Recently, I've not had time to admire the sunset. I should really do so again, even if I take just a few minutes. Life without beauty is hardly worth living.
The men look as peaceful as always. Even Toby is sleeping with a half smile on his face. It's barely visible, but I see it. He's forgiven me for his injured arm, he understands that it wasn't my fault. Now I only need to forgive myself.
"Hey boys," I greet them, "today's the day. Who wants to go first?"
None of them volunteer.
"Okay, shall we do eeny-meeny-miny-moe?" I ask but they stay silent. They're going to make me decide. Again. It's not fair. Children's rhyme it is.
"Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,
Catch a rocket by the toe.
If it explodes, let it go,
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe."
My shaking finger is pointing at Bastian. At the beginning, I saw him as my favourite, but now they're all equally mine. If he doesn't have a reaction to the vaccine, I'll finally be able to brush that stray lock of hair out of his face. It's going to be the best thing I've done for weeks. Not opening the pod to do so has been an exercise in patience unlike anything I've ever done.
"Bastian, are you ready?" I ask him, but he's too nervous to reply.
Strangely enough, I'm not as shaky as I was the first time. It's already gone wrong before, so maybe I'll be lucky this time? It's really time for Lady Luck to travel to Mars and spend some time with me. I think I deserve it after all the misery of the past months.
I check his vitals, just in case, but everything is as it should be. With a deep breath, I enter the code that will open his pod. Better do this quickly, before the nerves set in.
"Everything is going to be okay," I tell him. "This will work, and you'll be able to wake up and spend some time with me. We'll wake up all of the others and we'll be happy together. Would you like that?”
They all agree with me. And why wouldn't they? We'll have a wonderful life together, here on Mars.
A beep alerts me that the pod is going to open any second now. I grip the syringe tightly and wait for the hiss and the steam that always accompanies the opening.
Another beep, and Bastian lies before me in all his glory. I'd love to climb into the pod with him and explore his body like I've imagined so many times. But no, I can't. Not enough time.
Before I inject the inoculation, I finally get to straighten his hair. His skin is cold, not like I imagined it, but his hair is silky soft. I touch it for a bit longer than I should, enjoying the feeling on my skin, but my inner clock alerts me that I really need to do my job.
I take his upper arm in one hand and inject the vaccine with the other. The needle goes in easily and I hurry to press all of the fluid into his muscle as quickly as possible. When I pull it out, there's no blood. It's as if he's frozen in time. But I know he's there, inside, ready to wake up. Ready to be with me.
"See you soon," I whisper, and shily kiss his cheek. With a last reluctant look at my man, I walk around the pod and press the button that closes the lid again. Now I have to wait. This time, I'm prepared. If there's any change in his vitals, I'm going to inject the new antidote immediately. I don't want to have the same thing happen to Bastian. One injured man on my conscience is enough.
I stare at the line showing his heartbeat. Up and down it goes, as it should. So far, so good. His blood pressure is steady as well. Every second is as long as an hour. Was this the point when Toby's vitals changed? Or are we already beyond that? Is he out of danger? Or is he going to crash any moment?
My fingernails press deep into my palms as I wait. Please, let this work. I need him alive. I need them all alive and well and awake. I don't want to be the only one any longer. I want real people around me. People who talk and touch and do more than just listen. It's been a long time for them to just lie there and do nothing. It's time they react to what I say.
There's a slight stutter to Bastian's heartbeat. I hold my breath as I watch that evil line descend from the sudden peak. It goes up again... and continues its normal rhythm once more. Phew.
I continue to watch my man for the next hour. Nothing changes, he continues to sleep just like he should. With every minute that passes, my heart grows a little lighter. Maybe it worked.
I can't help but smile. Surely by now he'd show some signs of it not working? I pull out my communicator and send a quick message to ground control. They'll be waiting for news excitedly. Unless they're currently busy with the Drowning. But let's hope not. For once, something good needs to happen in the universe. And my men being alive and well is the best thing of all.
"You'll need to sleep for a little while longer," I explain to Bastian. "Tomorrow, and the day after, I need to take some blood samples to make sure that the vaccine worked. And if it did, I'll have to inoculate the other five. And then, sometime next week, I'll be able to wake you up. You'll finally be able to take me in your arms and hold me. I'll cook us something nice and we can talk and play games. Would you like that?"
He smiles in response. As do the others. Yes, we're going to be happy.
Week 6
Control>>The data are looking good. I think we can take a chance. You should start with one of them.
Louise>>Not all at once?
Control>>No, one first. If he lives, it worked.
Louise>>
Control>>You're a scientist, think with your brain, not your heart.
Louise>>Fuck you.
