“What?” I questioned, turning to him.
“Sit down. I’ll be right back.”
As I hesitantly sat down on the bed, I wondered what he was doing. His reaction to my injuries and confession puzzled me. I had expected him to be callous. I hadn’t expected the anger and horror. Nor had I expected to hear what seemed to be concern, but it couldn’t have been that. Could it?
I was about to stand up again and get changed when Matthew walked back in. I blinked and stared in disbelief. He was carrying a pail of warm water and rags. He sat down next to me. “Hold your arm out.”
Silently, I did as I was told. He moistened one of the cloths and began cleaning out some of the lacerations that had obviously not healed right. “Why are you doing this?” I asked.
Matthew looked up at me, then continued his task. “I want to.”
“Why?” I repeated. “I did not think anyone would care.”
After a moment, he looked back up. “I do not think punishing yourself is going to help anything.” He paused, and said, “You honestly think no one cares about what happens to you?”
“Why would they?”
Matthew cleaned out the last cuts on my right arm. “That should heal correctly now. It’ll just take a little time.” He gently switched arms and started cleaning it as well. I drew in a sharp breath as the cloth touched the fresh cut. “This cannot be more than four days old,” he whispered and looked back up at me. “You’re wrong, Julia.”
“Wrong? Do enlighten me.”
“People care about you.”
I stared at him. “Do you?”
There was a long silence. “Yes.” I barely heard the word.
“Why?” I asked, bewildered. “I thought you hate me.”
Matthew dabbed at one of the cuts. “Actually, I thought I did too. Maybe I did at first. However, I’ve had a lot of time to think. Things just do not make sense.” He stopped and tossed the rag on the floor. “And that is what I do not understand. If you feel so awful about what you did, why the hell did you do it, Julia?”
He was asking me to explain, but now that he was willing to listen, I was terrified to speak. What if Kali was wrong? What if he reacted like Samuel and thought I was insane? “Matthew, I . . .”
He arched an eyebrow. “You wanted to explain, remember? Tell me, because after seeing what you’ve done to yourself for the last who knows how long, I believe you do feel regret about the whole thing. Not to mention if you were determined to kill us, you would have done it by now! And you certainly wouldn’t have saved my life last night. I’ll ask again. What happened five years ago to make you do what you swore to Samuel, of all people, that you would never do?!”
Nervously, I described the dreams, the voices, and seeing Gregory. I wasn’t sure if I was remembering everything, but as I was in the middle of explaining, Matthew interrupted me.
“In other words, you are mad!” he exploded.
I turned away from him, as I heard the same words Samuel had said when I had attempted to tell him. “No, I do not think I am.”
“Isn’t that what all insane people say? I’ve never once heard a demented person admit they were mad. Come on, Julia, you think you saw a dead person … again. That’s as daft as you can get!” Matthew said, rising to his feet.
I slid backward across the bed. “Don’t come near me, Matthew.”
He sighed. “I should kill you just to put you out of your misery.”
“I am not mad,” I said again. “Gregory also told me then that he had had an affair and a bastard son. I never knew of an affair.”
“Uh-huh,” he said. “You have no idea how ludicrous this sounds. Since you are sick, I won’t kill you. You can simply leave and be a loner. It is dangerous to have a vampire with such an unsound mind around a group.”
“It’s not just Gregory I’ve seen!” I screamed. “I saw Adam after my fight with Valentino, and recently I have been seeing a young woman too!”
Matthew paused. “Is that who you were talking to in the woods the other night? Who is she; Gregory’s illegitimate daughter? Does she tell you how evil you are too?”
“No. She has actually helped –”
“I think you really are insane, Julia.” He cut me off before I could finish. “I think Sharon had been right when she told Samuel that he shouldn’t have brought you back with him. That your mind had been damaged beyond repair. Too bad we did not listen.”
Tears stung my eyes. I made sure I was out of his reach, although I worried about what he might do with the candles burning. Could Kali have been wrong about confiding in him? “You know, Matthew, telling you this was not my idea. Kali wanted me to talk to you about this.”
“Why? Was she hoping I would be more sympathetic after a few years?”
I trembled, but stood my ground. “For some reason she thought you could help me. All she told me was that she thought she had figured out one of my abilities but I needed one of you to help teach me.”
Matthew stiffened. “Impossible. There hasn’t been a verified case of that ability for hundreds of years.”
Frustration bubbled up inside of me as I got off the bed. “You know what she was talking about. What is it?” I demanded.
Frowning, he said, “Communication with the dead. Every vampire believed to have had that gift over the last three hundred years was proved to be as mad as a hatter. From what I have heard, it does not sound as if you are any different.”
“You doubt Kali, her abilities?”
He sighed. “Kali is a fifteen-year-old human girl. I know she sees the future, but I think she is just trying anything that would explain your irrational behavior.”
Clenching my fists, I backed toward the door. Enough was enough. Obviously, no one would help, or even believe me. My next words spilled out before I realized I was saying them. “If I were really crazy, my mind has a better and faster way to insanity than having my dead husband appear to me twice in fifty or so years. That is ridiculous for a hallucination. A vision of my daughter asking me why I didn’t save her would have been much more effective! After two days of seeing that, I would have happily jumped off a cliff!”
