by Casey Peeler
“Rae, let me drive. I don’t want you to get a ticket. We drank a lot quickly tonight.” She looks at me and gives me an eye roll, but not before she throws it into park and opens the driver’s side door.
I open mine, hop out, and meet her in front of the headlights. She tries her best to get around me, but I snag an arm around her waist and pull her to me, kicking and screaming. I give her no choice but to look me in the eyes.
“Raegan, look at me, please,” I try to say without getting upset. “Please, I love you. I’ve never told anyone about us or you or your grandaddy.” And, in that moment, I know I’ve slipped up, and all hell is about to break loose. She tries to push back from me, and there is fear in her eyes.
“What do you mean about Grandaddy?” Tears begin to fill her eyes. I have to decide to be upfront about everything or act like I’m clueless. I can’t lie to her now that I’ve messed up.
“Rae, I know he’s sick. You don’t have to lie to me anymore,” I answer as I try to embrace her, but she goes into a full-out storm of emotions.
Chapter 31
Raegan
When Emmett slipped up, I was hurt, pissed, and wanted to scream to the top of my lungs. What gives him the right to know? Cole better not have told him! I’m gonna beat his ass, I swear!
“Who told you?” I seethe.
He shakes his head. “Tell me!” I say, beating his chest with my fists. “Tell me!” He continues to refuse.
Speaking softly, he replies, “It’s not my story to tell.” I continue to hit him harder until he pulls me so close to his chest I can’t move my arms. With my arms feeling like they are in a straight jacket, I give up moving, but I beg one more time. “Pleassseee, tell me, Em. Who told you?” My fear, anger, and hurt are replaced by an overwhelming wave of hopelessness.
“Rae, I love you. I will never leave you, and you can count on me for anything. It doesn’t matter who told me. It only matters that I can now be here for you.” My body gives in, and I crumble in his arms. Without another word, he lifts me from the ground, embraces me in his steady arms, and places me into the passenger side before taking me home.
As Emmett drives down the road, I don’t speak. Instead, I stare out the window and replay the events of the night and try to see into the future. The hardest part about the future is the unknown, and right now, I’d give my life to be able to see what our future holds.
Emmett doesn’t take me directly back to the farm; he takes me down to the side road by the creek.
“Em, what are you doin’?” I whisper.
“Rae, I’m not taking you home like this. We’re gonna figure it out after you tell me what exactly is goin’ on,” he says with compassion in his voice. I nod in agreement as tears fill my eyes and begin to flow down my face. Emmett puts the truck into park and turns to look at me. Almost as if I’m taken back in time, I remove my seatbelt and crawl into his arms, as a child would do to their parents. In the seat of the truck, I let down my guard completely and all the pent-up emotions from the past couple of months come flooding through. I let Emmett see the real me—the girl who is losing the most important person in her life and is uncertain of what her future holds.
He takes my hair and continues to try to calm me, and when I can no longer cry, I begin to speak.
“Em, I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I’ve lost everyone important to me, and I can’t lose him. Not now or ever.” I wipe the tears from my face and wait for him to respond.
“Rae, he’s a fighter. He doesn’t give up easily. He works for everything he has, and I know he’s gonna give this his best shot. He needs you to live your life.”
“How can I live my life? He is my life!”
“I understand that, but you remember what Mufasa told Simba, don’t ya?” What the heck? Did he just reference The Lion King?
“Ummm, I think so, but I don’t want to talk about the dang Circle of Life. I want Grandaddy to live forever because that’s what he’s supposed to do. He’s always met everything head-on, lived life to the fullest, and he’s gonna outlive me. That’s how it’s supposed to be. Not like this.”
Emmett must know not to push me further. He places his hand on my cheek. “Rae, I know this is tough, and I know you like to be in control, but sometimes life tests us, and this is a test for you, your grandaddy, and the rest of us. Let’s make a deal?”
“What kinda deal?” I ask.
