thought being in a relationship with a young, hot superstar athlete would be difficult. And honestly, there are times it’s a drag – especially when he’s out on the road for days at a time. But he always makes it up to me when he returns home. In multiple ways.
Carver and I don’t live together. Yet. He keeps asking me, but his loft is so small, I don’t see how it could hold all my stuff. When he is in town, we spend most of our time at his place, but I like having my own place and spending time with Ali and our friends. All of them adore Carver – and who wouldn’t? He’s the biggest flirt and charmer there is.
Once the news got out that I was Carver’s girlfriend – and that we shared a past that would forever bind us together – it got a smidge uncomfortable at work between Jeff and me. But things soon smoothed over when he began dating this lovely South African woman whom he met at a symphony gala this fall. It makes me happy that he’s happy, because he deserves it.
My brother, Leo, the youngest of my brothers, reached out to me recently. He’d heard that I was dating Carver and asked if he could come down and meet him. He said he felt bad for the way I was treated by the family and kicked out, and that he wanted to make amends.
I’m still mulling that over. There’s still a lot of hurt that resides in my heart over how my brothers and father treated me. Carver hasn’t pushed me in any direction, but considering how things mended so well between his parents and him does give me hope that someday my family can be whole again, too.
Until then, I love my life. It’s not easy. There are times, like now, when I hold my son in my arms and wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t given him up when I did. He’s so precious and so much like Carver it fills me with an unbelievable amount of love.
He’s mine, but not mine. But he’ll always be a part of us. And that’s what I choose to focus on.
*Do you want a sneak peek at Sweet Disaster, Book 4 in The Sweetest Thing series? Check out my Blog page on my website www.sierrahillbooks.com
Coming late Spring 2017
Acknowledgements
Nicole Kim – my beautiful and brilliant cousin! I’m so proud of all you’ve accomplished in your career – from working to obtain your MA in Counseling, to the work you performed as former Vice Secretary General for the Global Overseas Adoptee Link (GOAL) and advocate for adoptees rights. Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions on the adoption process. Your personal insight, as well as direct connection into the world of adoption, was so helpful for me to tell an accurate story about something I know so little about. You’ve lived it and supported others in the search for their own Korean birth parents – connecting the world through your love and passion to help others. Love you, Nic!
To Brit Z – thanks for all the info you provided on the ortho and dental assistant profession. And congrats on your engagement!
To my faithful readers and followers – thank you for reading and loving these books as much as I do. It’s the coolest thing to know that the characters I create can also live in the hearts of others. I hope you’ll continue this journey with me!
Thank you to my beta readers, Cristina Neese and Stracey Charran, for your invaluable feedback and the amazing support you’ve both given me. You continue to amaze me with your true love of books and especially this series. It means so much to me – more than you know!
Huge shout out to Ena and Amanda with Enticing Journeys, Natalie from B&B Promotions, Giselle with Xpresso Book Tours, and all the fabulous blogger and reviewer pages that have given me the opportunity to pimp my work to new and eager readers out there. I appreciate all of you!
To Lindee Robinson for your incredible photo of the beautiful, real-life couple Sarah Beth Newkirk and Cody Lawhorn. The scenery and outdoor shots captured exactly what I wanted for this book. Thank you! And to my girl, Letitia Hasser with Romantic Book Affairs. Another amazing creation! I love you, my dear!
To my editor, Keyanna, keep writing, keep smiling and keep doing what you’re doing! Your daily support is immeasurable and I love you for everything you do for me. *Hugs*
Thanks to Michele for the technical proofreading and correcting all my unnecessary hyphen usage. And for the Bonnie Prince Charlie comment! I love your sense of humor, girl!
To my husband, Steve. You are my stoic cheerleader who always offers me a smile, a hug and a word of encouragement. Thanks for bragging about me to your friends and family and being proud of me in your own special way. I love you. xoxo
Lastly, to my indie author community of friends. Over the last few years, my circle has grown and because of all of you, I’ve learned so much through our daily interactions via social media or direct feedback and critique. So glad to have all of you to rely on and feed on, especially my Midwest girls – Jennifer Ann, Tracy, Noelle and Kate. You ladies rock!
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