by Claire Adams
The smell of her body still lingered for me and I closed my eyes while in the kitchen and remembered her touch. It had taken every last bit of my energy to pull away from her and send her back inside the house. She didn’t want me. It was a stress reaction to all that she had been through. No matter how badly I wanted her, I wouldn’t take advantage of her when she was vulnerable.
“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep so I got up early and worked out, took a shower, and baked these little mini quiche,” Ana said with a wide grin on her face.
“A little sleep deprived mania seems to be doing her well.” Chase snickered as he stood next to me.
I wasn’t at all happy to hear that Ana hadn’t slept, but I wasn’t going to make a scene with Chase and Jordan there. Instead, I would go along with her act just until they left, but then we were going to have a serious talk about what she needed to do if she actually wanted to start feeling better.
“Yeah, she’s in a much better mood,” I added. “So, are you serving us this delicious breakfast you made?”
My voice cut through the kitchen and the smile on Ana’s face instantly froze. She didn’t look at me at all, but turned and grabbed a plate and filled it up. The quick move to total silence was strange and Jordan gave me a look like I had done something wrong. I hated that look, and when it came from Jordan I hated it even more. Jordan had turned into the mother figure of our little group and I didn’t want to do anything to disappoint her.
I shrugged my shoulders. I had no idea what I had done that had Ana unwilling to look at me or talk to me. It was she who had kissed me and I simply put a stop to it. If anyone should be embarrassed, it would be me for actually stopping such a beautiful woman’s advances. If I had been a lesser man, I would have let her continue. I would have kept her hand wrapped around my throbbing cock and maybe even brought her inside to my bed. But I was better than that and Ana deserved better than making out with me in my makeshift gym.
“Can you hand that to Nathan, please?” Ana asked Jordan softly without looked toward me at all.
“Sure.”
I saw Jordan’s eyes staring me down as she walked over and handed me the plate. I continued to shrug and tried to figure out what the heck I had done. Let’s be honest, I thought I had done something for sure. As a soldier, I was very observant, as a private security guard as well, but as a man around a woman, I couldn’t figure out a damn thing.
Chase laughed and covered his mouth as he watched Jordan chastising me with her eyes. He seemed particularly amused by the trouble I was in. Chase and Jordan were so perfect together it made me sick to my stomach sometimes. But not because I hated it; I wanted what they had someday, I just didn’t know how long I wanted to wait before I went after that domestic lifestyle.
“What did you do? Why does Ana hate you?” Chase whispered.
“Let’s go out to my shed I’ll tell you.”
I finished eating the quiche as Jordan handed Chase his own to eat. The silence continued and the level of awkwardness that filled the room made it like a thick cell that we all wanted to escape. Chase could hardly keep a straight face as he finished his food and tried to get out of the kitchen without getting into any more trouble with the ladies.
“Hey, how’s the gym going out back?” Chase offered up as a reason for us to leave.
“Let me show you. It’s looking real nice. You ladies enjoy catching up; we’re going to head out back.”
As quickly as possible, Chase and I made our way out of the house and toward my workout shed without looking back. Chase was almost buckled over with laughter by the time we made it to the building, and I couldn’t hold back my own laughter at the sight of him. He hadn’t seen me get into trouble with Jordan before and it was causing some pretty hilarious laughter in both of us.
“What did you do?” Chase asked accusingly. “You slept with her, didn’t you?”
He didn’t look particularly disappointed at the idea that I would have slept with Ana. She was a beautiful woman and I would have been lucky to have her in my bed. But I absolutely wouldn’t take advantage of her like that. She had so much healing still to do and I would just cause more harm than good if I got involved with her.
“No!”
“Why did you just look away when you said that?” Chase exclaimed. “I know all those facial recognition things too. I’ve read the books. You’re lying to me. Why did you look away?”
“I didn’t. Hey, I’m the one with facial recognition experience. You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
But clearly he did. My years of harping about what liars look like when they lie had obviously soaked in and Chase knew that something was up. Certainly, I wasn’t lying to him, but the fact that I looked away when he asked the question showed that there was much more to the story than I was letting on. As much as I didn’t want to tell Chase what had happened, I knew it would be easier to just cave in and tell him now.
“Okay, well there was a kiss,” I added.
“You sly dog. She’s sexy as hell. I say go for it. Give her something to be distracted by,” Chase joked with me and punched my arm.
“No, she kissed me!”
“What? No way.”
“Yeah, first she yelled and screamed at me after having a dissociative event and cutting her hand. Then she came out here and kissed me.”
Of course there was much more to the story, but I didn’t feel like Chase needed to hear all of that. I just wanted to fill him in on the basics of what happened. But it really didn’t give any clues to why Ana wasn’t looking at me at all while she was in the kitchen.
“Shit, what happened before she kissed you? That seems odd.”
“I was just trying to be nice to her and told her what happened when she spaced out. Then she touched me.”
Chase again started to laugh like he was a teenage boy. We hadn’t had a good talk about my love life in a few months; it felt good to have my brother there to chat with. I only wished that our brother, Jeremiah, was around too; he always loved a good make-out story. Jeremiah went on to become an actor, and I swore that it was because he would get to make out with different women and get paid for it. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had become a porn star, but was much happier with the plan of being an actor.
