by Garcia, Amy
Perching on the edge of Evan’s bed, something makes me hesitate when I go to swallow my sleeping pills for the night. A sensation or vibration hangs in the air; maybe it’s the excitement of being reunited with my family tomorrow? I sit with one prescription bottle in each hand; sudden trepidation filling me, surrounding me. I decide to hold off and place them on the rolling table next to the bed. It’s almost one in the morning, if I don’t take them now I’ll be tired in the morning when my family arrives.
What am I waiting for? The answer to that question tickles my back, and I hop down off of the bed and spin around to see what’s touching me. His hand! Oh my God his fingers are moving! It takes me all of about two seconds to switch my focus from his wiggling fingers to his face. My prayers are finally answered. His glorious eyes meet mine and for the first time in weeks, I witness his thick full eyelashes fluttering while he struggles to focus.
Adrenaline rushes through my body, and somehow I completely forget that he is still in a fragile state, and I pounce on him, tears flowing like the Amazon River. I kiss every part of his face that I can without disturbing the ventilator.
“You’re awake, I can’t believe it, you’re awake you’re awake. Oh, thank you, God!” His hands wrap around my waist and pull me closer, but he surprises me by sliding them up until he’s holding my face. He shakes his head from side to side very slightly and frowns at me.
“What? Why are you frowning? Are you in pain? Oh shit, have I hurt you?”
He repeats the gesture and even amid my elation, I am puzzled. It doesn’t take long before fear grips me tight and I remove myself from his embrace and back up from the bed slowly, a few steps until I’m out of his reach.
“Evan?” I whisper, my voice has taken a temporary leave of absence. “Is it…are you?” I hadn’t given any consideration to the fact that the hateful, evil Evan may be the one occupying that bed when he regained consciousness. I’d foolishly assumed it would be my husband not my monster who would return to me.
He recognizes my fear and what happens next shocks me so fully. I don’t really grasp what he’s done until the alarms are screeching, and I see the endotracheal tube lying on the floor next to his bed! He has extubated himself!
Nurse cranky pants barrels through the door flanked by two other equally unfriendly looking nurses. They begin speaking in Italian to him, trying to calm him, very unsuccessfully I must say. He bats them away with ease. Even after being bedridden for nearly two weeks, they are no match for him.
He tries to say something, but it comes out as a whisper, despite his effort. Finally, I collect my wits and take a few tentative steps toward the bed to join the nurses. With no idea what they are saying, I’m still a nurse, and I can imagine they are discussing the best way to handle the situation. They have been instructed not to administer any further sedatives, that much I know. They are a little limited in what they can do to control him.
A strong sense of deja vu hits me when his wild eyes meet mine again. He’s sitting straight up in a hospital bed distraught, surrounded by strangers. The only thing missing is his voice yelling my name. His voice isn’t necessary this time, his eyes are doing the calling and his heart is connected to mine now. Some sort of innate perception reveals that this is my Evan and not the monster.
For the second time in less than ten minutes, I rush to him, this time unencumbered by the ventilator I leap onto his lap straddling his hips; my body molds to his and I cling to him like a drowning woman to a lifesaver in the ocean. His embrace is no less desperate, he holds me fiercely until I gasp for breath.
When he loosens his grip slightly, I take my first real breath in two weeks. A breath full of relief and hope and gratitude to God for giving me the best Christmas gift I will ever receive, my husband.
Nothing can compare to the feelings coursing through my body and mind right now. I had faith this moment would come, I prayed for it, begged for it, but the reality is indescribable. Suspended in time, we hold each other until that’s no longer satisfactory, and we begin to touch one another to prove this is really happening.
I hold his face in my hands before sliding them through his soft hair. I watch my own movements, but I can feel his eyes on mine as his own hands explore every inch of me, reconnecting, reuniting. One of the three nurses surrounding us clears her throat, and Evan holds up one hand as if to ward her off. I know they need to assess him and call the physician, probably order some tests.
