by Dallas Cole
“Oh, my god.” She laughs and squirms against me. “Please. I eat here.”
I laugh and nip at her neck. “Maybe next time, then.”
The stairs groan underfoot as I follow her to the second floor. Her bedroom has changed—fewer boy band posters and silly high school snapshots—but it’s still fundamentally her: diagrams of engines, stacks of books, and an unassuming bed. I catch sight of a framed photograph of her and Nash turned away from the bed, and jealousy flashes through me. But Nash had his chance with her. He let her walk away, and into my arms. She chose me. I smile. Elena Drazic chose me.
She grabs me by the belt again and tugs me toward the bed.
I kneel down before her, kissing her on the soft ridges of her throat and collarbone, savoring the contented sighs she makes. I don’t waste my time slipping my hands under her dress this time. She’s so soft and wet for me, and it only makes my erection throb more painfully. I tease her open and guide my finger around her clit in an easy, slow circle, until she bites down hard on my lip and groans.
“Shit.” I shiver from her bite and lean back. “You drive me fucking crazy.”
“Good.” She grins and runs her hand against the length of my shaft through my jeans.
I lock my eyes on hers and stand up, then slowly, agonizingly unfasten my belt and the front of my jeans. I grab hold of her right hand and, asking permission with a raised eyebrow, curl her fingers around my cock. It’s straining at the front of my boxer briefs, and as soon as her hand closes around it, a shudder wracks through me. She grins darkly and strokes me, firmer now, driving me wild. I have to be inside of her. I’m afraid I’ll lose control otherwise.
“Undress for me,” I growl. “Let me get a good look at you this time.”
Elena nods, her dark eyes wide, and stands up. She shimmies her dress up over those perfect hips, that narrow waist, those sumptuous breasts. I step toward her and cup her breasts in my hands, caressing them, before reaching around her to unfasten her bra. We kiss again, lips tangling together, until I can’t stand it any longer. I shrug out of my shirt and jeans and stagger backward onto the bed.
“Mm, now this is more how I pictured it.” Elena slides out of her panties, completely naked and flawless before me, then drapes her arms around my shoulders. “Lennox Solt, helpless beneath me . . .”
“Yeah, you tend to have that effect on me.”
She grins and straddles my lap. I suck in my breath. We’re so close, so torturously close. I pull her in for another kiss, then look her square in the eye.
“Do you want this?” I ask. “Because I do. I’m completely yours.”
Elena smiles wide. “I want this. Always. I’ve been wanting this.”
I grip her hip in one hand, and with the other, guide myself into her.
Oh, my fucking god, she feels like a velvet fist clenching me tight. I lean back on the bed with a grunt as I thrust fully into her. She cries out in return, then lifts herself up before sinking back down onto me. “Fuck,” I whisper. She’s so incredible, on top of me, breasts bouncing as I thrust into her once more.
Her cries grow steadily as I grind my hips up to meet hers. Pressure is building inside me, and I’m about ready to explode. It’s too intense. All my fantasies colliding into this one moment, all my dreams, and now it’s reality. Elena Drazic is mine.
I slip one hand between us and massage her clit. I want her to share this with me. I want to hear that gorgeous gasp for breath of hers as she comes. “Oh, shit,” she cries out. Her nails rake across my chest, a badge of honor I’ll gladly wear. “Oh, shit, Lennox. I’m gonna come—”
I buck up to meet her as she throbs and tenses wildly around me, and let go. Release into her, all heat and blinding white light washing over me. All I can see is the angel perched on top of me. “Elena,” I whisper. “Elena.” It takes seemingly forever for the room to stop spinning, for the eruption within me to subside.
She sinks down beside me, gasping for breath, same as me. I twist my head toward her and run one finger down the side of my face. I can’t stop grinning. She laughs, and it’s so infectious. I want to laugh and laugh, too.
“I’m sorry about before,” I tell her, then plant another kiss on the tip of her nose. I feel like a real asshole, letting my stubbornness and my convictions get in the way. I want to make Elena happy—nothing else matters.
“As long as you want me, then we can make everything else work.” Her eyelashes flutter against her cheeks.
