Dark Love (The Two Sides of Me Book 3)

by Garcia, Amy

  “Hmm?” Did I go to sleep, wow where is all my energy going?

  “We are all ready to go; the car is waiting. Gabriella and Simone are already at the airport.” Oh, I’d forgotten about them needing to go home too.

  “Are they going to Seattle or back to Maine?” I’ve gotten so used to having Gabriella around I’m going to miss her terribly when she goes home to her own home.

  “We will be stopping in Maine to drop them off.” My mood deflates; I don’t know why I hadn’t thought about the 2500 miles that will be separating us back in the states.

  “I’m gonna miss her.” My eyes well up with tears, and he gathers me into his arms, I bury my face into his neck.

  “Don’t cry baby, I have a strong feeling she will be coming to visit all the time, maybe we can convince her to relocate hmm?”

  I sniff in a very unrefined manner and nod in agreement. “All right now, let me get you a tissue and then we really need to get going.” When he returns from the bathroom, and I’ve blown my nose, he crouches in front of me to slip on my comfy shoes. I bet he hates these shoes, he prefers me in heels, but I’m not hearing any complaints today.

  “Up.” I stand, and he holds my coat out open so I can slip my arms into the sleeves. Why is he babying me so much? I should be taking care of him, not vice versa. He’s always liked caring for me but since his surgery I’ve gotten so used to being his caretaker that I’ve forgotten it goes both ways in a marriage.

  He holds out his hand, and I lace my fingers with his. “Let’s go home, baby.” Yea that sounds perfect.

  “Unintended” by Muse

  That damn key is in my pocket! We’re leaving, and I haven’t found the door it opens, maybe it’s not a door at all, what else could it be? I’m just going to ask, my time has run out, and my curiosity is peaked. “Evan.”

  “Mmhm?”

  “How upset would you be if you knew I went through your desk?” I clench my teeth and internally wince waiting for his response. His grip tightens so much my pinky finger hurts, and we abruptly stop in the middle of the hall. The house is quiet around us, everyone is gone or in the cars waiting to leave for the airport.

  “Did you find something interesting, Mia?” the chill in his voice alerts me that asking was not my best idea. I let go of his hand and feel around in the zipper pocket of my purse until I find the key. He isn’t looking at me; he’s never taken his eyes off the front door where we were headed.

  “There was a box, with two keys.”

  “Anything else?”

  “Well yes but I only wanted to ask about the key.”

  “What do you want to know about it, Mia?” he snaps Now I really wish I would have kept my mouth shut, he’s pissed.

  “Nothing, I’m sorry I brought it up and sorry I went through your things.” I take his hand, and he watches as I place the key into it and close his fingers around it. The anger that had been radiating off of him seconds ago lessens.

  “You are so damn curious; it’s going to get you into trouble someday. I’m going to show you what this key opens and then we are leaving this house and closing the door on my past for real, understand?” I nod in assent, taking my hand he leads me back upstairs and toward our bedroom but we pass it and continue on down the hall until we are standing in front of the door that if I remember correctly leads to a walk-in cedar closet.

  When exploring one day I came across it and went inside to breathe the heavenly smell of cedar. Evan opens the door and nods his head indicating he wants me to go inside. Suddenly I don’t want to know whatever it is he’s going to show me. A sixth sense niggles at me, and I know I’m not going to like what I find. I’ve learned the hard way some things cannot be unseen or forgotten and God knows I don't need any more of those visions.

  “I’ve changed my mind.” A rush of adrenaline flows through my veins when I see the many different emotions that fill his eyes and the vein on the side of his face pulses angry and engorged. I am for the first time since before his surgery afraid of my husband. Releasing his hand, I take a small step back waiting several seconds to see where the wheel of feelings will land before I dare speak.

  “Is that ok? Can we just forget it?” I squeak.

  “I don’t know Mia, can we?” His words are tinted with sarcasm, but I think he also really wants to know if it’s possible for me to control my curiosity and forget there is something inside that closet that I will never know about.

