Now, Leo smiled as Bibi rolled Margot into the house. She bent down and took Margot’s hand. “Hi, Margot. Do you remember me?” Leo had visited her in the hospital the day before.
Margot just smiled. And then one of the kittens, a little, snow-white girl, tumbled into the room, followed quickly by her grey tabby siblings, sister and brother. Margot saw them, and her smile grew. She tried to get up from her wheelchair, but her leg was extended in its tall cast. Faith reached down and picked up the white girl, who was trying to climb the wheelchair, anyway.
“This is Blanca, Margot.” Calling her ‘Mom’ had only confused her, more often than not. “Would you like to hold her?”
“Please.” She took the kitten from Faith’s hands and tucked her under her neck. “I love babies. I didn’t know you had babies here. Everything’s all right, then.”
Faith felt something like love, watching her mother cuddle the kitten and laugh when her whiskers tickled her face. She hadn’t felt anything like love for her mother in a very long time. It hurt.
Seeing her calm with the kittens made her think that maybe she could be okay with Tucker, too. That was a huge leap, she knew. But Tucker was a sweet, beautiful little boy, who was usually quiet. Maybe Margot would like having him around. Maybe…maybe Michael and Tucker could move in here with them. When Michael got custody, at least.
Leo smiled and winked at Faith and then went behind the wheelchair. “Why don’t we go into the kitchen and put some lunch together? Are you hungry?”
“I have a shoot tomorrow. I can’t eat. But I’ll have some coffee. Is the coffee good here?”
Leo’s brow furrowed lightly. She didn’t know Margot’s past. But Bibi stepped up. “We had to reschedule that until your leg is better, baby. You should eat so you heal up faster.”
Margot looked at the cast on her leg like she’d never seen it before. A blank mask of confusion rolled over her face, and then she smiled again, rubbing her face on the kitten. “Oh, yeah. I forgot. That was stupid of me. Okay. Can I have grilled cheese?”
“Absolutely,” Leo answered.
“Watch out for the babies!” Margot admonished as Leo pushed her chair through to the kitchen.
Faith watched them go, her head in turmoil. It was always in turmoil these days. Bibi put her arm around her waist and pulled her close. “Maybe she’ll come back a little, now that she’s home.”
“I don’t know if I want her to. Isn’t that awful? But she’s nicer this way.”
Bibi sighed. “Oh, baby. I wish I could fix what broke between you two. I guess it’s too late now. But she does love you. I know her better than anybody alive. She loves you. But she hates the way she sees her failin’s in you.”
Faith flinched. “Jesus, Beebs. Ow.”
“I said that wrong. She sees that she fucked up with you. And she’s not the kind of person who can confront her mistakes.”
Faith shook her head. A person who couldn’t accept their own mistakes was an asshole, plain and simple. “I don’t know why you love her so much. I don’t know what you see in her. Or what my dad did.”
“Blue was no great prize, either. I loved him, but he was a domineerin’ son of a bitch. If he’d’ve been mine, I’d’ve killed him within a year. Oh, that man could not see any way but his own. Margot used to fight and fight him, but she always gave in. For years, he just rolled right over her. What he wanted, he got. And then she finally figured him out. She figured out how to make him think what she wanted was what he wanted. Once it started to work, it became a habit. I’d say that was when she started bein’ not so nice.”
Bibi gave her a squeeze. “And he was always sweet to you. Sweeter even than he was with your sister. You had him tied in a bow around your finger, and it hurt your mama to see it, when she had to fight him so hard, all the time.”
Pages of the past were flipping in Faith’s head, and old hurts, hurts that had been aching ever since the hospital had called her about her mother’s accident, began to bleed. “That’s what she did to me, isn’t it? It wasn’t my dad. It was her.”
“What good is it pickin’ at that old sore? Blue was out of his head. They both were. You know that. Your daddy saw you as his baby. The thought of what Demon…well, that was too much for Blue.”
“I mean the rest of it. What happened after.”
Bibi stepped away and picked up Margot’s suitcase. “You need to stop thinkin’ about that, honey. It can’t be undone, so let it be. I’m gonna unpack your mama’s shit. Why don’t you see if Leo needs anythin’.”
After Bibi left the room, Faith picked up one of the grey tabbies. There was another kitten, solid grey, around somewhere. And Sly, too. He might have been outside, but he’d been staying close since he had a family to see to.
Standing in place, Faith tucked the kitten—she was calling this little boy Petey—under her chin.
She couldn’t let it be, because it was a secret between her and Michael, and he had laid himself out to her. Because she was a stupid, jealous cunt, she’d basically forced him to tell her things that hurt him to think about. And now they hurt her, too. Maybe he’d been right to think that she couldn’t understand. But he’d been wrong to worry that it would change her love for him. If anything, knowing what his life was, and knowing him now, his strength and his kindness, his capacity for love, made her love him all the more.
