"Sister, is everything ok?" The nurse looked at me strange.
I quickly nodded my head and hurried to Jazz’s room. “Oh, my God, he is here. I wonder who he came to see?”
Shit just got real
"Slow down," Cynthia called behind me.
I didn’t mean to leave her, but I needed to get to Stacy. I needed to assure her that I would make my wrong a right. I had to let her know that, that punk would not get away with hurting her. I knew some heartless muthafuckas, but that right there took the cake. That coward came after my woman not once, but twice. First, Pam. Y'all remember when that punk left that note on my car inside of an envelope with a Welcome to Hell written across it in dark blue marker? And, underneath was a picture of two caskets. One casket was red and the other was pink; the first thing that came to mind was Pam, she was buried in a pink casket. When I opened the envelope, there was a note that read, Yeah, nigga, it ain't over until the preacher stop breathing... He was fucking with the wrong one. I was going to dead that nigga if I got a chance. I’d repent for it all.
"How you doing, sir?" a nurse standing in the hallway spoke.
I took note of the nun walking in 17B. It looked like she had saw a ghost when I walked in. I guess I looked that evil. Stacy was in 18A. I gave the nurse a head nod. By the time I make it to Stacy’s room Cynthia had caught up with me.
"Look." Cynthia pulled me by the shoulder. "Don't tell her I told you about Calvin. Let her tell you." I stared at her like she spoke a foreign language. “Just let her tell you. And, whatever you do, do not take her words to heart. She may not show it, but she is really hurting behind this. And, you leaving," she said somberly.
I pulled my arm from her grip, took a deep breath, and walked into the room. Damn, was my thought when I lay eyes on her. She was lying up in a full body cast and her eyes had black rings around them as if she hadn’t slept in months. Her lips were dry and chapped, and her hair was braided to the back. It hurt me to see such a beautiful lady look so bad.
~ Stacy ~
I know the fuck this ain't who I think it is in front of me looking like a sad and confused puppy. Ain’t this a bitch! I looked at Cynthia’s albino looking ass. She had her nerve to bring him up here. She knew how I felt about his sorry ass. Since she wanna play matchmaker, I was going to give her ugly ass a piece of my mind, too. They both could get the hell on.
"Stacy," he said in a soft whisper, sounding like a bitch.
"Make my name taste like shit in your mouth. Get the fuck out!" I snapped. If I wasn't in that fucking body cast, I swear I would be beating his ass upside the head. I hated him.
"Stacy," he repeated, and it pissed me even more the fuck off.
"Nigga, I thought I just said to get the fuck out?" I looked at Cynthia, who was stood by the door looking like a fool. "Why in the hell did you bring him up here?" I screamed on her.
"Stacy, he cares about you. Just talk to him." She had the nerve to tap her feet like she was nervous.
“How in the fuck do he care about me? It's because of his sorry weak ass that I'm in here.” I could feel myself about to cry, so I shut up. Gary walked closer and touched my arm. I wish I could snatch away, but I was all fucked up. I couldn’t believe it.
"I'm deeply sorry for hurting you. Stacy, I love you and I am truly sorry this happened."
Did that nigga just say love? Naw, not the same nigga that left me all alone so he could go to prison and seek revenge on his dead wife’s husband. Yeah, I knew he thought Calvin had something to do with Pam's death, but could he prove it? Did he think one time what would happen to me by leaving me on the streets alone? No, because he was too busy worrying about that bitch Pam. I looked Gary in the eyes. The son of bitch’s eyes were watering. He is straight about to make me vomit.
"You’re sorry, you say?" I had to laugh, the shit was amusing.
"Yes." He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I'm sorry for leaving you, please, forgive me."
With that said, I hulked up a glob of spit and just like I did Calvin that day on the side of the freeway, I spit in his face. I look at the nigga like, what. I dared him to try something. "You damn right you're sorry. A sorry ass nigga you are!"
"Stacy!" Cynthia yelled, and ran over to me. She stood between us.
