I told them all yesterday, after it was confirmed, that I was going back in one week. They weren’t happy, but at least Libby and Sam seemed to understand. I didn’t hold shit back either. I told them I got a girl that I’ve loved forever. Lewis tried to take the piss at first. Then I asked him what he would do if he’d fucked up with the love of his life only to then find out some other guy was spending time with her. Even if it was purely platonic. That’s when he stopped laughing and told me he would break the fucker’s kneecaps. Of course, we all stared at him wide-eyed for a second until we pissed ourselves laughing. He wasn’t impressed and kept calling us fuckers. Eventually, he started laughing too. I wish I had more time with them though. It’s obvious they all have stories, I just won’t get a chance to spend time finding out what they are.
It’s 5:00 p.m. now so I know it’s 10:00 p.m. in the UK. Pea texted a couple of hours ago. It’s unlike her to text so early. I hope it was because she was going to bed early. My mind did bounce momentarily to the idea that she was going out on a date and so I worried she would forget to text me. I dismissed that thought almost straight away because to have that thought, I need to give up my man card and basically I don’t give a fuck if she’s out on a date, when I get back she’s mine and if she’s dating anyone he better step aside. Or he’ll get shoved.
We have been texting back and forth because I’ve made it happen. There was no way I was going back to silence with her. Although I’ve been careful to try and avoid phone calls. I always find they can cause problems. The fact that I’m going back is something I don’t want to tell her. I don’t want her to have the opportunity to overthink and overanalyse the situation because then she’ll put her walls up. No. I’m not going to give her a choice, I’m only going to give her, me.
Although it’s Thursday, I’ve made plans with Dane tonight. I’m looking forward to my shift being over. As I glance up at the clock, I notice Chloe hovering. 2:00 p.m. hmm. Only an hour until I can head home. She’s still hovering.
“Chloe, do you want something?” I ask whilst keeping my eyes on the files in front of me as though they’re the most important thing in the world.
“I was just wondering...” She’s nervous… strange, she’s never nervous. This time I actually look at her and I can see the uncertainty in her eyes. “There’s a team leader position in the outpatient’s clinic.” I look at her waiting for the rest of the sentence. “I was wondering if you were going to go for the position?” This is strange, having Chloe on edge, makes me on edge. Chloe always exudes confidence around me. She has no cracks – or maybe she does? Wow! Everyone has weaknesses, I guess.
I shake away my thoughts and answer, “No Chloe, I’m not interested in the position.”
She relaxes, then immediately pulls her posture back up. “Well, I didn’t think you would. I mean you barely get to work here on time. Plus, you don’t like working full-time,” she says and dismisses me instantly, turning her back and busying herself with work. I chuckle quietly to myself.
When I finally get home after taking a detour and going to the library for a paperback, because every girl needs to give her Kindle a rest sometimes, and then to the supermarket for some milk, bread and apples, I grab a CD and jump in the shower. Washing the day away and making myself fresh for my night ahead. I’m really looking forward to spending some time with Dane. We’ve built a solid friendship over the last few weeks, but as Soph has mostly been with us there’s been something else, some kind of tension between the two of them. Not the kind of tension that indicates they dislike each other, more like there are some unresolved issues between them. I’ve asked Soph, but she just shrugged and said they’re friends. The thing is, I don’t think she’s lying, so I’m not sure what the undercurrent is.
Tonight though, it’s just Dane and me and I realise while I’m getting ready that I’ve missed this. I pull on my three-quarter sleeved grey sweater dress, with black leggings and my Uggs. I plait my hair, which hangs over one shoulder and put on a light dusting of makeup. I’m just gathering my purse when I hear the door and Soph answers it.
“Pea! Dane’s here,” she shouts up the stairs.”
“Okay, just a minute,” I shout back.
I rummage through my wardrobe until I find my long woollen coat, throw it on and head downstairs.
“Hey Dane,” I say while looking around for Soph.
“She’s gone to make herself a cuppa. You ready to go?”
