“I’m not going to listen because you’re going to lie!” Peter crumpled the paper and threw it on the floor. “This is your way to get what you want! You want to take her from me to fulfill your delusional dreams, and you’re going to use her no matter how much it hurts her in the end!” Tears ran down his face, but he glowered at Donella anyway.
“This isn’t about her. Or you. Or the chancels. It’s about the isles, Peter!”
“No, you’re right. This isn’t about us at all!” Peter folded his arms and drew himself up to his full height. “This is about your personal vision for the isles and the fact that you’re not even pretending to rely on Atharo anymore!”
“You’re just a boy,” she scoffed, her patient expression evaporating. “You know nothing.”
“I know enough of politics to know how this game is played! You throw around a name or a word that the people hold sacred just enough to keep them from suspecting what you’re really doing. And if that doesn’t work, you silence them. Like you silenced Malachi’s father, and the way you’re trying to silence me—”
“I’m trying to give you and your isle the best chance to have survive!” Donella shouted back. “Does that mean nothing to you?”
“Nothing is exactly what it means to me! Because what you’ve done here goes against everything in the Chronicles!”
Before he could finish his thought, his face stung as she brought her hand down across it. She continued then to glare at him for a long moment before taking a deep breath and closing her eyes.
“Before you think I’m a heartless monster, you should know that I, too, gave up the man I loved for the good of the isles. And because of it, thousands of lives were saved.” She lifted her skirts and went to the edge of the platform. Her wings twitched as she stood, poised at the edge. “I’m asking nothing of you that I haven’t sacrificed as well. Now, I suggest you get control of yourself. Katy will be here at any minute. I’ll allow you to discuss this alone.” And with that, she flew away.
Peter glared after her until she disappeared. But when he was really alone, his eyes shifted back to the crumpled parchment on the ground.
He didn’t want to read it. Some voice inside his head warned him that knowledge couldn’t be unlearned. Once he knew whatever dire warning was in the contents of that letter, he would inevitably be faced with a moral choice he knew without a doubt he would despise.
But…another voice whispered inside, what if Donella was right? What then?
Peter clenched his jaw as he slowly bent to pick up the letter.
Atharo, he prayed as he held it in his hands. I’m afraid I’m walking off a cliff here. And when I do, there will be no coming back. He paused and slowly unfolded the letter.
And if it’s your will, please let there be something to break my fall on the other side.
25
No
“When you’re done talking alone,” the servant said as she and Katy flew down toward the arena platform, “Madam Donella says the Higher Chancel will address you both directly.”
“Thank you.” Katy did her best to be polite as the servant flew off, but her stomach turned uneasily as she landed on the platform. Why would they be given time alone? She tried to imagine a scenario in which good news should be received privately, but she couldn’t think of any. Even more ominous than the servant’s words, however, was Peter’s slumped, defeated posture as he sat facing away from her on the edge of a chair.
“Peter?” She walked toward him slowly. “What is it?”
When he turned, his eyes were red and watery. He was clutching a crumpled, stained parchment. She knew she should go to him, comfort him, but she felt rooted to the spot. She couldn’t have flown or walked if her life had depended on it.
“Peter?”
“The chancels,” he spoke slowly without turning, “have denied our request.”
“What does that mean?” she asked in a faint voice. She had a feeling she should know, but her mind felt suddenly quite blank.
“It means they won’t bless our marriage.” He stood and finally faced her. “And they won’t let me kneel.”
“Did they…Why?”
Peter looked back down at the parchment before handing it to her. Katy took it with trembling hands.
Prince Peter and Katrin McKine,
The Higher and Lower Chancels have deliberated with great care and given much weight to your request to marry before Peter is to kneel at the Tree of Diadems. Ultimately, our decision was made by one factor, though many smaller considerations were given as well.
We instructed no one to discuss this matter with you before the test because we had hoped you might be different from all the human-fae couples that came before you, and we did not wish for the past to cloud your heartfelt attempt at completing the tests. That said, after observing your persons in and out of the test, we have decided that the risk is simply too great. Too much of the isles’ fate rests on your shoulders, and to lose what you have would most likely cause irreparable damage.
To put it simply, no human-fae couple has ever been able to bear children.
Katy stopped reading. She wanted to cry, but her chest was too tight. No matter how much she wanted to release the pain that had stabbed at her heart, she couldn’t make a sound.
“Katy?” The anger had disappeared from Peter’s voice. But Katy couldn’t answer him. Instead, she bit her fist and continued to read.
While such a coupling is rare, it has happened with enough frequency that the barrenness of such couples is recognized throughout the isles. We had hoped that because of your unusual natures, you might be the ones to exceed expectations. Perhaps, we thought, a fairy from autumn and a man with the mark of a fairy would be able to overcome the usual trouble with your kind of coupling. But over the week in which we have watched you both, the chancel has concluded that even with your unique attributes, we cannot risk losing children from either of you.