“Let’s try not to worry about the future. Instead, let’s focus on the present. I don’t know what’s gonna happen, but I do know that as long as we all have each other, it will work out like it should. Who knows? This could work, and he’ll be back to his normal self. He’s healthy as a dang horse other than this.”
“You can say it, ya know? Leukemia. I’m not scared of what it is, but I’m petrified of what it will do to him,” I state.
“Like I said, let’s see how this goes, and Cole and I will be with y’all every step of the way.”
I nod in agreement. “Do I have to go home tonight?” I ask him.
“Well, unless I have a death wish, yes, you do. Why?”
“Got any of that shine left? I wanna get drunk and take advantage of you,” I say with a small smile.
“Raegan Lowery! I’d love to take you up on that offer, but I’m not gonna let you use my body to push your feelings to the side. I will let you get sloppy drunk and take you home, where I can lay you in the bed and make sure you’re okay. I will help you forget that way, but I will not let you tarnish what we have between us. I love you too much.”
Those words sting, but I know he is speaking from the heart. I will thank him for it in the morning, as long as I’m not hugging a toilet. “Get me the jar.” Emmett shakes his head as he goes to get the remainder of the moonshine, but before we make our way to the creek bank, I see the screen light up on his phone. Wonder whom he’s texting?
“Who was that?” I ask him as we sit down.
“Cole. I wanted him to know where we were and to let your grandaddy know you might be late for curfew.”
“Are you kiddin’ me?” I ask.
“Nope, I didn’t want him to worry. Plus, I wanted Cole to know what happened tonight.”
“Thanks, I guess.” I look at the water as I say the next words. “I’ve just never had anyone besides Grandaddy and Cole care so much about me.”
“Rae, from this day forward, you will never have to worry about how I feel about you. I’m never leaving you. I’m your present and your future.”
“How do you know that?”
“I know I’ve never felt what I do for anyone else, and I can’t picture my life without you. It’s almost like I feel complete.”
He’s just explained how I feel about him. He’s the other half to my whole, and if I had pushed him away tonight, I would have never recovered. I begin to smile inside, because as another mountain in my life is created, an angel has appeared to guide me through.
Emmett
After the bottle of shine is empty, Raegan and I sit and stare across the water without saying a word. The night sky is clear, and the smell of freshly baled hay permeates the air. Just as I’m about to break the silence, Raegan beats me to it.
“I miss them, ya know,” she says as she hugs her knees. “People think I don’t remember, but I do. Just because I was five doesn’t mean I didn’t understand. I did. I remember the look on my grandaddy’s face, going to the hospital, and the men in suits. That’s what I can’t shake from my mind. The men in suits. That’s what scares me the most about Grandaddy being sick. I remember every move they made at the funerals, and I don’t want to relive that again. They were like the constant reminder that it was real. I mean, I don’t want Grandaddy to suffer, and I know he’s lived a good life, but I can’t face the men in suits. For me, that will make it real.”
I turn to look at her as tears begin to stream down her face as well as mine. In this moment, I feel her pain. I want nothing more than to take it away from her mind, body, and soul and i
nsert it into mine.
“Rae, I still remember. The men in suits, that is, but what I remember the most is the look on your face when you were at the front of the church. It’s never left me, and as a child, I felt your fear. On that day, I knew I had to do something to make you feel better. That’s why I brought the bunny. I knew you loved Thumper. I thought it might make you smile.”
She turns to look at me, and I have no idea what she is about to say. “Em, you don’t understand. When my world came crashing down, I didn’t know what to do. Grandaddy’s house had always been a fun place to visit, but on the way home from the funerals, I realized it was no longer a fun place to visit. It was now my home. Em, I can still remember wanting my mama to tuck me in that night and having to remind myself that she couldn’t.” She takes a minute to collect her thoughts and then begins to speak again.
“Then, you showed up with that stuffed bunny. It was almost as if my mama sent you to me. The day you brought it, it was like I found a little bit of hope in this world. I realized people do love me, and that life would get better. You know what’s funny about all of this?” she says as she looks for an answer.
“What?” I reply.