“She touched you in a bad spot?” he teased.
“Stop. It’s serious, Chase. She’s not in any position to be fucking someone. I put a stop to it, and now she won’t even look at me.”
“She’s just embarrassed. Girls hate being told no.”
“How would you know, Chase? You’ve never told a girl no before.” I laughed hysterically.
“So, you want her to come stay with us still?” Chase questioned me with a smirk.
I could see it in his eyes that he thought I had ulterior motives. I really couldn’t blame him. He knew me well. I certainly hadn’t established myself as the relationship type of guy or the sweet, sensitive guy who would give up a night of sex with any woman. But things were different with Ana.
Ana had been through so much already; I couldn’t be the person who took advantage of her. She didn’t even know how to care for herself yet after all she had gone through. I also wouldn’t be the person who sent her away at the first sign of trouble. I could control myself around her, even if she wasn’t able to.
My philandering was always with women who knew exactly what we were getting ourselves into. Women from the bars who practically threw themselves at me so I would take them home. Those women were nothing like Ana. I didn’t feel bad about screwing them on a one-night stand because I knew nothing about them. But I knew about Ana and I wasn’t about to do something I would regret with her.
When I was around Ana, I was a different man than I was around any other person on the earth. Everything about her made me want to be a better person and I liked that about her. I wanted to be a better man and less of an asshole to her; it wasn’t something she asked for, though, it was just how I wanted her to see me.
<
br /> From the moment I carried her out of Stephano’s home, I felt something for her. It was a connection, a need to protect her. I wasn’t about to go against that feeling. Whatever was coming in the future for Ana and I wouldn’t come until she was better and I felt like she knew what she was doing. Because at the moment, it felt like Ana was whirling through life on autopilot with no control over her actions.
“I don’t think she wants to leave, but we can ask her. If she wants to stay, I’m fine with it. Does she have a counselor or someone to talk to? I feel like she needs someone.”
Chase noted the serious tone in my voice and he didn’t continue on with the teasing. He and I were close enough that he knew when I was ready to move on. Chase could tell that I really did care about Ana’s wellbeing.
“I’ll have Jordan and her work something out. How long until you head out on your next job?”
“No idea. I haven’t returned anyone’s calls.”
“Are you ready to start your own thing? I’d be happy to invest.”
Chase knew I had a business plan to start my own private security firm. I was so sick and tired of deploying to dangerous locations with crappy intel and poor supplies. These suits that ran my current company didn’t understand how much safer the jobs could be if only they would hire an analyst to work up the areas before we arrived. Currently, the intelligence package we got about locations was so old that often we didn’t even have an accurate map to work with. That intel information was crucial for being able to protect the big named senators, celebrities, and executives that I was hired to work with. Sooner or later, a big event was going to happen all because of the crappy intelligence they had.
Plus, they often sent us to locations with nothing more than a couple handguns. These were dangerous places where the rebels had grenades, missiles, and night vision, and we had nothing to protect ourselves. Most of the guys who worked with me had all purchased their own bulletproof vests to give their families some sort of reassurance that they had protection, but it was a minimal effort against some of the rebels we encountered.
“No, I think I’m going to have to wait a couple more months. Two of the guys who want to come work with me are in contracts until then. I’d also like to pull away one of their big clients, which means I need to do one more job for him. Prove that I can handle his work.”
“Where’s the job?”
“I’ve heard he has an office in Damascus, Syria that he’s trying to close down and get his people out of. He’s got a new, billion-dollar facility in Dubai that he’s moving everyone to.”
“Syria? Shit, that’s dangerous.”
“I know. He’s been trying to get people and their families out slowly, but it’s tough. I think that’s the job they’ve been calling me about. But to be honest, it scares the hell out of me. Not because it’s Syria, but because my employer won’t make it a very safe job.”
“What isn’t a safe job?” Jordan asked as we turned and saw her and Ana standing in the doorway.
“His next assignment is in Syria,” Chase added.
“Syria? Why would you go there? That’s way too dangerous. You should tell them no,” Ana voiced her concern. “I was there with my family ten years ago; it was dangerous then and it’s much worse now.”
“You were there?” I asked.
This tidbit of information about her past was about all I knew so far. Jordan had been pretty busy with her life with Chase and I hadn’t tried to be too pushy to find out. All I knew was that Ana had accepted an invitation from Stephano to come to the United States from Liechtenstein.
“Yeah, my father had a job over there for a short period of time. Luckily, he got out though. Most of the men at his company were murdered by rebels in the area a few years later.”
“Nate works as a private security guard for an oil tycoon over there.”
“Thanks, Chase, for that commentary,” I joked with him. “I don’t know if I’m going to take the job yet. I haven’t returned a call to the office in a few weeks.”
I noticed Ana’s hand started to shake and she grabbed onto Jordan and whispered something in her ear. The two women turned toward each other, and Chase and I watched as they were deep in conversation.