“Yep! Let me just go say bye to her,” I answer whilst walking toward the kitchen.
Soph is stirring her tea, staring into the cup like she’s a million miles away.
“Soph, I’m off out,” she jerks at my voice the turns around with a fake smile plastered on her face. “Soph?” I question worriedly.
“Sorry Pea, I’m tired tonight. Just need to have a cup of tea, then curl up with the ‘Big Bang Theory’ and drift off.” She smiles again and I can see she really is tired.
“I can stay here if you want me to, hunny?” I offer.
“No, it will be nice to have some alone time, no offence chick.” She smirks at me and I see my Soph. I nod and go to Dane.
“Everything all right?” he asks looking toward the kitchen.
I stare back at the kitchen door. “Yeah, she just wants a quiet night,” I answer.
“She’s had a lot of those lately,” he mumbles.
Dane takes me back to the local Indian. This time he hasn’t booked the restaurant out and I feel like it’s been years since we were last here.
“You still like this place, right,” Dane asks with a smile. I nudge into him and he does it back to me. I love this easy feeling.
As the dinner moves along, I find we don’t have a quiet moment. I can’t believe I’ve spent so much time with him lately and yet we still have so much to talk about.
“So Dane, how did you decide to become a Public Relations Director? That’s what you do, right?” I ask while trying to get an onion bhaji on my fork.
“I didn’t, well, what I mean is, that it was never a conscious choice. I started out as a model.”
I stop trying to get the bhaji and look up to him. “You used to be a model?”
He grabs my fork from me and pins the bhaji with it, then hands it back to me whilst responding, “Is that so hard to believe?”
I narrow my eyes and grab my fork. Cocky git! He knows he’s gorgeous. “No, obviously not,” I say and gesture at his face and body. “I’m surprised is all. I mean you don’t seem showy, which has always been the type of models I’ve met, even Soph. And apart from that I’m surprised you’re not still a model. I mean you have the looks.” I stuff my bhaji into my mouth and close my eyes groaning as the flavours explode around my tongue.
Dane chuckles. “Enjoying that?” he asks.
“Mmm,” I nod, he shakes his head with a smile looking down to his plate.
“I didn’t much like the modelling thing. You’re right, I’m not really showy. At least not in the way most models are. Plus, I hated all the hanging around. Shoots could take forever sometimes. It just wasn’t for me.”
“And the PR thing?” I ask stuffing my face with naan bread.
“Just a gift I have, blagging. Just something I’m good at. I kind of fell into it really. My boss spotted me one day fixing a shoot which had gone wrong. I managed to calm all the parties down and negotiate a solution. Something the manager of the shoot couldn’t do.” He shrugs. “He asked me a couple of weeks later if I was interested in working in his PR department, as he’d been informed I was looking for a job. They knew I didn’t want to model anymore.”
I stare at him. “That easy, huh?”
“I guess. I was on his radar after I fixed the other situation.”
I nod and pop another bhaji in my mouth, this time with my fingers.
On the walk home, I decide to broach a different topic. “Dane?”
“Hmmm?” he responds automatically.
“Tell me about your family?”
>
He stumbles for a second like he’s going to fall. “You okay?’ I ask concerned.
“Yeah, sorry, must have tripped on something,” he grimaces.
“So your family?” I push.
“Not much to tell, sunshine,” his voice has a hard edge and if he hadn’t interjected sunshine into his sentence, I would’ve thought he was pissed at me. “Dad was an alcoholic. Thankfully, he didn’t stick around when my mother was pregnant, and my mother gave me up when I was born,” he reels it off like it’s someone else’s story and I stop walking. “Pea?”
“No Dane, don’t brush this off and be so blasé about it. This is a big thing in your life and I want to know about the big things... and the small ones.” I look up at him and I can see a vulnerability in him. It makes him look like a little boy. Suddenly, he lurches forward and grabs me clinging to me like his life depends on it. I hold him in the middle of the street on a Thursday night. I’m sure people are staring and I don’t give a shit.