Now she had to tell him the thing she was holding back. She had to. No secrets—that was what he’d said, what he wanted. But Bibi was right. Her secret would hurt him. It might break him.
So she would hold onto it until she figured out a way to tell him without hurting him.
~oOo~
“Wouldn’t be much to make this into a shop for you.” Michael stood with her in the garage. With the help of Keanu and Peaches, they were working on clearing the mountain of junk out of this three-car space.
“Studio. I’m an artist. What I need is a studio.”
“You want a welding rig in here. That’s a shop, babe.”
She laughed and punched his arm. “If you can make it work for me, call it what you want.”
“No sweat.” He hooked a finger through her belt loop and pulled her close. “It’s not drywalled, and that’s good. The ceiling’s already vented. We can put in some fireproof insulation, improve the lighting, bring all your studio shit in here. And put in a steel door into the house. Take me a weekend.”
“Really?”
“Sure. We can send a couple Prospects to move your shit from Venice.”
“Stop calling my things shit.”
He grinned. “I thought I could call it whatever I want.” He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. When she moaned in response to the soft but demanding touch of his mouth on hers, curving into his body and wrapping her arms around his neck, he moved his hands to her waist and lifted her up. Then he walked her to the garage wall and leaned her against it, his weight holding her up.
They made out like that for a long time, ignoring the Prospects carrying loads of her mother’s junk from the garage to a U-Haul, but when Faith, unable to stop herself, began to grind on his erection, he pulled back with a groan. “Fuck, this is hard.”
Arching up to tighten their connection again and feel him hard between her legs, she whispered, “Yeah, it is.” Then she smiled and leaned closer to bite his lip.
“Faith…” He set her down.
“Yeah, I know,” she sighed. In the week that Margot had been home, though things between them had smoothed out again, they hadn’t been able to sleep together for a whole night. She stayed here, and Michael stayed with his son at Hoosier and Bibi’s. They were back to stolen moments. “It’s like it was before.”
He frowned. “No, it’s not. There’s nothing wrong about us now. Things are just inconvenient.”
“You’re right. Sorry. My mom likes Tucker, though. And she has no idea who you are. Maybe it would work here for all of us.” Margot had been mostly quiet and pleasant since she’d been hom
e. Like a barely-acquainted houseguest who was trying hard not to make too much of a ripple in the residents’ lives. Faith felt guilty for enjoying it so much, but it was peaceful.
And she didn’t feel too guilty, because twice during the week, the Margot Faith knew had reared up and said something bitchy or just plain nasty. There was a voice in Faith’s head that was suggesting that what was happening to her mother was karma.
But what did that mean for what was going on with Faith herself? Every good seemed balanced by a bad, or at least a complication.
“Let me focus on getting Tucker. If that happens, then we can figure out how we’re all together. If Tucker’s safe here, and your mom isn’t gunning for me, then yeah. I think we can make that work.”
She hugged him, feeling her own karmic scale tip toward the good, at least for now. “You want a sandwich? I’m going to check on everything inside.” Not that her supervision was needed inside. Jose and Bibi were both in there with Margot and Tucker.
“Sure. Any more of that sweet tea Bibi made?”
She yanked on his kutte until he dipped his head so she could kiss his cheek. “I’ll check. Hey guys,” she called to the Prospects. “Sandwiches?”
“Yes, ma’am!” they called.
‘Ma’am,’ Faith thought. Wasn’t that a hoot. Smiling, she headed into the house.
Once inside, she could hear Bibi and her mother arguing—she heard the tone but not the words themselves. Jose was in the kitchen, looking like he wasn’t sure what to do. She went into the living room. Bibi stood next to Margot’s chair, holding Tucker, who was quiet but looked like he was headed toward upset.
The eyes her mother turned on her were full of recognition—and anger and accusation, too.
“What’s going on?” Faith asked.
“How did you do it?”
“What?” Faith knew something was really wrong—she could see the turmoil on Bibi’s face—but she was clueless.
“Don’t play the stupid gash with me. How did you get away with it? I was right there! How?”
“Margot, I don’t—”
“Don’t you call me by my name. I am your mother, and you will treat me with some fucking respect.”
“Bibi?” Faith needed help.
“I’m sorry, baby.” Bibi turned to Margot. “Margot, sweetheart, you got this all wrong.”
“Shut it, Bibi.” Margot turned back to Faith, her eyes searing with anger. “I told you to get rid of it. I stood there and watched. I made sure! How the fuck did you do it?”
A cowl of sick sorrow fell over Faith’s shoulders as she understood what had Margot so upset. “Bibi, get him out of here. He doesn’t need to hear all this.”
Bibi nodded and carried Tucker toward the kitchen, pausing to squeeze Faith’s hand. “I’m so sorry. She was playing with him, and then it all changed.”
Tucker reached for Faith, leaning out of Bibi’s arms. “Fay!”
She kissed his pudgy hand. “Go with Granny, buddy.”