Peter, you are a rhin, and your blood is unusually pure. To fail to pass that to another would be a travesty. Katrin, you are the first of your kind that has ever been recorded. Fae do not reproduce as fast or as often as humans. Because of this, our numbers are easily affected by any and every calamity that crosses our path. If there is a chance, even a slight one, that you might bear more children of Autumn, we cannot put that chance in jeopardy. We need you and any children you might bring forth.
This is a difficult burden to bear. Of that we are painfully aware. We wish there were a way to spare you the pain of such separation. But in time, we are confident you will each discover not only your place, but your true mates in this world. When that happens, Peter, you will not be forced to undergo the tests again. To spare you further emotional upheaval, any human woman you choose will be allowed to kneel with you at the tree.
Katy, you will be welcomed with open arms into the world of the fae. You will be celebrated and taught and enveloped in the love that should have held you years ago. And we are confident that you, too, will find a fairy that brings you more happiness than you have ever known.
We understand that comprehending a change of this magnitude will take time, and we are dismayed that it must be us who bring you such pain. Pray to Atharo for acceptance and peace.
“That’s what he meant,” she whispered. In her mind, she could see Liam as he lashed out at her behind the waterfall.
“What do you mean?” Peter asked in a dead voice as he stared out at the arena.
“Liam…” Katy choked out. “One of my trainers. He said that if we got married, I wouldn’t be able to give you what you wanted.” Her voice caught in her throat. “And in the end you would hate me.”
That got his attention. Peter marched over and knelt before her. His expression was dark. “And you believed him?”
“No!” She looked back down at the paper. “At least, I didn’t then.”
“But you do now.”
“No. I mean, I just understand.”
Peter stood and cross
ed his arms against his chest. “You understand that I could hate you. Thank you for that clarification.”
“Would you stop?” Katy threw the letter down and stood to face him. “All I’m saying is that he was warning me, but I didn’t understand what he was talking about until now!” She placed her head in her hands. The pain hacking away at her chest from the inside was quick dissolving into anger, though whom or what she was most angry with, she couldn’t tell.
“I hate this!” She rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands, as though she could rub away the horrid words. “I hate everything about it! I hate that it makes sense, even!”
“What did she tell you?”
Katy looked at Peter.
“What did Donella tell you?” he repeated, louder this time.
Katy bit her cheek. He wouldn’t like it. She was thinking clearly enough to know that. But with no foreseeable way to salvage the conversation, she decided to tell the truth. So she took a deep breath.
“She said the isles would benefit if we were apart.”
“And you believed her, too?”
“I don’t know what to believe!” Katy clenched and unclenched her hands. They burned, and if she weren’t careful, she would break something. “What am I supposed to think? We didn’t even know what we were until a month ago! We still don’t know what you are!” She felt a stab of remorse when hurt flashed across his face, but not enough to make her stop. “These people have seen couples like us try for a thousand years. What could we possibly know that they don’t? Why should we be any different?” She glowered down at the parchment on the ground, hating it with every fiber of her being. “There are five people on these isles that need to reproduce. Five! And you’re one of them!”
“Apparently, there are six,” Peter snapped. “And you’re one, too!”
“It doesn’t matter!” Katy shouted. “All that matters is that you and I can’t do the one thing our isle needed us to do most!” Her shout cracked and turned to a sob. “What if doing what we want is the selfish thing to do?”
Peter was in front of her in an instant. “Katy!” His calloused fingers squeezed hers as he bent to look her in the eyes. His were frantic and bright. “I’ve read the Chronicles of Atharo front to back. The things these people,” he waved back at the empty seats behind him, “are doing? They go against everything in the sacred texts!” He leaned forward. “We don’t have to listen to them! They put boundaries on Atharo that aren’t there in the sacred texts!”
“Oh really?” Katy leaned back. “You’re saying we need to just trust Atharo? Now? And everything will be better? Just like that?”
He nodded.
Katy pulled her hands from his. Her words tasted acidic. “Then where is he, Peter? Where is Atharo? Because every time I turn around, our lives just seem to fall deeper into this pit that we never asked to be placed in!” She gestured wildly behind her. “If we disobey them, you will never give the isle an heir! You’ll never get to kneel at the tree, and our people will starve!” She wiped angrily at the tears trying to roll down her face. “They will starve, Peter! And where is Atharo in that? Because all of our choices seem pretty bleak to me!”
“What about your manifestation? Hm?” he shot back. “How did that turn out? Because it’s something I never would have even conceived. But the isle survived. And so did we.” He took her face in his hands and pulled her close, but for the first time in her life, the gesture offered Katy no comfort. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you! The chancels…they’re lying! And stealing! And everything you see here is a front for a group of people who have no blooming idea of what they’re doing!”
Katy folded her arms. “And when were you going to tell me that the chancel is a bunch of liars and thieves?”
Peter rubbed his eyes. “I wanted to tell you a few days ago, but you were frustrated with your own—”
“I’m an adult, Peter! I deserve to know these things, too!”