I kiss her eyelids. She’s so perfect—I couldn’t bear it if I hurt her in any way. But she’s right, of course. I’ll find a way to get out from under the McManuses’ thumbs. To make amends with Drazic’s crew. “I do want you. And I’ll do whatever it takes to deserve you. To keep you safe.”
She snuggles against me, spent and content. “Don’t worry. I know you will.”
I hope she’s right.
12
Elena
I wake up tangled in Lennox’s arms, lean and strong, holding me firmly against him. Warm memories of last night flutter against my skin as I settle into his embrace. I’m sore in all the right places. His skin presses so warm against mine, and I wonder if it would be so bad to just stay like this all day.
Well, okay. Maybe not quite like this. But stay in bed with him all day? Definitely.
Lennox’s soft, boyish dark lashes flutter open. We lock eyes with each other and a smile spreads across his face. “Well, hello, gorgeous,” he murmurs, his voice thick with sleep.
“Hello, handsome.” I nestle deeper into his arms and kiss his cheek.
“Mm.” His grin widens. “I’m not making you late for work, am I?”
“Please. I’m always the first into the shop. They can live without me for once.”
“Good.” He trails one fingertip against my cheek. “In that case, I was thinking . . . how about we grab breakfast over at Peg’s diner? And then we can head out to the raceway and work on your circuit racing technique. If you’re still interested in learning the moves.”
I run my hand down the length of his abdomen, savoring each firm ridge as I go. “I dunno . . . I was thinking about learning a few other moves with you . . .”
The sound of Uncle D’s heavy front door slamming startles us both. Lennox freezes; I lean back, pulling myself out of his arms. Then I immediately feel ashamed. I shouldn’t be afraid who sees me with Lennox. I shouldn’t care. But I know that if Uncle D were to walk in on us right now, there’d be hell to pay.
“Elena?”
No. It’s even worse. That’s Nash’s voice calling for me.
“Elena? I know you’re home!”
Shit! I scramble out of bed and start digging around for my clothes, and Lennox crawls out of the other side of bed to do the same. There’s my panties and my bra . . . but I can’t put my dress back on . . . I toss it into the laundry basket and tear the first T-shirt out of my drawers that I can find. Ridgecrest High School. Great. It squashes my boobs up against my throat, it’s so tight, but I have no other choice.
“Just a minute!” I shout, and look toward Lennox.
Nash’s footsteps pound up the staircase. Lennox grabs his T-shirt—he’s managed to pull his jeans on, at least—and dives under my bed, the dust ruffle mostly concealing him. I kick his sneakers under the bed with him right as Nash pounds on my bedroom door.
I plant one hand on my hip and crack the door open. “What?”
Nash stands before me, the picture of contrition: he’s clutching a bouquet of carnations in all colors, and his head is cast downward. My stomach sinks. Oh, no. He thinks we’re getting back together. No.
“Listen, Elena . . .” He glances up at me and runs a nervous hand through his blonde hair. “I know I’ve been a wreck lately. And I haven’t been fair to you about it, either.”
“Nash, I understand . . .” I swallow, hard. I can’t imagine what Lennox is thinking about all this. God, I just want Nash to go away. But I at least owe him the courtesy of hearing him out.
“No. You shouldn’t have to.” He sighs. “You were just trying to protect me—because you care. I couldn’t see it at the time, but I see it now.”
I stagger backward and sink onto the edge of my bed. The mattress sags enough that I can feel the hard lump of Lennox beneath me. Oh, god, this is so awkward. I want Nash to be happy, and I genuinely appreciate him apologizing to me, but it’s not exactly the sort of thing I want Lennox to overhear. And if Nash knew that Lennox, of all people, were listening in—if he knew what we’d just done—
“I didn’t want you to do anything to hurt yourself, or anyone else,” I tell Nash. “And I really don’t think you’ve been fair to Lennox through all of this, either.” Finally. I’m standing up for myself and what I believe in, and it feels fucking wonderful. Lennox deserves this. And I deserve it, too.
Nash works his jaw. “El . . .”
“No, Nash, listen to me. Lennox was like your brother, too.”
