“Amy,” he stated, his sherry-rich voice more inflexible and harsh than she had ever heard it, “you’re not pregnant.”
She tried to smile bravely. “No, probably not. I realize I’m undoubtedly worked up over nothing. It’s just that I won’t know for almost three weeks, and you can’t know how awful the waiting is for a woman! And besides, I can be so very clumsy at times,” she ended on a miserable note.
“Believe me,” he growled heavily, “you’re not pregnant!”
“I appreciate the positive thinking,” she retorted dryly, growing angry.
“Damn to hell, woman, it’s not a case of positive thinking! If you want to know the truth, I’d give my soul to get you pregnant!”
Amy froze in astonishment. “What are you saying?”
“That I can’t think of anything more intensely satisfying this morning than the idea of your carrying my child!”
“Of all the cruel, chauvinistic, macho things to say!” she gasped in outrage. “How dare you admit such a thing! You’d send me back to San Francisco to raise your child on my own? Knowing you’ll never see me again? My God, Jase. How many other tourists have you sent home carrying a little extra souvenir of Saint Clair? Do you take pride in it? Are there notches on your bedpost for all the little bastard children you may have fathered?”
The sudden, violent tightening of his body was her first indication that she’d gone much too far. But it was too late to run. When his strong fingers went to her throat in menace, Amy went very, very still.
“Do you really believe I’m that kind of man?” The question was a harsh, grating whisper.
Amy shut her eyes, collapsing against his chest. “No, no, of course I don’t think you’re that kind of man. I’m sorry, Jase. I’m all strung up this morning. I’m sure that in most cases you’re a responsible adult. We... we both got carried away last night.”
He gave her a short little shake. “Amy, shut up and listen to me. I’m going to tell you something I haven’t had to tell anyone in ten years. Amy, I know for a fact that you’re not pregnant because a doctor told me over ten years ago that I couldn’t father children.”
“What?” Her head snapped up from where it had been resting on his shoulder, and she stared into his hard eyes.
“You want the clinical details?” he rasped. “It’s called a low sperm count. You want to know how I found out? When my ex-wife and I tried to have a baby and couldn’t, we went for examinations. I turned out to be the one at fault. That’s why my wife left me, Amy. She wanted children and I couldn’t give them to her. She didn’t want to adopt; she wanted her own. So she left to marry another man.”
“Oh, Jase,” she cried softly, suddenly wanting to soothe away the raw look of self-disgust from his taut features. “Jase, I didn’t realize....”
“Naturally you didn’t realize,” he bit out savagely. And I don’t make a habit of announcing it to the world. It’s not something of which a man is particularly proud!”
She began to relax in his arms, all her instincts urging her to comfort him. “You haven’t had to soothe other panicked lady tourists?” she asked gently.
“The issue hasn’t arisen with any of the others. I told you once, they were different from you. They always seemed to come prepared for a little island adventuring. Who was I to tell them their preparations were unnecessary with me?” he growled.
“Jase,” Amy murmured with sudden perception, “is that how you wound up here on Saint Clair? When your wife left, did you just start drifting?”
His mouth tightened. “You have to admit that I haven’t got much to offer a woman who wants to marry and have a family. I was only in my mid-twenties when Sara left me. I think I had some wild idea of filling my life with adventure, since I couldn’t fill it taking care of a family. So I quit my job and decided to see the world. I finally landed in Saint Clair and realized I didn’t want to go on traveling aimlessly. That life palls very quickly—at least for me it did. I took a job here and one thing led to another. There never seemed to be anything to go back to the States for, so I stayed. I don’t think I could go back now.”
Amy turned her head into her bare shoulder. “I can’t pretend I’m not terribly relieved, Jase,” she said in a small voice. “The last thing I want to risk is having children. I’ve seen far too many women, my mother and sister included, left to manage on their own. My mother was never able to remarry because she never found a man who wanted to take on two daughters. I’ve always had a sense of guilt about that, I suppose. My mother was very intelligent and attractive when she was in her thirties, raising us. If my sister and I hadn’t been there, I know she would have found happiness with another man after my father left. I told myself very early in life that I would never take the risk of ending up like my mother, lonely and bearing all the responsibility of raising children alone. I decided that men often think they want children, but it’s just another macho fantasy for them. When reality hits, they’re as likely as not to walk away from the added problems and responsibilities.”
“Amy, that’s not a fair assessment...” Jase began levelly.
“I know, I know. There are exceptions to every rule. I’m sure there are some perfectly excellent fathers in the world, but I personally haven’t seen many. Look at what Ty Murdock did to my sister. Over half the women who work for me in my boutiques are divorced and raising kids by themselves. Don’t get me wrong. I have great admiration for them and for my mother and sister. They’re all very brave women. One can’t help but admire that kind of inner strength. But I’m not going to end up like them, Jase,” she concluded finally.
“So until last night you’ve never taken any risks, is that it?” he queried in a neutral tone.
She laughed shakily, closing her eyes as she rested her head on his shoulder. “For someone with a lifetime of clumsiness behind her, I guess I was very lucky the one time I got klutzy in bed, wasn’t I?”