"Bitch, get out. You shouldn't have brought this coward here. Both of y'all get the fuck out." I cried as I watched G use his shirt and wipe his face. He looked at me as if he was pissed. Damn I wished I wasn't in that cast. Since I couldn’t knock him upside the head with my fist, I tried to hurt him with words. "You are a bitch nigga. A coward. A soft punk. That’s why that nigga beat your ass in jail.” I glanced at the security and two nurses rushing into the room.
“Sir, you need to leave,” a short, black guard said. Gary walked closer to me and I turned my head.
"Stacy, I'm sorry. I will make it up to you." He then turned, walked toward the door, and stood there.
“I hate you, you’re not shit. It’s all your fault. I hope you get hit by a car and suffer like I am.” I broke down crying. I tried so hard to change, I tried so hard to make a new leaf, but I guess I was and would never be strong enough. I guess that is why God took my daughter from me, he knew I wasn’t ready to be a part of Sabrina’s life.
“Is everything ok?” I looked up when I heard the soft, compassionate voice. A black nun? I scrunched up my face. Besides Sister Act, I had never seen a black nun. “Can I pray with you?” She asked me, but her eyes were fixed on Gary as he walked out of the room.
I hoped he had walked out of my life for good. I instantly became vexed because although I was feeling one way, my heart wanted him to stay. "Hell no, I'm not alright."
The nun finally gave me her complete attention. The compassionate look she held in her eyes when she looked at Gary was now one of shock. The nun walked over and placed her hand on the rail. "It's going to be okay. What happened, was that your boyfriend?" The nosy nun asked.
"No, I was just a bitch that he was using to get over his dead ass wife. I’m the bitch that got caught up in his bullshit. I'm here because he is a weak ass coward who used me to get over that AIDS having HOE wife of his." I guess I said too much for the nun because she ran out of the room. I didn't give a fuck. I didn’t ask her to come in, anyway.
*****
Seeing Gary with Stacy and the way he looked at her with so much compassion, I wanted to break down and cry. I wanted to ask him was it real, but I couldn’t, I had to play the role. Me being a part of Jazz’s life as much as I could for the moment was way more important, but what hurt the most out of it all was how Stacy thought of me. How she talked about me. She was my friend. My best friend. When she hurt, I hurt. Wow, I was at lost for words. As I walked toward Jazz’s room, I got another site to see.
“Oh, my God. Call 911, break them up!" I yelled at the security.
Calvin and Gary were in the hallway fighting. And, Calvin was getting the best of Gary. That was until Cynthia picked up the chair and hit Calvin in the back. He didn't fall, but it caused him lose the grip he had around Gary's neck. Gary then gave him three quick jabs to the gut, causing Calvin to hunch over. "Aww.” I cringed when Gary elbowed Calvin in the face, making blood splatter. Gary then picked up that same chair and hit Calvin over the head with it, and that time he fell to the ground. "Stop it, stop it, Gary!" I screamed. He stopped and looked at me.
"Let's go, they said they called the police." Cynthia tried pulling him away.
The way Gary looked at me, I knew I was busted. I had to think of something fast. I put on my white, soft voice, and said "Sir, leave before the police come." I held my hand over the scarf I had around my mouth.
"Nigga, your ass is going back to jail and I ain't going with you!" Cynthia yelled, and then took off running. As if something snapped him out of his trance, Gary ran behind her.
I looked at Calvin and wished that he was dead, but with my luck that wasn't the case. Slowly, he tried to get up from the ground, but fell back down. Thre
e nurses rushed to his aid while I went back to check on Jazz.
Beep, beep, beep. The sound of the alarm on my watch alerted me. It was time for me to go. Detective F should be on his way in from the office and I needed to be back in the Ville ASAP. I kissed Jazz on the forehead. “Mommy loves you. I'll be back as soon as I can." I thought I saw her eyes blink. I stood there for a few seconds to see if she would blink again, but she didn’t. "I love you," I whispered. Without being noticed, I snuck pass the cops and nurses. They were putting Calvin onto a bed. Gary had beat the hell out of him.
