I could understand that. I sighed and pulled her in even tighter. “I got you, okay?”
She nodded against me.
“You know… Does this feel even more real than usual?” she asked, her face against me. “It’s like you’re actually talking this time instead of your thoughts in my head.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I wonder what that means.”
“Jazz… She’s been dreaming too, I think. This thing just keeps growing.”
Her words sank in and we both thought about it. We held each other so tightly it started to feel like we were one person, one being again and not two bodies, like before. Endorphins rushed through my brain and body and I felt myself spinning upward.
Sweet Avery…
***
The tall, bone-skinny doctor scribbled on the clipboard while the nurse finished with me. They had a small laptop too that they both typed into for my case, but this doctor liked to write stuff too. He was the older, not so fun doc that I thankfully saw less. Kathy, the small redheaded nurse, was usually cheerful and talkative but she kept quiet around this doctor.
In contrast, I liked that smiley young guy, Dr. Michaels, and my main physical therapist, Jared. I’d probably end up seeing both of them sometime today too.
My mind was busy today, thinking about that thing with Kyle. It bothered Ave that he tapped into this thing and had dreams, but she didn’t want to feel that way. I didn’t like him sharing in this either. I mean, he wasn’t sharing anything with us, but it was odd that he had dreams like that and it changed him so much.
It bothered me that I didn’t know about it for a while too. Ave and I don’t have to share every little secret. That probably wouldn’t even be healthy. I just had that expectation because we couldn’t hide anything before. Well, not very easily. She had buried things about her parents when I was in her head, but I didn’t hold it against her for hiding something so personal and painful.
The situation with Kyle wasn’t the only thing bothering me. I was thinking about it to avoid something else, actually. I needed to keep my mind off of last night, when I didn’t want to go any farther with Avery. Whenever it popped up, my face would flush all hot. Was I embarrassed? That didn’t seem quite right. I don’t get embarrassed easily. Or ever, really. Ashamed? Was that it? I couldn’t tell. I just knew I didn’t want Avery upset about it, or thinking I couldn’t deliver, or getting bored with me. But I also didn’t want to try being with her and things not working.
God damn.
I glanced over, suddenly aware I was reflecting on some pretty personal things while they were in the room. The doctor wasn’t looking at me or talking to me much. I couldn’t even remember his name—something like Eenoway.
For fun I pictured telling him about the dreams Avery and I have been sharing. That wouldn’t help anything. I know better than to think we’d find a scientific explanation. Even I would think I was crazy if Avery hadn’t been experiencing all of it with me.
Speaking of my Tiger Lily…
Avery walked quietly into the room and immediately hid a fast food bag behind her back. I grinned and she held a finger over her mouth. She waited patiently until they left.
“What’d’cha get me?” I held out a hand and wiggled my fingers at it. This was turning into a tradition. And it was okay for now, right? I deserved a little something to keep me going, yo.
“All kinds of unhealthy crap.” She pulled out a big ol’ hamburger and a large fry. “Nice and greasy and salty.”
We both plucked one up. The hot potato goodness melted in my mouth. “Oh, my god, thank you, babe.” I had to talk around my food because I couldn’t stop popping them in. “I can’t believe I’m eating this stuff, but damn, it’s good.” I stuffed in more fries. “Noice!”
She laughed too and handed me a big cup. “Chocolate milkshake.” I watched her dip a fry in and tried it too. Yum, salty fry goodness and cold, rich chocolate.
“Now that is a new kind of heaven.”
I flipped on the TV and found a soccer game. It wasn’t totally my thing but it was nice to munch and watch something—and not talk about all that heavy stuff from last night. Maybe we had talked about it enough in that dream, at least for now.
We ate and then lay in the bed together to watch the game and talk, lightly running our fingers over each other’s skin.
I was glad Avery couldn’t see my face and the big cheesy grin I wore. Funny that I’d find something so domestic like this so nice. It got me thinking about us and all we’d been through. Avery had been through a lot before meeting me too, and she hadn’t really told me about it.
“Can I ask you something personal?” I said softly, in case she was asleep.
“Of course.” She twisted her head to look up at me, her eyes open and trusting.
“About your parents.”
The openness closed down. I had expected that.
“Listen, I know it’s a painful topic. I’m just wondering, is that something you’re always going to keep locked away? I feel like it’s hurting you.”
She nestled her face into me more, like she was trying to hide. “Yeah, well, losing your parents hurts. I don’t think that hurt ever goes away.”
Silence took over. I wanted to say so many things but the longer I waited, the more they built up and the more sticky my throat felt.
“Ave.” I finally got just her name out. “I just want to be there for you.”
She whispered, “I know.” It was so soft it was like a little sigh. It didn’t look like she was going to open up now either, so I decided to let it drop.
“I just never knew how to handle it,” she said unexpectedly. “And life had to go on. I had to move and fit in and figure out life, and I just stuffed it away. I never figured out how to pull it back out. I mean, what am I going to do? They’re gone.”
I tried to picture losing my mom or dad. Even when I’m angry with them, I can’t imagine not having them around. And I’m not really that angry about this current situation, at least when I put it in perspective like this.