When he finally pulls back, he looks at me and pulls my plait. “Sorry sunshine, I didn’t mean to be a downer.”
“Dane. Don’t.” He furrows his brows at me in confusion. “Don’t make light of this. We are going to talk properly, another night.” He nods his head in agreement.
“Come on let’s get you home,” he says and curls his arm around my shoulders.
“Dane, what’s going on with you and Soph?”
Without faltering his step, he replies, “What do you mean, sunshine?”
“Well, there seems to be some weird vibe around you two at the moment.”
“Don’t know what you mean, everything’s fine as far as I’m concerned.”
“Okay.”
We walk in silence the rest of the way. Dane keeps his arm around my shoulder, but it’s just friendly, just like if it were Saul doing it. When I get home, Dane says he’s heading straight home so I go to look for Soph. I don’t need to go far, she’s on the sofa sleeping with the television still on. I switch it off and throw a blanket over her. Never wake a sleeping Soph… ever.
I pull my clothes off and get in my PJs. As I get under the covers, I grab my new paperback. A couple of hours later I grab my phone and tap out a text.
Me: What you doing?
Normally I only say goodnight to Con at this time of night, but as we’ve become chattier lately, I want to see how he is. I tell him I miss him every night. It’s just now, I’m also filled with longing. A longing that I’ve locked away for so long.
Since I’ve started piecing myself back together, I’ve also started letting myself feel. I’ve unlocked feelings that I wanted to pretend weren’t there for so long. I can’t pretend anymore, I want to be with him. I don’t even know if that’s what he wants anymore. His texts often seem flirty, but that could just be Con. I’ve pushed him away for so long, I’m not sure if I’ve missed my chance. Even if I haven’t, I still have to face the fact that when he finds out... when I tell him my secrets... his secrets... he may not want me anymore.
My phone beeps and it makes me jump.
Con: I’m just about to head out with some friends. What about you?
Me: I’m in bed, about to go to sleep.
Con: What are you wearing?
Me: Con!
Con: What? I’m sure whatever you have on is conservative compared to what I’m imagining ;-)
Me: Did you just wink at me?
Con: Haha, just joking, precious. What have you been doing tonight?
Me: Just went to Tandoori Delight with Dane.
Con: Dane huh? You’ve become good friends with him lately haven’t you?
I’m not sure where this is going.
Me: Yeah, he’s been great. It’s like he’s stepped into the hole that Saul and you left.
I cringe as I press send, I’m not sure how he’s going to take that.
Con: I’m glad Pea.
Me: You are?
Con: Yeah. Honest… I left you. I’m glad you have someone.
Me: Nobody will ever replace you Con.
Con: Glad to hear it, precious.
Me: Night Con. Miss you.
Con: Night precious. Miss you. Always.
I wake with a start, sitting up in bed and scanning the room.
“Shit!” I rub my eyes and try to focus. I have a layer of sweat all over me.
I was having a bad dream.
I can still remember it clearly. I was in the accident, but not with Saul... this time it was Con. I was trying to grab him, but I couldn’t reach. I kept stretching and fire was licking around his feet. His eyes were sleepy but open. I was shouting at him to reach for me and grab me, but he couldn’t. Then the fire starting crackling and he said, “Pea, be happy that’s all I want. Remember I’ll always love you.” Then he was gone.
My breath catches in my throat as I realise I’m sobbing. Without thinking I grab my phone and call him.
“Pea,” he answers after a couple of rings obviously worried as to why I’ve called at what must be the middle of the night for him.
I can’t speak though, I just sob and mumble into the phone, “Con... Con…”
“Pea. What the fuck has happened, babe? Take a breath and try to explain, precious.”
“Nothing... nothing’s happened... I had a bad dream.”
I can hear him breathe out and release whatever worry he was holding. “Do you want to talk about it, Pea?”
“It was the accident again,” I murmur.
“He’s okay you know.”
