“Oh, my. I can’t believe we may have just found out where I am from.” Turning, she walked over and sat at the table. A name, a place, it was all so exciting. She felt like a child who just learned how to toddle. It may not be full walking independence was it was a start. She may not have all her memories but now having a name, was a tiny baby step to her independence.
“Let me go tell Matt this new development. When I come back I will share with you what I know about the Swiss Amish. They are different from the Pennsylvania Dutch Amish of which I was born and raised.”
She remained at the table trying to remember more about who she was and her life. The problem was her mind kept going back to that moment in the stables when Nathaniel kissed her. It surprised her that she wasn’t in the least bit frightened by such an act. She has spent all her time here since waking up after the attack, frightened of the men she encountered. Nathaniel was the only one she has never truly been frightened of, but still, she was confused why the kiss itself didn’t frighten her. Better yet, why did she kiss him back?
“Stella said you finally remembered who you are?” Matt asked as he took a seat across from her.
“Not exactly who I am, but I did remember my last name. According to Stella, we might even know where I came from.” She was practically bouncing in the chair.
“Good, anything is a start. I have Savannah on speaker, so she can hear everything and relay information where it needs to go.” He indicated the cell phone in his hand and motioned for her to start talking.
“We already found out my name was Rebekah. Today, I remembered my last name was Schwartz. I also kept remembering the name Seymour. Stella said there is a Seymour, Missouri near Springfield. So, we think that may be where I am from.” Stopping, she looked over at Matt. She really was hopeful that this little bit of information would help the agents find her parents.
“I will give David and Alex a call and let them know to look in Seymour for a Schwartz family. If you remember anything else, let us know immediately,” Savannah said on the other end of the phone.
“See, now we are making progress,” Stella said from the doorway. Making her way over to the table, she shooed Matt from his seat with a smile. “Now that we have that out of the way. Let me tell you what I know of the Swiss Amish.”
She sat there captivated by Stella’s descriptions of the differences between the two different types of Amish. She wondered what the significance was between the Dutch Amish use of covered buggies and the Swiss Amish’s strict requirement of open-topped buggies. The language differences also fascinated her. Especially Stella’s observation that Swiss Amish could understand the German dialect used by the Dutch Amish, but the Dutch Amish had difficulty understanding the German dialect used by the Swiss Amish.
Hanging on every word, she heard the door open. Looking over, she watched Nathaniel come into the kitchen. A blush crept up her cheeks. She doubted she would ever be able to look at him without remembering the kiss they shared. He glanced her way and their eyes met. He smiled. She smiled in return. Without saying a word, he turned and left the kitchen. She watched his retreating backside. It was a nice backside.
“What was that all about?” Stella cocked an eyebrow.
Pulled from her ogling, she realized Stella had not missed a thing. But what should she tell her? She didn’t think Stella would approve of her kissing Nathaniel. Stella seemed to be an overprotective mother where Nathaniel was concerned. She knew there was some tragic history with Stella’s family, but she wasn’t sure of the details. There were times she wanted to ask questions that popped into her head, but she kept quiet. The last thing she wanted to do was upset the very people helping her. Maybe one day one of them would explain the mystery that seemed to surround everyone in this house. Their mystery seemed bigger than hers, but she also knew hers was connected to theirs.
“Nothing. Why do you ask?” She feigned innocence. She hoped Stella would just let it drop.
“Don’t give me that. I saw the look on your face.”
She couldn’t decipher the look on Stella’s face. No way was she going to tell Stella that she might have an interest in the other woman’s son. Taking a deep breath, she tried her best to put on an indifferent face. “Nothing. He just distracted me when he walked in.”
Inside her head she was begging Stella to not push the issue further. When Stella didn’t push it, she stood and thanked the other woman for the information on the Amish cultures before she headed up to her room. Safely inside her room, she allowed herself to smile. She wished there was a chance to experience another kiss with Nathaniel. All she had to do was make sure she found ways to be alone with him again. A few close encounters and surely, he would give in and kiss her again.
Chapter 19
The sun shone brightly and glinted off the water of the fountain. Beneath the surface her favorite Koi fish swam around always oblivious to the troubles of the world. She smiled down at them before joining Claire on the picnic blanket. She loved that Claire had agreed to sit out here in the garden to talk. She didn’t want to be cooped up in the house on such a beautiful day. Overhead, white fluffy clouds streaked across the blue sky.
“So Lucky, I mean Rebekah. Sorry about that. I heard you had an eventful time in Kentucky.”
“Yes. It seems that someone knew me. So now we have a name.” She lifted her face to the warmth of the sun. It was so beautiful out and she didn’t want to talk about dark depressing topics.
“That is good. Matt said they were looking for your parents. Want to talk about how that feels?” Claire began unpacking the picnic basket Stella had prepared for them.
“I am excited on one end that I might be reunited with my family. The other side of me is scared for a few reasons. I mean what if even with a name, my family is never found? Then if they are found, that is scary too. Will they want me?” She picked up a strawberry and bit into it. The sweet flavor bursting in her mouth.
“We can’t control everything. Why don’t we walk through the different outcomes and address how each will affect you.”