I reached the door and opened it. Thinking of his questions about the mysterious woman appearing to me, I glanced back at Matthew. There may be a vague resemblance to Gregory, but I was not sure. “Yes, it was that young lady I was talking to that night. I had a strange dream that night. She told me it had actually been Samuel’s . . . that we shared it. I do not know who she is but she seems to be the only one who has given a damn about me in years,” I snapped and flung myself out the door, blinded by tears. As I stumbled down the hall, I collided into one of the walls. Wincing, I staggered back and felt Matthew wrap his arms around me.
“Let me go! I do not need anyone; you’ve done enough!” I struggled against him desperately.
“Julia, I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “Shh, calm down. I’m not going to hurt you. Tell me more about . . .”
His voice was drowned out by a roaring sound. I was dizzy with pain and grief that went beyond words. “I have no one. If you truly think me insane, then kill me. Even Hell has to be better than this,” I whispered and succumbed gladly to the darkness that had begun to tinge my vision.
***
I was pleading with Gregory to exchange my life for our daughter’s. “Please do not hurt her. Leave her alone, Gregory. Kill me instead. Do not kill her, kill me.”
Gregory sneered. “I’ll kill you both. Unless you do exactly what I tell you.”
“I’ll do the best I can.”
“That’s not good enough, Juliana. You have to do what I say. No arguments. No exceptions.”
“I’ll do what you want! I promise!”
“I do not believe you,” Gregory said and swung the knife down.
“Stop!” I screamed. “No, no!”
“Julia, for God’s sake, stop screaming!” Matthew said, sounding both concerned and exasperated. “No one’s going to hurt you.”
Matthew uncertainly reached up and stroked my hair. It was only now that I realized I was cradled against him and covered with a soft blanket. I stiffened in response. It had been years since anyone had offered me comfort through touch. There was also no place to run easily since we were inside a carriage. He sensed my sudden unease. “Julia, it’s all right. It’s me, not him. I’m not going to hurt you.”
“Why? Why are you being so nice?”
“I do not have anything to gain by harming you. You’ve been hurt enough. We all have been hurt enough. And if I injure you, then I’m no better than the very people who hurt us,” Matthew answered, his voice weary.
“I do not understand. You said you should kill or abandon me. Why didn’t you?”
He grimaced. “Yes, I said that and I shouldn’t have.” He hesitated, then continued, “In the last few years, I tend to react blindly when I feel angry.” He sighed. “Being angry was easier than admitting that there was a terrible situation going on, and that everyone had cracked, not only you. All of us fell apart and none of us had the capabilities to help the rest. And because of your past, how much you had been hurt then; you fell apart the most . . . and none of us saw it happening. I’m sorry, Julia,” he murmured as he stroked my hair.
I raised my head slightly to look at him in surprise. It seemed Matthew had figured things out better than I had. “I’m sorry too. You had told me about your capture and I did what I did. If I could, I would go back and change it.”
“I know, Julia. Now that I can see past my own pain, I can see what pain you’re in too. I always had liked you, even admired you in a way.” He smiled. “It’s why I confided in you. You were a great friend. Do you think it’s possible to build that trust again?”
“I do not know, Matthew, but we can try. What’s happened the last two nights is a good start,” I whispered. “I thought you were going to kill me.”
Matthew nodded. “I thought you were going to let the Hunters have me.”
“Not a chance.”
“Good. If you have another vision of Gregory, tell me, please? Or a vision of anyone else for that matter.”
I paused, stiffening even more. “You do think I’m mad, don’t you?”
“No – I am not certain anymore.” Matthew paused. “At first I thought you were, that each time you saw him, it was a start of madness. However, before you passed out, you said something that makes me wonder.”
“That I said I saw Adam?”
Matthew shook his head. “I’m sorry, but no. I can still attribute that to a grief-induced hallucination.”
“If it wasn’t that, then what is it?” I snapped.
“You said the young woman you’ve seen told you that you had a linked dream with Samuel. If he can confirm that, it can prove you have the gift to communicate with the dead. In that case, I’m just sorry the power is manifesting itself in such an awful way. Even if you have the ability, I want to know if you have any additional visions, all right?”
Tentatively, I nodded, but studied him in sudden curiosity.
“If you remember anything else about what she said, I would like to hear it,” he added.
“Why did that change your mind?” I bit my lip, unsure what else to tell him since I wasn’t certain if I believed everything she had said. Finally, I continued, “She said the reason I had the dream was because of the bond between creators and their fledglings. I do not know – this sounds insane,” I mumbled, feeling stupid.
A small smile touched his lips. “Not insane. A little unusual perhaps, but that is not insane sounding.” As I stared at him in shock, he continued, “That connection is there even between vampires who do not like each other. It is faint then, but it is probably more binding than even a ka-tet.” He laughed at my expression. “That bond is why you and I can still sense Samuel when the others cannot. We are his fledglings. I thought you realized that.”
“No. I did not know anyone could hide from the rest of the ka-tet therefore I never though my fledgling bond would be so important. Besides, I did not think his connection with me would be that strong anymore,” I answered.
