“Look at the back,” Con had said, his arm around my shoulders. I turned it over and saw the inscription etched into the smooth back. ‘Watching over you forever,’ and at that point my emotions had taken over.
Later on in the day Soph graced us with her presence and Saul and Dane arrived and we spent the rest of Christmas together. As it should be. As a family.
I touch my locket and stare at the box, it makes me feel calm knowing it’s around my neck, and that I carry them with me.
I take a deep breath and carefully pull Gran’s quilt off the box. I look at the inscription on the dark wood chest.
My baby girl. May you always have light shining on your life and love always in your heart. Love forever Mum.
I take in a staggered breath, trying to hold it together. Although I already know I’m going to lose it.
I lift the lid and the scent of my mother’s perfume assaults my nose. I peer into the box and my eyes caress all the things I’ve tried to keep out of my mind for so long. Lifting out the first thing I see, I sit and read.
A twenty-six-year-old woman and a twenty-six-year-old man have been taken to hospital after an accident involving a car and a van in Kentish Town this afternoon.
London Ambulance services were called to the incident just before 6.40 p.m.
Fire crews also attended the incident to cut the man free from the car.
I stop reading and instead look at the photo of Saul’s car crushed and broken with two police cars next to it. A shiver runs through me at what happened and what could’ve been, and I silently thank God for saving him that day. I take a deep breath and scrunch the piece of paper up in my hands and I feel a small weight lifted.
Next I take out the source of the scent that wafts from the box. My mother’s signature perfume. I take a breath in and close my eyes, letting thoughts of her run through my brain and I smile.
I put it to one side, deciding that I will put it on my dresser, so I can always remember her when I need strength. Then I pull out my gran’s perfume knowing I’m going to do the same thing with hers. Every time I need to think of her love surrounding me.
I grasp onto the small stack of photos and look through them. They are of Mum and me, Gran and me… the three of us. Everyone is happy, smiling. Love shines through their eyes.
The next photo makes me catch my breath and I rub my chest automatically expecting the ache I always used to feel when I looked at it, which is now absent. It’s Con and me. It was taken on my eighteenth birthday. Saul, Con, Soph and I went out for a meal, typically we then went onto the karaoke. It wasn’t much different to our usual nights out, at least once a week we would go to dinner then to sing. It had become our thing. But we didn’t normally have hundreds of photos taken. This night though, Saul had decided he was going to go all photographer on us. He was studying it at Uni and carried his camera almost everywhere and he’d been snapping pictures all night. He gave me this one a couple of days later.
I’m on stage singing, but in this picture I’m in the background, it’s Con who’s in the foreground and that’s who Saul focused on. Con didn’t have a clue. He’s completely mesmerised by me. His face tells the story. It tells you that this boy is captivated by the girl he is watching. He’s staring at me with so much love, passion and pride it’s breathtaking.
Saul gave it to me and said, “If you ever have any doubt look at this photograph. His love for you is timeless, baby girl.”
I clutch the photograph to my chest, amazed that this boy loved me so much. That he still loves me and has done every moment from then until the man he has become today. I place the photograph on top of the pile, knowing I’ll be taking a trip on the weekend to pick up some photo frames and hang these on the wall putting them on show like they should’ve always been.
The box is now becoming empty and I’m unsure what to pull out next, knowing that both things are hard.
I opt for the letter and stare at its simple white envelope with Pearson written across the front in my mum’s handwriting. I slip the letter out and determination runs through my body as I open it up and begin to read.
Pearson,
Baby, I know when you get this it may be hard for you to read. I don’t know how old you are now. I told Gran to give you this letter when she thinks you’re ready.
I have missed so much of your life and I will miss so much more. I’m sorry baby. I am so sorry I couldn’t be there for every scraped knee and when you got your heart broken for the first time. To meet the love of your life and to be there on your wedding day. I’m sorry that if you have a child I’ll never get to experience life as a grandma.
I’m mostly sorry for leaving you with hardly any family. I know Gran won’t be around forever and then you may feel alone. I promise you that you’ll never be alone. I promise I will always be watching over you. I know you will be strong. You need to face life head on, always be brave darling.
I want you to know that you are my miracle. You’re the thing I’m most proud of in my life. You saved me, and I will always love you, no matter where I am.
Live baby, live like every day is your last… live for me, live for you, and love fiercely.
I’ll always be proud of you. You’re everything that made my life special.
Always,
Mum
My hands are shaking as I place the letter back in the envelope and tears have formed in my eyes. I put the letter back in the box, I’ve decided instead of fearing this box I will treasure it and keep my precious memories inside, ones that belong to me or Con and only us. Ones that we want to keep for ourselves.