“We are going to head back inside,” Jordan said and wrapped her arm around Ana’s waist and walked away.
“I can’t take that job and leave Ana here,” I said.
“Well, you can’t stop working for the rest of your life to take care of her either. She’ll be fine. Give it a week or two and then take your job. Jordan can come stay here, or Ana can just come and stay with us. We will take care of her.”
“Chase! Nate! Come help!” Jordan screamed from the house.
Her voice seemed frantic as we both took off running toward the house. When we got close enough, we saw Ana on the ground with Jordan standing over her. Ana was pale and appeared to have passed out but was coming back to us as she opened her eyes.
“What happened?” I asked as I kneeled down next to her.
“She was hyperventilating and as we walked up the steps she just collapsed.”
I couldn’t believe my eyes as I saw her lying there on the ground. She looked so fragile and I instantly remembered what she had looked like while sitting in the corner of the room at Stephano’s.
“Does anything hurt?” I asked.
“No. I’m fine,” Ana said as she started to stand up.
“I don’t think so. I’ll get you inside to your bed.”
I scooped Ana up into my arms as Jordan held the door for me so I could carry her into the room. She was light, barely heavy enough for me to struggle with at all. I flashed back to that night when I picked her up from a back bedroom at Stephano’s house. She had been so scared, so innocent, and so out of it.
“Put me down, you big oaf. I’m perfectly capable of walking,” Ana said as she slapped my chest.
“Ouch.”
She sure was a handful when she was conscious, I laughed to myself. But it was serious that she had passed out. Normal, healthy people didn’t just pass out for no reason and I thought we should probably take her to the doctor to get checked out, but then I knew she wouldn’t agree to that unless it was an actual emergency.
“I’m not an infant. Put me down. I’m fine.”
“I was just trying to help.”
“I don’t need rescuing,” Ana said firmly as I carried her into her room.
Her room was in perfect order, with everything organized and in place. I noticed the sandwich I had made her the previous evening was still sitting on the nightstand. I really didn’t like all the fake energy that she had been pretending to have; there was no way a woman could stay up all night long and then have that kind of energy in the next morning.
“Did you eat anything?” I questioned.
“I don’t remember.”
“You made breakfast for us all, and I didn’t see you eat anything then either. Did you eat something or not?”
“Don’t talk to me like a child.”
“Well, if you’re going to act like a child then I’m going to talk to you like one.” I grabbed the sandwich and placed it in her hands. “Eat.”
“Jordan!” Ana screamed as she stood up to leave, but I didn’t move from the doorway.
Jordan came and stood next to me. I hoped she wouldn’t start trying to protect Ana and instead would let Ana and I work things out, but I didn’t have the time to explain to Jordan why she should leave Ana alone for a few moments at least.
“This oaf is trying to tell me what to do.”
“I’d listen to him if I were you. You should eat something,” Jordan sweetly replied.
“Fine,” Ana said as she took a big bite of her sandwich.
I smiled at her as we both turned back toward Ana. She saw the united front that was going on and sulked back into her bed. She sure was a stubborn one. But then again, I was exactly the same way.
“You are wrapped up in your thoughts; you have to let N
ate help. And you have to sleep and eat. You’ll never get better if you don’t,” Jordan continued. “You didn’t sleep last night, did you?”
“I wasn’t that tired.”
“Maybe you should come stay with us. I can hire a nurse to come help take care of you. It’s important that you eat and sleep.”
“Hell no! I’m fine right here. There is no way I’m going to have some lady in a white coat trying to tell me what to do.”
“Then you’ll need to take care of yourself, or that’s exactly what I’ll do,” Jordan threatened as she moved toward Ana and hugged her. “I need you to get well. You’re going to be an aunt soon.”
Jordan put Ana’s hand on her belly so she could feel the baby moving. The tension in the room calmed down almost instantly and Ana started to tear up. I made my way out of the room and let the two women have their moment. They weren’t sisters, but Ana and Jordan were just as close as sisters, and I could tell Jordan only wanted what was best for her friend. Just like I did.
Chapter Seven
ANA
Emotions were never something I was very good at. I tried to avoid them even more while in treatment. But I knew I had to face them. The problem was, I also had to function day in and day out, and after kissing Nate and screaming at him the night before, I knew I had to do something different. I had to figure out a way to get a hold of myself and my emotions. I felt so out of control. It really wasn’t Nate’s fault and I knew that; it was me and my emotions. I was going to work harder to have more control.
I had stayed up all night long trying to organize and control my environment. I took a shower, shaved my legs, made breakfast for Nate, which ended up being for Jordan and Chase as well. It helped my anxiety to stay so busy, but again, I knew I shouldn’t have stayed up all night long.
It was weird how I could tell something was wrong when I looked back at the moment, but I couldn’t tell in the moment at all. It wasn’t easy trying to adjust to normal life and I was going to have to learn some hard lessons along the way.
Nate was right, though: I wasn’t taking good care of myself and I knew it. After six months at the treatment facility, I was on my own and sucking at caring for myself. It was a simple thing that even a teenager could manage to do, yet I had been making a mess of it since I got out of treatment.