  “I don’t want to make you angry and it’s clear that you are. I’d like to try to forget…”

  He interrupts me “You won’t forget though Mia, it’s not in your nature. We may walk away right now and fly home, but it will come up again someday in conversation after it’s eaten you alive, exasperated you completely. And yes, I am angry, I’m trying to start a new life with you but every time we start down that fresh path some stupid fucking part of my past sabotages my efforts. So go inside Mia, I want to get this over with and be on our way home with a clean slate.”

  He knows me, and he’s right, I would someday bring it up again after allowing it to fester and after I’ve imagined a million insane, bizarre things that could be behind that door. I step into the closet and switch on the light; it looks just like it did the last time I was here.

  “On your right,” he says He doesn’t enter with me, it’s a good sized closet but not big enough for the both of us to move around comfortably. I turn to my right and face a cedar wall unsure of what to do next. I don’t see a door or anything to unlock. He hands me the key and points to the corner where the walls meet, and finally I see it, a tiny hole in the wood with no hardware or plate surrounding it, if he hadn’t pointed it out I would never have noticed it. I look back at him, and he gives me a ‘get on with it’ nod. I turn the key, and he reaches out to splay his large hand on the wall. When he pushes on it, I hear a loud click. It’s a door; the entire wall is a door! My heart is beating wildly in anticipation and fear of what could be behind a hidden door in a cedar closet in a former mafia leader’s home.

  “Open it,” he instructs and I hesitantly push against the big door. The wider the door opens, the brighter the light becomes, and when it’s completely open I’m not sure what exactly it is that I’m seeing. It’s a small room or maybe a large closet; the walls are lined with what looks like torture devices all hanging on pegs aligned neatly and ominous. Many sets of handcuffs, lengths of rope, whips, bars, and other things I have never seen before are all organized waiting to be used to do who knows what.

  “What… is this?” I say quietly overcome with shock. “It’s where I stored the toys I used with my subs. You’re holding their key; the other was mine.” Looking down at the key I immediately hand it back to him as if it were hot, not wanting to have any connection with the women of his past and the things they did together.

  “These things don’t look like toys…they look like weapons and torture devices.”

  “They served many purposes, pleasure, pain, punishment and yes, in my case, torture. I was known as the beast, and I absolutely lived up to that nickname.” Silence hangs heavily in the air between us as I absorb his explanation.

  “Have you had enough? Is your curiosity satisfied? Can we finally lay my past to rest?”

  “I just don’t understand, I mean why, what do you..?” He heaves a deep sigh.

  “I was afraid of this; I didn’t want you to be exposed to yet another disturbing part of my past. Just know it isn’t a lifestyle I want anymore and leave it at that. We need to go.” I suddenly want nothing more than to do just that. I push past him leaving the cedar closet and the nauseating torture storage area; I need fresh air, or I’m going to be sick again. Cedar will never smell the same; it will be permanently associated with visions of Evan brutally punishing fantom women in my mind.

  When I arrive at the car, Mr. Saint opens the back door for me; I slide in across the chilly leather seat, welcoming the dark. I need a moment alone to process. Now
it’s time to rationalize and convince me that none of this matters. He’s not like that anymore, he just said so himself. The man I know and love is inside that house, not the one who previously ruled with an iron fist; he is gone. When will I ever accept that? When will the past stop crossing paths with our present?

  Evan and Isaac arrive ready to go and climb into the car, Saint driving, Isaac up front and Evan with me in the back. Gabriella and Simone are in another car behind us with Cecelia. I’m shivering from a combination of the cold and the latest bombardment of Evan’s history. I don’t want him to notice, I’d like to just get out on my own side of the car and walk away, down the gravel drive to the lake and think, let the cold creep into my bones and numb me from the inside out. Evan pulls me in under his arm, reaching across he stretches the seat belt over my chest and clicks it into place. He holds me tight, snuggling me into my familiar spot, without a word he comforts me just by being there. The struggle that was going on in my head ends abruptly, love wins the battle and my fears get stuffed wherever I’ve been stuffing them since my heart was stolen by this crazy man.

  “It’s all over, baby. We’re going home; I’m selling this house and assigning the Milan Dominus to Isaac permanently.” I’m relieved to know I never have to come back to this place; it holds bad memories for me and worse for Evan. “You’re shaking.”