They spent the next hour talking about the different outcomes and various ways in which she could be affected. Talking to Claire was easy. She was unlike anyone that Rebekah knew. She found that talking things did help. It really made everything less frightening. They had started addressing her few flashbacks when she saw Nathaniel standing on the deck with another man. She wasn’t sure who the other man was but something about him was familiar.
“You like him.” Claire broke through her thoughts.
“Do what?” A blush crept up her cheeks.
“You like him. I can tell.”
“It is not like that. What do you mean you can tell?” Her head tilted to the side.
“It is my job to notice things about people. Rebekah it is alright if you like him. You are allowed to move on with your life.”
“I am in no position to move on with my life. If you haven’t noticed I am stuck in limbo here.” She swept her arms around indicating the ranch.
“You have no clue how long it will take to get all your memories back. If you ever get them back. So, my professional opinion is that it is perfectly acceptable to allow yourself to move on.” She reached out and placed her hand on top of Rebekah’s. “I am not telling you to run over there and jump his bones. That I would caution to go slow. It is though perfectly fine to like him.”
“I guess you could say that I do like him. He is a sweet and kind. What is there not to like?” No way was she going to tell the therapist that she had kissed him. Or that among his good qualities, she also found him hot as sin.
When Claire left, Rebekah carried the picnic basket back into the house. The man she saw with Nathaniel on the deck earlier, sat at the kitchen table. He was a stranger but so familiar. Something tugged at her memory.
“Hi I’m Calvin. Matt’s younger, sexier baby brother.” He sat at the table and smiled at her.
“Hi. I’m Rebekah. Stella’s niece. Nice
to meet you.” She gave the cover story she was told to give to any non-agent she met. She took a closer look at him and realized that he did share a striking resemblance to Matt. That would explain why he looked familiar.
“I heard Stella had a niece visiting for a bit. No one told me you were so pretty though.”
Blushing she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She couldn’t believe he was flirting with her. He was attractive, and his smile bordered smug and confident. She would admit only to herself that she liked him flirting. She felt the heat creep through her veins.
“It was nice meeting you Calvin.” Turning she darted from the room. In the hallway she heard him chuckle. Yes, definitely arrogant.
Chapter 20
June 2002
Sitting on the floor, she passed a wooden block to little Matthew. His grabbed it and held it tightly in both of his chubby hands. His smile warmed her deep inside. Smiling back at him, she helped him maneuver the block on top of the tower they were building. It was a rare moment that she was alone with the little boy and she was taking such pleasure in playing with him. Normally, his sister Aurora was also present and very demanding in her want for attention. It was impossible to give equal attention to both children at the same time. She always gave more to one or the other while playing with them. She wasn’t sure how Matt and Analise managed the demands of two small children.
With the block on top of the tower, Matthew rewarded her with peals of laughter as he knocked the tower over. Again, he indicated he wanted to build another tower. Another tower she knew he would just knock over again. Build, destroy, and build again just to destroy again. That was the pattern to this morning’s game. Helping him build the tower again, she looked over when she sensed someone come into the room.
Analise was holding Aurora and smiling from ear to ear. Coming the rest of the way into the room, she took a seat on one of the high-back chairs. “I have a surprise for you.”
“A surprise? What is it?”
“David and Alex will be here in a couple of hours and they are bringing a couple of people with them.” She sat Aurora on the floor next to Matthew, so the siblings could play.
“Who?” She was worried now. Despite Analise’s smile and easy demeanor, she felt like a bomb was about to drop on her.
“They found your parents. Rebekah, this is great news; your parents will be here.”
“My parents? They found my parents?” Jumping up, she moved to where Analise sat and leaned down to hug the other woman.
“Told you the Agency would make everything better.”
Moving to sit on the sofa, she was hit by the thought that this may not be a good thing. After all, what would her parents think when they found out what she had done? These were strict Amish people. There was no way they could understand what she had been through. She still wasn’t sure exactly what all she had been through. So, if she didn’t know and didn’t understand it herself, how could they?
“Relax. I can see the fear on your face. Rebekah, these are your parents. They love you. If they didn’t, they would not be making this trip.”
“You are right. I mean, why come all this way if they were going to reject me. I think I need some time to myself. A walk might do me good.” Standing, she left the room and headed outside.
Finding the stables empty, she headed for the bunk house. The news that her parents would be here soon frightened her. Finding Nathaniel outside the bunk house, she smiled.
“They found my parents,” she announced. She practically bounced. Soon she would meet her parents. Maybe seeing them would finally get her brain to restore all the memories it hid inside itself.
“That is great news.” Nathaniel exclaimed. He wrapped her in a hug and lifted her off her feet and bounced around, sharing in her happiness.
“Yeah. Apparently, they will be here soon.” Her arms wrapped around his neck and she squeezed, squealing in delight.
“How do you feel about that?” He asked as he set her back on her feet.
“I am not sure.” Her excitement died inside her. She shrugged her shoulders and she looked around the yard. “Care to go for a walk with me?”
“Sure. Lead the way.”