Matthew rolled his eyes. “Only Samuel has ever been able to cloak completely from other ka-tet members. I have no idea how.” His voice softened when he said, “Julia, your bond with him cannot be that weak if you can sense him better than I can. Especially if he really is dreaming about you.”
I flushed and stared down at my hands. “Where are we?” I asked, changing the subject.
“An hour or so outside of Sienna now. I rented a carriage after you didn’t immediately wake from your fainting spell. I thought it would be best if we continued on our way.” He smiled. “Honestly, Julia, I never knew you were the fainting type.”
I tried to smile back but couldn’t. “Nor did I, truthfully.” A stifled yawn escaped my mouth when I tried to speak again. Exhaustion seeped through me. I tilted my head just enough to give him a suspicious look, remembering how the group had drugged me when they had taken me to Greece. “Why am I suddenly so tired?”
Matthew ignored my apprehensive gaze and stated calmly, “I would be more surprised if you weren’t. You have not fed in days; you have injured yourself multiple times, fought against Hunters, and had an uncomfortable encounter with sunlight yesterday. It eventually catches up to you. You should feed once we get to Rome. Until then, rest Julia.”
Something was bothering me about the Hunters, but I was too groggy to remember what it was. I leaned back against him and closed my eyes. My affection-starved body and mind welcomed his closeness. I wanted to thank him for reconsidering what I said, for listening, but the words never made it past my lips.
***
When I woke, I was no longer on Matthew’s lap, but lying on the seat across from him and covered with the blanket. He appeared to be dozing, but when I sat up, he opened his eyes.
“Are you feeling a little better?”
“I am.” My mind seemed clearer as I realized I was still wearing the dress I was planning on changing out of. Both torn sleeves had been structured together with some black thread to make them more normal-looking.
Matthew noticed my gaze and said, “I repaired your dress a little while you were sleeping. Under the circumstances, I thought it was best.”
“Thank you,” I murmured. “Although I am surprised I slept through it.”
“You were exhausted, Julia.”
I frowned slightly as I remembered the oddity about the Hunters. “Matthew, that Hunter last night, the woman. Did she look familiar to you?”
He grimaced. “Actually, yes. But I cannot remember where from. “
“The reason she looks so familiar is because she looks a lot like Gregory did.”
At first Matthew’s eyes reflected disbelief but then I saw startled realization cross his face. “Si,” he said absently. “But how? You are right; they look too similar to be coincidence. A descendant? But that does not make sense. You had only one child?”
“Yes. She could be a descendant of one of his siblings.”
Matthew shrugged, but then his eyes widened. “The vision you told me about at the inn – the one you had five years ago. You said he told you he had had an affair and a bastard child,” he said, his voice faltering. “Maybe you were right and she – whoever she is –really is a direct descendant.” He looked deep in thought, almost worried. “Perhaps you do have the gift and what you saw was an apparition, not a hallucination.”
“Her name is Donna Saladino,” I muttered.
“How the hell do you know that?” Matthew asked, distrust lurking in his voice.
“I did a little investigating after I saw her with other Hunters the night before Samuel left. I hadn’t gotten a good look at
her until last night. She has a twin brother, Stefan . . . he knew my name.”
“How would he know that?”
“I do not know. I was trying to discern that.” I watched him warily; still worried that he would banish me.
“Does anyone else know about this?”
“I told Mary Anne about the encounter. I had thought you or Samuel had told the Hunter my name. She told me you would not have done that.”
“That is true. Hunters cannot be trusted.” Matthew sighed. “This is a lot to absorb, Julia. I’m going to need time to process it all. I still think asking Samuel about that dream is a good idea.”
I nodded. Concentrating on the ka-tet, I could sense him more clearly than I had in days. “Are we close to Rome? Samuel’s presence seems stronger, I think.”
“I expect we’ll arrive either late tonight or very early in the morning. His presence is closer,” Matthew replied. He sat back, looking concerned.
“What is wrong?”
“With our arrival time, I do not think you will have the time to feed tonight after all.”
“Do not worry, Matthew. I’ll be all right for tonight,” I assured him. I relaxed again, then abruptly sat back up as I realized he might have been worried for a different reason. “We’re going into another vampire’s territory, aren’t we?”
He nodded slightly.
It was my turn to look concerned. “Is it Resistance controlled?”
“No. It’s controlled by non-Resistance vampires.”
“Wonderful,” I said sarcastically. “Samuel had to pick a town that wasn’t controlled by us.”
Matthew frowned. “I doubt Samuel was paying attention to vampire politics. He just went there because Rome holds personal significance for him.”
“I do not think Samuel has been paying attention to anything lately.”
“He hasn’t. And actually, that is what’s going to keep him alive in Rome. He is cloaked and isn’t bothering the group that lives there, so they’ll ignore him for now, if they have even realized he is there. We will not be welcome there, though. Or at least I will not be. I don’t know what they think of you.”
“I’m a traitor to both sides. I’m not welcome anywhere.” Looking down, I bit my lip to keep the sudden tears from falling.
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