His hands tensed on her, and she wondered what he was thinking. “From your point of view I suppose you were. Don’t expect me to be as relieved as you, though, honey. I meant what I said earlier: If I thought there was any possibility that you might have gotten pregnant last night, I’d be very, very pleased this morning! But the whole issue is, unfortunately, academic.”
“Hardly!” she snapped, annoyed with his blunt admission. “It’s not the least bit academic to me! It makes one hell of a lot of difference!”
“Meaning you’ll come willingly to my bed now?” he asked smoothly.
She flushed, the color rushing up her throat to her cheeks. “Jase, we have to talk about that,” she began very earnestly. “That’s... that’s another issue entirely. Last night we rushed things; you rushed things,” she corrected righteously. “We hardly know each other and we should never have gotten carried away like that. I still don’t know what came over me,” she added uneasily, “but I definitely did not come to Saint Clair for an island fling!”
“You’re overlooking one salient fact, honey,” he drawled, letting her slide off his lap as he got to his feet.
“What’s that?” she demanded, frowning up at him.
“Here on Saint Clair you’ve found the one perfect lover for you—the one who can’t get you pregnant! I want to make sure you take full advantage of him “
Jase turned on his bare heel and left the room in long, angry strides, leaving Amy staring after him, her mouth open in amazed indignation.
Chapter Five
“Don’t you think it’s about time I got to see this infamous mask?” Jase asked half an hour later over morning coffee.
Amy looked up from stirring some canned milk into her own mug of the dark, steaming brew. She had been lucky to find any milk at all. Jase’s kitchen was a sadly barren place. What food he had was all in tins, many of them suspiciously old in Amy’s opinion. Some couldn’t be identified at all because the labels had peeled off i
n the relentless humidity. Fresh food was virtually nonexistent except for a carton of eggs and a loaf of bread, which was showing signs of mold. Jase had apologized briefly and explained that he ate most of his meals at the café where she had eaten the previous morning. Knowing what she did of the café’s food, Amy had decided that the man was definitely not eating properly, but she was smart enough to keep her observation to herself. Jase’s mood had been decidedly uncertain since the scene in her bedroom that morning.
“There’s not much to see,” she said in response to his question. “You’re welcome to take a look at it if you like. It’s just a rather weathered old wooden mask. The gallery dealer who evaluated it for me said it was fairly recent and not a particularly good example of that art form.”
“But this Haley character seems to want it rather badly?”
Amy nodded, her hands wrapped tightly around the mug. “If it weren’t for the fact that the stupid mask represents the only legacy little Craig is ever likely to see from his father, it would undoubtedly have been tossed out with the trash.”
“Your sister wanted to hang on to it for sentimental reasons?”
Amy’s mouth curved wryly. “Don’t ask me why. Ty Murdock was definitely not a man a woman should get sentimental about! But there was Craig to think of, and Melissa knows that someday she’ll have to tell him something about the man who was his father. I think she’s going to tell the boy his father was killed in a far corner of the globe and shortly before his death had sent the mask to his son. She’ll let Craig think his daddy was intending to come home. She wants to give Craig a romanticized image of the whole thing—let him think his father was some sort of romantic adventurer who loved his son and meant to come home to him as soon as possible. Melissa thought the mask would be a nice keepsake of the fantasy she intended to spin.”
“You don’t approve?”
Amy shook her head. “No, I don’t. What’s the point of romanticizing a man like Ty Murdock? Adam Trembach will be Craig’s real father. Still, I’m realistic enough to know that someday Craig will be curious about Ty. Melissa will have to tell him something.”
“You like this Adam Trembach?” Jase asked curiously.
“Very much. He’s a real rarity among the male of the species: a boy who actually grew up to be a man in every sense of the word. So many don’t.”
“You don’t have much of an opinion of my sex, do you?”
“I’ve told you why I don’t trust men. They tend to get caught up in their fantasies and they can cause so much pain while they’re living out the illusion.”
“And when it comes to having children?”
“You want proof of how irresponsibly men can behave toward their own children?” she challenged. “Then take a look at the number of Amerasian children who were casually abandoned by their fathers when the military shipped the men who had been stationed in Southeast Asia back to the States.”
“Amy,” Jase began carefully, “I’m not saying for a moment that I approve of that sort of irresponsibility, but men have been leaving children behind on every battleground since the dawn of time. It’s not right, but it’s a fact of life.”
She drew a long breath. “This is a pointless argument. Come and I’ll show you the mask.” Doggedly she got to her feet and headed for the stairs.
“Damn it, Amy—” Jase swung around as she went by his chair, catching hold of her wrist and forcing her to a halt “—I am not condoning that kind of irresponsibility, regardless of the circumstances, but you can’t judge all men on the actions of a few.”
“A few! More like a majority!”
“You’re right. This probably is a pointless argument,” he muttered. “Why the hell should I take it on my shoulders to defend the entire male sex? And on an issue that is moot in my case anyway!”