Chapter 4- Dena Kenslow
It had been one of the worst days of my life. Not too long ago I laid my first born, my son, to rest and I was all messed up over it. I was sitting in my backyard at four in the morning crying my eyes out. I thought I was all out of tears, but the more I stared across the yard at the pool house Diesel stayed in, I thought about him and started to cry all over again. I asked Laurie and Rosa to attend to baby, Amanda. I couldn't look at her. Her ocean blue eyes and those dimples reminded me so much of her daddy. I picked up the glass of vodka from the table and took a sip. As I stared at the waterfall, I thought of how I was going to get that asshole, Ken. I couldn't prove it. There were witnesses that saw him damn near beat my son to death on his graduation from the rehab, but there was no proof that he actually killed him. But, I knew he did. I knew he killed my baby and for that, he would pay. If loving you is wrong, I don't wanna be right. The old school jam began to play and I looked over at my cell phone. I already knew that it was Calvin because of the ring tone. I debated if I wanted answer or not. He didn't even show up to my son’s funeral. The phone stop ringing only to start back again. I took another sip of my drink before answering.
"Hello." I was dry and I wanted him to know.
"I need you to come and get me from the hospital?"
"What? Are you alright?" I sat up in my chair, totally forgetting that I was just feeling salty because he hadn’t been there for me.
“Naw, a lot of shit has been going on. I ain’t even trying to talk about it. I got jumped tonight. I need you to come pick me up.”
"Of course. Of course, I will pick you up. Where are you?" Calvin told me that he was at Harbor. A county hospital. I told him that I'd be right there and we hung up. Something had to give. I couldn't stand to lose another person I loved or cared about. I thought he needed to take off work for a while, maybe find a new profession. When the time was right, I would run it by him. I wondered how his daughter was doing.
~ Jazz- I Remember Now ~
I remember. I remember now. I got a call from the alarm company telling me that the alarm went off. Because I was mad at Ken I started not to go, but I remembered that I was part owner as well and it was my responsibility, too. I got dressed, jumped in Ken’s truck, and left. When I got there, it was dark. Real dark. Someone had knocked out the lights in the parking lot as well as in front of the studio. I spoke to an operator from the alarm company that let me know that the cops were pulling up. Since the alarm always went off, nothing had ever happened, and I didn't see any unusual activities, I jumped out of the truck. I didn’t even bother to check my surroundings before I ran toward the front to catch the cops. When I get there, the cops were already cruising bye. They didn’t even stop.
I remembered there was a homeless lady standing out there. She asked me was I alright and I told her yes, and by the time I turned my head and turned back around she was gone. Maybe that was part of the setup. I didn't think anything of it, so I walked back to the truck carefree. When I made it there, that was when someone grabbed me. Before I could fight or even scream I got light headed, and then I didn't remember anything else until I heard men’s voices. It sounded like a confrontation. I then felt myself being tossed on the hard pavement. I slightly open my eyes. I felt dizzy, my vision was somewhat blurry, but I could tell that I was at the studio by the initials J & K on the wall. It felt like something was stuck in my throat. As I tried to get up, I began to cough. Right after, I heard POW and my ears began to ring. I looked around and I saw several dudes, who looked as they were ready for war. One guy fell down right in front on me; blood was all over his shirt. I tried to get up, but my legs were too weak. I crawled and tried standing to run, and that was when I felt something hot pierce me in my back. The pain was worse than the time I was shot at Colisa’s house with those rubber bullets the cops used. The pain was gruesome. “Helpppp…” It hurt I screamed. It felt like something had ripped through my back, and then my body hit the ground. I lay there with my face on the pavement.
I heard more shots. It sounded like something on a movie. I was in so much pain, I wanted to die. I tried my best to die. I closed my eyes and even held my breath. I waited on my mother to come for me. My body began to get weak. I felt myself leaving the world. My mom wasn't there, but I didn't care, I had to go. As I felt my soul lifting from my body, I heard him scream my name. It sounded as if he was in just as much pain as I was. It even sounded like he was crying. “Jazzzzzz!” he continued to scream. Hearing Ken’s voice, it was if my soul changed her mind and re-entered my body. I didn't want her to, though. I wanted her to take me to the king, help me find my mother. I loved Ken no matter what and hearing him cry out for me touched my heart, but I was done with this world. I no longer wanted any parts of the evil, cruel, and selfish place. I needed peace, I deserved peace. I was a good person, I thought, why did so much bad come my way? Thinking over my life and the fact that I felt my soul back in my body, I felt myself crying. My heart hurt more than the pain from the gun shots. As if the Lord heard my cries, everything went black.