“Yeah, I know, it’s just it wasn’t him, it was you,” I say between my heaving breaths.
He goes quiet for a moment. “I’m right here, Pea. I’ll always be here. You’re not getting rid of me.”
“Good... I don’t want to get rid of you.” I know even as I say it that there’s an underlying meaning and I hope he gets that too. We’ve become closer over the last few weeks, although it’s been mainly through texts. Somehow it’s been different to the relationship we had before he left. I know that it’s probably because I’m different too.
“Sorry for waking you up, I’m good now. You should go back to sleep.”
“You sure you’re okay? I can stay on the line if you want, precious?”
“That’s okay. I have to get up anyway. Things to do.”
“What are you up to today then?”
“Oh… well, I’m going out on a boat ride along the Thames... with Dane.”
“Oh, that sounds like fun,” he tries to keep it light, but I’ve known him so long that even over the phone I can hear the tightness in his voice.
“You know Dane and I are just friends, he’s like a big brother, honestly. Anyway I think he has a thing for Soph.” At that comment, Con starts coughing. “You okay?” I ask, aware how stupid it is to ask that when the other person sounds like they’re coughing up a lung and, therefore, can’t answer.
“Yeah, sorry, I’m fine,” he rasps out.
“Okay... well, I’m going to go. Go back to sleep!” I tell him.
He chuckles then replies, “Okay precious. Have a good day.” I smile and end the call.
I get up and mooch about the house for a while, grabbing my paperback and having a cuppa while delving back into the fictional world. Soph has gone to work today. She has a shoot which will probably run all day, maybe even into the night and I find it’s actually nice to have my home to myself for a bit.
When I realise my tea has got cold I look up and see that it’s nearly 11:00 a.m. and Dane is due to pick me up at midday. I rush about having a shower and then get myself ready for a cool November day, and a trip on a boat which will also entail wind. I decide to pull on a faded pair of denim skinny jeans, a soft navy fitted jumper with a red jersey blazer and a red and navy scarf. I pull on my black wedged knee high boots, brush my hair into a low ponytail and apply mascara and lip gloss. I look out my bedroom window and see Dane pulling up in his car just as I’m finished getting ready. Grabbing my keys, phone and purse, I pop them
in my pocket so I don’t have to bother with a bag. I open the front door just as he’s about to knock.
“Morning sunshine!” he smiles.
“Hey Dane.”
“Ready to get on the boat?” he questions.
“Yeah, I suppose. I’m hoping it’s not going to be too cold though!”
We get in his car and he drives us to the local train and tube station. We park in the station car park and jump on the tube heading to the nearest station where the boats are docked.
“Why are we doing this again?” I ask as we are leaving the tube station at the other end.
“I just thought it would be nice to do something you haven’t done before, and who knows we might have fun,” he laughs.
“Yeah, probably would’ve been more fun if we had done it in the summer though,” I moan.
“We can do it again in the summer, sunshine. Anyway I thought we could do this now as on Sunday you are picking up Saul so you might be busy with him. Then, of course, there is Christmas shopping to think about!”
I groan. “Ugh, Christmas shopping... I think I’ll order online.”
We walk for a few more paces until we arrive. We get on the boat and go and stand at the back. I’m sure it’s called something special, but I’ve never pretended to know anything about boats. Hell, I’ve never even been on one before. I stare out over the water wondering when we’re going to get going. Dane is looking at the water.
“What you thinking?” I ask.
“How fucking dirty this water is,” he replies and I laugh and look down. He’s right, it’s disgusting.
“I better not fall in,” I say looking at the murky water.
Dane grabs my arm. “Come on, let’s go and sit down at one of the outside tables.” I’m thankful that I wore my red woollen beanie and gloves to keep me warm.
“Pea, do you remember the night that Soph was attacked?” I stiffen at his question.
“Yes, how could I forget?” A dark expression crosses his face and I’m not sure where he’s going with this.
Love Reflection (Entwined Hearts Series Book 1) Page 15