“When things get hard and I want to give up, I hold on to that bunny and remember the moment you gave it to me. It’s almost as if I was trying to hold on to you even when you weren’t here. Like it was my guardian when you weren’t around. Does that sound crazy?”
Taking my arm and wrapping it around her shoulder, I pull her close. “No, Rae, it doesn’t sound crazy, but I never knew it meant that much to you.”
“Em, your sweet gesture gave me hope, just like you being here with me now does. I’m so glad you know.”
I feel a little bit better, knowing she is okay with me finding out about her grandaddy. I knew I couldn’t lie to her anymore, and I didn’t care if she pushed me away, because I wasn’t walking out of her life, ever.
Chapter 32
Raegan
With the sound of the alarm, my head begins to throb in rhythm. I think I’m dying. Why do I feel like I’ve been run over twice? Oh, no! Hurry! Hurry! I make it to the bathroom in the nick of time. As the contents spew from my stomach, I recall the events in the wee hours of the morning. I think I’m gonna die! There is a knock at the door, interrupting me.
“Sunshine, are you okay?” Grandaddy asks as he stays on the other side of the door.
“I will be. Might be slow moving, though,” I mumble.
“Okay, meet me at the kitchen table.”
“Yes, sir,” I say as I meet the porcelain throne, yet again. When I have nothing left to expel, I splash water onto my face, change clothes, pop a few pain relievers, and make my way to the kitchen.
“Rough mornin’?” he questions.
“More like the stupidity won last night. Why did I think that was a good idea?”
“Come here. Have a seat.” I do as he asks while he pours me a cup of coffee and makes me a breakfast plate. Oh gosh! I don’t know if I can eat this. “Raegan, I don’t agree with how you chose to handle this situation, but I’m thankful Emmett respects me enough to call me.”
“Did he…” I start to say, but I am interrupted by Grandaddy.
“Sunshine, you have yourself a man of his word. He brought you home, knocked on my door, made sure you were okay, and then he sat at this table with me and explained what happened last night. Like I said, I don’t agree with it one bit, but we all have to escape reality from time to time. For that, I’ll give you a pass this go round, but not again. Never drown your feelings with the liquid courage within a glass jar. It might feel good at the time, but it always comes back to bite you in the morning. I love you, and I will not let you make that your escape. It will only hurt you in the end.”
Taking a few bites, I begin to feel somewhat alive, and I assure Grandaddy that I will not do that again.
“You better hurry up, Sunshine. We gotta be at church in an hour.” Crap! I didn’t even think about that.
The entire time I’m listening to the preacher, I can hear my stomach churning as if it’s trying to tell the world what I chose to do last night. Enough already! At exactly noon, we walk out the wooden doors, and Emmett greets me.
“Rae, ’bout last night.”
I take his hand in mine, replying, “Thank you.” Those are the only words that need to be spoken. He kisses my cheek, and Grandaddy informs me that he is going out to eat with his buddies. He then proceeds to ask Emmett if he minds taking me out for lunch and back home this afternoon. Of course, he doesn’t, and I can’t help but wonder what Grandaddy is really up to.
After Emmett and I eat lunch, we hang out at my house. Since I no longer feel hungover, we take a ride over the farm and return to the spot where I spilled my entire bottled-up feelings from the past twelve years last night. He stops, and I glance over my shoulder at him.
“Whatcha thinkin’, Rae?” he questions.
“I’m thinking how did I get so lucky,” I say as I turn to face him.
“Rae, it’s not luck. It’s how our story was bound to play out. I’m almost certain three individuals are looking down on us and cheering us on.” The thought of my mawmaw and parents smiling down on me makes me feel alive.
“I guess you’re right. Sometimes I hope they turn their heads and don’t watch, though.” Emmett has a stunned look on his face. “Ya know, there are some things that parents don’t need to watch their children do.” As he catches on, I burst out laughing. He slides his arms around my waist and pulls me toward him.
“Yeah, I hope you’re right.”
“Wanna make them turn their head?” I ask with a wink.