“As of now, she's a Jane Doe."
Oh, no I’m still here? I thought when I heard the voice.
“Her blood pressure is dropping. Come on, baby, fight. Fight, baby." That was confirmation that God didn’t grant my desire and take me away. I was heartbroken. “Stay with me, baby. Don’t leave. You have your entire life ahead of you.”
No, I don't wanna fight. Just let me die, I tried to speak, but I think something was in my mouth. If you've been through the things that I had, you wouldn't be saying that. Why are you trying to save me? I don't wanna be saved. That was what I wanted to say, but, again, I couldn't talk. Tears streamed down the side of my face and my mind flashed back to...
When I found out my mother had AIDS, it was right after Ken’s mother came to the house and pulled a gun on her. I'd never forget how I felt when she told me how she contracted the virus. She was trying to protect the life of my father by sleeping with that no good, Mr. Biggs. After all she did for him, could you believe Yay-Yay had the nerve to be his daughter? My daddy didn’t even appreciate, love, or respect my mother enough that he went and slept with her sister, giving her a baby. I'd never forget how she found out. It was when I went to give Yay blood after her being shot. It all came out then. My mother was so ready to give up on life, but she said I was the reason that she stayed strong. She said that she couldn't bear the thought of me being here on earth without her. I told her that I felt the same way, and, that day, we both vowed to never allow anyone to steal our joy and to always be together. Well, that vow was null and void the day she was gunned down on her wedding day. My mother died right before my very eyes. When she left me, I wondered if the doctors told her to fight. I wondered if my mother was tired of all the bullshit and decided that she no longer wanted to fight.
"Bullet number one," I heard the doctor say. I then heard, “She's going to make it.” I was not sure how much longer later, but I heard, “Bullet two is out.” After that, I must have dozed back off. The next time I became alert was the other day.
I swear, I thought I heard my mother standing by my side telling me that she loved me and that she'd never leave me. I waited to see if she would appear in my dream, reach out her hand, and take me into the beautiful, blue sky with her. I imaged her singing and I dancing, the two of us enjoying ourselves until it was time to be judged. "I love you, baby," I heard her say. I swe
ar that lady was standing next to me. I tried to open my eyes, but my lids were too heavy. And, then her voice disappeared.
I miss you, mommy, and I want to leave this world to be with you, was my last thought before I drifted back off.
I was not sure exactly how many days ago that was, but there I was back up. My eyes were opened and I could see a blurry hospital room. I heard the doctor’s voice. I thought that was my grandmother’s voice, too. I couldn't see because I was lying on my stomach.
“I really don't think we should move her. I can assure you that she will remain Jane Doe and no one could locate her.”
"Well, her father, my son, wants her moved. And, let the doctor know that we decided to terminate the pregnancy. It's going to be too much for her to handle. Being paralyzed, the baby. It's too much."
Someone help me, I think I'm about to have a panic attack. Jane Doe, no one can locate me? Where's Ken? Terminate? I forgot that I was pregnant. Paralyzed? Dammit. My eyes get heavy again. I was fighting hard to open them and every time I seemed to get them half open, they shut again.
“Jazz, you are stronger than whatever it is they have you on. Jazz, open up your eyes.”
I was not sure who the voice belonged to, but it was what I needed to hear. My eyes popped open and I snatch the mask from my face.
"No, don't do that," I heard the nurse say. She walked to my bed and put back on the oxygen mask.
"I thought I asked you guys to keep her comfortable. She needs to be resting. Her being awake isn't going to do anything but make her upset and act like that," I heard my grandmother say.
"It seems to me that you are trying to keep her drugged up,” the nurse accused. I couldn't see her face because I was lying on my stomach, but I saw my grandmother’s black, orthopedic shoes walk up and stand next to me. I then saw the nurse’s shoes. From what I could tell, they were standing face to face.
Too Salty: Ain't a Damn Thang Changed (Part 6) Page 2