“Don’t fucking say that,” Nash says. His fist tightens around the bouquet.
“And come on. It isn’t like the rest of you haven’t screwed up before.” I shake my head. “Aren’t still screwing up.”
Because I know exactly what they were doing last night while I was off with Lennox, the supposed bad boy. My uncle and his friends were stealing spare car parts. Cherrypicking the best of the best from parking garages and wealthy neighborhoods downstate. No one wants to acknowledge it, but we all know it’s true. They think they can protect me. But I can take care of myself.
Nash forces his fists down to his sides and takes a deep breath, like he’s swallowing down his rage. Well, that’s an improvement, at least. “That’s not my point, El. This isn’t about—Lennox.” He practically spits the name.
“Fine. Then what is it about?”
“I just . . . wanted to apologize.” He holds out the flowers to me. “I was unfair to you, and I want to set things right.”
I look at the flowers, tears welling up in my eyes. I missed Nash, but the way I might miss a jacket during the first cold of autumn. We were never the fairy tale I’d imagined. I was always a trophy he’d won, and he was an obsession for me to throw myself into after part of my family was ripped away.
“I miss you,” Nash says, his tone pinched. “I want to make it up to you.” He cocks a shy smile. “Can we do that?”
Uncertainty presses against my chest. I’m afraid to say no—I don’t want to set him of all over again. But I really can’t say yes. Even if the crew, my family, never approves of Lennox again—I want to make things work with him. I’d leave them behind, if it meant we could build our life together. Eventually.
I’m just not sure I’m ready for that yet.
“Let’s take it one day at a time,” I say. Enough time to figure out whether Lennox can ever, in their eyes, be redeemed. And if not—forget them.
Nash’s lip curls up, and for a moment, I’m terrified I’ve set him off anyway. But then he draws his shoulders back and gives me a stiff nod. “Yeah. Okay,” he says. “That’s fair.” He sets the flowers on top of my dresser. “I’ll see you at the circuit downstate tomorrow night?”
“I’ll be there.”
“Cool.” He smiles and stuffs his hands in his pockets. “Cool.”
As soon as he shuts the door behind him, I exhale with relief. If he’d seen Lennox under the bed, or was even a little more observant about my messed-up hair or the hickey surely forming on my neck . . . But we’re safe. For now, at least.
I press in the lock on my bedroom door, just in case Uncle D or anyone else comes by, and sink down to the floor, lying next to the bed. My skin feels prickly with shame. I really didn’t want Lennox to get drawn into my drama with Nash. I wish I’d had the courage to tell Nash off right then and there. But he has to understand the situation. He said himself how much he hates that he’s putting me in this position—choosing between him and my family.
His face is dark as he looks at me from under the dust ruffle. “I’m ruining everything for you,” he says.
“No! No, you’re not.” I reach out to stroke his face, but he shrinks away from my touch.
“I am.” He turns his head up toward the bed and laughs, high and bitter. “You have a whole life without me. A family—the closest thing you have to one left, anyway. And a guy who loves you.”
“But I don’t want him anymore.”
Lennox shakes his head. “Trust me, Ellie, I know Nash isn’t perfect, but he means well. And there’s a whole world out there for you. You don’t need to be tied to a loser like me.”
Tears prick at the edges of my eyes. “What the hell are you trying to say? I don’t want him. Or anyone. I want you, Lennox. I always have.”
He squeezes his eyes shut and draws a ragged breath. “I love you, Elena.”
I smile, feeble.
“But I love you enough to know you’re better off without me,” Lennox says.
“What?” I cry. I pull back from the bed as if slapped. “No. No. How can you say that?”
Lennox crawls out from the other side of the bed and slides into his shoes. “I’m sorry. But it’s true. I don’t want you mixed up in my business. I can’t risk you getting hurt. Losing your family. Any of it.”
“I don’t care anymore! All I care about is you.” It feels dangerous to say, but I want to believe it. I want to ride off into the sunset with my dream guy and never look back on this scrappy existence. Leave the crew behind.
“You say that, but you don’t really understand what you’re saying.” Lennox purses his lips. “Giving up on your family? The crew, your uncle? That’s too much for me to ask.”