When I get to the last two items in the box I need to give myself a few minutes to gather courage before I retrieve them. I glance at the stairs knowing Con will be home soon and subconsciously hold my stomach. My hands are still shaking as I carefully pick up the pictures.
Two of them.
One picture has two babies and the other has one. The images are black and grainy and if I hadn’t have stared at them for countless hours I might’ve lost where the babies are. The scans I had for my pregnancies now sit in each hand. I look between my left and right hands, and my tears erupt over my eyelids and cascade down my cheeks. They are silent tears. I’ve cried so many times for them, these babies that should be here with me today.
I hear the door open and I know that Con is home.
“Pea, where are you precious,” he says as the door closes and I hear him shuffling about going into different rooms trying to find me.
I can’t engage my mouth as I’m trying to rein in my tears.
“Pea?” his voice is closer now and then I hear his feet hit the stairs. He finds me still kneeling on the floor, surrounded by memories with tears streaming down my face. He sinks down next to me and circles his arms around me.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, then his eyes must catch on the scan photographs and his body becomes rigid. I’ve never shown him these photographs. I haven’t opened this box for so long.
“Are they…” his voice trails off. He doesn’t need to ask, he already knows what they are, but I nod anyway.
“Oh baby,” he sighs, but I can hear the sadness in his voice.
There’s nothing else to say and we sit there for ages just holding onto each other and staring at the scans while he rocks me gently back and forth.
He breaks the silence first. “We will have more. We’ll have a whole football team.”
“Why a football team?” I ask.
“Well, because I want all boys, precious.”
“Why?” I semi-screech.
“I don’t want girls that look like you. I have a hard enough time dealing with the fuckers that won’t stay away from you!” I laugh at him. “I ain’t joking, babe,” he replies which makes me laugh harder and I see the corners of his mouth tip up.
“Well, you’ll be fucked if she’s a girl then won’t you?”
His body jolts and he looks at me. “Pea?”
I lean forward an
d pull the photograph from my back pocket. “Daddy, meet baby,” I say and his eyes widen while staring at the scan, darting over every inch of it. He doesn’t say anything and I try to fill the silence hoping he doesn’t hear the concern I now have in my voice.
“I don’t really know how it happened. I have a coil in place, but I guess nothing is one hundred percent safe. I only realised a few days ago, but the hospital wouldn’t book a scan until they knew how far I was and I didn’t want you to miss out on the first hospital scan. I asked the sonographer today at work if she would do it for me so I could know roughly how far along I was and she gave me this photograph. I rushed home to show you, but you were still at work, so I waited for you to come home and decided it was time to sort out this box. It’s been haunting me for a long time, but I don’t think that will be a problem anymore.” Suddenly my chatter is cut short when I rock back as Con throws his body into mine and wraps his arms around me holding onto me tightly.
“I love you, Pearson. I love you for fighting for us and for believing in us.” He catches his breath and whispers, “For making us a family.”
“Happy birthday, Con,” I reply.
Pharrell Williams – ‘ Happy’
Midnight Hour – ‘This Is Where It Ends’
Lady Antebellum’s – ‘Need You Now’
Evanescence – ‘Bring Me To Life’
Alicia Keys – ‘Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart’
Christina Perri – ‘A Thousand Years’
Evanescense – ‘My Immortal’
Eurhythmics and Aretha Franklin – ‘Sisters are doing it for themselves’
Keane – ‘Somewhere Only We Know’
Ed Sheeran – ‘Thinking Out Loud’
Thirty Seconds to Mars – ‘The Kill (Bury Me)’
James Arthur – ‘Impossible’
Down – ‘Jason Walker’
The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus – ‘Your Guardian Angel’
Snow Patrol – ‘Set Fire To The Third Bar’
Midnight Hour – ‘Running Away’
Ryan Star – ‘Losing Your Memory’
James Bay – ‘Hold Back The River (Acoustic Version)’
Goo Goo Dolls – ‘Iris’
Madonna – ‘Rain’
I want to start by thanking my husband and daughters, for putting up with my constant book talk and always having my head in the laptop and for sometimes forgetting to get dressed! Mainly for supporting me in everything I do. If it weren't for you, then I would never have been able to achieve this dream. I love you unconditionally.
My family, especially my Mum, for all your encouragement and support and for being proud of me. Love you all.