Emmett
Dang, that girl is going to be the death of me, but if I die loving her, I’d be happy with that. Then, the reality of my words set in. Death. I never want to leave her, and tomorrow, her world is going to change, either for the better or for the worse. Which one, we are unsure of at this time, but I know regardless of Mr. Lowery’s outcome, I’m not going anywhere.
After we make our way back to the house, I tell her I’ll go with them to the hospital in the morning. Of course, she refuses and says one of us needs to go to school. All of that has to do with appearances. If we are both absent, people will talk, and that’s what her grandaddy doesn’t want. She also informs me that she is going today to really get a feel for things. She doesn’t know if Cole and her grandaddy are trying to hide things from her.
When my alarm goes off, I make sure I hurry to get ready, so I can talk to Cole before I leave for school. After I knock on his door, he tells me to come inside.
“What’s up, Em?” he asks.
“I was just wondering if you would keep an eye on my girl today.”
“Of course, I will. How ’bout you not lay Jace out at school today?”
“I take it you heard about it.”
“Word travels fast in a small town,” he replies, and I laugh. He promises to be there for Mr. Lowery and Raegan. I can’t express how thankful I am for him. “Now, get out of here before you’re tardy.”
“I’m goin’,” I say as I make my way downstairs, grab a Pop Tart, and walk to my truck.
As I pull into the parking lot at school, I’m greeted by none other than Jace. Happy Freakin’ Monday!
“Jace,” I say as I shut my door. He doesn’t say anything; he just stands there. “Are you gonna move or what?”
“Are you gonna make me?” he smarts back.
“No, I don’t want any trouble.”
“Who said anything ’bout trouble? I just want to finish what we started.”
“Jace, there’s nothing to finish, but I am curious, though. What made you say that to Raegan? You know she’s not like that.”
“See, that’s where you’re wrong. I just made up that shit, but the way you jumped my ass proved me right. Just wanted to clear this up for ya. You let the world know your business. I just left the bait.” Damn. What do I say to that? Nothing. I say nothing. I t
ake a step to the left of Jace, and he lets me walk by. Somehow I know this isn’t the end, but for now, I’ll take it because I’m the one that screwed up, and hopefully, Raegan will forgive me.
Chapter 33
Raegan
After feeding all the critters on the farm, I go inside to get ready for a day I never wanted to happen, but it’s reality. Grandaddy is sick, and this is the only way for him to survive. Once I’m showered and dressed for the day, I eat breakfast, and Grandaddy and I carry on our normal morning conversation as we wait for Cole.
As I finish washing the dishes, Cole walks inside the house. He looks so well put together, but when I look at him, I can sense he’s as scared as the rest of us.
“Mornin’. Y’all save me anything?” he asks.
“Yeah, your plate is on the stove,” I reply.
“Awesome,” he says, grabbing his plate and coffee and taking a seat at the table. “How are you feelin’, Uncle Dover?” he asks mid-bite.
“Healthy as a horse for now. Hurry up, or we’re gonna be late,” Grandaddy states.
Once Cole finishes his breakfast, he walks toward the sink to discard his plate, takes a big gulp of coffee, and out the door we go. Cole drives his truck, and before we know it, we are at Cleveland Hematology and Oncology.
I try to push my fears into the pit of my stomach as we make our way inside the building. This isn’t going to be the hard part. I have a feeling the next few days are what is going to be tough.
As Grandaddy is taken back, Cole and I sit in the waiting room until he gets settled, and then we are allowed inside the room with him.
“Rae, are you hangin’ in there?” Cole asks.
“Yeah, I guess. How was Em this morning?” Because I would rather talk about Em than this.
“Worried about you. I told him not to clobber Jace today, and everything would be great.” He laughs.
“Ohmygosh! Cole, it was crazy! One minute everything was okay, and the next, all crap broke loose. I don’t know what I would have done if it got bad.” Before we can finish our conversation, the nurse calls us back. I look toward Cole, and he takes my hand in his and squeezes it.