I give a gentle shove of my forehead on his chest and then return my eyes to his. “They need to check you over…” A slow, meticulous shake of his head back and forth reminds me of the incredible stubbornness of this man, but I’m also aware that I’m the only person he will listen to.
“Evan, no,” I say sharply. He would never cross the line drawn in the sand by my attackers long ago, “no” means “no” with us. He promised after kidnapping me that he wouldn’t do anything remotely equal to what happened to me with those monsters, and even suggesting intimacy when I’m against it is absolute taboo. The look on his face nearly kills me though. I’ve never turned him away before and after seeing the twisted torment on his face right now, I never will again.
“Please baby, let them look you over. You’ve been out for 10 days.” I tip my head forward and look up at him through my eyelashes, and he nearly melts in my arms. Circling my waist and nuzzling his face into my neck, I recognize a moment of rare vulnerability, he didn’t get what he wanted, but he did it for me.
I give him a quick squeeze and move to climb out of the bed, but he pulls me back for just one more reassuring embrace. This is so hard, I know it’s for his own good, though. There’s no sense going through all we have and then blowing it by taking things too fast.
I receive three of the dirtiest looks when I turn to face the nurses who came rushing to Evan’s bedside, five minutes ago. They are not a happy little tribe. Their faces are wiped clear of all negativity suddenly, and I turn to see Evan has his don’t fuck with us look on his face, and everything is back to business.
One pudgy nurse turns off the ventilator and clears away the tubing that he discarded on the floor. Another, who looks much too young, in my opinion, to be a nurse to me, presses the button to take his blood pressure and listens to his lungs. The last one speaks to him in Italian, none of which makes him happy. He snaps at the woman talking to him, I have no idea what he’s said, but it totally pisses her off and she stalks from the room in a huff. I look at him from the foot of the bed my brows raised in question.
“I told her to get all this shit out of me or I will be doing it myself.” Rolling my eyes, I place my hands on his feet.
“You need to be nice and cooperate, Mr. Lawson.”
“I need you, Mrs. Lawson.” Mrs. Lawson, shit, my plan, my rings, they are still in my pocket. He’s not used to seeing me with them on, but I’m sure if he’s been listening to me all this time and he knows I’ve taken them out of the bear. Maybe while they are distracting him, I can slip them back on.
“What’s the matter?” He’s watching me with narrowed eyes. Shit, shit, shit! Damn mind reader! Well, at least this time he doesn’t know specifically what I’m thinking. The coma must have thrown him off his game.
“It can wait until they’re done.”
“Then they’re done,” he barks at them in Italian, I assume ordering them out of the room and bam! We’re alone, and I’m faced with the job of filling him in on my plan. I’m wishing the nurses had more to do with him or that one of them had been a little sassier refusing to go until they were done. They could have given me more time to procrastinate but no, we’ve got a trio of wusses working tonight.
I would have set him straight if I were his nurse, well maybe not. I just fell madly in love with him instead. This conversation is gonna suck. He’s going to detest my plan, maybe even fight it, but he said he was in 100%. I guess now he gets to put his money where his mouth is.
“So? Something has you ner
vous, tell me.” He sounds so tender and understanding; I’m about to squash that. I purposely sit at the end of the bed next to his feet, which makes him all the more suspicious.
“Mia, you look frightened, nothing you have to say is going to upset me. Come here, I’ve been starving for you. Don’t stay so far away.” Tentatively I scoot within arms’ reach of him.
“Really, Mia, this is ridiculous. You look like a child with their hand caught in the cookie jar.”
“Well…”
“Mia, what have you done?” The command in his voice has me spilling immediately.
“Ok, so do you remember what happened at the house? What got you here?”
“Yes…” More suspicion, he’s leery now, he senses what’s coming. I know it, so I throw it all at him in a rush before he can stop me. “We need David to do your surgery; nobody else will do it. They’re all scared you will have them murdered if they mess something up. I can convince him. I just need to make him think I’m into him so he will operate, and then I’ll dump him when you’re ok.”