She heard the frustration and controlled anger in his voice, and something in her relented. “I know I shouldn’t tar all men with the same brush, Jase. It’s just that back in the States family life seems to have gotten a little precarious, to put it mildly. I know there are some exceptions. Men like Adam Trembach.”
“But because of your mother’s situation and your sister’s mess, you’ve had a front-row view of the changing role of the family in modern society, hmm? Maybe I haven’t missed so much by avoiding civilization during the past decade,” he suggested with a conciliatory smile.
She stared at him in silence, a part of her longing to point out that wasting one’s life on an island in the Pacific was hardly a viable alternative to civilization, but she, too, was tired of the argument. “I’ll be right back with the mask.” She hastened up the stairs.
It really was a rather ugly thing. Carved out of a nondescript wood, the mask was about the size of Jase’s palm. It had once been painted, but the garish coating had long since chipped away from the surface. The maniacally grinning features were a caricature of human ones, probably representing some minor devil.
“Not a very prepossessing work of art, is it?” Jase commented dryly, examining the thing carefully.
“No. I can’t imagine why Haley wants it so badly. But I’m certainly going to find out.”
“Well, I think the first thing to do is hide this.” Jase tossed the old wooden carving idly into the air and caught it.
“Hide it?”
“I don’t like the idea of your carrying it around in your handbag. If Haley comes looking for it again, I’d rather he didn’t have the satisfaction of finding it.”
That made sense. “Where shall we put it?” Amy asked with interest.
He thought a moment and then started down the hall to the far end of the house. “I think I know just the place. The old sea captain who built this house had a library with some interesting built-in features.”
“Like what?” Amy demanded, following in his path.
“Like a bookshelf with a false back. I’ll show you.” Striding into a sparsely furnished room that contained a surprisingly large book collection, Jase walked across the sisal matting on the floor and tugged at a seemingly solid bookcase shelf. Amy watched in pleased astonishment as two shelves full of books swung open on hinges to reveal an empty shelf built into the wall.
“A very clever sea captain!” she said. “You’d never know the opening was there. I wonder what he used to keep in that space.”
“One of the most interesting collections of Victorian erotica I’ve ever seen,” Jase told her dryly, placing the mask on the empty shelf of the wall and swinging the bookcase shut.
“Dirty books! Jase, you’re kidding!” For the first time that morning real humor filled Amy’s gray-green eyes.
“This island is a little isolated, Amy, in case you haven’t noticed,” he reminded her politely. “A man sometimes has to use his imagination. Just ask Sam.”
She thought of Sam and his girlie magazines and grinned. “I get the point. What did you do with the erotica, Jase?”
“Read it, naturally,” he drawled. “And then gave it to Ray, who in turn made a tidy profit selling it to sailors.”
“Men and their fantasies,” she groaned.
“Are you trying to imply that women don’t fantasize?” he challenged.
She lifted her chin and moved regally toward the door. “You’re not going to draw me into an argument like that!”
“Coward,” he taunted gently behind her.
She ignored him. “What are you going to do today?” she asked, deliberately changing the topic as they headed back toward the kitchen. It occurred to her that she knew little or nothing about his daily routine.
“I’ll be going down to The Serpent after lunch to check in with Ray and make sure everything’s in order. There’s some paperwork to do. You can come with me.”
“No, thanks,” she said quickly. “I’ll have to spend the night in the place, waiting for Haley to show up again. I’d just as soo
n do something else this afternoon.”
“Amy, I don’t think you quite understood. I wasn’t exactly issuing an invitation. I don’t want you wandering off by yourself today. Neither of us knows what Haley’s up to, and I’m not taking any chances. You’ll stay with me today. I’ll try to get through the business at The Serpent as quickly as I can and then we’ll go swimming or something,” he added placatingly as she turned toward him with rebellious eyes.
Amy took a firm grip on her nerve: It took some nerve to stand up to this man, she realized wryly. “It’s you who doesn’t understand, Jase,” she said carefully. “I appreciate your interest in my... my problem, but this is my business and I’ll handle it. I don’t want to be tied down all day long. I’m sure there’s no real danger to me personally in all this, but I’ll be careful regardless. I thought I’d do some shopping this afternoon while you’re taking care of business.”
“Shopping! On Saint Clair? You’re in for a disappointment. Neiman-Marcus hasn’t opened a store here yet. Amy, don’t be ridiculous. Other than a few tourist items down at Harry’s store near the wharf, we don’t have any genuine shopping.”
“You have a food store, don’t you?” she charged gruffly, not meeting his eyes.
That took him back a bit. “A food store? Well, yes, I guess you could say we have a grocery shop. What the hell do you want with a food store?” He was staring at her, clearly perplexed.
“If you must know, I was going to do some shopping for dinner!”
“Dinner! You’re going to make dinner?”
“You should watch your exposure to the island sun, Jase. I think it’s affecting your brain. You’re repeating every word I say,” she told him in a chilly tone.
“Amy,” he asked with exaggerated patience, “why do you want to go shopping for dinner? We can eat at the café. I told you I eat most of my meals there.”
Serpent in Paradise Page 8