“Oh, like when I tried to tell you this morning, and you listened so well when I asked you to stay because I had something to tell you?” He scoffed. “It’s not like you’d listen to me anyway.”
“Fine then.” She narrowed her eyes. “Try me.”
They’re just using you, Katy!” His ran a hand through his hair, making it stick straight up in the air. “Especially Donella. She’s the worst of them all!”
Katy pulled herself free of his grasp and shook her head. “Donella’s helped me to understand what I am. She’s encouraged the others to love me as one of their own.”
“See? This is what I mean! You’re not even listening to me! I don’t know why I even…” He stopped and closed his eyes. When he spoke again, his voice was more controlled. Not that it made Katy feel any better.
“Look,” he whispered, glancing around. “There’s a group of rebels that contacted me. They’ve told me things she’s done that you wouldn’t believe.”
But Katy took a step back. “Rebels?” she asked incredulously. “You’re getting your information from a group of rebels? Peter, we’re on the King’s Isle! Your father couldn’t say enough about this place!” She gestured in the direction of the palace. “He dreamed of coming here his entire life, and the first thing you do when you arrive to fulfill that dream is to find a group of rebels?”
“You’re not listening! They say Donella—”
“No. Whatever they said, there must have been a mistake.” She put her hand on her forehead as the world around her felt like it was beginning to turn. “Why can’t you ever just listen? Why do you always have to buck authority?” She stumbled slightly and had to resist the urge to destroy the chair that had tripped her. “You look for trouble where there isn’t any. You always have!”
“I knew this was going to happen.” Peter threw up his arms as he walked away. Then he whirled around and jabbed his finger at her. “You broke your promise.”
“My promise?” Katy’s voice was tinged with sarcasm. “Really?”
“You promised you wouldn’t let them change you. And that’s exactly what you’ve done!”
“I haven’t—”
“You’ve let them turn you into the perfect little fairy that they can direct any way they want because you trust so implicitly without every asking questions!” His voice rose to a shout again. “You’ve bought into their lie and never once stopped to question its wisdom.”
“What lie?”
“The lie that you were never enough. That because you were raised by a mere human, you were somehow less than what you should have been.”
“You take that back!” she screamed, tears streaming down her face. “I never said that!”
“You didn’t have to! You practically fell into their arms without ever casting a glance back to see what you were leaving behind.” He stretched his arms out. “You always wanted more. You wanted to meet your kind. Well, you met them. You wanted to come here. We’re here. Now the Third Isle isn’t enough for you. You need all the isles.”
“This is not about me wanting more, Peter! This is about doing what’s right!”
“Oh really? Because you keep searching. And when you find it all, will even that be enough?”
A thousand words sat on the tip of Katy’s tongue, but she couldn’t seem to utter any of them as the depth of his disappointment in her settled in. She and Peter had fought more than enough in their lives. But never once had he ever been disappointed in her.
For a moment, Peter said nothing, just glared out at the arena below. When he spoke again, his voice was quiet. “There was a time,” he said without turning, “when you thought I was enough.”
Katy whirled around and lifted into the air as fast as her wings could take her. She wept as she flew, the wind making her eyes sting even more as it hit where the tears were welling up.
“Katy?” Donella’s voice floated to her on the wind. Katy immediately turned away from the voice, but she was too late. Donella had found her.
“Katy! I’m sorry,” D
onella called over the wind. “I had hoped he would be kind.” Her tone brightened. “But it’s for the best. Now we can focus on—”
“I don’t want to hear it!” Katy refused to look at her, hating the hopeful light in the older fairy’s voice. Why did she have to sound so ready to move on? It’s like she wasn’t even giving them time to mourn.
Donella tried to take her hand. “I know this is hard. But you’re—”
“Leave me alone!” Katy shoved Donella’s hand off and pushed her wings harder than she ever had before. Trees and paths below began to blur as she went faster and faster. She could hear Donella calling for her to come back, but the pleas only pushed her harder. She didn’t know where she was going or what she was doing. She only needed to get away. To be anywhere but here.
***
Katy alternated between flying and running for what felt like hours. She didn’t want to slow at all, but her wings weren’t strong enough to keep up such a fast pace without resting every few minutes. She was sure Donella would send other fairies to look for her, so flying high wasn’t a choice. And yet, she her wings weren’t yet agile enough to fly low, where she might run into trees and boulders and such. So when it was clear, she flew low, and when flying was impossible, she ran.
“She’s this way!”
Katy veered right. The voice had come from above, so she dove into a pile of bushes while she tried to reorient herself. Where was she flying anyway? As she tried to quiet her breath and she waited for the fairies to pass her, however, a chilly breeze made her shiver.
Only then did she realize how very close she had come to Autumn.
Autumn. Of course. The fairies wouldn’t venture after her there.
Wings whirred past her hiding place, and Katy crouched even lower in the mulberry bush as they paused just above.
“See anything?” she heard a voice call, this one unfamiliar as well.
“No,” the first voice, a man’s, said. “She must have doubled back to the path!”
The Autumn Fairy of Ages Page 22