"They want me to wake up only one of you," I tell the guys. "But what if you'll feel lonely? Or disoriented? Wouldn't it be better if you all woke up at the same time? Went through it together?"
Tom agrees but Jim, one of the scientists, starts to argue. Damn, shouldn't they all be on the same side? On my side? Will joins the discussion and soon, the loading bay is full of angry voices. I lean against the cool metal wall and let myself slide down. My head hurts.
"Please, be quiet," I ask but they continue to argue. The headache is getting worse. Why can't they just be quiet like they were at the beginning? When did they start talking? Was it in the first week? The second? It's all a bit of a blur.
"Stop it!" I shout, covering my ears with my hands. They go silent and I breathe a sigh of relief. The drumming in my head is still there, but not as painful as it was a few minutes ago. I hope this is the end of it. I can't afford to get a migraine while looking out for my men. If I get ill, there's nobody left to run the station.
"So what am I supposed to do now?" I whisper. "Follow orders or follow my heart?"
This time, there's no reply. I suppose they don't know either.
I've always been someone who adheres to the rules. Until I came to Mars, that is. There are less rules out here. Earth rules don't make sense when you live on another planet. Most of the guidelines we have here relate to safety and community life. Don't go outside without your ventilator. Duh. Don't kill anyone. Duh. They're all common sense. But this decision I have to make right now is very far removed from common sense.
I want to curl up and cry and just forget about it all. Why does it have to be me? I've been fighting for so long that I'm all out of energy. I've noticed how my thoughts have become muddled. Being alone isn't good for me.
That's it. I'm going to wake them all at once. I don't want to be alone any longer. I push myself off the floor and walk to Bastian's pod. I'm going to wake them in the order I got to know them.
My Bastian.
I take out my communicator to access the code I need. It's several lines of digits, probably to prevent accidental opening.
5928754650172...
With every number I enter into the little screen on the pod, my heart beats a little faster. I know it will take several hours for them to wake up properly, but that's a short wait compared to the six weeks they've been here already. We've been cutting it close; the pods would only sustain them for a few more days. But hopefully, everything will be fine now.
The green key is staring back at me. It's the one I have to pres
s to release Bastian from his icy prison. This could restart or end his life. There's still a chance that he'll die the same way all my colleagues died.
No. I shake my head determinedly. It's not going to happen. I press the key and the pod begins to hum. Lines of code are running along the screen, showing the different processes of what's happening to Bastian right now. I'd love to watch, but there are five more men to wake up.
One by one, I enter the code into their screens and start the waking sequence.
So close! I giggle in excitement and run from pod to pod, watching as the men are slowly brought back to life. The tubes that have been sustaining them are pulled away, their body temperature is gently increased and different drugs are injected to get their metabolism back into a normal rhythm. I don't understand most of what's happening, but I can see the progress by the colour their skin is slowly beginning to show. In Bastian's case, pale white gives way to rosy cheeks; cheeks I want to caress and kiss. Later.
I shouldn't overwhelm them once they're awake. Maybe they won't remember what they told me while they were asleep. Maybe they don't remember that they love me. I need to be careful, I don't want them to turn against me for some reason. I don't want them to think I'm crazy.
It takes over an hour for Bastian to take his first deep breath. It's a beautiful sound. I could listen to him all day. And all night, next to him in our bed. Oh. I need to get a bigger bed. Maybe I can push several together so that there's space for all seven of us?
I hurry to his pod to check on him. His eyes are still closed but I can see them move beneath his eyelids. He's waking up!
"Bastian, can you hear me?" I ask loudly but there's no response.
Patience, Louise. They'll be awake soon enough.
Tom and Will start breathing almost at the same time. During their time in the lifepods, their oxygen intake was controlled and only once a minute or so, but now they're breathing on their own again. It's all happening faster than I expected. Who will be the first to wake up and talk to me? Will it be Bastian? Or one of the others?
A groan makes me run to Jordan's pod. His eyelids are flickering, highlighting his dark lashes beautifully. Over the past few weeks, I've found I no longer see him as looking dangerous. I now see the tattoos as stunning, making him even more perfect. And his shaved head... I can't wait to run my fingers over it, find out how the stubble feels like.
"Jordan, are you awake?" I ask him and carefully touch his cheek. It's warm, just like it should be. "Can you hear me?"
He groans again.
"Are you in pain?" I'm suddenly scared that something is going wrong.
"No," he mutters and slowly opens his eyes. They are a dark brown with tiny amber flecks around the pupils. Beautiful. "Mars?" he asks and I smile at him.
"Yes, welcome to Mars, your new home."
He tries to lift an arm but struggles to summon the energy.
"Your wake up sequence is not complete yet," I reassure him. "Give it another ten minutes and you'll be back to normal."