Uncle Drazic. He was there for me when I had nothing. When my parents died and not another soul in the world gave a shit what happened to me. I could’ve ended up in foster care if not for him, or even on the streets. And the rest of the crew—they made me who I am today.
But Lennox was a huge part of that. He is a huge part of me, my personality, my dreams. Even if I lost Uncle D and the crew, it would be worth it to spend my life with Lennox. Wouldn’t it?
“I don’t deserve you, El.” Lennox shakes his head. “I promised you a someday . . . but this sure as shit isn’t it right now.”
He heads toward my bedroom window and slides the casing open. Downstairs, I can hear the sounds of Nash and Uncle D, and maybe even the rest of the guys, milling around, chatting. But up here, all I can do is watch as Lennox slips out of my window, taking the last shreds of my heart with him.
13
Elena
I’m in a whirlwind of wrenches and motor oil in the shop for the rest of the day. I try to throw myself into my work on the Camaro—its insides are looking much better, even if it’s still just an ugly unpainted shell on the outside—but it’s not as distracting as I’d hoped. The worst part is I have so many people to be angry at. Myself, Nash, Lennox . . . We’ve all fucked up, and I resent us all for it.
It’s Lennox, though, that I really don’t understand. I don’t care that he’s a criminal. I don’t care about his past, his present . . . all I see is the boy I fell in love with years ago. God. I’ve been willing to overlook so much about him just because he has a clear, honest heart and determined soul. Why can’t I seem to let Lennox go? Why can’t I just be happy with Nash, deeply flawed though he is, too?
“Elena. Hey.” Uncle D grabs me by the wrist as I’m about to bash the blunt end of a wrench against the misbehaving carburetor. “Djevojka.”
I shrug him off. “Look, I’m trying to work in peace.”
“The hell you are.” He releases me and folds his arms. He’s wearing one of his trademark waffle thermal shirts, oil stains smeared across the front. Has he been working today, too? I barely noticed in my self-absorbed rage. “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on in that head of yours?”
I give the carburetor a more measured thwack and toss the wrench aside, then exhale deeply. I have to be careful how I approach this with Drazic. He’s alwa
ys been so understanding and supportive of me my whole life, but he’s got a vested interest in keeping Lennox away from the crew. I don’t know how sympathetic I can expect him to be.
“I’m tired of feeling powerless,” I finally say.
He frowns. “Powerless? How?”
“It’s like I don’t have a say in my own life. Not through any fault of yours, but . . . I’ve just always been on the fringes of the crew. I have no say in how it’s run. I don’t race. I just work behind the scenes. And I don’t know how to deal with Nash, either. I wish I could be happy with him, but I’m just . . . not. He wants to pretend nothing happened and that we can go on as we were before, but I just don’t feel what I felt then. I don’t feel anything for him.”
“Have you tried telling him that?”
“Kind of.” I wince. “No. I’m a little afraid of how he might react.”
Drazic nods, his lips set in a thin line. “Yeah. I can understand that.”
“And then . . .” I brace myself. “I hate our crew being so torn, too. I mean, I know what you all do—no.” I hold my hand out as he starts to puff up his chest. “Don’t lie to me. You’re no saints.” And yet I’m terrified of losing them, all the same.
“Djevojka . . .”
“No. Don’t try to justify it. It is what it is. You’re criminals, and yet you feel so high and mighty that you still deserve to shun Lennox Solt after all these years?”
“Ahhh.” Uncle D props himself against the Mazda he’d been tuning. “So this is about Lennox, then.”
I raise one eyebrow. “What do you mean?” He didn’t see us together, did he? Surely he would have said something if so. My stomach turns at the thought. I was wrong. I’m not ready to lose Drazic or the crew. Right now, they’re all I have left.
“Yeah, I remember the way you two looked at each other. My little girl was crazy in love.” He shakes his head.
Oh. So he’s only talking about before—when I was a dopey, doe-eyed high schooler, lusting after a guy who I thought only saw me as a little sister. I let out my breath. I’m safe for now. “Look, you’ve got it all wrong—”