His expression switches from suspicious to rabid in a matter of seconds. “No, no, no way, Mia! That man isn't laying a hand on you, ever! I don’t want you going near him. I don’t want him thinking about you, dreaming about you, lusting after you. NO!”
I jump back from him on the bed; I expected him to be upset, but he’s downright furious. His blood pressure cuff goes off automatically and a vein I’ve never noticed before bulges on the side of his forehead. Fuck, this was a huge mistake, I need to do damage control and fast!
“I’m sorry, Evan. Calm down, please. I won’t do it, really. I won’t if it upsets you that much, I swear.” His blood pressure result pops up on the screen, 190/90, fuck! My face must reveal my concern because he turns his neck to look up at the reading. I move up as close as I can get to him now. He turns his attention back to me. I smooth his damp hair from his face and speak softly.
“Hey now, shush. It was only an idea. Take a deep breath, we’re going to be ok, I’m sure there is another way. No, David… cross my heart.” I make an X over my chest as he takes my advice and starts breathing deep. “Good.”
Nurse pudgy cracks the door and takes one step inside looks at the monitor and back at Evan and me with warning. Finally someone with some balls around here! I nod yes to her, and we have an unspoken understanding that he needs to calm down or else.
The door is pulled shut when she leaves. I get up, lift the blanket and slide in next to him. “I’m so fucking serious, Mia. If you go close to him or try and start putting this into motion, I’ll lock you up in our bedroom and never let you out.”
I smile into his side, “Yeah? I might like that.”
He swats my ass, and I whoop arching into him. “I mean it!”
“Ok, ok. I was teasing, damn! You certainly haven’t lost any strength! That hurt!”
“It was meant to. You behave, or I’ll do it again.”
“Yes, daddy.” I sass back sarcastically. I have no idea why I’m testing him. It’s not intentional. Sometimes my mouth shoots off before I think, and this is one of those times.
“You think I’m playing, lady? Just keep it up,” he mutters something under his breath about my smart mouth
“Sorry. Merry Christmas.” I say sullenly praying it’s good enough to distract him from this disastrous topic.
“It’s Christmas?” It worked, whew.
“Yes, for about ninety minutes now. Our first Christmas together,” I sigh.
“Our first Christmas married, too. Where are your rings? I heard you and Gabriella digging them out of Diamond. Why aren’t you wearing them?”
Truth, Lie, Truth, Lie… ok ok, this time I’m going with lie in the name of lowering his blood pressure. I may as well see if it’s even possible to lie to him.
“Oh.” I jut my hip forward lifting it off the bed to slide the rings from my pajama pocket. “I took them off to wash my hands when I got ready for bed and me uh, forgot to put them back on.” I slip those two rings on in record time and hold up my hand for him to see.
“Perfect, just as I knew they would be.”
“Mmmm, you did pretty well, Mr. Lawson.”
“I did, didn’t I? he says with pride
“We need to talk about all that sometime soon, when you’re calmer, feeling better. Can we just snuggle in for a long winter’s nap?” I ask quoting The Night Before Christmas.
“You don’t expect me to say I in my kerchief and mama in her cap do you?”
“No, I suppose not, sounds kinda funny coming from you.” I giggle softly. “You’ve heard that story though; I’m surprised.”
“My Aunt made sure Gabriella and I had as many normal experiences as possible. Christmas was her favorite holiday, ours too because mother would let us spend the night with her on Christmas Eve. She didn’t believe in Santa Claus, and we were allowed to stay until it got dark Christmas Day.
“Mmmm, it’s so good to know you have some happy memories of your childhood.” He tips my face up to his with his finger under my chin
“The only memories that are important to me are the ones I make with you.” He presses a tender, sweet kiss against my lips lingering there. He then drags his fingers down my face closing my eyes encouraging me to sleep.
“I can’t sleep, I’m too happy.” I feel the rumble of his chest against my body as he chuckles. Then the fingers of his other hand trail down my spine to the sensitive place where my back becomes my ass. He slips his hand inside my pajama bottoms.