  “It’s cold today.” I don’t know why I try to deceive him, he will always be able to read my mind, he is very aware that it’s not the Italian winter air making me tremble, but he orders Saint to crank up the heat just the same.

  “When we get home I want to plan our wedding.” Now that’s a subject change if I ever heard one, he must be desperate to redirect the conversation. Most men aren’t interested in planning a wedding; they usually leave it up to the bride to be or in this case his wife. But Evan is most certainly not most men and for the next thirty minutes I sit and listen quietly to his grandiose plans for our reception, honeymoon and get togethers leading up to the ceremony.

  He wants to have it at the house in Seattle or home as I am quickly becoming to know it as. He has ideas for colors, tuxedos, bridesmaids’ dresses, photography and of course food. He is friends with many of the people we will need to deal with and surprisingly he’s made appointments for us to see a few of them already.

  “Well you’re very excited about all of this aren’t you? I had no idea you were so knowledgeable on weddings.”

  “I am excited and happy, aren't you?” That edge of vulnerability in his voice shreds my heart, he will forever be haunted by his past and the idea that he isn’t worth having long term? Yes, he will, I’m going to make sure of it, I’ll love him with everything I’ve got and then some more after that until he never has to question it. I relax into him and stare out at the countryside that I will most likely never see again, it’s beautiful and rich with history, ironic it’s some of that very history that will keep us from visiting again.

  “What are you thinking?” he interrupts my daydreaming.

  “You already know.” He chuckles softly and guides my head against his chest, tangling his fingers in my hair absently.

  “We can come back again someday, but for now I need…we need to let the past die here. I am selling the house though. If we decide to visit we will stay somewhere else.”

  “What about your house? The one you grew up in?” He shifts in the seat seemingly uncomfortable with the question. I can’t fathom why he wouldn’t want to sell it, just another place reminding him of his difficult start in life.

  “No. It was my mother's home; I can’t let it go.” I take a breath ready to respond but think better of it, he loves his mother even after all she put him and Gabriella through. Or maybe he’s keeping it as a sort of punishment, that wouldn’t surprise me it was the first place he ran to when he became the beast and hurt me. Rubbing my hand and up and down his thigh to soothe him I say nothing, this is another facet of Evan that I will never understand. He covers my hand ending my attempt to comfort him to play with the diamond on my ring.

  “I don’t expect you to understand why I need to keep the house. Thank you for being my wife, Mia, thank you for your eternal patience and commitment, for standing by me when I don’t deserve a single second of your love.” He brings my hand to his lips and tenderly kisses it closing his eyes he holds it there for a few moments. When he opens them, he doesn’t look at me. Instead he turns his face toward the window on his side of the car, something about this moment of sudden expressive gratitude won’t let me look away and I see a single tear slide down his cheek. He really believes he is unworthy of my love; I imagine he doesn’t think he deserves his success or wealth either. My heart aches in the special way it only does for him and I wonder if there will ever be a day when he is content, when his heart is full of only love and his soul is at peace allowing his spirit to soar. So much healing needs to happen, but I have enough faith for the both of us. Evan found all the pieces of my shattered heart and fit them back together to make it whole somehow some way I will find a way to mend his as well.

  The flight home was long, and the stop in Oregon is depressing. I hated saying goodbye to Gabriella and Simone. They promised to visit soon though, and we made plans to Skype. Being in the jet again was surreal I hadn’t given it a second thought, I was so excited to go home it hadn’t occurred to me we would be flying in the same jet that brought us here. That is until I stepped inside, and the memory of waking up in a drug induced fog after being kidnaped by my ex-boyfriend clobbered me over the head. So much has happened since then I can’t help but be grateful that Evan was borderline insane bringing me here, isolating me from my friends and family, forcing me to see things his way. Sometimes a little, ok a lot, of crazy is necessary to get what you want, and God knows Evan always gets what he wants.

  Evan leads me through the hangar where we have just exited the plane I’m exhausted and dying to get home. Isaac and Mr. Saint are each lugging a kennel containing pissed off kitties. Yes and No are awake and ready to play after being sedated before our long flight, they are protesting with loud meows.