She headed toward the gardens with Nathaniel by her side. She wasn’t sure about talking and appreciated that he didn’t try and pepper her with questions. She reached the fountain and stopped. In the silence she watched the water spray up and out of the fountain and rain back into the fountain’s small pool. Brightly colored Koi fish darted around inside.
Without speaking, she let the tranquility soothe her. She snuggled close as Nathaniel’s arm came around her shoulders. Glancing up, she stared into his eyes. There was something about this man that made her feel safe. Part of her wanted him to kiss her again. Another part of her wanted to just run away and forget any of this had ever happened. She looked back at the fountain with its spray of water and Koi fish. The Koi had a better life. They swam around in the water without a care in the world. They would never have to deal with betrayal, violence, and the loss of their memories. Day in and day out, their lives would be simple.
“Talk to me. I mean, it can’t hurt to open up about everything.” He rested his chin on top of her head.
“I am not sure what to feel. I should feel excited to see my parents, and I was until you asked me how I felt. Then it hit me that the term ‘parents’ is so abstract to me. I have no memories of them. With that, I have no feelings toward them.” Pulling away from him, she used the distance to pull herself together. “The lack of feelings brings on new feelings. Guilt, shame.”
“What do you have to feel guilty about? Or ashamed of?” He reached out to hold her again, but she pulled away.
“Children are supposed to love their parents. I have none of those feelings. What kind of daughter has no feelings for the people who gave her life and devoted theirs to raising her?”
“The kind of daughter who was brutally attacked and is suffering from amnesia. Stop being so hard on yourself. They will understand.”
“How do you know they will understand?” Her voice rose.
“Because that is what parents do. They love unconditionally, and they give their understanding to their children.”
Her time with Nathaniel helped her relax. She was ready to meet her parents. She hoped that seeing them would trigger some of the buried memories or emotions. Her hopes were dashed when, a couple of hours later, she stood in the kitchen staring at the two people who were supposed to be her parents.
If she thought this would be a tear-filled, happy, hugging reunion she was wrong. The man and woman both stood rigid, no emotions on their faces as they stared at her. She stood staring right back at them. She tried to force her brain to pull out some memory. However, nothing came back to her. Where her memories should be was blank space. Inside her head it was like a wall bereft of photographs.
Her mother had a simple beauty about her. Rebekah could see so much of herself in the older woman. It was like looking into her future at an older version of herself. She saw instantly that her blue eyes came from her father. Still no memories or spark of recognition.
Unease blossomed inside her. . She was unsure what to say. A simple hello seemed so inadequate to say to the two people who had devoted their lives to raising her. Yet, anything more felt wrong given that she had no memories of these people. She wished someone would speak and break the suffocating silence.
She shifted from one foot to the other, wringing her hands in front of her. Nathaniel’s arm come around her shoulders. The warmth of his touch soothed her raw nerves. For a brief second, she thought she saw a flicker of emotion on her father’s face. Though it was gone just as quickly. She wasn’t sure if it was ever really there.
“Hey, why don’t we all sit down? Maybe a hot cup of coffee for everyone?” Nathaniel asked, finally breaking the silence.
Rebekah moved away from him and took a seat at the table. Her parents followed. Her mother took the seat opposite o
f her. Nathaniel moving to sit next to Rebekah, motioned toward the head of the table, indicating that her father could have the place of honor. Rebekah was grateful to him for taking over the situation. At the island in the kitchen, Analise and Stella busied themselves with preparing the coffee. Watching them work, she made a note to thank them later for helping her today.
“I gathered as many letters as I could. Some I had, others I had to get from other family members.” Reaching into the pocket of her black apron, Mrs. Schwartz pulled out a stack of envelopes. “I know you don’t remember any of these people. I just hoped that even if you didn’t remember, these letters would help you get to know them.” Handing them across the table, she placed them in front of Rebekah.
“Thank you.” She placed her hands-on top of the letters, unable to open them just yet. Somewhere within the pages was a part of her life. People she should know but couldn’t remember. She felt like a storm was tossing her about and she was helpless to stop it.
“I am sure the Lord will heal your mind in His time. For now, I am just grateful to have my daughter back,” her father said. Reaching over, he placed his hand on top of hers.
Instinctively, she jerked back from his touch. Realizing what she had done, she felt horrible. It was too late though. The hurt on his face showed the pain her action has caused him. Before she could apologize, he stood and headed toward the back door.
“I am sorry. I cannot do this.” Slipping out the door, he closed it quietly behind him.
“Give him time, Rebekah. This is all very hard on him also,” her mother offered.
“I know. I didn’t mean to hurt him.” Placing her hands in her lap, she hung her head.
Analise and Stella carried the coffee cups to the table. When they had set them down, each took a turn gently hugging her. Something inside her broke free. Hot tears stung her eyes. No longer holding back she let them fall. She sensed Nathaniel stand, then was engulfed in the warmth of his embrace. His nearness and compassion took her from crying to all out sobbing. She buried her face in her hands to keep him from seeing her completely ugly cry. Placing a kiss on top of her head, he slipped out the door.
The Making of a Centaur Page 7