"Who are you?" he asks and I smile again, trying to hide my disappointment that he doesn't remember me.
"My name is Louise."
"Louise Jones? The geologist?" he asks and I look at him in confusion before I realise that of course he's read my file. He'll know all of the people living on the station. Who lived here before they died. I need to be gentle when I tell them. It's a new world for them; they'll soon see that Mars is different from anything they could have prepared for. It took me months to adjust. And that was without having to deal with knowing about the Drowning or being the only people in the station. Yes, it's going to take a lot of time. But I'll be there for them every step of the way.
"What happened to my arm?" a whisper suddenly comes from the pod behind me. I shiver. It's time for the truth. He's going to hate me.
I hurry to Toby. "Welcome to Mars," I say, hiding the quiver in my voice.
He stares at me. "What happened to my arm?" he repeats, staring at his blackened appendage. Tears are beginning to form in his eyes.
"Does it hurt?" I ask worriedly.
"Fuck it, answer my question!" he tries to shout, but his voice breaks from not being used for so long.
"Yes, what's going on?" a deep voice asks from my other side. Han is sitting up already, and next to him, Jordan is looking at me just as curiously. I turn around. All of them are awake now.
And they're waiting for me to say something.
"You've been here for six weeks already," I begin slowly, watching their faces for their reactions. Nobody says anything so I continue. "There was a virus. Everybody died. It all started with a headache. Next came the cramps. Then, the pain. Cries and wails filled the station. The bloody cough killed most of them. The others succumbed to the fever. And then, silence. I’m the only one left. My name is Louise and I’m the only human on Mars. But now I'm no longer alone. Now I have you."
I notice that there's something missing in the monologue I prepared for them so long ago. "I had to vaccinate you so that the virus wouldn't kill you too. It's taken six weeks to get it to work. And Toby... I'm so sorry. You were the first and it didn't work. I'm so, so sorry."
A tear is running down my face as I watch him look at his arm that is uselessly hanging from his shoulder. With his other arm, he lifts and bends it, but he doesn't seem to be able to move it by himself. He's disabled for life. And I did that to him.
"Can you fix it?" he asks Han, the doctor.
"I'll take a look," Han says in his deep voice. He looks at me. "You created a vaccine all by yourself?"
"The people on Earth told me how to do it."
He nods. "Still, that's impressive."
I smile at his praise. He’s never complimented me before.
A beep alerts us that Bastian's waking process has been completed. The others will be done in a few minutes as well.
"I'm so glad you're finally awake," I burst out. "We can finally be the family-"
I stop, mortified. I just gave away my secret. They'll hate me. They'll think I'm crazy. They'll ignore me and never talk to me again.
“What?” Jordan asks, running his hand over his shaved scalp. “What are you on about?”
If I could sink into the ground, I would do so now. This is all going so wrong. I shouldn’t have told them everything yet. I should have waited. Should have kept quiet.
Stupid, stupid Louise. Now it’s all ruined. All the love I’ve built up for them in the past six weeks... was it all for nothing? Will everything end in tears?
I ignore his question and walk to the door that leads into the main part of the station.
"Welcome home," I say quietly. "Welcome to Mars."
~ The End ~
Alone is the first book in the Mars Diaries, followed by Hidden, out on the 17th April.
Do you want to know what happened on Earth after the Drowning? Polar Destiny is set in Scotland a few years after Alone takes place and features four hot bear shifters (yes, it’s a reverse harem as well, but a lot steamier than this one).
If you liked this book, please consider leaving a review.
Other books by Skye MacKinnon
Daughter of Winter Series (Paranormal reverse harem)
Winter Princess
Winter Heiress
Winter Queen (2018)
Ruined Heart Series (Fantasy RH)
Heart of Time
Heart of Four (2018)
The Drowning Series (Dystopian RH)
Polar Destiny
Polar Fates
Polar Miracle (2018)
Seven Wardens (Paranormal RH co-written with Laura Greenwood)
From the Deeps
Into the Mists
Beneath the Earth (2018)
Anthologies
Highland Butterflies - United in Love (FF romance)
Kiss my Corset – Corsets and Cogs (steampunk RH)
About the Author
Skye MacKinnon tells stories about science for a living - but at ni
ght she writes fiction, mainly fantasy. When she's not writing, she's out and about with her camera, or spends time with mythical creatures and the odd vampire living in her kindle.
Usually, there's tea and cake involved.
She lives in Scotland with her two overly spoilt house rabbits and a few hundred self-obsessed characters constantly asking her to tell their stories. One day she will. Promise.
To find out about my current and future books (yes, I just switched back into first person), you can subscribe to my newsletter or follow me on social media.
Newsletter: skyemackinnon.com/newsletter
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Alone_A sci-fi reverse harem Page 3