  We have made the trip in an impressive fourteen hours, but these two couldn’t care less. Yes lets out a particularly loud cry halting our parade to the car momentarily Evan and I look back to see what the problem is, Isaac, who carries her kennel shrugs and Evan, rolls his eyes. “Crazy furballs.”

  “You love ‘em, and you know it,” he snorts as we climb into the Escalade waiting to take us home.

  “I’ve never seen this before,” I say caressing the leather seat on either side of me. It’s warm and relaxing inside, a sharp contrast to the bitter February weather of Seattle.

  “There are several vehicles you have yet to see.”

  “Oh yeah, I remember you telling me that, I still don’t understand why you have so many.”

  “Different occasions call for different cars, or an SUV as today has proven. Where would you put those puff balls if we were in the Lamborghini?” The Lamborghini, God I remember that thing, driving it was like skydiving thrilling and terrifying at the same time.

  “Yea true, driving that car was nerve-racking enough without those two crawling around. But you have to admit you’re a little overindulgent.”

  “I do not,” he picks an imaginary piece of lint from his knee, brushing it off onto the floor. Smiling at his boyish stubbornness I reach out and cup his cheek in my hand turning his face to mine. “What?”

  “You’re cute.”

  “Cute?”

  “Yea cute.”

  “Ok lady, you need sleep, no one in my entire life has ever referred to me as cute.”

  “Well, now they have because you are.” I lean in to give him a chaste kiss on his cheek, but he quickly advances offering his mouth instead pushing his tongue through my parted lips urgently. The electrical current in the air is palpable as I’m roughly hoisted onto his lap to straddle his narrow hips I realize he is most assuredly not cute anymo
re feral, animalistic, magnetic maybe but definitely not cute. Every part of me pulses, craving his touch, the moans from deep in his chest and the whimpers from my lips propel me further toward my ultimate yet unexpected goal to have him inside of me. My need for him is uncontrollable; undeniable I can’t remember a time when I’ve felt such a powerful desire to connect with him. Our hands are everywhere at once all of my senses are on overload, the smell of his skin and the leather interior of the SUV, the sight of his wild eyes darkening with desire, the sound of his breathing accelerating, the pounding of his heart under my hand on his chest the combination of it all is simply too much.

  I drop my head back to offer him my neck which he eagerly accepts, licking and sucking his way up to the little spot behind my ear that makes me shiver and down to the tender flesh above my collarbone where his open mouth devours me. Removing his hand from the bare skin of my back he reaches out to press the lock button on the door panel, the kitties are already loaded in back with our luggage and protesting loudly, they do not appreciate the delay.

  When his attention is fully on me again the desire in his eyes stokes the already scorching fire at my core and every movement, every touch from there on is frantic tearing at each other's clothes to get closer, to touch more to taste more. When he pulls his cock from his jeans, I feel it stiff and smooth as silk against my belly. My jeans are haphazardly yanked off of only one leg along with my panties literally half-dressed I dig my nails into his shoulders and throw all caution to the wind. I rise to mount him when he stops me suddenly grasping my hips, suspending me above his cock preventing me from fulfilling this insane desire to sink down and take him deep inside of me.

  “Hey…” I protest opening my eyes to see why the brakes have been put on, I find him staring at me, panting with want, trembling on the precipice of ecstasy. “What is it?” I say between gasps seeing the indecision in his eyes as if he were unsure about continuing, what the hell? Why would we stop, fuck me already I scream in my mind, he’s always reading my damn mind when I don’t want him to, but now I really want him to! Just as quickly as he halted our passion he rebounds, and I’m given what I crave, he releases his hold on my hips and I slide down around his beautiful solid cock coating him with my desire, I love this fucking man and his lengthy cock. When he is deep inside of me he tangles one hand in my hair the other circling my back he plasters himself against me as if he were trying to meld us into one entity ringing the breath from my lungs. We bury our faces into each other’s necks I feel him pulse inside of me as he stills collecting the strength to hold on and make this last.