“But you’re not,” I finally said. “You’re here, and you deserve to be happy.”
She rolled so she could look up at my face. “I am happy.”
Ave didn’t say those words like a known fact but a new realization.
“Come here,” I said, even though her face was only half a foot from mine. She slid up the bed, meeting me for a kiss.
A minute later I told her, “Next weekend is going to be special.”
She raised an eyebrow.
“And you’ll have to wait to find out how.”
I liked the playful smile that spread across her lips. God, she was hot. My spirits lifted as I thought about what I could do by then—hopefully do by then. I brushed her hair back and kissed her forehead, plans coming together in my mind.
Chapter Fifteen
Jasmine
“Hey, Jasmine,” a voice said behind me. I looked back and waved at a Justin from my calculus class, then tried to add a friendly smile. I didn’t feel like talking. I was on a mission to find coffee. Before he could start my way, I turned around and kept going, joining the flow of students.
I covered a yawn as I walked. It was bad enough that it was Monday morning, but I was extra tired from waking up during the night. Avery didn’t come home before I went to bed at eleven, so every noise woke me up until she got back around one thirty.
That wasn’t the only thing keeping me up. Nash and I exchanged a few texts over the weekend. First he checked in to see if I needed any notes or anything, which seemed pretty transparent. He could have simply asked Avery if she needed more help. Then he asked if I was feeling better. And after that he said I could talk to him if I needed a friend. But did he really mean friend only?
This had turned into a weird week, but “weird” was becoming a relative term. Adding to the weirdness, that strange feeling came over me again. Knowing I’d see him somewhere close by, I glanced ahead and spotted Nash. I wan
ted to turn around and avoid him but he was staring at me.
Was I ready to talk to him in person again?
As he came closer, I felt everything tilt. My vision faded.
“Jasmine.”
I thought about responding but instead I reached out a hand to steady myself.
“Woah!” He wrapped both arms around me right as my knees buckled. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.”
And he did. I clung to him, not caring about anything else.
Nash helped me over to a low stone wall and sank down with me so we were side by side, his arms around me still like we were together. One hand rubbed a circle on my back while the other rested on my waist. It’d been a while since I’d felt a gentle caress like that. At the same time, his touch was firm, reassuring. I let my head rest against his arm. He smelled fantastic. He was warm and strong, offering me support that felt way too nice.
Slowly, the dizziness lifted and I noticed how many passing people were staring. I straightened quickly.
“Wow, I’m sorry.” I blinked hard.
“What is going on with you? Have you been to the clinic? You could be anemic or diabetic.” He stopped so quickly I looked up at him. The green in his eyes stood out in this lighting. I’d really have to paint them. Or tattoo them—oh, my god, that would make an awesome tattoo.
“Jazz? Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“No, it’s fine.” I dropped my face and let my hair fall between us. It wasn’t fine, and I might have turned a pretty shade of rose.
He brushed my hair back and tucked it behind my ear in a strangely intimate touch. It almost seemed like I felt his touch on my neck but I couldn’t have. I finally peeked at him. With his face so close, I studied his eyes more and saw little flecks of brown and darker green.
“Jazz, how are you fine? You were too dizzy to stand up last time I saw you, and this time you actually fell over.”
“No, I did not fall over.” I tried to glare at him but those greenish eyes looked so concerned.
He scoffed playfully, a small smile teasing the corners of his mouth. God damn that was a nice mouth too. Raising an eyebrow, he said in a low voice, “You didn’t fall over because I caught you.”
“I just need some caffeine,” I said. “I was up waiting for Avery to get home…” Dang it, why did I mention her?
His eyes and entire expression darkened. Was he still torn up over Avery? I understood that after my experience with Corbin, and I couldn’t tell you why I fell in love like I did then. I could see why someone would feel that for Avery. He didn’t answer right away so I jumped right back into talking.
“Sorry, I know things have been tough.”
“Do you really think caffeine is going to fix what’s going on?” Nash asked, and I realized he hadn’t heard me. He was just thinking about me.
“No… I, uh—It only happens when I see you.” I almost clamped my hand over my mouth. Did I say that out loud? I bit my lip to keep any other random comments from bursting out. Nash stared into my eyes, but he didn’t act surprised. His face hardly changed until his gaze dropped down to my mouth.
Oh, my fucking god, that look totally turned me on. My lungs pulled in air, suddenly, sharply, and I had to straighten because I felt a horrible urge to bump into him or wiggle closer or something crazy.
“Want to go get coffee together?” he asked out of the blue, but maybe it wasn’t. I’m starting to follow how his mind works, and how he makes jumps in conversation and expects me to follow.
I nodded and we got up together. The dizziness was completely gone as we started off walking side by side.
“Does it feel strange to have her back?” he asked, and I’m not sure I wanted to talk about Avery. We needed to, though.
“At first I was worried she’d be mad at me still.”