When they were clear of the room, Faith turned to her mother. “Tucker’s not mine, Mom.”
Margot laughed her contempt. “You lying little whore. I can see it. He looks just like his father.”
Yeah, he did. But that didn’t make him hers. “He’s Michael’s, but he’s not mine. You did make me get rid of mine.”
“You must really think I’m an idiot. You think I can’t see?” Margot brushed her hair back in the way she always had when she thought she’d won something. “Fine, then. Your father will take care of the problem his way, then. You made your choice.”
Faith had to make Michael go away before he came into the house and found this Margot. Struggling to keep memory at bay before it pulled her under completely and drowned her, she turned and headed back to the garage.
memory
Sitting on the bathroom floor, Faith pulled a length of toilet paper off the roll and blew her nose, then dropped the paper into the bowl and flushed. Not feeling ready to stand yet, she rested her forehead on the cool porcelain of the tub.
The door burst open, and her mother stood in the doorway. She tossed a box into the room. It landed on the floor and slid until it stopped against Faith’s knee. Faith didn’t have to look to know what it was.
“Take them both. While I stand here.”
“Go away, Mom. I’m sick. I have the flu.” She knew it wasn’t the flu. But the past three weeks had been just fucking horrible, and she could not deal with her mother’s drama on top of it all. They’d been keeping her a prisoner, not letting her out of the house at all. They’d somehow arranged with the school to put her on independent study, like she was terminally ill or something.
Her father had said he had no intention of letting her out of the house again.
Faith pretty much didn’t care about anything anymore.
“Bullshit. Take the goddamn tests.”
“I just peed. I don’t have to go now.”
Her mother came all the way into the room and filled the glass on the counter with tap water. “Then drink this, because neither of us is going anywhere until you take those fucking tests.”
She drank, and puked again, and drank some more, and they waited, and then she peed. And peed again.
Her mother snatched the sticks out of her hand before the results were in. She stared at the sticks, and Faith stared at the floor.
“You stupid, stupid, stupid little slut!” Margot threw one of the sticks at her. “Look at that! What have you done?” She threw the other. Faith didn’t bother to look; her mother was all the result she needed to see.
Then Margot stormed over to her and grabbed her arm. “Get up! Get up! We’re going to see your father!”
Faith got up but pulled her arm away. “No, I’m not. Leave me the fuck alone!”
Margot slapped her across the face. Hard. And then again. Faith was too shocked to protect herself. For all her mother’s faults, she’d never before hit her. The third one was a punch that knocked Faith back onto her ass. And then Margot kicked her in the stomach. The angle was odd, and she didn’t connect with much force, but it was still horrible.
“Mom! Stop!” Faith cried out and curled into a ball.
Margot’s voice shook when she spoke again. “Get up or I’ll do worse. We’re going to your father right now.”
~oOo~
Her mother hadn’t even let her dress. She’d dragged her out of the house in her flannel pajama bottoms and cotton camisole, grabbing the zebra throw off the couch and throwing it over her shoulders as they got to the front door. She was still barefoot.
When they got to the clubhouse, it looked empty. The men who worked in the bike shop would be over there by now, so it was too late for girls to be straggling out. And it was too early for anybody to be in for cleaning or whatever. Her high heels clicking on the old linoleum floor, Margot dragged Faith in, shouting “BLUE! BLUE! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE! BLUE!” as soon as they cleared the front door.
Faith felt like she’d left her brain in bed at home. She’d already left her heart on the shop floor, weeks ago. She wasn’t Faith anymore. All this was happening to somebody else. So she just let it happen.
It was Hoosier who came out, coming up from his office. “Jesus wept, Margie, what the fuck are you yowling about?”
Margot shoved Faith toward him, and he caught her. “HE KNOCKED HER UP! LITTLE WHORE IS PREGNANT! WHERE’S BLUE?”
“Shut the fuck up,” Hoosier hissed. He looked down at Faith and brushed her sore cheek. “You okay, darlin’?” Faith shook her head, and Hoosier looked at Margot. “You do this?”
“She’s my kid, Hooj. Watch your tone.”
Hoosier stared for a second, and then nodded. Faith wasn’t surprised. He’d leave it to Blue to handle. “Okay. Get in my office, and Margot, keep your fucking yap shut. I’ll get Blue.”
When her father came into the room, it was clear that Hoosier had told him there was trouble, but not what kind it was. He was wearing his shop coverall, and h
is long hair was tied back with a thin strip of leather.
He looked at Faith, but he didn’t smile. Since he’d found out about Michael, Faith didn’t think he’d smiled at her once. He frowned and came closer, grabbing her chin and turning her head. Then he turned to his wife. “Did you fucking hit her?”
Margot stood tall in the face of her husband’s anger. “She’s pregnant. That asshole knocked her up. When I caught ‘em, they weren’t using anything. I shoulda known.”
“Did you hit her?” he asked again.
Shadow & Soul (The Night Horde SoCal Book 2) Page 21