“Oh, you just hang on a sec there, coma man. We have to wait!”
He snorts “We don’t have to do anything, but I’ll show you want I want to do.” Grabbing the majority of my cheek with his big hand, he gives it a squeeze.
“Evan, you have to have all these monitors discontinued, IVs out, catheter removed, you remember that don’t you?”
“I remember that my beautiful wife is a nurse and knows how to do all of those things. And yes, I’ll never forget you taking that thing out of my cock. How could you let them do that to me again?”
“You’d rather wet the bed?”
“Hmm. No, you are right on that, I do not like wet sheets unless it’s from the sweat of us going at it like animals all night.”
I laugh, really laugh, a hearty light-hearted laugh that feels like heaven. “Ok ok I get it.” I continue to giggle.
“How about you give it at least 12 hours minimum before we rip all those wires and tubes out of you and go at it like animals?”
“I’ll appease you this once but don’t expect me to wait for what I want again, Mia. I’m not a patient man, you know that.”
“I know you’re not, I love you and I’d never keep myself from you unless it was for your own good. This isn’t easy for me either, ya know.”
“Ok, so at…” He glances at the clock on the wall opposite his bed. “two o'clock this afternoon, it’s just you and me and this bed.”
Sighing, I agree. Although, we will have company the whole day, so I’m betting he will be waiting longer than his allotted 12 hours.
“I want all this shit removed in the morning though, all of it. I’ll do it myself if you don’t.”
“I know you will, honey.” I pat his chest
“You’re not patronizing me are you, Mrs. Lawson?”
“Who? Me? No, never!” His fingers dig into my ribs tickling me until I nearly pee his bed for him.
“Stop stop! I’m done!” I screech, and he quits his tickling to cover my mouth with his hand.
“Shush, you don’t want the nurse coming back now do you?” I settle, but not before licking his hand that’s covering my mouth playfully.
“You’re pretty feisty tonight. I can’t wait to fill that smart mouth of yours with something other than sarcasm and wit.”
“Oh, promises, promises.”
“I always keep my promises, baby.”
“I’m counting on
it, Mr. Lawson.”
“Got Love” by Tove Lo
After a fitful night of dozing off and on without sleeping pills, excited beyond belief about Evan’s change in condition and my family coming today, I finally slip from my warm spot in bed to walk down the hall to the bathroom. I can’t wait to be home, whichever home we go to, here in Italy on Lake Como or back in Seattle. Anywhere is better than this hospital.
I check to see that he’s sleeping and pull on a robe and slide my feet into a pair of summer sandals I’ve been wearing around here because they are easy on and off, I’d rather die than walk barefoot in a hospital.
Once outside the door to his room, I have a moment of panic wondering if Gabriella got the ball rolling with David on her way out of the hospital last night like I asked her to. I can’t walk past his room without knowing, I need my phone. Creeping back to the room I tip toe to the table next to the bed and grab my phone.
“Forget something?”
“Shit! I thought you were sleeping!” I jump, a little adrenaline shock shooting through me.
“I was until my wife left me cold and alone in this hospital bed.” He smirks, and my heart skips a beat as always.
“I had to go to the bathroom.”
“And you needed your phone to do that?” I look at the phone in my hand
“Uh yeah, I like to listen to music while I’m in there.” He raises his eyebrows but mercifully chooses to abandon the subject.
“Ok, I see. Will you let the nurse know on your way out that I want all of this apparatus removed from my body this morning?” I roll my eyes at him but agree
“Yes, I’ll tell her.”
“Well hurry up, I want to spend Christmas with my family unhooked from all these chains, scoot!”
He doesn’t have to tell me twice; I’m doing the pee pee dance as it is, and I’ve got to call Gabriella before I can go.” Outside the door, I dial Gabby’s number, and she answers on the second ring, thank God.
“Gabriella, please tell me you didn’t talk to David last night like I asked you to!”