Nash looked over suddenly, surprised, and I remember that he didn’t know about Avery going to the Portland hospital or how I called to warn them. We arrived at the student center and went inside to the coffee shop. One person was ordering and another waiting, but I didn’t try to explain while we stood in line. Nash watched me for a minute before reading the menu. When our turn came, he extended his hand for me to go first.
“Just a house coffee,” I told the young barista. She looked Swedish to me due to her straw blond hair and round face, but that’s probably a stereotype from cartoons I saw as a kid.
“Make that two.”
“That’s just two dollars,” she said with a perky smile. Nash handed her a five and shook his head at my protest. She poured our coffees and set them on the counter by the creamers. Both Nash and I poured in half and half but no sugar. When we sat down by the windows, I held my cup close and breathed in the reviving aroma. It was so nice, I closed my eyes for a few seconds.
“So what happened? Why was Avery mad at you? I can’t imagine anyone getting mad at you.”
I opened my eyes and found Nash completely focused on me with those multicolored forest eyes. He’s so mysterious and sexy. His dark hair is so thick and shiny. I bet it’d feel silky.
“That whole thing was actually real, in some sense,” I said, making a leap.
His gaze stayed on me, but his focused turned inward. A minute later he nodded. “The whole thing between Avery and that snowboarder? And it was real in some sense, but not real like what you and I think is real?”
I liked this guy. I liked how he thought and analyzed. And it seemed he knew some of the backstory.
“They really did have some strange connection. She was hearing him before they met. I thought she lost it, like completely lost her marbles. She drove up to Portland and I called the hospital to warn them. I betrayed her.”
He sipped his coffee and leaned back to lean against the wall. I relaxed a bit too, and didn’t look away as he studied me.
“She was angry?”
“She might have been without telling me. We didn’t talk for a while. When we did… he had woken up and remembered her.”
I could see him working through things, but somewhere along the line his eyes began roaming around my face, pausing on my mouth. His hand touched mine then, surprising me because I was watching his face so intently. The touch sizzled up my arm and through me.
She’s telling the truth.
“What?” As I spoke the word, I realized Nash hadn’t said anything. Had that been a thought? I’ve heard of people sometimes hearing other’s thoughts, but I didn’t buy into it. Not until now. But it had been so clear and real.
Did he know I heard him?
“So how did it work? And when? Was she stringing me along?”
I shook my head, swallowing hard because I didn’t want to tell him the truth here.
“She really liked you, and then you finally liked her back, and then she hit her head on the snowboarding trip—remember that?”
“Yeah. So that’s when it happened? That’s the connection between them?”
“Wow, I actually didn’t connect that. I wonder if all of this is because we talked her into snowboarding that day! Crazy. She started hearing him in the hospital, I think she said. She thought she’d gone crazy. I mean, who wouldn’t? So she didn’t tell us anything strange was going on. But he was constantly talking to her, driving her nuts.”
I couldn’t even imagine having a connection like that or how I’d deal with it. Someone talking in your head?
This was the moment it hit me. Oh. My. God. It hit me so hard I couldn’t breathe. Nash and I…
“Jasmine?”
What did I just do?
“Nothing,” I said, shaking my head both to clear it and to put him at ease. Oh, fuck, I just answered his thought. Our eyes met because we both knew it.
“Nothing?” he asked, puzzled, but he wasn’t completed puzzled. More like…more like he was feeling what I was feeling and wondering too.
“Maybe we should get to class.” I stood up and pulled on my bag strap, but I had to adjust it three times to get it to stay on my shoulde
r. My hand shook and he saw it too. I felt like a floppy rag doll.
“Jazz?” He reached for my wrist.
What else could I say? This didn’t make any sense. His hand felt so warm wrapped around gently my wrist, and I just couldn’t make myself move while he held onto me. His gaze was on my arm too, and I realized my sleeve had come up. Nash was studying my latest henna design on my inner arm.
Finally he met my gaze and, a minute later, released my arm.
“I have to go.” I took several steps before looking back.
Nash was staring at me, completely openly staring at me without any kind of apology in his look. When I reached the corner and checked again, he was still staring after me. This gaze kept me there for a minute, until someone walked between us, and I all but took off running to get away.
Chapter Sixteen
Nash
I watched Jasmine walk away and then sat at that table for my entire next period. I can’t even tell you what class I missed.
I only knew the universe just shifted. Something happened that I couldn’t explain, and everything felt different.
For starters, and this wasn’t the big thing, but I had the sense that Avery hadn’t meant to hurt me, and that Marcus really had come into her life after we started dating, just like she said. The first few minutes that knowledge popped into my head, it was a huge deal. It changed my perspective and attitude and all the hard emotions I’ve been feeling toward Avery. Then that information faded in importance as something happened with Jasmine.
Strangely, I felt like I knew her…and didn’t. I knew something personal, or hidden, or secret, but I didn’t know what it was. At the same time, I felt like I knew nothing about her and I wanted to know everything.
How did I miss this all this time? Because I was focused on Avery? I thought back through the school year and tried to bring Jasmine into focus. Sure, she’d been there, but in the background. So why did everything change so drastically today, with one look?
In My Dreams (First Tracks Book 2) Page 10