To my Beta's Kerry Adamson, Lindsay Carter, Heidi Bocarisa and Sam (Shem) Shemeld for reading my book chapter by chapter, letting me moan at you when you’ve taken too long, giving me fabulous feedback and guidance and answering stupid questions. For supporting me wholeheartedly and believing in me but most of all, for just being my friends <3
To Kelly O’Connor from Kelly’s Kindle Konfessions and Zoë Lowdon from Literary Lust. Thank you for reading my book, for giving me feedback, for not blocking me when I kept messaging you. I think the world of you both. Thank you for helping me pull up my big girl panties when I needed it and thank you for your endless support and belief. Great friends are not always easy to come by so now you can never escape me!
A special thank you to Beth Lemilliere. What can I say? I love you girl. You are there for me day or night to talk with, you listen to me and help me with anything. You are the one I go to with my plot lines to ask your opinion. I don’t think I would have gone as far as writing the first half of the book if it weren’t for your complete belief in me. You have kept me going sometimes on a daily basis and you understand me. Half the stupid things that Pea and Soph said or did are based upon the same stupid things we would do. You are one of my two soul sisters and you are the skittles. I butterflying love you!
To Amanda Johnson, you have the kindest heart. Seriously. So thank you not only for being a Beta and truly understanding and amazing fellow debut author, but also for dropping everything immediately to read a new chapter, or when I needed help, or when I was having a meltdown. I couldn't have done this without you. Your support has been immeasurable. I’m so glad you’re in my life. You have given me encouragement when needed and calmed my crazy, and I know you have my back; you're my soul sister. And I can’t wait to travel this journey with you!
To my blog partner Marie ‘Maz’ Mason, who always listens to my crazy and who I love loads. I don’t think I would have ever embarked on blogging if it weren’t for you and this new journey has followed on from that. I’ll always be your cheerleader and you’ll always be my other half…the normal one. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
To the All for the <3 <3 <3 team. For backing me, helping me and encouraging me. You girls are more of an inspiration than you realise.
For my author friends who have shown support – thank you! Jo Raven you added my book to your Goodreads TBR list before anyone else, you’re all kinds of awesome! Andie M Long (my honorary sister) and Rochelle Paige (who is my kind of crazy) and Tijan (who writes books that give me inspiration), thanks for answering my stupid questions, and cheering me on! K.E Osborn (who is so lovely) your help and support has been invaluable it’s so nice to know there are people who are just happy to help. Mia Sheridan, I think you’re amazing and you are always on hand with a kind word, you are one of those people that just make the world a nicer place. There are a lot of other authors who have supported me with well wishes and good luck as well as giving me answers to the odd question or two, and I want to thank them as they have been nothing but lovely, and we need to be supportive of one another. Remember Karma rules!
I want to say a huge thank you to both my cover designer and my editor.
Francessca Webster from Francesscas Romance Reviews, you rock! You are my cover designer and my promoter all in one. You change things for me all the time and I know I must have annoyed the hell out of you by deciding I wanted to change my cover when the first one was already done (sorry), but you persevered and in the end, you give me beautiful. You have been with me all the way and you cope with my crazy! Love you!
Kaylene Osborn from Swish Design & Editing. What would I do without you? The truth is I have no idea. You have been there with me through every step, I couldn’t ask for a better editor. You walk me through things that you don’t need to just to give me that little bit of extra help and guidance, you make me feel okay about asking stupid things and you make my words prettier. I'll be hanging onto you like gold dust!
To every blogger who has been willing to promote me in one way or another, I know how busy you all are. I know that sometimes you are sent things at the last minute. I know you take time away from your children and partners to read and review a book, and I think what you do is truly amazing.
Lastly thank you to all the readers that have taken and will take a chance on me. You are the ones who will make my dreams come true!
Thank you for reading Love Reflection.
If you enjoyed it, please consider leaving a review at your point of purchase and on Goodreads. It means a lot to me to hear what you think.
Check these links for more books from Author Maria Macdonald.
Goodreads Links
Click on the links below to add to your TBR list.
Love Reflection - An Entwined Hearts Novel Book 1
Love Resisted - An Entwined Hearts Novel Book 2
Amazon Links
Love Reflection – An Entwined Hearts Novel Book 1
Coming Soon
Love Resisted
Email: [email protected]
Facebook
Goodreads
Maria is a full-time working mum, she has two beautiful daughters, both of whom love books as much as she.
She has loved writing since she was a little girl.
She started her blog �
�� Surrender to Books – in April 2014, and is now one-half of the team that runs it. Blogging has inspired her to write and publish.
Maria, her husband, and children now reside in Wiltshire, England.
Love Reflection (Entwined Hearts Series Book 1) Page 27
